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How Much Do I Need to Save for My Daughters' College in 16 Years?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 06, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 01, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 40, a single parent with 2 daughters aged 2 and 1. I have following assets that i have accumulated over my employment 1. 1.6 Cr in Indian equity 2. 60L in indian MFs 3. 2 Cr in EPF 4. 72L in PPF 5. 12L in NPS 6. 51 L in SGBs 7. 72L in Gold/diamond jewellery 8. 5Cr in company stocks. These are from the 2 employers i have worked for, almost equally distributed and are mostly vested (trading publicly) 9. Real estate - 3 houses worth 8.7 Cr. Primary house is 6 Cr 10. I have 4 term insurance schemed running, in around 7 years, they will start generating an average income of 60L annually till 2043 11. 60L in Bank/FDs 12. 8L in SSYs for girls While i feel i am doing well, at times with hugely inflation in medical and education fees, i feel its just so hard to estimate what will i need to plan for when my children are ready to go to college in 16 odd years. I keep on hearing mind boggling college fees from my friends, so an approx assessment of education corpus will help. Also i feel keeping equity in single stock as in case with my 2 employers is highly risky, so any suggestion on how to systematically withdraw and invest elsewhere will help. Also looking at my portfolio, do you have any rebalancing advice. I am planning to work as long as possible so have another 18 to 20 years of work life left but given the volatile job market nowadays, want to be mentally and financially prepared

Ans: The cost of education, especially higher education, has been rising significantly. Assuming a 16-year horizon for your daughters, we need to estimate the corpus required for both domestic and international education.

Domestic Education Costs: Presently, premier institutions in India charge around Rs 25–50 lakh for undergraduate courses. Factoring an annual inflation of 8–10%, this amount may grow to Rs 1.5–2 crore per child for a 4-year course.

International Education Costs: For studies abroad, current fees range between Rs 1–2 crore for undergraduate programs. Adjusted for inflation, this could increase to Rs 3–5 crore per child in 16 years.

Considering both scenarios, you should aim for a total education corpus of Rs 6–8 crore. This amount provides flexibility for either domestic or international options.

Recommendations for Your Employer Stock Holdings
Your company stocks form a significant portion of your portfolio (Rs 5 crore). Holding large amounts in single stocks increases risk. Here's how to diversify systematically:

Gradual Divestment Plan: Avoid selling all shares at once. Instead, divest 10–15% annually over the next 5–7 years.

Reinvest in Diversified Assets: Allocate the proceeds into actively managed equity mutual funds, fixed-income instruments, and sovereign gold bonds. This ensures diversification across asset classes.

Tax Considerations: Plan divestment to optimise tax liabilities. Gains from these stocks may be subject to long-term capital gains (LTCG) tax at 12.5% after Rs 1.25 lakh.

Portfolio Rebalancing Advice
Your portfolio shows strong accumulation across multiple asset classes. However, rebalancing is necessary to manage risks and align with goals.

Asset Allocation Overview
Equity Investments:

You have Rs 1.6 crore in Indian equities and Rs 60 lakh in mutual funds. Including Rs 5 crore in employer stocks, equity dominates your portfolio.
Gradually reduce exposure to individual stocks and shift to actively managed equity mutual funds.
Fixed Income Investments:

Your EPF (Rs 2 crore), PPF (Rs 72 lakh), and NPS (Rs 12 lakh) provide stable, low-risk returns.
Keep these investments as a core part of your portfolio to ensure stability.
Precious Metals:

You have Rs 72 lakh in gold/diamond jewellery and Rs 51 lakh in sovereign gold bonds.
Jewellery has sentimental value but does not generate returns. Focus on financial gold like SGBs.
Real Estate:

Your real estate portfolio (Rs 8.7 crore) is substantial, with Rs 6 crore in your primary home.
Avoid adding further real estate investments due to low liquidity and high maintenance costs.
Cash and Bank Deposits:

Rs 60 lakh in FDs and Rs 8 lakh in SSYs are good for short-term needs and children's savings.
Suggested Reallocation Strategy
Increase Mutual Fund Investments:

Channel proceeds from employer stocks into equity mutual funds. Use SIPs or STPs for a gradual investment approach.
Actively managed mutual funds offer better returns and professional management.
Diversify into Balanced Assets:

Allocate a portion of your equity proceeds into balanced advantage or hybrid mutual funds.
These funds reduce risk and provide moderate growth.
Build an International Equity Portfolio:

Explore international equity funds to benefit from global diversification.
Strengthen Fixed Income Investments:

Invest in high-quality corporate bonds or debt mutual funds for additional stability.
Emergency Fund Allocation:

Ensure you have at least Rs 30–50 lakh as an emergency fund in liquid instruments like ultra-short-term debt funds.
Optimise SSY Contributions:

Continue annual contributions to the Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY) for tax-free growth.
Planning for Income Stability
You plan to work for 18–20 more years, but the volatile job market can be unpredictable.

Term Insurance Payouts:

In 7 years, your term plans will generate Rs 60 lakh annually till 2043.
Use these payouts to fund living expenses and reinvest the surplus for long-term goals.
Passive Income Generation:

Consider creating a passive income stream through investments in dividend-paying mutual funds.
Avoid single stocks for dividends as they are riskier compared to mutual funds.
Retirement Corpus Growth:

Your EPF and PPF are excellent retirement tools. Avoid withdrawals to maximise compounding benefits.
Additional Financial Goals
Healthcare Planning:

Rising medical costs make comprehensive health insurance essential.
Ensure sufficient health coverage for yourself and your daughters.
Estate Planning:

Create a will to safeguard your assets for your daughters.
Consider setting up a trust for seamless asset transfer.
Tax-Efficient Withdrawals:

Use tax-saving strategies while withdrawing from investments. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for guidance.
Some Final Insights
Your portfolio is well-diversified across asset classes, but equity exposure to single stocks poses risks.
Focus on systematically reallocating from employer stocks to actively managed mutual funds.
Aim for a robust education corpus of Rs 6–8 crore to meet your daughters' future needs.
Strengthen your financial plan with proper healthcare coverage and estate planning.
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to ensure alignment with goals.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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I am 40, a single parent with 2 daughters aged 2 and 1. I have following assets that i have accumulated over my employment 1. 1.6 Cr in Indian equity 2. 60L in indian MFs 3. 2 Cr in EPF 4. 72L in PPF 5. 12L in NPS 6. 51 L in SGBs 7. 72L in Gold/diamond jewellery 8. 5Cr in company stocks. These are from the 2 employers i have worked for, almost equally distributed and are mostly vested (trading publicly) 9. Real estate - 3 houses worth 8.7 Cr. Primary house is 6 Cr 10. I have 4 term insurance schemed running, in around 7 years, they will start generating an average income of 60L annually till 2043 11. 60L in Bank/FDs 12. 8L in SSYs for girls While i feel i am doing well, at times with hugely inflation in medical and education fees, i feel its just so hard to estimate what will i need to plan for when my children are ready to go to college in 16 odd years. I keep on hearing mind boggling college fees from my friends, so an approx assessment of education corpus will help. Also i feel keeping equity in single stock as in case with my 2 employers is highly risky, so any suggestion on how to systematically withdraw and invest elsewhere will help. Also looking at my portfolio, do you have any rebalancing advice. I am planning to work as long as possible so have another 18 to 20 years of work life left but given the volatile job market nowadays, want to be mentally and financially prepared.
Ans: Wow, it's commendable how diligently you've built your assets while balancing the responsibilities of being a single parent. Managing such a diverse portfolio shows your financial acumen and dedication to securing your family's future.
Navigating the uncertainties of inflation, especially in medical and education expenses, can indeed be daunting. But fret not, as a Certified Financial Planner, I'm here to help ease your worries and chart a clear path forward.
Let's address your concerns step by step:
Assessing Education Corpus:
Estimating future education expenses can be challenging due to inflation. However, we can create a rough estimate based on current trends and projected inflation rates. It's crucial to factor in not just tuition fees but also accommodation, books, and other related costs. With your assets and income streams, we can devise a systematic savings plan to build a robust education corpus for your daughters.
Managing Single Stock Risk:
Having a significant portion of your equity tied to single stocks can indeed expose you to high risk. Diversification is key to mitigating this risk. We can gradually liquidate your holdings in the single stock and reinvest the proceeds into a well-diversified portfolio of mutual funds or other suitable investment avenues. This approach will help spread risk and potentially enhance returns over time.
Portfolio Rebalancing:
Given the size and diversity of your portfolio, periodic rebalancing is essential to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. We'll review each asset class's performance and make adjustments as needed to maintain the desired asset allocation. This will help optimize returns while managing risk effectively.
Preparing for Volatile Job Market:
With another 18 to 20 years of work life ahead, it's wise to prepare for potential job market volatility. Building a robust emergency fund equivalent to at least 6-12 months of living expenses can provide a financial safety net during uncertain times. Additionally, continue investing in your skills and staying abreast of industry trends to remain competitive in the job market.
You're already on the right track with your prudent financial planning and disciplined savings habits. Remember to review your financial plan periodically and adapt it to changing circumstances. Stay focused on your long-term goals, and don't hesitate to reach out whenever you need assistance or guidance. You're doing an incredible job, and I'm here to support you every step of the way. Keep up the excellent work!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 07, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, I am 34 years old. Married. As of now we don't have any child. Now below is my asset. 1) Salary 90 k average. 2) post office scheme (1.6 crore as of now) 3) 17 lakh and it's growing.maturity 2031. 5) share plus mutual Fund almost 20 lakh 6) own a house. Want to take off from work at the age of 40. What should be my planning so that it goes smooth after that. Job is not secure one point to be noted.
Ans: Planning for Financial Security and Early Retirement

Understanding Your Financial Situation

At 34, you have a strong financial foundation. Your average salary is Rs 90,000 per month. You have a significant amount invested in a post office scheme, totaling Rs 1.6 crore. Additionally, you have Rs 17 lakh growing with maturity in 2031, and Rs 20 lakh in shares and mutual funds. Owning a house adds to your financial stability. However, you are concerned about job security and want to take a break from work at 40.

Evaluating Early Retirement Viability

Retiring at 40 is an ambitious goal. It requires careful planning and significant savings. Given the current financial landscape and potential uncertainties, early retirement may not be viable. Instead, consider upskilling to increase your employability. This can provide financial security and flexibility.

Upskilling for Financial Security

Upskilling can enhance your career prospects. Invest in courses and certifications relevant to your field. This can help you secure a higher-paying job or transition to a more stable industry. Continuously updating your skills can also make you more competitive in the job market.

Enhancing Your Employability

Consider pursuing advanced degrees or professional certifications. Networking with industry professionals can provide job leads and career advice. Stay informed about industry trends and developments. This can help you identify opportunities and make informed career decisions.

Diversifying Your Investments

Your investments are currently diversified, but there is room for optimization. The post office scheme is a safe investment but may not offer high returns. Consider reallocating a portion of these funds to mutual funds for potentially higher returns. Actively managed mutual funds can outperform the market and offer better growth prospects.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds have professional fund managers who make strategic investment decisions. They aim to outperform market benchmarks. These funds can offer higher returns compared to passive index funds. This can be beneficial for long-term growth and wealth accumulation.

Investment in Mutual Funds

Mutual funds can provide diversified exposure to various asset classes. Consider investing in equity, debt, and hybrid funds. This can balance risk and return, and provide stable growth over time. Regularly review your mutual fund portfolio and make adjustments as needed.

Long-Term Investment Planning

Investing for the long term can provide significant growth. Compounding can enhance your wealth over time. Set long-term financial goals and create an investment plan to achieve them. Regularly contribute to your investment portfolio to build wealth consistently.

Importance of Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. This fund should cover at least six months of living expenses. It provides financial security and peace of mind. An emergency fund is crucial, especially considering your job security concerns.

Creating a Retirement Corpus

Calculate the amount needed for retirement. Consider your current lifestyle, future expenses, and inflation. Create a retirement corpus that can sustain your desired lifestyle. Factor in healthcare costs, travel, and leisure activities.

Regular Savings and Investments

Consistently save and invest a portion of your income. Automate your savings to ensure regular contributions. This can help you build a substantial retirement corpus over time. Regular investments can benefit from rupee cost averaging, reducing the impact of market volatility.

Tax Planning

Effective tax planning can optimize your savings. Utilize tax-saving instruments and strategies to reduce your tax liability. This can increase your post-tax returns and enhance your overall savings. Consult with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized tax planning advice.

Reviewing Your Financial Plan

Regularly review and update your financial plan. Life circumstances and financial markets change. Adjustments may be necessary to stay on track. A CFP can help you navigate these changes and ensure your plan remains aligned with your goals.

Healthcare and Insurance

Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage. Healthcare costs can rise significantly with age. Health insurance can protect your savings from medical expenses. Consider additional insurance for critical illnesses and long-term care.

Estate Planning

Plan for the distribution of your assets. Create a will and consider setting up a trust. This ensures your assets are distributed according to your wishes. It also helps in minimizing potential legal complications for your heirs.

Debt Management

Manage and reduce your debts before considering early retirement. High-interest debts can erode your savings. Aim to be debt-free or have manageable debt levels. This can provide financial stability and reduce stress.

Sustainable Withdrawal Rate

Determine a sustainable withdrawal rate from your savings. Financial planners often recommend a 4% withdrawal rate. This means withdrawing 4% of your retirement savings annually. This helps ensure your funds last throughout retirement.

Inflation and Its Impact

Inflation erodes purchasing power over time. Consider investments that offer returns above inflation. This helps maintain the value of your savings. Regularly review and adjust your investments to stay ahead of inflation.

Creating a Retirement Budget

Develop a detailed retirement budget. Include all potential expenses. This helps in understanding your financial needs. Adjust your budget periodically to reflect changes in your lifestyle or unexpected expenses.

Retirement Lifestyle Planning

Consider how you want to spend your retirement. Factor in hobbies, travel, and leisure activities. This helps in estimating lifestyle-related expenses. Planning for a fulfilling retirement lifestyle is as important as financial planning.

Professional Advice

Seek advice from a CFP. They provide personalized financial planning. A CFP can help you navigate complex financial decisions and ensure your retirement plan is on track. Professional guidance can enhance your financial security and peace of mind.

Final Insights

Early retirement at 40 requires significant financial planning and savings. Given the current financial landscape, it may not be viable. Instead, focus on upskilling to increase employability and secure a stable income. Diversify your investments to optimize returns. Regularly review your financial plan and make necessary adjustments. Seek professional advice from a CFP for personalized guidance. With careful planning and strategic investments, you can achieve financial security and a comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 26, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 50 years old and planning to retire this year. My liabilities include : 1) Higher education of my daughter and Son 2) Their marriage My assets include: 1) One house worth 10 crore plus rental income of 30000/- per month 2) Second house due for completion worth 2.5 cr 3) AIF worth 1.5 cr 4) FDs worth 40 lakhs 5) Equity holding worth 1.5 cr 6) MF worth 70 Lakhs with SIP of 40000/- per month going on 7) Mediclaim cover of 50 lakhs 8) Ppf worth 30 lakhs 9) Life insurance policies worth with 2 cr life cover Going forward how should I plan my portfolio growth and regular income
Ans: At 50, your priorities include securing retirement income, meeting your children’s goals, and growing your wealth. Here’s a detailed plan to achieve these goals while maintaining financial stability and peace of mind.

Current Financial Strengths
Diversified Asset Base
Your portfolio includes real estate, equity, mutual funds, and fixed deposits.
Assets like AIF, PPF, and life insurance offer additional diversification.
Stable Rental Income
Rs 30,000 monthly rental income provides a consistent cash flow.
Comprehensive Health and Life Cover
Mediclaim of Rs 50 lakh ensures healthcare expenses are well-covered.
Life insurance of Rs 2 crore protects your family’s financial future.
Areas for Improvement
Overexposure to Real Estate
A significant portion of your wealth is locked in illiquid assets like real estate.
Rental income may not grow in line with inflation.
Insufficient Liquidity
While you have a large asset base, liquid cash for immediate needs seems limited.
Need for Inflation-Adjusted Income
With retirement ahead, ensuring inflation-adjusted income is critical.
Recommendations for Portfolio Growth
Consolidate Real Estate Holdings
Consider selling the second house after completion to unlock liquidity.
Redeploy proceeds into financial instruments for better returns and liquidity.
Increase Exposure to Mutual Funds
Allocate funds from real estate or AIF into actively managed equity funds.
Focus on large-cap and balanced advantage funds for stable, long-term growth.
Strengthen Debt Portfolio
Increase allocation to debt mutual funds for stable returns and capital safety.
Ensure liquidity through short-term debt funds or fixed-income instruments.
Planning for Children’s Goals
Higher Education
Use proceeds from fixed deposits and PPF for education expenses.
These are low-risk instruments suitable for short- to medium-term needs.
Marriage Expenses
Start a targeted investment plan for marriages using balanced advantage funds.
Gradually move these funds to safer options as the events near.
Securing Regular Retirement Income
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Set up SWPs from mutual fund investments for steady monthly income.
This provides tax-efficient cash flow while preserving capital.
Rental Income
Retain rental income as part of your overall income strategy.
Consider enhancing property value to increase rental yield.
PPF and FDs
Use PPF maturity and FD interest for emergency funds or specific short-term needs.
Addressing Tax Efficiency
Equity Mutual Funds
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh will be taxed at 12.5%.
Systematic withdrawals from mutual funds should consider tax implications.
Debt Mutual Funds
Gains from debt funds will be taxed as per your income tax slab.
Insurance and Contingency Planning
Maintain Adequate Health Cover
Rs 50 lakh mediclaim is sufficient for now.
Reassess based on inflation in healthcare costs.
Life Insurance Review
Your life cover seems adequate for liabilities.
Ensure policies remain active until critical liabilities are settled.
Optimising Asset Allocation
Suggested Allocation Strategy
Equity Funds: 40% of the portfolio for long-term growth.
Debt Instruments: 40% for stability and regular income.
Liquid Funds: 10% for emergencies.
Other Investments: 10% in alternative assets like AIF or gold.
Periodic Review
Review your portfolio annually with a Certified Financial Planner.
Adjust allocation as per changing market conditions and personal needs.
Final Insights
Your financial situation is strong and diversified. Focus on enhancing liquidity, reducing real estate exposure, and optimising your asset allocation. A disciplined and well-planned strategy will ensure a secure and comfortable retirement while meeting your family’s needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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