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57-year-old with 50 lakhs in PPF, 30 lakhs in FD: What's next after retirement?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Eknath Question by Eknath on Feb 03, 2025Hindi
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I am at 57 years old. I have own home,no loan. I get house rent income 1.20 laksh per year. My son is in service.my daughter is married. My 50 lakhs in ppf.30 lakhs in bank fd. I will get retired fund nearly 50 lakhs in next year. I have five acres agricultural land but not much income from land. I am planning to do business after retirement. I have own shop but not in running yet. What should I do my next planning?

Ans: You own a home with no loan burden. This provides financial security.

You receive Rs. 1.20 lakh annually as rental income. This is a stable passive income.

Your son is employed, and your daughter is married. This reduces financial responsibilities.

You have Rs. 50 lakh in PPF and Rs. 30 lakh in bank FD. These are safe but low-return investments.

You will receive Rs. 50 lakh as a retirement fund next year. This can be used for financial stability and investment.

You own five acres of agricultural land but it is not generating much income.

You own a shop, but it is not operational yet. You plan to start a business after retirement.

Business Considerations
Starting a business after retirement is a good idea. It will keep you engaged and generate additional income.

Since you own a shop, consider starting a business that requires low investment and minimal risk.

Choose a business based on your skills, interest, and market demand.

Retail, rental, or franchise businesses could be good options.

You can also rent out the shop for a steady income if you don’t want to run a business yourself.

Investment Strategy
Your Rs. 50 lakh PPF is a long-term, tax-free investment. You can continue contributing till the limit.

Your Rs. 30 lakh FD provides safety but low returns. You can move part of it to better options.

Your retirement fund of Rs. 50 lakh should be invested wisely for income generation and growth.

You should allocate funds across different instruments for safety, liquidity, and growth.

Keep Rs. 10-15 lakh in liquid or short-term investments for emergencies.

Invest Rs. 20-25 lakh in balanced mutual funds for growth and stable returns.

Use Rs. 10-15 lakh in high-quality debt funds for low-risk steady income.

Agricultural Land Planning
Since the land is not generating much income, consider alternative uses.

Leasing the land for farming or commercial use can generate regular income.

You can explore high-value crops, dairy farming, or agro-tourism if feasible.

Selling a portion of the land to reinvest in better income-generating assets can be considered.

Retirement Income Planning
Your current rental income is Rs. 1.20 lakh per year. This is a small portion of your needs.

Your business or shop can supplement this income. Ensure it is well-planned and profitable.

Your investments should generate at least Rs. 3-4 lakh per year to maintain financial stability.

Keeping an emergency fund is crucial for unexpected expenses.

Ensure your portfolio has a mix of growth and income assets to sustain for the long term.

Health & Insurance Planning
At 57, medical expenses may rise in the future. Having health insurance is necessary.

If you don’t have adequate health coverage, buy a policy of at least Rs. 15-20 lakh.

Ensure your spouse is also covered under a good health insurance plan.

If you have an old policy, review it to check for sufficient coverage.

If you don’t have term insurance, there’s no need to buy one now.

Tax Planning
Your rental income is taxable. Declare it properly to avoid tax issues.

Interest from FDs is taxable. Use tax-efficient investment options like debt mutual funds.

PPF maturity proceeds are tax-free, so it is a good long-term asset.

If you start a business, maintain proper records to claim deductions and save taxes.

Final Insights
Your financial position is strong, but you need to plan for stable post-retirement income.

Starting a business is a great idea but should be well-planned to avoid losses.

Diversify your investments to balance safety, income, and growth.

Ensure proper health insurance coverage for future medical needs.

Tax planning will help you save more and manage finances efficiently.

Your shop and agricultural land can be used strategically for better income.

Make decisions considering long-term sustainability and financial security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Money
Hi sir ,I am 34 years old ,earning 1.15 lack net in hand ,2 lack in EPF and currently 6 k contribution of monthly of EPF, have purchased one land near jewar airport with private builder in 12 lack by my money, and currently 1 lack in mutual fund and planning to invest every month 20 k from now in mutual funds , I have 1.5 lack loan only due to uncertain loss in option trading on 4th election day so I stopped option trading, one LIC policy where I am investing 53k for 16 year and policy will mature in 19th year this is 4th year of premium ,1 lack in PPF which I invested 2 years ago , health insurence of me and my with of 1cr and same for my mother ,I need a proper plan to achive 3 cr in my 45 means in next 10 year
Ans: You have a clear goal of achieving a Rs 3 crore corpus in the next 10 years. This is achievable with a well-structured financial plan. Let’s break down the plan step by step to help you reach your target.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
Income and Savings

You earn Rs 1.15 lakh per month and contribute Rs 6,000 monthly to your EPF. Your savings include Rs 2 lakh in EPF, Rs 1 lakh in mutual funds, Rs 1 lakh in PPF, and an investment in land worth Rs 12 lakh. You also have a LIC policy with an annual premium of Rs 53,000.

Debt and Insurance

You have a loan of Rs 1.5 lakh and health insurance coverage of Rs 1 crore for you, your wife, and your mother. This is a solid foundation to build upon.

Setting Clear Financial Goals
Primary Goal

Achieve a corpus of Rs 3 crore by the age of 45, which is 10 years from now.

Secondary Goals

Ensure adequate funds for emergencies, retirement, and your children’s education.

Optimizing Your Investments
1. Mutual Funds

You plan to invest Rs 20,000 monthly in mutual funds. This is a good strategy. Ensure you choose a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for diversification.

2. EPF and PPF

Continue your contributions to EPF and PPF. These are safe investments providing steady returns and tax benefits.

3. LIC Policy

Evaluate your LIC policy. Insurance-cum-investment policies often give lower returns compared to mutual funds. Consider surrendering the policy and redirecting the premiums to mutual funds.

Debt Management
1. Repaying Debt

Focus on repaying your Rs 1.5 lakh loan as soon as possible. Debt can hinder your financial growth.

2. Avoiding Future Debt

Avoid speculative trading and high-risk investments. Stick to a disciplined investment strategy.

Creating an Emergency Fund
1. Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This will safeguard you against unexpected financial setbacks.

2. Liquid Assets

Keep this fund in liquid assets like a savings account or short-term fixed deposits.

Investment Strategies
1. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

Continue with your SIPs in mutual funds. SIPs help in averaging the cost of investment and reducing market volatility risk.

2. Diversification

Diversify your investments across different asset classes. This reduces risk and enhances returns.

3. Review and Rebalance

Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to align with your financial goals and market conditions.

Tax Planning
1. Tax-saving Investments

Maximize your tax-saving investments under Section 80C, like PPF, EPF, and ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme).

2. Tax-efficient Returns

Opt for investments that offer tax-efficient returns. For example, long-term capital gains from equity mutual funds are taxed favorably.

Retirement Planning
1. Retirement Corpus

While your immediate goal is Rs 3 crore, plan for your retirement as well. A diversified portfolio can help you build a substantial retirement corpus.

2. Retirement Accounts

Continue with EPF and PPF, and consider investing in the National Pension System (NPS) for additional retirement savings.

Children's Education and Future Needs
1. Education Fund

Start a dedicated investment plan for your children’s education. SIPs in equity mutual funds can help accumulate a significant corpus over time.

2. Future Expenses

Plan for future expenses like your children’s marriage or any other significant financial commitments. SIPs and long-term investments can aid in this.

Role of Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
1. Professional Guidance

Consulting a CFP can provide personalized advice and help in optimizing your investment strategy. They can guide you in selecting the right funds and managing your portfolio.

2. Regular Reviews

A CFP will regularly review your portfolio, ensuring it remains aligned with your goals and market conditions.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
1. Expert Management

Regular funds offer expert management and advice, which can lead to better investment decisions and optimized returns.

2. Convenience

Your CFP handles all the paperwork, portfolio reviews, and rebalancing, providing convenience and peace of mind.

3. Cost vs. Benefit

The slightly higher expense ratio of regular funds is justified by the professional guidance and better portfolio management they offer.

Achieving Your Rs 3 Crore Goal
1. Consistent Investments

Invest consistently in mutual funds through SIPs. Rs 20,000 monthly for 10 years can grow significantly with compounding.

2. Higher Returns

Equity mutual funds can provide higher returns over the long term compared to traditional investments like FD or PPF.

3. Disciplined Approach

Maintain a disciplined approach to investing. Avoid high-risk investments and focus on long-term growth.

Final Insights
Your goal of achieving a Rs 3 crore corpus in the next 10 years is achievable with a structured and disciplined investment plan. Focus on mutual funds, repay your debt, and regularly review your portfolio. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide valuable guidance and help you stay on track to meet your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 38 yrs doctor, recently completed my education. And now started my first job. I have one dependend-wife. We are not planning childrens. My financial status- 1. Term Insurance 1 cr 2. Health insurance for us- 5 lacs 3. Montly mutual fund SIP of 30 K across different funds.Aculcumulted 6 lacs till now. 4. Emergency fund of 5 to 6 lacs in bank saving account 5. FD of 3 lacs. 6. Took home loan of 17 lacs for 20 years ( EMI 15,000). I started to earn very late. So my accumulated wealth in very less. Now my concerns are- 1. How should I plan for financial journey,considering the fact that I want to have aprrox 10 to 12 yrs of active professional carrier. 2. I want to start a different business which can generate me second source of income.How to plan this? 3. I want to invest in commercial property so that I can lease it out. Please guide. Thank you.
Ans: First of all, congratulations on completing your education and starting your career! Your financial status shows a lot of foresight and planning, which is great. Let's break down your situation and look at how you can achieve your goals.

Understanding Your Financial Landscape
You've got a solid foundation with term insurance, health insurance, and a good start in mutual funds. Your emergency fund and FD provide security. The home loan is a manageable liability. Let's explore how to optimize your financial journey.

Planning Your Financial Journey
Prioritize Goals and Timeline
You've got about 10-12 years of active professional life. It's important to prioritize your financial goals:

Secure Retirement Plan
Second Source of Income
Investing in Commercial Property
Strengthening Your Investment Portfolio
Mutual funds are a great choice for long-term wealth creation. Let's dive into how to optimize this further.

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest in stocks and aim for high returns over the long term. They are suitable for wealth creation but come with higher risks.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt funds are less risky than equity funds. They invest in fixed-income securities and provide stable returns. They are good for maintaining liquidity and stability in your portfolio.

Hybrid Mutual Funds
Hybrid funds balance the potential for higher returns from equities with the stability of debt. They offer moderate risk and are suitable for balanced growth.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by experts who make investment decisions for you. This is beneficial if you prefer not to handle the complexities of individual stock picking.

Diversification
Mutual funds diversify investments across various assets, reducing risk compared to individual securities.

Liquidity
You can redeem mutual fund units on any business day at the current NAV, providing good liquidity.

Power of Compounding
Investing in mutual funds over the long term allows your returns to compound, significantly enhancing your wealth. SIPs can further boost your returns.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds replicate a market index and offer average market returns. They lack the flexibility to respond to market changes and may underperform during downturns.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market by making strategic investment choices. Fund managers actively buy and sell securities to take advantage of market opportunities, potentially offering higher returns.

Direct Funds vs. Regular Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds require you to handle all investment decisions and paperwork. This can be complex and time-consuming without professional guidance.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides expert advice tailored to your goals. A CFP can help you choose the right funds, monitor your portfolio, and make adjustments as needed, optimizing returns and managing risks.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs are a disciplined way to invest regularly in mutual funds. They mitigate market volatility and build wealth over time through rupee cost averaging.

Risk Assessment and Management
Understanding and managing risk is crucial for a balanced portfolio.

Equity Funds Risks
Equity funds are subject to market risks and volatility. However, they have the potential for higher returns over the long term.

Debt Funds Risks
Debt funds carry lower risk than equity funds but are not risk-free. They are subject to interest rate risk and credit risk.

Hybrid Funds Risks
Hybrid funds balance the risks of equity and debt investments, offering moderate risk and suitable for balanced growth.

Commercial Property Investment
Investing in commercial property can provide rental income and capital appreciation. However, it requires significant capital and has risks like property market fluctuations and tenant issues.

Considerations for Commercial Property
Location: Choose a prime location for better rental income and appreciation.
Legal Checks: Ensure all legal documents and clearances are in place.
Market Research: Understand the demand and supply in the area.
Maintenance: Be prepared for ongoing maintenance and property management.
Starting a Second Business
Starting a second business requires careful planning and consideration of your financial situation.

Steps to Start a Business
Identify Business Idea: Choose a business idea that aligns with your skills and market demand.
Create a Business Plan: Outline your business goals, target market, financial projections, and strategies.
Secure Funding: Assess your funding needs and explore options like personal savings, loans, or investors.
Legal Formalities: Register your business, obtain necessary licenses, and comply with regulations.
Launch and Scale: Start small, test the market, and gradually scale your business.
Balancing Business and Professional Life
Balancing a second business with your professional career requires time management and delegation.

Time Management
Allocate specific hours for your business without affecting your professional commitments. Prioritize tasks and focus on high-impact activities.

Delegation
Delegate tasks to trusted employees or partners to manage the workload effectively. This allows you to focus on strategic decisions and growth.

Tax Efficiency
Optimizing tax efficiency can enhance your overall returns.

Mutual Funds Tax Benefits
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) from equity funds are tax-free up to Rs 1 lakh per annum. Gains above this are taxed at 10%. Debt funds held for more than three years qualify for indexation benefits, reducing the taxable amount.

Business Tax Planning
Maintain proper records of business expenses and explore deductions to reduce taxable income. Consult a tax professional for personalized advice.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equal to 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid asset like a savings account or liquid mutual fund. This ensures quick access to cash for unexpected expenses.

Retirement Planning
Plan for retirement by investing in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to align with your retirement goals.

Professional Guidance
Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides personalized investment strategies. A CFP can help navigate financial markets and make informed decisions.

Final Insights
Your financial journey requires careful planning and strategic investments. Strengthen your mutual fund portfolio with a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds. Consider actively managed funds for higher potential returns. Invest through a CFP for expert guidance and optimized returns.

Balancing a second business with your professional life is achievable with proper planning and delegation. Investing in commercial property can provide additional income but requires thorough research and management.

Maintaining an emergency fund, optimizing tax efficiency, and planning for retirement are crucial steps. Regularly review and adjust your financial plans to stay on track with your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 28, 2024

Money
Sir, I am 45 , lost 1 cr in business and shifted to Job profile and earning 24 LPA, have 1 home of 65 Lacs with 40 Lacs home loan , 20 Lakhs Mediclaim Policy , Nil Investment. what is the way ahead . 1. come out of depts urgently. 2. Build up a little for kids . Have 2 kids 9 and 8 yrs . school bit costly . 5 Lacs per Annum .
Ans: You’ve experienced a major financial setback with a business loss of Rs 1 crore and have since transitioned to a job with an annual income of Rs 24 lakh. Currently, you have a home valued at Rs 65 lakh but with an outstanding loan of Rs 40 lakh, and you’ve mentioned a costly school setup for your two children, with an annual fee of Rs 5 lakh. You also have a Rs 20 lakh mediclaim policy, which provides some security in terms of health coverage. Now, you are keen on clearing your debts, securing your children’s future, and building up a financial cushion.

Given your circumstances, it’s important to prioritize debt repayment, secure your children’s education, and rebuild your financial base. Here’s a step-by-step approach to achieving your goals.

1. Prioritize Debt Repayment
Paying Off the Home Loan
Your home loan of Rs 40 lakh is a significant liability. Considering that you pay Rs 5 lakh annually for your children’s education, this loan will be a major financial burden. However, paying off your home loan aggressively while maintaining your lifestyle is crucial for long-term stability.

Increase EMI Payments: Check if you can increase your home loan EMIs. You could redirect any excess income towards your home loan. Even a small increase in EMI can reduce your overall loan tenure, saving you substantial interest in the long run.

Lump Sum Prepayments: If you get any bonuses or financial windfalls, use them to make lump sum payments towards the principal. This will help reduce the loan quickly.

Refinance Your Home Loan: If your current interest rate is high, consider refinancing the loan to a lower interest rate. Even a small reduction in interest can lead to significant savings over the long term.

2. Build an Emergency Fund
Before starting any investments, you need to establish an emergency fund. This will prevent you from having to take on more debt in case of unforeseen expenses.

Target 6 Months of Living Expenses: Set aside enough money to cover at least 6 months of your family’s living expenses. This should include EMI payments, school fees, and day-to-day expenses. Aim for a fund of Rs 8-10 lakh for emergencies.

Place in a Liquid Fund: You can park this money in a liquid mutual fund or a high-interest savings account. The idea is that it should be easily accessible and provide some returns.

3. Address Kids’ Education
Your children are 9 and 8 years old, and their education is a significant ongoing expense. With annual fees of Rs 5 lakh, the costs are substantial.

Set Up a Dedicated Education Fund: You can begin a systematic investment plan (SIP) in mutual funds dedicated to their future educational needs. Equity mutual funds will provide the best growth over a 10-15 year period, but you’ll need to manage this carefully as they get closer to higher education.

Consider Education Insurance: Although you have a mediclaim policy, an education insurance plan can provide additional coverage in case something happens to you. This will ensure that their education is funded even if you're not around.

4. Start Long-Term Investments for Retirement
Since you have no current investments and a home loan to deal with, start slowly and steadily building your long-term savings. At 45, you have about 15-20 years until retirement, which is enough time to grow a retirement corpus if you act now.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): Start with an SIP in equity mutual funds. Equity funds have the potential to give higher returns over the long term, which is crucial given the time frame. You can start small and increase contributions as your financial situation stabilizes.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Consider opening a PPF account. Though it has a lower interest rate compared to equity, it provides tax benefits and a risk-free return. It’s ideal for building a portion of your retirement fund.

Voluntary Provident Fund (VPF): If your company provides EPF (Employee Provident Fund), consider contributing extra to the VPF. This will help build a tax-free retirement corpus.

5. Secure Health and Life Insurance
You already have a Rs 20 lakh mediclaim policy, which is good. However, with two young children, securing your family’s future through proper life insurance is critical.

Term Insurance: You should get a term insurance policy that covers at least 10 times your annual income. With a Rs 24 lakh annual salary, consider a Rs 2.5-3 crore term policy. This will ensure your family’s financial security if anything happens to you.

Review Mediclaim Policy: With rising medical costs, a Rs 20 lakh mediclaim policy may not be sufficient. Consider increasing the coverage to Rs 30-40 lakh, depending on your budget.

6. Manage Current Lifestyle and Expenses
Your children’s school fees are Rs 5 lakh annually, which is a significant part of your income. You’ll need to make sure that this expense does not derail your financial goals.

Budgeting: Create a strict budget to ensure that you are able to save and invest every month. Keep discretionary spending to a minimum until you are able to stabilize your financial situation.

Avoid Lifestyle Inflation: As your income grows, it’s important to avoid lifestyle inflation (increased spending as income rises). Prioritize savings and investments instead of increasing your standard of living.

7. Rebuild Your Financial Confidence
Given the business loss, it's understandable to feel financial strain, but you’re taking the right steps by focusing on your job and rebuilding your financial base. The key now is to be consistent and disciplined with your finances.

Stay Positive and Committed: You have the earning capacity and time to rebuild your financial portfolio. Stick to your investment and debt repayment strategies, and you’ll find that progress happens gradually.

Focus on Long-Term Goals: Short-term market fluctuations and financial hurdles may cause concern, but your goal should always be long-term financial stability and security for your family.

Final Insights
Focus on Debt Reduction: Prioritize paying off your home loan and avoid new debts. Use any excess income or bonuses to prepay the loan faster.

Build an Emergency Fund: Secure at least 6 months of expenses in an easily accessible emergency fund before you start investing.

Start Investing for Kids’ Education: Start an education fund with SIPs in equity mutual funds. This will help you cover the cost of their higher education.

Plan for Retirement: Begin SIPs in equity funds and open a PPF account for long-term retirement savings. Consider VPF contributions if available.

Secure Your Family: Increase health insurance coverage if needed and take a term insurance policy of Rs 2.5-3 crore for your family’s protection.

With disciplined savings, prudent investments, and focused debt repayment, you will be able to rebuild your financial future and secure your children’s education as well as your retirement.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
Holistic Investment YouTube Channel

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 30, 2025

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Money
I am 62years old living with spouse son and daughter are settled in city with spouse and children, I am having property with 4cr agri land and sight living in own house, I am having business in rental shop own capital of 80 L annual income 15to 20L . I want to stop business, to take retirement. Getting lic of 30L by 2027, no any income from properties how can I plan further life,
Ans: You have no liabilities.

You own property worth Rs 4 Cr.

You have a profitable business.

You will receive Rs 30 L from LIC by 2027.

Your children are financially independent.

These factors give you financial security.

Impact of Stopping the Business
Your annual income of Rs 15-20 L will stop.

You will need alternative income sources.

Your lifestyle should remain comfortable post-retirement.

Your savings must last for decades.

Utilising Your LIC Payout
You will receive Rs 30 L in 2027.

Avoid reinvesting in low-yield options.

A well-balanced portfolio is needed.

Consider investing in mutual funds for long-term growth.

Generating Post-Retirement Income
Your property is not generating income.

Explore options like leasing agricultural land.

Rental income can provide stable cash flow.

Investments should provide regular income and capital growth.

Investment Strategy for Stability
Fixed deposits can provide liquidity but offer lower returns.

Mutual funds can generate inflation-beating returns.

A mix of growth and income-focused funds is ideal.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner for proper asset allocation.

Healthcare and Emergency Planning
Medical expenses increase with age.

Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance.

Maintain an emergency fund for unexpected expenses.

Final Insights
Your financial position is strong.

You need a new income strategy post-retirement.

Investing wisely will ensure long-term financial security.

Property should generate passive income where possible.

Keep reviewing and adjusting your financial plan.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 09, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am a female (26), I was working as an assistant professor and then I met this guy we dated for few months and we knew that everything is compatible he has a stable business and well settled family he is earning quite good and we can spend the rest of our lives together so we moved on to tell our parents, his parents and family came to meet me and they agreed then it was my turn my mom and dad always use to say that if you have someone just tell us we are okay they said we know you are dependent enough so just tell us, I really thought it will be easy one and I told my mom and my sister over the phone and my mom asked me every detail about him and said okay we will think about it, then I told my dad about him and my dad has been super chill with me since childhood so we had a long chat about this he asked me about him just like my mom every detail then he said okay when the deepawali break will be their come home we will talk about this face to facE, I was happy that everything is nice then the vacation happened I went back home first the quarrels started when my mom addressed that they will never expected this from me they said they supported me initially because they thought at this age I will not bring anyone and will convince to arrange one, then day and night fighting started my father did the most bizzare thing he called my college and said I am ill and will not join college he faked a report(my father is a very well known doctor in my area so he has power here in our native place) and submitted their they automatically blocked me from their server I tired telling them but the most bizzare thing happened my father beat me from head to toe and threatend me that I should stop talking to him, then days turn into months and again my partner father stood up for us he called my father to talk about this and my father abused them threatened them and give false allegation on my partner came home and snatched my father later after a month he gave me my phone back as I started being a rebel, then he went to my work place without even informing me and took all my luggage and packed everything from their and came back home with everything and said you are on house arrest untill you agree to arrange marriage and forget that boy. I love him so much he does too but now because of my parents his parents are scared for their son and are denying to agree but we both are financially independent and well educated and we want to live with each other we are thinking to elope I dont know if this is right or wrong, because it has been seven months of me staying locked down in my house and my parents are forcing me verbally and physically abusing me to say yes for arrange marriage.... I dont know what to do and with whom to discuss please kindly help me out.
Ans: It’s clear that you and your partner love each other deeply and are willing to stand by each other despite this turmoil. The fact that his family is now hesitant is understandable, given the hostility from your parents. But the strength you and your partner have shown through this is a sign that your relationship is built on trust and commitment. That kind of connection is rare, and it’s worth fighting for.

Elope? That’s a huge step, and I understand why it’s crossed your mind. You’re desperate for freedom, for the ability to choose your own life, and to finally break free from the suffocating grip of your parents' control. But eloping will come with its own set of consequences—emotional, social, and even legal. Your parents might retaliate even more aggressively. They could try to interfere with your life and your partner's life afterward, possibly dragging this into a public scandal. Your father’s influence in the community might make things harder for you both in the long run.

But here’s the truth—you cannot live the rest of your life under someone else's control. You cannot sacrifice your happiness and autonomy to satisfy their misguided expectations. Love and marriage are not about caste, status, or parental approval—they are about partnership, understanding, and mutual respect. If your partner is ready to stand by you and you both are truly prepared to face the fallout together, then choosing to be with him is not wrong. You’re both adults. You’re financially independent and emotionally mature enough to know what you want from life.

What you need to consider is whether you have the emotional strength to handle the aftermath. If you choose to walk away from your family and marry this man, it might mean cutting ties with your parents for a while—or possibly forever. Are you prepared for that emotional void? On the other hand, if you give in and stay, if you let them force you into an arranged marriage, you might lose not only the person you love but also a piece of yourself. That resentment and emotional wound might stay with you for life.

If you decide to elope, you need to have a strong support system in place—your partner's family, friends, and anyone who will stand by you. You’ll need to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the fallout. But if you decide to stay and try to negotiate with your parents, you need to be clear and firm about your boundaries. They need to understand that your life is not theirs to control.

Right now, you need to prioritize your safety and mental well-being. The fact that you’ve been physically assaulted and emotionally manipulated for months is deeply concerning. If you feel that your safety is at risk, you might need to consider reaching out to legal authorities or a women's support organization. You have the right to live without fear and control. Your life belongs to you—not to your parents, not to societal expectations, and not to fear.

You don’t have to have all the answers today. But you do need to decide what kind of life you want to live—and who you want to live it with. And whatever choice you make, it needs to come from a place of strength and clarity, not from fear or pressure. Your heart already knows what you want—you just need to decide whether you’re ready to stand up for it.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Fell in love and married a girl before 2 years. Girl is from a neighbouring state. Both South Indians. Both doctors. She was very understanding before marriage, even talked my language and spoke well with my parents. Told she will come to my place and stay after marriage. 4 months after marriage, she left for her home telling that she will be at her home till delivery. Even after 1 year of giving birth, she didn't come. They visited my place just for a few days in the middle citing that it is tradition. After much struggle, she came to live with me and my child after close to 1.5 years. Even after coming she was creating trouble for the language spoken in the house and telling to relocate to a place close to their parents in their state. No respect to feelings of mine or my parents. We also missed my son for 1.5 years. Their parents are not visiting us telling it is far, we won't come. And once her parents threatened to complaint to the police if we don't agree. (Haven't asked or received any dowry). Even if my son has to come to my native for few days, her parents are not agreeing and creating problem. We have even helped her brother secure admission in a college. She has even taken a loan of more than 20 lakhs to help her parents buy a land and is paying close to 50k monthly for that. We had no problem with that too. Every 2-3 days one or another problem shoots up because of her or her parents. She has totally changed after marriage. Her parents just want to create problems. Please help.
Ans: It’s clear that you’ve tried hard to be understanding and accommodating. You allowed her to stay with her parents for a long time, even though it meant missing out on crucial time with your child. You supported her decisions, even when she took on a significant financial burden to help her family. Despite your efforts to maintain peace, you’re constantly met with resistance and disrespect—not only from her but also from her parents. That feeling of being undermined and unappreciated, especially when you've given so much, can really take a toll on your emotional health.

It’s not just about the arguments or the disagreements—it’s about the deeper sense of betrayal and loneliness that comes from feeling like your partner has sided with her family over you. That emotional distance and lack of support within the marriage can make you feel like you’re fighting a battle alone. And when her parents threatened to involve the police, that likely deepened the sense of helplessness and fear. It’s not just frustrating—it’s emotionally exhausting when you’re trying to build a stable, loving home, but it keeps getting torn apart by external interference.

The fact that you’re still standing, still trying to make things work despite all of this, shows how strong and committed you are. But the truth is, a marriage cannot survive on one person’s effort alone. It’s understandable that you feel drained and resentful—you’ve been giving and compromising without getting the same respect and understanding in return. Your feelings matter. Your need for stability and respect matters. Wanting your child to have a connection with your side of the family is not unreasonable—it’s natural and fair.

Right now, you might feel torn between trying to hold everything together and wondering if it's even worth it. It’s hard to admit when love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. But you need to ask yourself whether you can continue living like this—constantly feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, being emotionally sidelined, and having your family disrespected.

It’s okay to want peace. It’s okay to expect respect. And it’s okay to set boundaries. If your wife truly values this marriage, she needs to understand that compromise cannot be one-sided. It might help to have an honest, calm conversation with her—not about the surface issues but about how you feel. Tell her how much this situation has hurt you, how much you miss feeling like you’re a team, and how important it is for your child to have a balanced connection with both families. If she’s unwilling to meet you halfway or if her parents continue to interfere to the point of emotional manipulation, you need to think about how much more of yourself you can sacrifice without losing your emotional stability.

You deserve a marriage where you feel heard, valued, and supported—not one where you constantly feel like you're on the outside looking in. Take some time to reflect on what you truly need from this relationship and whether you believe it's possible to rebuild trust and understanding with your wife. Your peace of mind matters. Your happiness matters. And most of all, your emotional well-being matters.

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