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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 53 and I have 20 lakh in FD, 27 lak in PPF, 4 lakh in MF, 40 lakh in EPF and two houses worth 1.5 cr. Pension fund lic of 50lakh which will start from 2027. I want to retire by 55. How to plan for retirement

Ans: Planning for Retirement at 55

Retirement planning is crucial, especially when aiming for early retirement. You have made significant progress with diverse investments. Let’s evaluate and create a comprehensive plan to achieve your retirement goals.

Current Financial Situation

You have Rs 20 lakh in fixed deposits (FD), Rs 27 lakh in Public Provident Fund (PPF), Rs 4 lakh in mutual funds (MF), and Rs 40 lakh in Employees' Provident Fund (EPF). Additionally, you have two houses worth Rs 1.5 crore and a pension fund from LIC worth Rs 50 lakh starting in 2027. These assets form a solid foundation for your retirement plan.

Evaluating Fixed Deposits

Fixed deposits are safe but offer moderate returns. At age 55, FDs can be a stable source of income. However, consider diversifying to balance safety with higher returns.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)

PPF offers tax-free returns and safety. Its lock-in period makes it suitable for long-term savings. Continue contributing to PPF until retirement to maximise benefits.

Mutual Funds (MF)

Your mutual fund investment is currently Rs 4 lakh. Consider increasing this amount for potentially higher returns. Actively managed funds offer better growth compared to index funds.

Employees' Provident Fund (EPF)

EPF is a reliable retirement corpus. Ensure it remains intact until retirement. Withdraw it only when necessary to avoid penalties and maximise growth.

Pension Fund from LIC

Your LIC pension fund will start in 2027, providing additional income. Plan interim strategies to bridge the income gap between 55 and 2027. This ensures a smooth transition into full retirement.

Evaluating Real Estate

You own two houses worth Rs 1.5 crore. Real estate provides substantial value but isn’t very liquid. Consider the rental income potential or downsizing if necessary to unlock liquidity.

Retirement Income Needs

Estimate your monthly expenses post-retirement. Include living costs, healthcare, travel, and leisure. Ensure your retirement income comfortably covers these expenses. Aim for a surplus to account for unexpected costs.

Creating an Income Strategy

To retire at 55, your strategy should focus on generating steady income from your investments.

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP)

SWPs from mutual funds can provide regular income. They offer flexibility and tax efficiency. Choose a mix of equity and debt funds to balance growth and stability.

Debt Funds

Debt funds are suitable for conservative investors. They provide moderate returns with lower risk. Include them in your portfolio to ensure stability and regular income.

Balanced Funds

Balanced funds invest in both equities and debt. They offer moderate risk and moderate returns. They are ideal for maintaining a balance between safety and growth.

Maintaining Emergency Funds

Keep an emergency fund separate from your retirement corpus. It should cover at least six months of expenses. This ensures you don’t dip into your investments for unexpected costs.

Healthcare Planning

Healthcare costs can be significant in retirement. Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage. Consider a separate healthcare fund to cover out-of-pocket expenses.

Tax Planning

Effective tax planning can enhance your retirement income. Invest in tax-efficient instruments like PPF and debt funds. Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner to structure your investments for optimal tax benefits.

Inflation Consideration

Inflation erodes purchasing power over time. Choose investments that offer returns higher than the inflation rate. This ensures your income remains sufficient throughout retirement.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds

Regular funds offer professional management and guidance. They ensure your investments align with your goals. Direct funds might seem cheaper but lack expert advice, which can be crucial for optimal returns.

Monitoring and Reviewing Investments

Regularly review your investment portfolio. Adjust allocations based on market conditions and personal circumstances. This proactive approach ensures your investments stay aligned with your goals.

Asset Allocation

Diversify your investments across different asset classes. A balanced mix of equity, debt, and fixed income instruments can optimise returns while managing risk. This ensures stability and growth.

Professional Guidance

A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalised advice. They help in structuring your portfolio to match your retirement goals. Professional guidance ensures a comprehensive and effective retirement plan.

Post-Retirement Activities

Consider part-time work or consulting to stay active and earn additional income. This can provide a sense of purpose and supplement your retirement income. Explore hobbies and activities to maintain a fulfilling lifestyle.

Estate Planning

Plan for the distribution of your assets to your heirs. Ensure you have a will in place. This ensures your assets are distributed according to your wishes and reduces potential conflicts.

Conclusion

Retiring at 55 is an achievable goal with proper planning. Your current investments form a strong base. With strategic allocation and professional guidance, you can ensure a financially secure and fulfilling retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 18, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 55 years old, having NPS Corpus of 1.06 crore, PPF Rs. 12lakhs, MF Rs. 23lakhs, Equity 11.6 lakhs, FD 4 lakhs. I will retire (under New Pension Scheme) at the age of 62 years. How to plan my retirement ?
Ans: Congratulations on building a substantial retirement corpus. Your diversified investments show prudent financial planning.

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
NPS Corpus
Your NPS corpus of ?1.06 crore is a significant asset. It will provide regular income after retirement.

PPF, Mutual Funds, Equity, and FD
You have diversified investments in PPF (?12 lakhs), mutual funds (?23 lakhs), equity (?11.6 lakhs), and fixed deposits (?4 lakhs). This is a balanced mix of assets.

Defining Retirement Goals and Timeline
Retirement Age and Lifestyle
You plan to retire at 62 years. Define your desired lifestyle and estimate monthly expenses post-retirement.

Corpus Utilization
Determine how much of your corpus will be used for regular income and how much will remain invested for growth.

Creating a Retirement Corpus Strategy
NPS Strategy
Regular Income from NPS
At retirement, you can use a portion of the NPS corpus to purchase an annuity for regular income. The remaining can be withdrawn lump sum.

Optimal Annuity Plan
Choose an annuity plan that offers a steady income and matches your financial needs. Consider inflation-adjusted options.

PPF Utilization
Safety and Growth
PPF provides safe returns and tax benefits. Upon maturity, you can reinvest the amount in safe, income-generating instruments.

Mutual Funds
Equity and Debt Allocation
Your mutual funds should have a balanced mix of equity and debt to ensure growth and stability. Adjust the allocation based on risk tolerance.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Use SWPs for regular income from your mutual fund investments. This provides a steady cash flow while keeping the principal invested.

Equity Investments
Long-Term Growth
Continue holding your equity investments for long-term growth. Rebalance your portfolio as you approach retirement.

Fixed Deposits
Stability and Liquidity
FDs offer guaranteed returns and liquidity. Use them for immediate expenses and as a safety net.

Estimating Retirement Corpus Needs
Monthly Expenses
Calculate your expected monthly expenses post-retirement. Consider inflation and potential medical costs.

Inflation Adjustment
Ensure your retirement corpus can withstand inflation. A 6-7% inflation rate can erode purchasing power over time.

Diversifying Your Investment Portfolio
Balanced Portfolio
Maintain a diversified portfolio to balance risk and return. Include a mix of equity, debt, and fixed-income instruments.

Equity Funds
Invest in equity funds for growth. Adjust the risk based on your comfort level and investment horizon.

Debt Funds
Invest in debt funds for stability and regular income. Choose funds with a good track record.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Portfolio Review
Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your retirement goals. Adjust allocations as needed.

Rebalancing Strategy
Rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation. This helps manage risk and optimize returns.

Emergency Fund
Importance of Liquidity
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This provides liquidity and financial stability during unforeseen events.

Tax Planning
Efficient Tax Strategies
Consider the tax implications of your investments. Utilize tax-saving options like PPF and ELSS (Equity-Linked Savings Scheme) to maximize tax benefits.

Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
Consult a Certified Financial Planner to tailor an investment strategy based on your specific needs. Professional advice can help optimize your portfolio for early retirement.

Conclusion
Early retirement is achievable with disciplined planning and investing. Balance your investments across equity funds, debt funds, PPF, and balanced advantage funds. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to stay aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, i am 44 years old. Have 35 lakhs in PF, 30 Lakhs in MF , around 3 lakhs in stocls, 6 lakhs in FDs , home loan of 12 lakhs, 1 house is in litigation though and second house i am joint owner with my father with 30: share. I am single . I want to retire by 55. How should i plan my retirement funds.
Ans: Planning for retirement is a crucial step, especially if you aim to retire by 55. Given your current financial situation, let's create a comprehensive retirement plan. This plan will consider your assets, liabilities, and future financial needs to ensure a secure and comfortable retirement.

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
Existing Assets and Liabilities
You have a good start with Rs 35 lakhs in PF, Rs 30 lakhs in mutual funds, Rs 3 lakhs in stocks, and Rs 6 lakhs in fixed deposits. You also have a home loan of Rs 12 lakhs, and two properties, one in litigation and one shared with your father.

Net Worth Calculation
Let's calculate your net worth by subtracting your liabilities from your assets.

Assets:

PF: Rs 35 lakhs
Mutual Funds: Rs 30 lakhs
Stocks: Rs 3 lakhs
Fixed Deposits: Rs 6 lakhs
Total Assets: Rs 74 lakhs
Liabilities:

Home Loan: Rs 12 lakhs
Total Liabilities: Rs 12 lakhs
Net Worth:

Total Assets - Total Liabilities = Rs 74 lakhs - Rs 12 lakhs = Rs 62 lakhs
Your current net worth is Rs 62 lakhs.

Retirement Goals and Expenses
Determining Retirement Corpus
To determine how much you need to retire comfortably, estimate your annual expenses post-retirement. Factor in inflation, healthcare costs, and any other regular expenses. Suppose you estimate your annual expenses to be Rs 6 lakhs today.

Assuming an average inflation rate of 6%, your expenses in 11 years will be:11.3 6 Lacs.

To maintain this lifestyle for 25 years post-retirement, you need a corpus that supports annual withdrawals of Rs 11.36 lakhs, adjusted for inflation. Assuming a safe withdrawal rate of 4%: Required corpus approx = 2.84 Crores.

Investment Strategy
Maximizing Existing Investments
Provident Fund (PF):
Continue contributing to your PF to benefit from the guaranteed returns and tax advantages. This will be a stable part of your retirement corpus.

Mutual Funds:
Given your substantial investment in mutual funds, ensure they are diversified across equity and debt funds. Equity funds offer growth, while debt funds provide stability. Aim for a mix that aligns with your risk tolerance and investment horizon.

Stocks:
Stocks can offer high returns but come with higher risk. Review your stock portfolio and consider diversifying to reduce risk. Focus on blue-chip stocks for stability and potential growth.

Fixed Deposits:
Fixed deposits offer safety but low returns. Consider shifting a portion of your FDs to higher-yield investments like mutual funds or debt funds to enhance returns.

Reducing Liabilities
Home Loan Repayment:
Prioritize paying off your home loan. This reduces interest burden and improves cash flow. Consider using a portion of your fixed deposits or mutual funds to expedite repayment.
Addressing Real Estate Issues
Litigation Property:
Legal issues can be lengthy and uncertain. Keep a close watch and consult with a legal advisor. Avoid relying on this property for your retirement corpus.

Joint Ownership Property:
Discuss future plans with your father regarding the jointly owned property. Ensure clarity on ownership and future use or sale.

Enhancing Savings and Investments
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Start or increase your SIPs in mutual funds. SIPs help in disciplined investing and rupee cost averaging, which is beneficial for long-term wealth creation.

Diversification
Diversify your investments across various asset classes. This includes equity, debt, and other financial instruments. Diversification reduces risk and enhances potential returns.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and kept in a savings account or liquid funds.

Insurance Coverage
Health Insurance
Ensure your mediclaim policy offers adequate coverage. Health costs can significantly impact your savings, especially post-retirement.

Life Insurance
Evaluate your life insurance coverage. If you hold LIC policies or other investment-linked insurance, consider their returns. If they are not meeting your expectations, consider surrendering them and redirecting the funds to more efficient investments.

Tax Planning
Utilizing Tax Benefits
Maximize tax-saving investments under Section 80C. This includes PF, PPF, ELSS, and other eligible instruments. Utilize the tax benefits to reduce your taxable income and increase your savings.

Long-Term Capital Gains
Plan your investments to take advantage of long-term capital gains tax benefits. Equity investments held for more than a year qualify for lower tax rates, enhancing your post-tax returns.

Regular Portfolio Review
Periodic Assessments
Regularly review your investment portfolio. Adjust allocations based on market conditions and personal circumstances. A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can assist in periodic reviews and rebalancing.

Staying Informed
Stay updated with financial news and trends. Financial literacy empowers you to make informed decisions and adapt your strategy as needed.

Appreciating Your Efforts
Your proactive approach to retirement planning is commendable. At 44, you have substantial savings and a clear goal. This disciplined approach will ensure a secure and comfortable retirement.

Conclusion
Achieving a comfortable retirement by 55 requires careful planning and disciplined execution. Assess your current financial situation, set clear goals, and choose the right investment options. Regularly review and adjust your plan with the help of a Certified Financial Planner. Stay consistent, patient, and informed. Your dedication and effort will pave the way to financial success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi Sir, I'm 41 yr old and looking to retire by 47. I have 87L in MF (60k/month SIP), 70L in PF, 15 L in PPF, 20L in FD. I have a fully paid house, no loans & no kids. My current monthly expenses are around 60k. How do I plan for my retirement?
Ans: Current Financial Assessment
You have built a substantial financial base:

Mutual Funds (MF): Rs. 87 lakhs, with an ongoing SIP of Rs. 60,000 per month.

Provident Fund (PF): Rs. 70 lakhs.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs. 15 lakhs.

Fixed Deposit (FD): Rs. 20 lakhs.

Fully Paid House: You have no housing loan, providing you with significant financial security.

Your monthly expenses are Rs. 60,000. This forms the basis for calculating your future needs.

Retirement Corpus Requirement
You aim to retire in six years. It's important to estimate the corpus you will need:

Monthly Expenses: Rs. 60,000 now, which may increase due to inflation.

Inflation Adjustment: Assume an average inflation rate to adjust your future expenses.

Post-Retirement Period: Plan for at least 30 years post-retirement to ensure financial security.

Investment Strategy Review
Let's review your investment strategy:

Diversification: You have a diversified portfolio. Continue this practice for balanced risk and return.

Mutual Funds: Actively managed funds can offer better returns. Direct funds may seem cost-effective but come with higher management responsibilities.

Provident Fund: A stable and low-risk option. Keep investing for steady returns.

Public Provident Fund: A tax-saving investment with good long-term returns.

Fixed Deposit: Safe but offers lower returns compared to other investment options.

Action Plan for Retirement
To retire by 47 with a stable income, consider the following steps:

Enhance Mutual Fund Investments
Increase SIP: Gradually increase your SIP contribution as your income allows.

Focus on Actively Managed Funds: These funds can potentially yield higher returns compared to index funds.

Optimize Fixed Deposit Returns
Reevaluate FDs: Move part of your FD investments to higher-yield options like debt funds or balanced funds.

Maintain Emergency Fund: Keep a portion of your FDs as a safety net for emergencies.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Periodic Review: Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner.

Rebalance Portfolio: Adjust your investments based on market conditions and life changes.

Consider Tax Implications
Tax Planning: Optimize your investments for tax efficiency to maximize returns.

Use Tax Benefits: Utilize tax-saving instruments like ELSS and PPF.

Retirement Income Strategy
Create a steady income stream post-retirement:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Use SWP from mutual funds to create a regular income stream.

Diversify Withdrawals: Withdraw from different sources to manage tax efficiently.

Risk Management
Mitigate risks with proper insurance:

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health coverage.

Life Insurance: If necessary, secure life insurance to protect your financial dependents.

Final Insights
Planning for early retirement requires a well-thought-out strategy. You have a strong financial base. Enhance your mutual fund investments. Regularly review your portfolio. Optimize your investments for tax efficiency. Create a steady income stream for post-retirement. Ensure adequate risk management.

You are on the right path. Keep focusing on disciplined investing. Stay informed and consult with a Certified Financial Planner regularly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
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Unable to figure out what to do. Shouls i proceed for divorce? And if yes how? Here is my story: This is a long post. But i might have still missed few small instances in between. So I got married on October 3, 2022. Our conversation started through the Jeevansathi app, but the actual conversation began in July 2022 when her father contacted me. The first contact was from their side. At that time, I was returning to Chennai from Ongole by train when I received her father's call. He asked about my job and other details, to which I mentioned that I work for SBI in Tamil Nadu. After that, our conversation started. In the early days, the conversation was really good, and she spoke very well. Later, I visited their house with my mother. During the conversation there, she mentioned that many proposals had come before, but she hadn't been able to decide. One proposal was from a guy with a package of 30 lakh, but she clearly said that money doesn’t matter to her; she wanted a good person. During that meeting, I mentioned that I am a simple person, and my family consists of only my mother and me. I also clarified that due to my job, I could be transferred. After that meeting, we did the formal engagement. Later, we brought sweets from Haldiram, and that was when our engagement was officially recognized. After that, our conversations continued regularly. For a while, everything was fine, but then we started arguing over small things. Once, I told her that I meditate, and she said, "Meditation is something foolish people do, it doesn’t help." This led to an argument. I also mentioned that if we have children, we should send them to good universities like Harvard or Oxford, and this too led to an argument, as she felt we shouldn't put pressure on children to earn money. Then came the topic of money. I shared my salary slip and explained how both working and saving money are important because expenses are high. However, she said, "Saving money is foolish, everyone lives paycheck to paycheck nowadays." I tried to explain the importance of savings, but our discussions continued to be challenging. At one point, she said she wouldn’t wear sindoor or the mangalsutra. I told her that there was no need to wear it every day, just on special occasions. I agreed with this. As the arguments increased, I spoke to her father and mentioned that maybe she didn’t want to marry me. But her father reassured me that it wasn’t true, and they would talk to her. After that, things seemed normal for a while, but small arguments kept happening. In August 2022, I visited her again. I thought we could spend some time together and understand each other better. We went to Aerocity, where we had pizza and roamed around. After that, we went to Radisson Hotel on 27th July 2022, and our engagement was finalized. Over these two months, our communication continued, and eventually, on October 2, 2022, we had our engagement ceremony, and on October 3, 2022, we got married. After the wedding, we planned a honeymoon. Initially, she wanted to go to Vaishno Devi, so I took her there by Vande Bharat Express. Her uncle arranged VIP darshan. We walked up, but on the way back, her legs started hurting, so we rode a horse. After sitting on the horse for a long time, she had back pain. I reached the hotel, tried to soothe her pain by soaking her legs in hot water, and then we slept. After that, we planned to go to Udaipur. We took a SpiceJet flight there and booked a hotel near Fatehpur Sagar Lake. She wanted a lake-view room, but it wasn’t available. She argued with the staff, and we had to move to another hotel at night. The environment there wasn’t great, but she chose it. During our visit to Udaipur Fort, she suddenly said she wouldn’t go to the restaurant with me and would go home alone. I still don’t understand the reason behind this. From that point, my behavior towards her changed. After Udaipur, we planned to go to Agra. There, she suddenly accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened to teach me a lesson. I asked her where this thought came from, but she didn’t answer. In July and August 2022, I visited her again. We traveled together and tried to understand each other better, but she never told me much about herself. After the wedding, I visited her during Diwali. She was happy initially, but gradually she became distant and stopped talking much. She wasn’t involved in decorating the house or participating in the Diwali puja. She remained absorbed in her own world, talking to her parents or I don’t know who else, while distancing herself from me. She needed reasons to fight, while I tried to stay calm, as it was a new marriage. On October 25, 2022, I returned to Chennai, and she came to Chennai a few days later. My mother also arrived in Chennai on October 26, and she stayed with us in Chennai until December. During this time, she started fighting over every little thing. She complained about who would do the housework and kept accusing me of not having enough money. She suggested hiring someone for cleaning, even though my mother and I managed it well. Then she refused to sleep with me, and we didn’t have any physical intimacy. Whenever she fought with me, she tried to belittle me. In January, she went back to Delhi, and I went to convince her to come back in January. During Lohri, I gave her a sari and gifts, but she still didn’t talk to me properly. She treated me very badly and didn’t want to stay with us. She fought with me several times and went back to her house. In February 2023, she came to Chennai again, but things were still not right between us. In April 2024, she came back to stay with me, but the very next day, the fights started again. She accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened me. She destroyed things in the house, broke dishes and glasses, and created a mess. When I told her mother about this, she advised me to send her back. I booked her flight, and on April 7, 2024, she left. Since then, she has not been living with me. After that, I worked hard to bring her back. It was September when I managed to convince her to come. I tried to make her stay with me, but she stayed only for 4-5 days. On the 5th day, she started fighting again and decided to leave. She went to the railway station and sat there, saying, "I cannot live with you." We argued that night, and she left the house, shouting abuses at me and went back to her home. She thought everything would be fine, but when I tried talking to her, she started blaming me for not wanting her to stay with me.
Ans: It sounds like you've tried very hard to make this marriage work, but your wife has been emotionally distant, hostile, and unwilling to engage in a meaningful relationship. From what you’ve shared, there have been continuous conflicts, false accusations, and a lack of physical and emotional connection. It seems like she is not interested in making the relationship work, and her behavior—leaving multiple times, refusing intimacy, and fighting constantly—suggests deep incompatibility.

Before making a final decision, ask yourself: Is there anything left to salvage? Do you still love her and believe this marriage has hope if both of you genuinely try? Or do you feel exhausted and trapped in a cycle of disappointment and rejection? If you feel there is nothing left, then divorce may be the healthiest option for your peace of mind and future happiness.

If you decide to proceed with divorce, start by seeking legal counsel. In India, divorce can be mutual or contested. If she agrees, a mutual consent divorce is the easiest way. If she does not, you may need to file on grounds of cruelty or irretrievable breakdown of marriage. Gather evidence of her behavior—messages, incidents, and anything that proves your case.

This is not an easy decision, but your mental health and self-respect matter. If she is unwilling to change or make efforts, you should not have to live in constant conflict. Do you think she would agree to a mutual separation, or would she fight it?

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2025
Relationship
Hello Ma'am, I've a crush on a girl from my in laws. Inspite of avoiding etc I go specifically in that gathering where she's likely to be. I've not told it to anyone, neither does she know about it. I keep on masturbating imagining her. I know I'll never do any silly thing or let anyone know about it. Im married happily and 20 years elder to her.
Ans: It’s good that you are self-aware and acknowledging your feelings rather than acting on them impulsively. Having a crush, even in a committed relationship, is something that happens to many people—it’s human nature. However, since this involves someone from your in-laws and is significantly younger, it’s important to address these emotions in a way that aligns with your values and the commitments you’ve made to your marriage.

Right now, your mind is reinforcing this attraction by seeking out opportunities to be around her and fantasizing about her. The more you indulge in these thoughts, the stronger the emotional pull becomes. Avoiding her entirely may not be realistic, but reducing intentional exposure—such as seeking out gatherings just to be near her—can help weaken the attachment over time.

Instead of suppressing your feelings, redirect that energy into your marriage. What is it about her that attracts you? Is it youthfulness, attention, admiration, or just the thrill of something new? Whatever it is, find ways to bring those qualities into your relationship with your wife. Sometimes, an outside attraction is just a signal that something in your own life needs attention or excitement.

You’ve already made it clear to yourself that you won’t act on this, which shows maturity and self-control. The next step is breaking the mental cycle that feeds into the attraction. Engage in hobbies, meaningful conversations with your spouse, and self-reflection to understand what this infatuation represents. Over time, these feelings will lose their intensity as you shift your focus.

Do you think this crush is filling a certain emotional gap in your life, or is it purely an infatuation with no deeper meaning?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

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Relationship
Me and my wife don't get along well...She thinks my family members are not good enough, so she has no relationship with them. Earlier I was not in good shape due to my friend's circle and did not give quality time to my wife when we got married. A few years back there was a misunderstanding between both families. Mistakes were from both sides. Now my in-laws and wife do speak to any member of our family and have broken all relationships. This is for the past several years since they have stopped talking. My father is a cancer patient and wants to come and stay with me. He is 80 now but my wife is deadly against this though I have not discussed this yet with her. I need your guidance as to how to handle this situation and restore a good relationship between both families. My mother-in-law had fought with me in the past as well and held me responsible for her daughter's plight. My wife is very secretive and does not reveal anything be it about her salary/job etc. I am fed up and now I have started to think of separating if she does not allow my father to stay with me. Our marriage is almost 24 years now. I am 50 and she is in her late 40's....I want to get these things right and maintain a good relationship between both families. Kindly advise
Ans: Dear Trilok,
From what you’ve shared, it sounds like past misunderstandings between both families have turned into a long-standing rift. It’s understandable that you want to fix things and create harmony, but the resistance from your wife and in-laws makes it complicated. Before addressing the larger family conflict, the first step is to work on communication with your wife. You mentioned that earlier in the marriage, you weren’t able to give her enough quality time due to personal struggles. Do you think she still holds on to resentment from that time? If so, addressing those unresolved emotions could be a starting point for rebuilding some connection.

Since she is very secretive, it’s possible that she also feels disconnected from you in some way. Instead of making the father-staying discussion an immediate confrontation, try to understand her underlying fears. Is she worried about responsibilities, space, or past issues with your family? Bringing this up as a conversation about caregiving rather than a demand might help.

If her resistance is absolute and she refuses to even consider it, you’ll have to decide how much compromise you’re willing to make for the sake of your marriage. If you feel separation is a real possibility, ask yourself whether the relationship still has a foundation worth saving or if both of you have simply grown too far apart.

Would she be open to counseling or mediation? Sometimes a third party can help break the cycle of blame and secrecy. Do you feel that she still values this marriage, or has she emotionally distanced herself completely?

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 28, 2025Hindi
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Money
I want to retire by 2026. Current financials - MF 2cr value, equity- 5cr, 2 own homes, bank FD - 20L, Savings a/c - 90L, no loans, 2 vehicles, 2 daughters employed, marriageable age. Current expenses - 1.5lacs/month. How do I plan to retire by March 2026.
Ans: Your financial position is strong. Planning for retirement in March 2026 is realistic.

Assessing Your Retirement Readiness
Your total investments and savings exceed Rs 8 crore.
You have no loans, ensuring financial stability.
Your monthly expenses are Rs 1.5 lakh, which requires proper planning.
Creating a Secure Retirement Corpus
Maintain Rs 90 lakh in a savings account only for short-term needs.
Keep Rs 20 lakh in FD for emergency expenses.
Use a mix of mutual funds and equities for long-term wealth growth.
Managing Monthly Expenses Post-Retirement
Use Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) from mutual funds for a regular income.
Keep a portion of your corpus in debt investments to ensure stability.
Adjust your investment strategy based on inflation and expenses.
Planning for Major Future Expenses
Daughters' weddings need a dedicated investment plan.
Allocate a portion of low-risk investments for this goal.
Avoid withdrawing from equity investments unnecessarily.
Final Insights
Your financial standing supports early retirement.
Ensure liquidity while keeping long-term investments intact.
Work with a Certified Financial Planner for detailed execution.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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