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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7101 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Rajneesh Question by Rajneesh on Jul 01, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 46 year of age, working in MNC. in hand salary is 1.9L/Month. I have 30L in PF and 28L in PPF. have 11L in MF and 18L in Equity. I have one property where I am staying which i bought will loan 60L. I have two kids one in 10th and second in 6th. Want to crate corpus for for my kids higher education and for retirement. Please suggest.

Ans: First, let me compliment you on having a strong financial base. At 46, with an in-hand salary of Rs. 1.9 lakh per month, you have built a solid portfolio. You have Rs. 30 lakh in PF, Rs. 28 lakh in PPF, Rs. 11 lakh in mutual funds, and Rs. 18 lakh in equity. You also own a property, which is fantastic. Let’s create a plan to meet your goals of funding your kids' higher education and ensuring a comfortable retirement.

Setting Clear Financial Goals
Goals for Kids' Higher Education
Kids' Higher Education: Your eldest is in the 10th grade and the younger one in the 6th. Planning for their college education is crucial and requires estimating the costs.
Retirement Goals
Retirement Corpus: You need a substantial corpus to maintain your lifestyle post-retirement. Let's ensure you have enough to cover all expenses without financial stress.
Creating a Diversified Investment Plan
Emergency Fund
Start by ensuring you have an emergency fund that covers 6-12 months of expenses. This fund will act as a safety net for unexpected situations. You might consider keeping around Rs. 12-15 lakh in a liquid fund or high-yield savings account for easy access.

Insurance Coverage
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage. With two kids, it’s crucial to have a term insurance policy with a sum assured that’s 10-15 times your annual income. This will protect your family financially in case of unforeseen events. Also, ensure you have comprehensive health insurance for all family members.

Investment in Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Funds
Investing in equity mutual funds can provide higher returns over the long term. Allocate a portion of your monthly investments towards diversified equity funds. Given your current holdings, consider increasing your equity exposure for growth.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds offer stability and regular returns. They are less volatile compared to equity funds. Allocate a part of your investment to debt funds for stability and moderate growth. This will balance your overall risk.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIPs are a disciplined way to invest in mutual funds. Given your stable income, you can start or increase your monthly SIPs. Here's a suggested allocation for a balanced portfolio:

Equity Funds: Rs. 10,000 per month
Debt Funds: Rs. 5,000 per month
Hybrid Funds: Rs. 5,000 per month
This allocation will ensure a mix of growth and stability.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Your Rs. 28 lakh in PPF is a great long-term investment. PPF offers tax benefits and decent returns. Continue contributing the maximum limit of Rs. 1.5 lakh annually to benefit from compounded interest.

Provident Fund (PF)
Your PF of Rs. 30 lakh is a significant retirement asset. Continue contributing as it provides a secure and tax-efficient way to save for retirement.

Equity Investments
Your Rs. 18 lakh in equity indicates a good risk appetite. Regularly review and rebalance your equity portfolio to ensure it aligns with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Benefits of Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice tailored to your financial goals. They help in selecting the right mutual funds, insurance policies, and other investment options to optimize your portfolio.

Personalized Advice
CFPs offer customized financial strategies considering your income, expenses, goals, and risk tolerance. This ensures your investments align perfectly with your financial objectives.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
High-Risk Investments
Avoid high-risk investments like direct stocks or speculative ventures. They offer high returns but come with significant risks. Stick to diversified mutual funds for balanced growth.

Index Funds
Index funds simply replicate market indices and have lower management fees. However, actively managed funds can offer higher returns through strategic investments by professional managers.

Direct Mutual Funds
Direct mutual funds might seem attractive due to lower costs. However, investing through a CFP ensures professional guidance and better alignment with your financial goals.

Long-Term Financial Planning
Projecting Future Needs
Estimate your future financial needs, including your kids' education and your retirement expenses. Consider inflation and lifestyle changes. This helps set clear targets for your savings and investments.

Regular Reviews
Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it stays on track. Market conditions change, and so should your investment strategy. Consult your CFP to make necessary adjustments.

Reinvesting Matured Funds
Reinvest matured funds from PF, PPF, and other investments into mutual funds for growth. Choose a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds to balance risk and returns.

Benefits of Mutual Funds
Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers. They have the expertise to select the best stocks and bonds, ensuring optimal returns. This professional management is crucial for maximizing your investments.

Diversification
Mutual funds offer diversification, spreading your investment across various assets. This reduces risk and ensures stability. A diversified portfolio is key to balanced growth and risk management.

Compounding Returns
Investing in mutual funds through SIPs leverages the power of compounding. The returns earned are reinvested, generating further returns. This significantly boosts your investment growth over time.

Financial Discipline
Budgeting
Create a monthly budget to track your income and expenses. This helps identify areas where you can cut costs and allocate more towards investments. Financial discipline is key to achieving your goals.

Avoiding Unnecessary Expenses
Limit unnecessary expenses and focus on essential spending. This ensures more funds are available for investments, accelerating your wealth creation and securing your future.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses. This prevents you from dipping into your investments. An emergency fund ensures financial stability and peace of mind.

Staying Informed
Regular Updates
Stay informed about your investments by regularly checking their performance. Use financial news, market analysis, and updates from your CFP to make informed decisions. Knowledge is power in managing your investments.

Continuous Learning
Educate yourself about different investment options and market trends. Continuous learning helps in making better investment choices and understanding the financial landscape.

Feedback from CFP
Regularly seek feedback from your CFP regarding your investment strategy. They can provide valuable insights and recommendations based on market conditions and your financial goals.

Final Insights
Securing your kids' higher education and your retirement is achievable with disciplined investing and financial planning. By diversifying your investments, leveraging SIPs, and seeking professional guidance, you can effectively grow your wealth and achieve your goals. Stay informed, maintain financial discipline, and regularly review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your objectives. Investing in a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid mutual funds will provide a balanced approach, ensuring both growth and stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7101 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 39 years old earning a monthly salary of 1.20 Lakhs. My investment as on date is PF of Rs. 18 Lakhs, Mutual funds Rs.19 Lakh and Shares of Rs. 8 Lakh. I have covered myself with endowment policy of Rs. 13 Lakhs. I also have a home loan of Rs.75 Lakhs and the repayment will start from Oct 2025. I have covered my life against the loan availed with a term insurance. It’s an under construction flat. Currently I am investing 40k in SIP and 5k in Vol PF. My daughter is 9 years old and in 5th standard. I have 21 years of service left. I am looking for a corpus of 1.5 to 3 crore in the next 5 years and also to close my loan in the next 15 years. At the age of 60 I must be debt free and earning monthly income of at least a Lakh. Please advice. My wife 33 years is also employed she is also earning Rs. 90k per month.
Ans: Crafting a Comprehensive Financial Plan
You've laid out some clear objectives for your financial future, and I'm here to help you navigate the path towards achieving them.

Current Financial Snapshot
Assets
You've made significant investments in PF, mutual funds, and shares, providing a solid foundation for wealth accumulation.

Liabilities
Your home loan presents a sizable debt, but with a structured plan, it can be managed effectively.

Retirement Planning
Corpus Target
Your goal of building a corpus of ?1.5 to ?3 crore in the next 5 years is ambitious yet attainable with disciplined saving and strategic investing.

Investment Strategy
Consider diversifying your investment portfolio further to optimize returns while managing risk effectively.

Loan Repayment Strategy
Loan Closure
Targeting to close your home loan in the next 15 years is a prudent approach to achieving debt-free status by age 60.

Accelerated Payments
Explore options to increase your EMI payments or make lump-sum prepayments whenever possible to reduce the loan tenure and interest burden.

Income Generation
Monthly Income Goal
Aiming for a monthly income of at least ?1 lakh by age 60 requires careful planning and investment in income-generating assets.

Dividend Income
Consider investing in dividend-paying stocks or mutual funds to supplement your income stream.

Education Planning
Daughter's Education
With 21 years of service left, prioritize investing in education funds or SIPs to secure your daughter's future educational needs.

Insurance Coverage
Ensure adequate life and health insurance coverage for yourself and your family to safeguard against unforeseen circumstances.

Collaborative Financial Management
Spousal Contribution
Leverage your wife's income to boost your joint savings and investment efforts, enhancing your financial security collectively.

Joint Planning
Work together to align your financial goals, investments, and savings strategies, maximizing efficiency and effectiveness.

Conclusion
With a well-crafted financial plan tailored to your aspirations and circumstances, you can confidently work towards achieving your goals of wealth accumulation, debt freedom, and financial security for yourself and your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7101 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 27, 2024

Money
Hi Expert, I am 39 Years Old and single Earning in family and earn 1 lakh per month. Home Loan 23 lakh ans NPS is 5200 pm and Term plan 1 cr already running. Please suggest some retirement and higher education for child, daughter and son 7 years.
Ans: You are 39 years old, the sole earner in your family, and earn Rs 1 lakh per month. You have a home loan of Rs 23 lakhs and contribute Rs 5200 per month to the NPS. You also have a term plan of Rs 1 crore. Your primary financial goals are planning for retirement and your children’s higher education.

Setting Financial Goals
Retirement Planning: Ensure a comfortable retirement with adequate savings.

Children’s Education: Save for your daughter and son’s higher education.

Monthly Savings and Investments
You need to allocate a portion of your income to systematic savings and investments to meet these goals.

Assessing Current Commitments
Home Loan: You have a home loan of Rs 23 lakhs. Ensure timely EMI payments to manage this debt efficiently.

NPS Contribution: You are already contributing to the NPS, which will aid in your retirement planning.

Retirement Planning
Diversified Retirement Portfolio
Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate a portion of your savings to equity mutual funds. These funds provide high returns over the long term, helping you build a substantial corpus.

Debt Mutual Funds: These funds provide stability and lower risk, balancing your portfolio.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Regular SIPs: Start a SIP in equity mutual funds to build wealth systematically. This approach benefits from rupee cost averaging and compounding.

Increase SIP Amount Annually: Increase your SIP contributions by 5-10% annually to match inflation and income growth.

National Pension System (NPS)
Continue NPS Contributions: The NPS is a good tool for retirement savings. Continue your monthly contributions of Rs 5200.

Review NPS Allocation: Ensure your NPS investments are well-diversified between equity, corporate bonds, and government securities.

Children’s Education Planning
Education Savings Plans
Dedicated Education Funds: Invest in plans specifically designed for children’s education. These plans help build a dedicated corpus for your children’s future needs.

Balanced Portfolio: A mix of equity and debt funds can provide growth and stability for education planning.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (for daughters)
Sukanya Samriddhi Account: If you have a daughter, consider investing in this scheme. It offers attractive interest rates and tax benefits.
Calculating Required Corpus
Estimate Education Costs
Higher Education Costs: Estimate the future costs of higher education for both children. This will help in determining the amount you need to save.

Regular Contributions: Make regular contributions to education savings plans to accumulate the required corpus.

Risk Management
Insurance Coverage
Term Insurance: You already have a term insurance plan of Rs 1 crore. Ensure it is adequate to cover your family’s needs in case of unforeseen events.
Emergency Fund
Maintain Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This fund will provide financial security during emergencies.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management
Expertise: Actively managed funds benefit from the expertise of professional fund managers who make informed investment decisions.

Market Opportunities: Fund managers can exploit market opportunities to achieve higher returns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Limited Returns: Index funds only aim to match the market returns, not outperform it.

Lack of Flexibility: They lack the flexibility to react quickly to market changes.

Direct Funds vs Regular Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
No Guidance: Direct funds do not offer professional guidance, which is crucial for optimal investment decisions.

Time-Consuming: Managing direct investments can be complex and time-consuming without expert help.

Benefits of Regular Funds via MFD with CFP Credential
Expert Advice: Regular funds provide access to certified financial planners who can offer tailored advice.

Better Performance: Professional management often results in better performance compared to self-managed direct funds.

Comprehensive Planning: Investing through a CFP ensures a holistic approach to financial planning.

Achieving Your Financial Goals
Regular Savings
Discipline: Regular savings and disciplined investments are key to achieving your financial goals.

Review and Adjust: Regularly review your portfolio and adjust based on performance and changing goals.

Increasing Contributions
Annual Increases: Increase your investment contributions by 5-10% annually to keep pace with income growth and inflation.
Professional Guidance
Consult a CFP: Regular consultations with a Certified Financial Planner will help you stay on track and make necessary adjustments.
Final Thoughts
Your financial planning is crucial for a secure future for yourself and your children. By following a disciplined investment strategy and seeking professional advice, you can achieve your retirement and education goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7101 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi sir, I am 29 years old and having 3 months old kid, working in IT earning 90k monthly and I have NPS of 5k. I have a personal loan of 14L and I pay 30k loan for it and monthly expenses is about 40k. I invest in mutual fund 15k. I am planning to have Corpus of 10cr in my 50s..can you help me to plan sir.
Ans: You're doing a great job balancing work and finances at 29, especially with a 3-month-old child. You're earning Rs. 90,000 per month, contributing Rs. 5,000 to NPS, and investing Rs. 15,000 in mutual funds. You also have a personal loan of Rs. 14 lakh with an EMI of Rs. 30,000 and monthly expenses of Rs. 40,000.

Understanding Your Financial Goals
You aim to build a corpus of Rs. 10 crore by your 50s. This goal is ambitious but achievable with disciplined saving and smart investing. Let's break down your current situation and outline a plan to help you reach this goal.

Creating a Strong Financial Foundation
Emergency Fund
Before diving deeper into investments, establish an emergency fund. Save 6-12 months' worth of expenses in a liquid, easily accessible account. This fund acts as a safety net for unforeseen events and provides financial stability.

Paying Off Debt
Your personal loan of Rs. 14 lakh with a monthly EMI of Rs. 30,000 is significant. Paying off this debt should be a priority. Focus on repaying high-interest loans first to reduce the financial burden and free up more money for investments.

Investing in Mutual Funds
Diversifying Your Portfolio
Investing Rs. 15,000 per month in mutual funds is a good start. Consider diversifying your portfolio across different types of mutual funds to spread risk and increase potential returns. Here’s a suggested allocation:

Large-Cap Funds: 30% of your investment
Mid-Cap Funds: 30% of your investment
Small-Cap Funds: 20% of your investment
Flexi-Cap Funds: 20% of your investment
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds have the potential to outperform the market indices. Fund managers actively select stocks that can offer better returns. This approach can be more beneficial than investing in index funds, which simply track market indices.

National Pension System (NPS)
Enhancing Your NPS Contribution
Currently, you're contributing Rs. 5,000 per month to NPS. Consider increasing this contribution over time. NPS offers tax benefits and is a good long-term investment for retirement planning. The additional tax benefits under Section 80CCD(1B) can also help reduce your taxable income.

Exploring Other Investment Options
Equity-Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS)
ELSS funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C and have a lock-in period of three years. They invest primarily in equities and can provide good returns. Allocating a portion of your savings to ELSS can help you save on taxes and grow your wealth.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a safe investment option with tax-free returns. It has a 15-year lock-in period, making it suitable for long-term goals. Consider investing in PPF to balance the risk in your portfolio and ensure steady returns.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Consistent Investing
Continue your SIPs in mutual funds. SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly, which helps in averaging the purchase cost and reducing the impact of market volatility. Increasing your SIP amount as your income grows can significantly boost your corpus over time.

Avoiding High-Risk Investments
Caution with Direct Stock Trading
While direct stock trading can offer high returns, it comes with significant risks. Unless you have in-depth market knowledge and time to monitor stocks, it's better to stick with mutual funds. Professional fund managers have the expertise to make informed decisions and manage risks effectively.

Financial Discipline and Budgeting
Maintaining a Budget
Keep a detailed record of your income and expenses. A budget helps you identify unnecessary expenses and allows you to allocate more towards savings and investments. Financial discipline is crucial in achieving your long-term goals.

Regular Savings
Apart from investments, ensure you save a portion of your income regularly. Set aside at least 20-30% of your income for savings and investments. Automating your savings can help maintain consistency and discipline.

Tax Planning
Maximizing Tax Benefits
Utilize tax-saving instruments like NPS, ELSS, and PPF to reduce your taxable income. Efficient tax planning can help increase your investable surplus, enabling you to invest more towards your financial goals.

Reviewing and Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Regular Monitoring
Review your investment portfolio at least once a year. This helps you assess the performance of your investments and make necessary adjustments. Rebalancing your portfolio ensures it remains aligned with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Planning for Child’s Future
Education and Other Expenses
Start a dedicated investment plan for your child’s education and future needs. Consider child-specific mutual funds or PPF for these goals. Investing early ensures you have a substantial corpus when required.

Insurance and Protection
Health and Life Insurance
Ensure you have adequate health insurance for your family to cover medical emergencies. Additionally, a term life insurance policy is crucial to protect your family’s financial future in case of any unforeseen events. Insurance acts as a safety net and prevents your investments from being used for emergencies.

Long-Term Wealth Creation
Compounding and Time
The power of compounding works best over a long period. By starting early and investing consistently, your money grows exponentially. The longer you stay invested, the more your wealth grows.

Staying Invested
Market fluctuations are normal. Avoid the temptation to withdraw your investments during market downturns. Staying invested through ups and downs helps in realizing the full potential of your investments.

Final Insights
Achieving a corpus of Rs. 10 crore by your 50s is ambitious but attainable with disciplined saving and strategic investing. Prioritize paying off your personal loan, build an emergency fund, and ensure adequate insurance coverage. Continue with your mutual fund SIPs and diversify your portfolio. Increase your NPS contributions and consider tax-saving instruments like ELSS and PPF. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio, maintain financial discipline, and stay invested for the long term. This holistic approach will help you reach your financial goals and secure a prosperous future for your family.

Best regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Anu Krishna  |1326 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I 25M) have been in a Long Distance Emotional Relationship with a College Friend (25F) whom I'd known since more than 3 years. Although, neither of us has explicitly confessed to each other, but we both seemed to have strong Feelings for each other. We both have shared a lot of personal matters about ourselves, with each other (which are unknown to even some of our Closest Friends). We both share similar Values & Outlook towards various aspects of Life (including our Long Term Career Goals). We both used to chat on WhatsApp almost everyday, sharing our experiences, opinions, knowledge etc. I used to Flirt with her by writing Romantic Poetry for her, once she'd also confessed that she's falling for me. But what has stopped us both from proposing Love to one another is the difference in our Family Background (I'm from a Telugu Speaking Hindu Brahmin Family & she's from a Malayali Catholic Christian Family, but we both studied together from a College in Gujarat). As of now, we both are in different States Studying/Working in different fields. But both of us have been preparing for UPSC, which is our ultimate Career Goal & we also used to discuss the Subject matter & Preparation Plans, helping out each other. Presently, the Problem is that She seems to have Ghosted me (since a Month) citing a silly reason that her Phone got Damaged (she'd said something like this even in 2021), but I see her active on various Social Media Platforms, regularly. I have tried reaching out to her through all the Social Media Platforms & have even called her up, but there's no Response at all, from her side. I am not able to understand why she has Ghosted me like this, atleast she could have honestly told me the actual Reason. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I must have been a distraction to her Studies. But I have very strong Feelings for her, which I'd never felt for any other Girl & I believe that we can have a Future together. We both could continue complementing each other in the course of UPSC Preparation & acting as each other's motivation & emotional support (as seen in the Movie "12th Fail"). And if we both successfully clear UPSC together, we could try to convince our Parents for Marriage (these are not just my Fantasies, even she had indirectly expressed her interest in sharing her Future Life with me). Now, I don't understand what to do? How to reach out to her & sort out things between us? If not reconciliation, I believe that I deserve atleast a definite closure with Honest communication. Though, I am going along with my UPSC Preparation, every now & then, I can't Help thinking of her, I'm feeling Lonely, her Emotional & Intellectual Company would be a great Help in the course of my Preparation. She's always been a Positive Motivation not a Distraction in my Career Path. Please advise me, how do I get back at her, presently, she's working in a different State, so reaching out to meet her in person is not feasible & I have unsuccessfully tried out all other means of Communication. What should I do now? I want to hear from her again, I'd feel satisfied even if she breaks it up with me, honestly stating the Reason. I am feeling restless due to this Uncertainty. Should I persistently keep trying to reach out to her, through different means, without giving up on her, until she Responds, Hoping that she'd appreciate my consistent efforts & reconsider the Relationship with me? Or would you advise any other approach, which is better, according to you?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You really need to STOP putting yourself through this.
The reason for your restless state is the dependency that you have been having on her, chats with her, the emotional base with her knowing well enough that there has been no prior agreement on commitment in this relationship. But that's the way the heart is, no?
So, there has been freedom with both of you to go away when you please, to see other people etc...

You have possibly been more into this connection that she has been into it and this has led to expectations from your end.
Go silent and maybe this will give her an idea of missing you if she truly has feelings for you. When you do this, you give yourself some breathing space as well on things that need your focus and also will also reveal if she really wants you as a part of her life. This space is difficult but really important.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1326 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I (30M) am looking for suitable match through Arranged Marriage Platforms. Recently, I had connected with a Lady (25F) who seemed to tick all the Boxes, which I preferred in a Life Partner & she seemed to like me too, we both were getting along quite well through chatting & phone calls. When we met, in person for the first time, I POLITELY asked her what's her BODY COUNT (while mentioning that my Body Count is Zero, as I am VIRGIN). Immediately, she lost her Temper, started abusing me & splashed her Drink all over my Face & Clothes, she was physically assaulting me, when the waiters intervened & calmed her down. I was feeling Humiliated in Public. She threatened that she would Report me to the Police for 'SEXUAL HARASSMENT'. Realising that she could ruin my Life, I apologised to her earnestly & made Peace. Needless to say, she ended all contact with me. But, this incident has left me emotionally bruised. Did I do anything Wrong by asking my prospective Life Partner about her Sexual History? Don't I have the Right to know about this aspect of the Woman, I'd be Marrying? Was she right in taking offence at my Question? Can her Reaction be Justified? Does my Question warrant a Criminal Case against me (something as Heinous as 'Sexual Harassment')? How do I handle such situations in the Future? Should I avoid asking, any other prospects, in the future m, such sensitive personal Questions? What do I do, in case, any other Lady, behaves aggressively with me? Would it be better, if I Record our entire conversation, secretly, using a Bodycam, as a Pro-Active measure, to prove my Innocence & defend myself against Criminal Proceedings? Would it be Legal, to Record our Conversation, without her Knowledge or Consent? Or shall I seek her Consent & Proceed cautiously? Please Advise me, how to handle such sensitive situations, in the Future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things have definitely changed in the dating and marriage scene from what it was even 20 or 10 years back...
But hey, I still have my reservations on whether women are comfortable answering very intimate questions...do you not think that a question on body count can be reserved to a future meeting maybe when the two of you show interest in each other and when transparency is vital to further the connection?
Right on Day 1, what is the necessity to jump about and get curious about it? Maybe if someone asked you, you would be okay with it but not everyone or every woman is going to be comfortable with it.
When you pay attention to what the other person wants and likes, there are minimal chances of you slipping up and irking them; where is the question then to take care of legal stuff, recording etc...
Genuinely be there with the other person in a conversation and when the rapport is built, the conversation flows effortlessly and you will start to enjoy it. Start to get curious about who they are as people rather than how many people they have slept with...This should help you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

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