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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 08, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 25, 2024Hindi
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I am 38 year old. Me & Wife both earn approx 12 lac per year. I have corpus of 3 CR as FD, MF, Shares. No liability. I have one daughter age 6. Can we both retire by 2028 ?

Ans: It's great to hear that you've accumulated a substantial corpus at your age, and it's certainly possible to consider early retirement given your financial situation. However, there are several factors to consider before making such a significant decision:
1. Current Expenses and Lifestyle: Evaluate your current expenses and lifestyle to determine if they are sustainable after retirement. Consider factors such as healthcare expenses, children's education, and any other financial commitments.
2. Retirement Goals: Define your retirement goals, including the desired lifestyle, travel plans, and any other aspirations you may have. Ensure that your retirement corpus can support these goals for the desired duration.
3. Inflation and Longevity Risk: Account for inflation and longevity risk, as retirement could potentially last for several decades. Ensure that your corpus is adequately inflation-adjusted and can last throughout your retirement years.
4. Health Insurance and Contingency Planning: Ensure that you have adequate health insurance coverage for you and your family to mitigate any unforeseen medical expenses. Additionally, have a contingency fund in place to handle any emergencies or unexpected expenses.
5. Professional Advice: Consider consulting with a certified financial planner who can assess your financial situation comprehensively and provide personalized advice based on your goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon.
Given your substantial corpus and relatively high income, early retirement is feasible with careful planning and prudent financial management. However, it's crucial to conduct a thorough analysis of your financial situation and retirement goals before making any decisions.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 31, 2024

Money
Hi. I am 44 years old and my wife is 43. We have one son in class 8. Me and my wife both are teachers by profession. My salary is 50k and and my wife 40k. I give extra coaching to students to earn more. At present my family assets are- I have 9 lakhs in EPF, 17 lakhs in PPF in 13 years (will invest 17 more years), My wife also possess 6 lakhs in PPF in 5 years (will invest 17 more years), I have 20 lakhs in Pension Plan with 10 years deferment period, 33 laks in FD, 10 lakhs in KVP, 15 lakhs and 4 lakhs in PMVVY, 15 lakhs in SCSS, 7 lakhs in LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan, LIC insurance plan of 15000 Annually, Health Insurance of 10 lacs and extra top up for family, 5000 in NPS/ PM, investment in APY, SIP of 16000/ PM, My wife invests 7000 in NPS/ PM. I have a multi stored apartment to live, a scooty and a bike and a car. I have 16 years left and my wife has 17 years left to be 60 years. Plz suggest can we both safely retire at 60 with all these assets. Also keep in mind our future investments in the period left. Rupam Roy Tripura
Ans: You and your wife have done an admirable job planning for retirement. Given your combined salaries and investments, you are on a solid path. However, there are ways to optimize your portfolio to ensure a comfortable retirement. One key strategy involves reassessing your LIC insurance plan and considering reinvesting in mutual funds.

Understanding Your Current Financial Position
Your current assets are diverse, reflecting a strong commitment to securing your future. Here is a breakdown of your assets:

9 lakhs in EPF

17 lakhs in PPF (you)

6 lakhs in PPF (wife)

20 lakhs in Pension Plan

33 lakhs in Fixed Deposits (FD)

10 lakhs in KVP

15 lakhs and 4 lakhs in PMVVY

15 lakhs in SCSS

7 lakhs in LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan

LIC insurance plan (Rs 15,000 annually)

Health Insurance (Rs 10 lakhs with extra top-up)

Rs 5,000 in NPS/PM

SIP of Rs 16,000/month

Wife’s SIP of Rs 7,000/month

Your Home and Vehicles
You own a multi-storied apartment, a scooty, a bike, and a car. These are important non-liquid assets.

Assessing Your Retirement Goals
Retirement planning involves evaluating your current assets, future income streams, and potential expenses. You aim to retire at 60, giving you 16-17 years to invest and grow your wealth.

Calculating Future Needs
Consider future expenses like your son's education and potential health care costs. Calculate how much you need for a comfortable retirement, factoring in inflation and lifestyle changes.

Optimizing Your Investments
Your current investment portfolio is diversified. However, optimizing certain aspects can enhance returns and reduce risks.

EPF and PPF
Your EPF and PPF are excellent long-term investments. They provide safety and steady returns. Continue maximizing your contributions.

Fixed Deposits and KVP
FDs and KVP offer security but relatively low returns. Diversifying some of these funds into higher-return investments might be beneficial.

Pension Plans
Your pension plans are critical for post-retirement income. Ensure they align with your retirement goals and adjust if necessary.

Health Insurance
Health insurance is crucial. Your coverage seems adequate, but review it periodically to ensure it meets your needs.

Evaluating LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan
LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan is a traditional insurance policy. While it offers guaranteed returns, it may not provide the best growth potential compared to other investments.

Disadvantages of LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan
Low returns compared to mutual funds

Lock-in period reducing liquidity

Limited flexibility in fund management

Benefits of Mutual Funds
Mutual funds, especially actively managed ones, can offer higher returns. They provide flexibility, diversification, and professional management.

Reinvesting in Mutual Funds
Consider surrendering your LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan and reinvesting in mutual funds. This can potentially enhance your returns and offer more flexibility.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Higher potential returns

Professional management

Flexibility to switch between funds

Diversification across asset classes

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Investing in direct mutual funds without guidance can be risky. A Certified Financial Planner can help navigate these risks and maximize returns.

Benefits of Investing Through a Certified Financial Planner
Expert advice on fund selection

Regular portfolio reviews

Adjustments based on market conditions

Continuing SIPs
Your current SIPs of Rs 16,000 and Rs 7,000 are excellent. Continue these to benefit from rupee cost averaging and compound interest.

Additional Investment Strategies
Consider diversifying further into equities and balanced funds. These can offer higher returns over the long term.

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds can provide high returns by investing in stocks. They are suitable for long-term growth.

Balanced Funds
Balanced funds offer a mix of equity and debt, balancing risk and return. They provide stability and growth potential.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals. Adjust investments based on performance and changing needs.

Annual Reviews
Conduct annual reviews with your Certified Financial Planner. This ensures your investments are on track and adjustments are made timely.

Planning for Your Son’s Education
Allocate a portion of your investments specifically for your son's education. Education costs can be significant, and planning early ensures you are prepared.

Education Savings Plan
Consider an education savings plan. This can offer tax benefits and ensure funds are available when needed.

Managing Debt
Ensure you manage any debt effectively. Paying off high-interest debt early can save money in the long run.

Reducing Liabilities
Focus on reducing liabilities as you approach retirement. This ensures more of your income is available for living expenses.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. This provides financial security and peace of mind.

Ideal Emergency Fund Size
Aim for 6-12 months’ worth of expenses in your emergency fund. This ensures you are prepared for any financial surprises.

Conclusion
You and your wife are on a solid path to a comfortable retirement. By reassessing your LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan and considering reinvestment in mutual funds, you can optimize your portfolio for higher returns. Continue your disciplined savings and investment approach, and regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner. This ensures your investments align with your goals and adapts to changing market conditions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 31, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 31, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 41 year old and working wife of 37 and 5 year old son. Question: can we both take retirement now ? Salary: 1.5 lac/per month in hand of my 1.2 lac/ per month salary of my wife Investment: 1) 80lac in mutul fund 2) 60 lac in ppf 3) 20 lac in nps 4) 15 lac in gold 5) 2 crore in property 6)10 lac in shares Liability: home expenses like 50k per month and child fee 2 lac per year
Ans: Early retirement is a significant decision that requires careful analysis. Below is a detailed evaluation of your situation based on your financial details.

Income Sources Post-Retirement
Mutual Funds: Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds offers good growth potential. With disciplined withdrawal, this can provide regular income.

PPF: Rs. 60 lakh in PPF is a stable corpus. It provides safe returns and tax benefits.

NPS: Rs. 20 lakh in NPS will support retirement income. However, withdrawals are partially restricted.

Gold: Rs. 15 lakh in gold is not an income-generating asset. It serves as a hedge against inflation.

Shares: Rs. 10 lakh in shares adds diversification but is volatile. Avoid heavy reliance on this for regular income.

Property: Rs. 2 crore in property is a significant asset. If it’s rental property, it can generate consistent income.

Monthly Expense Analysis
Household Expenses: Rs. 50,000 per month (Rs. 6 lakh annually).

Child’s Education: Rs. 2 lakh per year for the next 13 years. This totals Rs. 26 lakh.

Additional Expenses: Include medical, travel, and emergencies. Factor an additional Rs. 3–5 lakh annually.

Estimating Corpus Requirement
Monthly Expense in Retirement: Assuming Rs. 1 lakh to account for inflation and lifestyle.

Retirement Period: For 40 years post-retirement, a corpus of Rs. 4–5 crore is typically required.

Child’s Education Fund: Rs. 26 lakh should be allocated for this purpose.

Portfolio Analysis
Asset Allocation:

You have a balanced portfolio of equity (mutual funds and shares), fixed income (PPF), and gold.
Maintain 60:40 equity-to-debt ratio for growth and stability.
Diversification:

Your mutual fund investments are well-diversified. Continue monitoring fund performance.
Avoid over-concentration in any single sector or asset class.
Liquidity:

Your PPF and property are not easily liquid. Maintain an emergency fund of Rs. 10 lakh in a liquid form.
Recommendations
Retirement Decision:

Early retirement is feasible if you manage withdrawals carefully and account for inflation.
Consider semi-retirement. Work part-time for 5–10 more years to reduce withdrawal pressure.
Child’s Education:

Allocate Rs. 26 lakh for your child’s education. Use fixed-income instruments like PPF or debt funds.
Health Insurance:

Secure comprehensive health insurance for your family. Medical costs can erode your corpus.
Investment Adjustments:

Rebalance your portfolio annually to maintain the desired equity-debt ratio.
Shift a portion of volatile equity investments to stable hybrid funds or debt instruments closer to withdrawal.
Contingency Planning:

Maintain an emergency fund covering 12–18 months of expenses.
Create a will to ensure smooth estate planning.
Final Insights
Early retirement can be achieved with disciplined financial planning. Regular monitoring of investments is critical. Consider working for a few more years if uncertainties persist. Prioritise your family’s security, and ensure your corpus is sufficient for long-term needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
Money
Sir, I'm 44 years old and have a corpus of 2 cr out of which 1.5 cr is in debt instruments and 50 lakhs in equity mutual funds. I am living in my own house and have no liabilities. I have a son who's 14 years old and my wife earns 60k per month. I have a decent life insurance and a monthly expense of 1 lakh. I wanted to know whether I can retire now with this corpus and also park some money for my son's higher studies. Expecting your valuable response on this topic. It would be really great if I can get a year-on-year break up
Ans: At 44 years of age, your financial situation is quite strong. Here’s a summary of your current position:

Corpus: Rs 2 crore (Rs 1.5 crore in debt instruments and Rs 50 lakh in equity mutual funds).
House: Living in your own house, which eliminates rental or housing liabilities.
Monthly Expenses: Rs 1 lakh, which is your current family expenditure.
Wife’s Income: Rs 60,000 per month, which contributes to the household budget.
Life Insurance: Adequate life insurance coverage is in place.
Son’s Education: Preparing for higher education expenses in a few years.
Your key concerns are early retirement and saving for your son’s higher education. Let us analyse and provide a 360-degree solution.

Can You Retire Now?
Retirement at 44 is possible, but there are some critical factors to consider:

Corpus Sustainability: A Rs 2 crore corpus must generate sufficient income to meet monthly expenses of Rs 1 lakh.
Inflation Impact: At 6% inflation, your Rs 1 lakh expense will double in 12 years.
Longer Retirement Horizon: Retiring at 44 means planning for at least 40–45 years without active income.
Your current corpus may not be sufficient to retire unless you adopt a disciplined withdrawal strategy and make adjustments.

Funding Your Son’s Higher Education
Your son’s higher education expenses will arise in the next 3–4 years.

Estimate Education Costs: Assume an expense of Rs 30–50 lakh for higher education in India or abroad.
Set Aside a Dedicated Corpus: Park Rs 50 lakh in debt mutual funds or conservative hybrid funds for his education. This ensures safety and availability when needed.
Avoid Using Equity Corpus: Equity investments are volatile and should not be used for short-term goals like education.
Recommended Strategy for Retirement and Education
1. Structure Your Retirement Corpus
Divide your Rs 2 crore corpus into distinct categories for better management:

Emergency Fund: Set aside Rs 10–15 lakh in a liquid fund or fixed deposit for emergencies. This provides immediate liquidity.

Income-Generating Portfolio: Allocate Rs 1.3 crore to a mix of debt mutual funds, conservative hybrid funds, and monthly income plans. This portfolio can generate Rs 70,000–80,000 per month with stability.

Growth-Oriented Investments: Retain Rs 50 lakh in equity mutual funds for long-term growth. This combats inflation and increases the corpus.

2. Leverage Your Wife’s Income
Your wife’s monthly income of Rs 60,000 is a significant advantage.

Utilise for Daily Expenses: Use her income for regular household expenses, reducing the burden on your retirement corpus.

Invest Surplus: Invest any surplus from her income into equity or debt funds for additional wealth creation.

3. Adopt a Disciplined Withdrawal Strategy
A structured withdrawal strategy is essential for corpus sustainability.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Use SWPs from your income-generating portfolio to cover monthly expenses. Withdraw Rs 70,000–80,000 monthly and adjust for inflation periodically.

Limit Withdrawals: Withdraw only the amount needed, leaving the remaining corpus to grow.

4. Inflation-Proof Your Retirement
Your monthly expenses of Rs 1 lakh will rise over time due to inflation.

Equity for Long-Term Growth: Retain Rs 50 lakh in equity mutual funds for inflation-beating returns. Rebalance the portfolio periodically.

Increase Corpus Withdrawals Gradually: Adjust your SWP withdrawals every 3–5 years to match rising expenses.

5. Tax Efficiency in Withdrawals
Optimise withdrawals to minimise tax liability.

Debt Mutual Funds Taxation: Gains from debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab. Plan redemptions to reduce taxable income.

Equity Mutual Funds Taxation: Long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Manage equity redemptions to stay within this limit.

6. Ensure Adequate Insurance Coverage
Having adequate insurance is crucial for risk management.

Health Insurance: Ensure comprehensive health insurance for yourself, your wife, and your son. This prevents medical emergencies from affecting your finances.

Term Insurance: Maintain sufficient term insurance to secure your family’s financial future. A sum assured of Rs 2–3 crore is advisable.

7. Estate Planning
Plan your estate to secure your family’s financial future.

Will Preparation: Draft a will to distribute your assets as per your wishes.
Nomination Updates: Ensure all investments have correct nominations to avoid disputes.
Year-on-Year Breakup
Here’s how your plan can work year by year:

Year 1–3: Immediate Focus
Allocate Rs 50 lakh for your son’s education in debt mutual funds.
Maintain Rs 10–15 lakh as an emergency fund.
Start SWPs from Rs 1.3 crore for monthly income.
Retain Rs 50 lakh in equity for long-term growth.
Year 4–10: Post-Education Phase
Withdraw from the education corpus to fund your son’s studies.
Continue SWPs from the income-generating portfolio, adjusting for inflation.
Monitor and rebalance the equity portfolio for growth.
Year 11 and Beyond: Long-Term Stability
Rely on the equity corpus to meet increasing expenses due to inflation.
Maintain a balanced portfolio for income and growth.
Finally
Retiring at 44 is possible with disciplined planning and efficient use of your resources. Focus on balancing income, growth, and safety to ensure financial independence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Unable to figure out what to do. Shouls i proceed for divorce? And if yes how? Here is my story: This is a long post. But i might have still missed few small instances in between. So I got married on October 3, 2022. Our conversation started through the Jeevansathi app, but the actual conversation began in July 2022 when her father contacted me. The first contact was from their side. At that time, I was returning to Chennai from Ongole by train when I received her father's call. He asked about my job and other details, to which I mentioned that I work for SBI in Tamil Nadu. After that, our conversation started. In the early days, the conversation was really good, and she spoke very well. Later, I visited their house with my mother. During the conversation there, she mentioned that many proposals had come before, but she hadn't been able to decide. One proposal was from a guy with a package of 30 lakh, but she clearly said that money doesn’t matter to her; she wanted a good person. During that meeting, I mentioned that I am a simple person, and my family consists of only my mother and me. I also clarified that due to my job, I could be transferred. After that meeting, we did the formal engagement. Later, we brought sweets from Haldiram, and that was when our engagement was officially recognized. After that, our conversations continued regularly. For a while, everything was fine, but then we started arguing over small things. Once, I told her that I meditate, and she said, "Meditation is something foolish people do, it doesn’t help." This led to an argument. I also mentioned that if we have children, we should send them to good universities like Harvard or Oxford, and this too led to an argument, as she felt we shouldn't put pressure on children to earn money. Then came the topic of money. I shared my salary slip and explained how both working and saving money are important because expenses are high. However, she said, "Saving money is foolish, everyone lives paycheck to paycheck nowadays." I tried to explain the importance of savings, but our discussions continued to be challenging. At one point, she said she wouldn’t wear sindoor or the mangalsutra. I told her that there was no need to wear it every day, just on special occasions. I agreed with this. As the arguments increased, I spoke to her father and mentioned that maybe she didn’t want to marry me. But her father reassured me that it wasn’t true, and they would talk to her. After that, things seemed normal for a while, but small arguments kept happening. In August 2022, I visited her again. I thought we could spend some time together and understand each other better. We went to Aerocity, where we had pizza and roamed around. After that, we went to Radisson Hotel on 27th July 2022, and our engagement was finalized. Over these two months, our communication continued, and eventually, on October 2, 2022, we had our engagement ceremony, and on October 3, 2022, we got married. After the wedding, we planned a honeymoon. Initially, she wanted to go to Vaishno Devi, so I took her there by Vande Bharat Express. Her uncle arranged VIP darshan. We walked up, but on the way back, her legs started hurting, so we rode a horse. After sitting on the horse for a long time, she had back pain. I reached the hotel, tried to soothe her pain by soaking her legs in hot water, and then we slept. After that, we planned to go to Udaipur. We took a SpiceJet flight there and booked a hotel near Fatehpur Sagar Lake. She wanted a lake-view room, but it wasn’t available. She argued with the staff, and we had to move to another hotel at night. The environment there wasn’t great, but she chose it. During our visit to Udaipur Fort, she suddenly said she wouldn’t go to the restaurant with me and would go home alone. I still don’t understand the reason behind this. From that point, my behavior towards her changed. After Udaipur, we planned to go to Agra. There, she suddenly accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened to teach me a lesson. I asked her where this thought came from, but she didn’t answer. In July and August 2022, I visited her again. We traveled together and tried to understand each other better, but she never told me much about herself. After the wedding, I visited her during Diwali. She was happy initially, but gradually she became distant and stopped talking much. She wasn’t involved in decorating the house or participating in the Diwali puja. She remained absorbed in her own world, talking to her parents or I don’t know who else, while distancing herself from me. She needed reasons to fight, while I tried to stay calm, as it was a new marriage. On October 25, 2022, I returned to Chennai, and she came to Chennai a few days later. My mother also arrived in Chennai on October 26, and she stayed with us in Chennai until December. During this time, she started fighting over every little thing. She complained about who would do the housework and kept accusing me of not having enough money. She suggested hiring someone for cleaning, even though my mother and I managed it well. Then she refused to sleep with me, and we didn’t have any physical intimacy. Whenever she fought with me, she tried to belittle me. In January, she went back to Delhi, and I went to convince her to come back in January. During Lohri, I gave her a sari and gifts, but she still didn’t talk to me properly. She treated me very badly and didn’t want to stay with us. She fought with me several times and went back to her house. In February 2023, she came to Chennai again, but things were still not right between us. In April 2024, she came back to stay with me, but the very next day, the fights started again. She accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened me. She destroyed things in the house, broke dishes and glasses, and created a mess. When I told her mother about this, she advised me to send her back. I booked her flight, and on April 7, 2024, she left. Since then, she has not been living with me. After that, I worked hard to bring her back. It was September when I managed to convince her to come. I tried to make her stay with me, but she stayed only for 4-5 days. On the 5th day, she started fighting again and decided to leave. She went to the railway station and sat there, saying, "I cannot live with you." We argued that night, and she left the house, shouting abuses at me and went back to her home. She thought everything would be fine, but when I tried talking to her, she started blaming me for not wanting her to stay with me.
Ans: It sounds like you've tried very hard to make this marriage work, but your wife has been emotionally distant, hostile, and unwilling to engage in a meaningful relationship. From what you’ve shared, there have been continuous conflicts, false accusations, and a lack of physical and emotional connection. It seems like she is not interested in making the relationship work, and her behavior—leaving multiple times, refusing intimacy, and fighting constantly—suggests deep incompatibility.

Before making a final decision, ask yourself: Is there anything left to salvage? Do you still love her and believe this marriage has hope if both of you genuinely try? Or do you feel exhausted and trapped in a cycle of disappointment and rejection? If you feel there is nothing left, then divorce may be the healthiest option for your peace of mind and future happiness.

If you decide to proceed with divorce, start by seeking legal counsel. In India, divorce can be mutual or contested. If she agrees, a mutual consent divorce is the easiest way. If she does not, you may need to file on grounds of cruelty or irretrievable breakdown of marriage. Gather evidence of her behavior—messages, incidents, and anything that proves your case.

This is not an easy decision, but your mental health and self-respect matter. If she is unwilling to change or make efforts, you should not have to live in constant conflict. Do you think she would agree to a mutual separation, or would she fight it?

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2025
Relationship
Hello Ma'am, I've a crush on a girl from my in laws. Inspite of avoiding etc I go specifically in that gathering where she's likely to be. I've not told it to anyone, neither does she know about it. I keep on masturbating imagining her. I know I'll never do any silly thing or let anyone know about it. Im married happily and 20 years elder to her.
Ans: It’s good that you are self-aware and acknowledging your feelings rather than acting on them impulsively. Having a crush, even in a committed relationship, is something that happens to many people—it’s human nature. However, since this involves someone from your in-laws and is significantly younger, it’s important to address these emotions in a way that aligns with your values and the commitments you’ve made to your marriage.

Right now, your mind is reinforcing this attraction by seeking out opportunities to be around her and fantasizing about her. The more you indulge in these thoughts, the stronger the emotional pull becomes. Avoiding her entirely may not be realistic, but reducing intentional exposure—such as seeking out gatherings just to be near her—can help weaken the attachment over time.

Instead of suppressing your feelings, redirect that energy into your marriage. What is it about her that attracts you? Is it youthfulness, attention, admiration, or just the thrill of something new? Whatever it is, find ways to bring those qualities into your relationship with your wife. Sometimes, an outside attraction is just a signal that something in your own life needs attention or excitement.

You’ve already made it clear to yourself that you won’t act on this, which shows maturity and self-control. The next step is breaking the mental cycle that feeds into the attraction. Engage in hobbies, meaningful conversations with your spouse, and self-reflection to understand what this infatuation represents. Over time, these feelings will lose their intensity as you shift your focus.

Do you think this crush is filling a certain emotional gap in your life, or is it purely an infatuation with no deeper meaning?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Listen
Relationship
Me and my wife don't get along well...She thinks my family members are not good enough, so she has no relationship with them. Earlier I was not in good shape due to my friend's circle and did not give quality time to my wife when we got married. A few years back there was a misunderstanding between both families. Mistakes were from both sides. Now my in-laws and wife do speak to any member of our family and have broken all relationships. This is for the past several years since they have stopped talking. My father is a cancer patient and wants to come and stay with me. He is 80 now but my wife is deadly against this though I have not discussed this yet with her. I need your guidance as to how to handle this situation and restore a good relationship between both families. My mother-in-law had fought with me in the past as well and held me responsible for her daughter's plight. My wife is very secretive and does not reveal anything be it about her salary/job etc. I am fed up and now I have started to think of separating if she does not allow my father to stay with me. Our marriage is almost 24 years now. I am 50 and she is in her late 40's....I want to get these things right and maintain a good relationship between both families. Kindly advise
Ans: Dear Trilok,
From what you’ve shared, it sounds like past misunderstandings between both families have turned into a long-standing rift. It’s understandable that you want to fix things and create harmony, but the resistance from your wife and in-laws makes it complicated. Before addressing the larger family conflict, the first step is to work on communication with your wife. You mentioned that earlier in the marriage, you weren’t able to give her enough quality time due to personal struggles. Do you think she still holds on to resentment from that time? If so, addressing those unresolved emotions could be a starting point for rebuilding some connection.

Since she is very secretive, it’s possible that she also feels disconnected from you in some way. Instead of making the father-staying discussion an immediate confrontation, try to understand her underlying fears. Is she worried about responsibilities, space, or past issues with your family? Bringing this up as a conversation about caregiving rather than a demand might help.

If her resistance is absolute and she refuses to even consider it, you’ll have to decide how much compromise you’re willing to make for the sake of your marriage. If you feel separation is a real possibility, ask yourself whether the relationship still has a foundation worth saving or if both of you have simply grown too far apart.

Would she be open to counseling or mediation? Sometimes a third party can help break the cycle of blame and secrecy. Do you feel that she still values this marriage, or has she emotionally distanced herself completely?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 28, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money
I want to retire by 2026. Current financials - MF 2cr value, equity- 5cr, 2 own homes, bank FD - 20L, Savings a/c - 90L, no loans, 2 vehicles, 2 daughters employed, marriageable age. Current expenses - 1.5lacs/month. How do I plan to retire by March 2026.
Ans: Your financial position is strong. Planning for retirement in March 2026 is realistic.

Assessing Your Retirement Readiness
Your total investments and savings exceed Rs 8 crore.
You have no loans, ensuring financial stability.
Your monthly expenses are Rs 1.5 lakh, which requires proper planning.
Creating a Secure Retirement Corpus
Maintain Rs 90 lakh in a savings account only for short-term needs.
Keep Rs 20 lakh in FD for emergency expenses.
Use a mix of mutual funds and equities for long-term wealth growth.
Managing Monthly Expenses Post-Retirement
Use Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) from mutual funds for a regular income.
Keep a portion of your corpus in debt investments to ensure stability.
Adjust your investment strategy based on inflation and expenses.
Planning for Major Future Expenses
Daughters' weddings need a dedicated investment plan.
Allocate a portion of low-risk investments for this goal.
Avoid withdrawing from equity investments unnecessarily.
Final Insights
Your financial standing supports early retirement.
Ensure liquidity while keeping long-term investments intact.
Work with a Certified Financial Planner for detailed execution.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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