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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Saikrishna Question by Saikrishna on Oct 25, 2024Hindi
Money

Dear Sir, I am 35 years old and starting a SIP in mutual funds from next month with a monthly investment of 50,000. I have selected the following funds and allocated the amount accordingly: Tata Small Cap Fund Direct Growth – 5,000/month Quant Mid Cap Fund Direct Growth – 15,000/month Motilal Oswal Large and Midcap Fund Direct Growth – 20,000/month DSP ELSS Tax Saver Direct Plan Growth – 10,000/month My primary goal is to accumulate corpus 1.5 crore by the 7th year to build a villa. Could you please review my selection and allocation? I would appreciate your suggestions on any modifications or alternative funds to help achieve my target. Looking forward to your valuable advice. Thank you.

Ans: Starting a SIP of Rs. 50,000 per month is a great step towards achieving your financial goal. You’ve chosen a good mix of small-cap, mid-cap, large & mid-cap, and ELSS funds. However, meeting the Rs. 1.5 crore target in 7 years will need careful planning and monitoring. Let’s assess your portfolio and suggest any improvements for better alignment with your goal.

Fund Selection: A Balanced Approach with Gaps
Small-Cap Allocation (Rs. 5,000/month): Small-cap funds carry higher risks but have the potential for high growth over the long term. However, their performance can be volatile, especially during market corrections. A moderate allocation is appropriate, but ensure it aligns with your risk appetite.

Mid-Cap Allocation (Rs. 15,000/month): Mid-cap funds offer a mix of growth and stability. They tend to outperform large-cap funds in favorable markets but can also be more volatile. Your current allocation to mid-caps is a bit aggressive but can accelerate wealth creation if managed well.

Large & Mid-Cap Allocation (Rs. 20,000/month): These funds provide exposure to both stability and growth, making them a good choice. This allocation will balance the risks of your small-cap and mid-cap investments while ensuring some stability.

ELSS Allocation (Rs. 10,000/month): ELSS funds offer the dual benefit of tax-saving and potential wealth creation. However, these funds come with a 3-year lock-in period, which limits liquidity. Ensure that the amount invested here aligns with your tax-saving requirements.

Are Your Current Allocations Sufficient?
Aggressive Allocation: Around 40% of your SIP is focused on mid-cap and small-cap categories. While this can deliver higher returns, it increases risk. If the market underperforms, it could delay your corpus-building goal.

ELSS Overweight?: If your primary goal is wealth creation, a Rs. 10,000 monthly SIP in ELSS may be excessive, especially since the funds are locked for three years. You could consider reducing this allocation if your tax-saving needs are already met.

Recommendations for Portfolio Improvement
Add Large-Cap Funds for Stability:
Consider adding a large-cap fund to provide stability. Large-cap funds perform better during market volatility, reducing the impact of downturns. This will also smoothen your returns over the 7-year period.

Balance Between Mid-Cap and Large & Mid-Cap:
The Rs. 15,000 allocation to mid-caps may be reduced slightly. Redirect a portion of this amount towards large-cap funds to create a more stable portfolio. This adjustment will maintain growth while lowering risk.

Review the ELSS Investment:
If Rs. 10,000 in ELSS exceeds your tax-planning requirements, you can consider diverting some of this amount to other categories. However, if you need the tax benefits, the allocation is reasonable.

Active vs. Direct Fund Investment: A Key Insight
You’ve chosen direct plans for your SIP investments. While direct plans have lower expense ratios, they may not suit all investors.

Regular Plans with CFP Assistance: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) via regular plans offers personalized advice. This guidance can help with fund rebalancing and tax planning, crucial for meeting your villa goal.

Direct Plans: Hidden Limitations: Direct investors often miss out on timely advice and active monitoring. Without professional oversight, investors may struggle to react to market changes effectively. This could affect your ability to stay on track with your financial goal.

Monitoring and Rebalancing Your Investments
Annual Reviews Are Critical: The market will go through different cycles during the 7-year period. Reviewing your portfolio annually will help you make necessary adjustments. This is where a CFP can guide you by rebalancing your portfolio.

Align with Your Goal Timeline: As you approach the 7th year, gradually shift a portion of your funds to safer instruments. This will help protect your corpus from market volatility.

Tax Implications to Watch Out For
Equity Mutual Fund Taxation: Keep an eye on the capital gains tax rules. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) beyond Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%. Since you are targeting a 7-year goal, most of your gains will likely fall under LTCG taxation.

Plan for Tax-Efficient Withdrawals: As you approach your goal, plan your withdrawals to minimize tax liability. This will help you preserve more of your hard-earned corpus.

Building a Contingency Plan
Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund covering at least 6 months of expenses. This will prevent the need to withdraw from your SIP investments if unexpected expenses arise.

Insurance Coverage: Evaluate your life and health insurance coverage. Having adequate insurance ensures that your financial goals remain on track, even in the face of unforeseen events.

Alternative Strategies to Boost Wealth Creation
Increase SIP Contributions Gradually: If possible, increase your SIP amount every year in line with your income growth. Even a 10-15% increase can significantly boost your corpus by the end of 7 years.

Explore Hybrid Funds: Adding a hybrid fund can provide exposure to both equity and debt. This reduces volatility while still offering growth potential. Hybrid funds are especially useful as you near your goal.

Track Fund Performance Regularly: Keep a close eye on the performance of your selected funds. If a fund underperforms consistently, switch to a better-performing fund.

Final Insights
Your Rs. 50,000 SIP plan is a solid start towards building a villa in 7 years. However, slight adjustments can improve your portfolio’s stability and performance. Consider diversifying with large-cap funds and review your ELSS allocation.

Working with a CFP through regular funds can also offer professional guidance, ensuring your portfolio stays on track. Regular reviews, tax-efficient planning, and contingency measures will further strengthen your investment strategy.

With disciplined investing and timely monitoring, you can achieve your dream of building a villa while minimizing risks.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

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Puneet Asked on - Jun 16, 2024 Hello, I'm 35 years old. I'm planning to start a new cycle of SIPs and aspiration is to create a corpus of 1.5 crores in next 10 years. Monthly SIP is 50,000. Below are my mutual funds chosen: Quant midcap fund: 10,000, ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund: 10,000, Quant Flexi Cap Fund: 10,000, SBI Small Cap Fund: 2,000, SBI PSU Fund: 8,000. Please suggest: - if the above chosen mutual funds are appropriate for this wealth generation, however, if no, please suggest alternatives and also advise if the amount chosen is apportioned is realistic. - if this SIP amount is adequate enough to generate the desired corpus? All are direct growth plans. Should I include Parag Parekh Flexi Cap Fund as well? Regards, Puneet
Ans: Puneet,

Your aspiration to create a corpus of Rs 1.5 crores in 10 years is commendable. Let's evaluate your current mutual fund choices and the allocation.

Current Allocation

Quant Midcap Fund: Rs 10,000

ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund: Rs 10,000

Quant Flexi Cap Fund: Rs 10,000

SBI Small Cap Fund: Rs 2,000

SBI PSU Fund: Rs 8,000

Evaluation of Funds

Diversification: You have chosen a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, flexi-cap, small-cap, and sector funds. This ensures a diversified portfolio.

Risk Management: The inclusion of large-cap and flexi-cap funds helps balance the higher risk from mid-cap, small-cap, and sector funds.

Growth Potential: Mid-cap, small-cap, and flexi-cap funds offer high growth potential, though they carry higher risk.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds

Actively Managed Funds: Provide better adaptability to market conditions. Managed by professionals aiming to outperform the market.

Index Funds: Track specific indices and cannot adapt to market changes. May underperform compared to actively managed funds.

Disadvantages of Direct Plans

Lack of Guidance: Direct plans require self-research and decision-making.

Higher Risk: Greater potential for mistakes without professional advice.

Time-Consuming: Requires continuous monitoring and adjustments.

Benefits of Regular Plans Through CFP

Expert Advice: Certified Financial Planners (CFPs) provide tailored advice.

Holistic Planning: CFPs consider your overall financial goals and situation.

Ongoing Support: Regular reviews and adjustments to your strategy.

Is Your SIP Amount Adequate?

To assess if Rs 50,000 monthly SIP is adequate:

Expected Returns: Assuming an average annual return of 12-15%, your target is achievable.

Consistency: Staying invested for the full 10 years is crucial for compounding to work.

Adding Parag Parekh Flexi Cap Fund

Flexi Cap Funds: They offer a balance between risk and return by investing across market caps.

Evaluation: Adding another flexi-cap fund can further diversify your portfolio.

Suggested Adjustments

Review Sector Fund Allocation: Consider reducing the sector fund allocation if you want a more balanced portfolio.

Increase in Large-Cap Allocation: You may increase large-cap allocation for more stability.

Final Insights

Puneet, your current fund choices show a good mix of diversification and growth potential. With disciplined investing and regular reviews, achieving your Rs 1.5 crore goal in 10 years is realistic. Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner for tailored advice and ongoing support.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Money
Dear Sir, I am 35 years old and starting a SIP in mutual funds from next month with a monthly investment of ?50,000. I have selected the following funds and allocated the amount accordingly: Tata Small Cap Fund Direct Growth – ?5,000/month Quant Mid Cap Fund Direct Growth – ?15,000/month Motilal Oswal Large and Midcap Fund Direct Growth – ?20,000/month DSP ELSS Tax Saver Direct Plan Growth – ?10,000/month My primary goal is to accumulate approx ?1.5 crore by the 7th year to build a villa. Could you please review my selection and allocation? I would appreciate your suggestions on any modifications or alternative funds to help achieve my target. Looking forward to your valuable advice. Thank you.
Ans: At 35 years, starting a Rs 50,000 SIP monthly is a disciplined approach. Your goal of Rs 1.5 crore in seven years is ambitious, and the current allocation choices are strong. However, let’s assess each fund’s contribution to your goal, while ensuring efficient returns and optimal portfolio balance. I’ll review each selection and suggest potential adjustments to help achieve your villa investment target.

Overview of Your Portfolio and Allocation
In your current allocation, you’ve chosen a mix of large and mid-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and ELSS (tax-saving) funds. This approach brings some diversification across market caps and adds a tax-saving benefit. Here’s a detailed assessment of each category and its suitability for your goals.

Large and Mid-Cap Allocation
Fund Selected: Rs 20,000 in a large and mid-cap fund

Role in Portfolio: Large and mid-cap funds combine stability from large-cap stocks and growth from mid-caps.

Evaluation: This allocation gives a good balance between risk and reward and is essential for high growth potential.

Suggested Action: Continue with this allocation. However, investing through a regular plan with a trusted MFD and a Certified Financial Planner may offer additional guidance and ongoing support, especially as market conditions fluctuate.

Mid-Cap Allocation
Fund Selected: Rs 15,000 in a mid-cap fund

Role in Portfolio: Mid-cap funds provide growth with moderate risk and are ideal for a seven-year horizon.

Evaluation: This allocation supports your target by capturing the growth potential in mid-sized companies.

Suggested Action: Retain this mid-cap exposure but consider moving to a regular fund plan. Direct funds, though low-cost, lack the personalized insights an MFD can provide, especially during market volatility. A Certified Financial Planner with the right credentials can add value here.

Small-Cap Allocation
Fund Selected: Rs 5,000 in a small-cap fund
Role in Portfolio: Small-cap funds offer high growth but are the most volatile.
Evaluation: While these funds can deliver excellent returns, they are sensitive to market changes and may need longer timeframes to stabilise.
Suggested Action: Retain this allocation but be mindful of its volatility. Monitoring its performance closely is essential, as small caps are riskier over shorter periods. If you prefer lower volatility, consider reallocating part of this amount to large-cap funds.
ELSS (Equity-Linked Savings Scheme)
Fund Selected: Rs 10,000 in ELSS

Role in Portfolio: ELSS funds provide tax savings and equity exposure. They come with a three-year lock-in period.

Evaluation: Tax-saving funds are beneficial if you are looking to reduce your taxable income. Additionally, they offer equity exposure, which aligns with your growth objectives.

Suggested Action: Retain this allocation if tax savings are needed. However, if you don’t need the tax-saving benefit, consider allocating this amount to either the large and mid-cap or mid-cap fund. Diversifying within growth-oriented funds could offer better liquidity and flexibility.

Tax Considerations for Mutual Funds
Understanding the tax implications will help in long-term planning and portfolio returns.

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh attract a 12.5% tax. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: LTCG and STCG taxes align with your income tax slab.

Tax-Saving Tips: Plan withdrawals in stages to reduce capital gains taxes. A Certified Financial Planner can assist in setting up tax-efficient withdrawal plans.

Suggested Rebalancing for Your Investment Goals
To accumulate Rs 1.5 crore within seven years, your portfolio should aim for a balance of growth and risk management.

Large and Mid-Cap Allocation: Increase allocation if possible, as these funds offer growth with moderate stability. Raising this allocation to Rs 25,000 could add to portfolio stability and meet growth objectives.

Mid-Cap Allocation: Keep this allocation but review periodically. Mid-cap exposure works well for growth but should not exceed 30-40% of the portfolio for risk balance.

Small-Cap Fund: Maintain but monitor. Since small caps are volatile, it’s wise to review every six months. If you’re uncomfortable with high volatility, consider reallocating some of this amount to large or mid-cap funds.

ELSS Fund: Retain if tax benefits are needed. However, if tax savings are not required, allocate this to the large and mid-cap or mid-cap fund for better liquidity and growth balance.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds and Benefits of Investing Through Regular Funds
Limited Guidance: Direct funds lack ongoing advisory support. Regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner give you consistent insights.

Market Volatility: During market corrections, direct investors may miss out on vital guidance. A CFP-led approach in regular plans helps manage emotional decisions effectively.

Comprehensive Monitoring: CFPs provide tailored advice that aligns with your life goals and risk tolerance, enhancing returns while reducing risk.

Building a Plan for Reaching Rs 1.5 Crore Goal
For a seven-year horizon, aiming for Rs 1.5 crore is possible with disciplined investing and regular monitoring. Here are strategies to strengthen your investment journey:

Regular Reviews: Plan bi-annual portfolio reviews to assess fund performance and rebalance if required.

Disciplined SIPs: Continue your SIPs with commitment. Consistency is crucial for compounding benefits.

Emergency Fund: Keep three to six months of expenses in an emergency fund to avoid breaking investments in unforeseen situations.

Goal-Based Withdrawal Planning: Towards the goal date, begin partial withdrawals systematically. This avoids sudden large redemptions, maintaining returns.

Final Insights
Your SIP investment structure is thoughtfully planned, aligning with your goal of Rs 1.5 crore. By considering minor adjustments, you can enhance growth, manage risk, and ensure steady progress towards your target.

Sticking to actively managed funds through an MFD with CFP credentials brings better performance tracking and valuable guidance. A Certified Financial Planner can support you in tax-efficient planning and provide guidance tailored to your unique goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Money
Dear Sir, I am 35 years old and starting a SIP in mutual funds from next month with a monthly investment of 50,000. I have selected the following funds and allocated the amount accordingly: Tata Small Cap Fund Direct Growth – 5,000/month Quant Mid Cap Fund Direct Growth – 15,000/month Motilal Oswal Large and Midcap Fund Direct Growth – 20,000/month DSP ELSS Tax Saver Direct Plan Growth – 10,000/month My primary goal is to accumulate corpus 1.5 crore by the 7th year to build a villa. Could you please review my selection and allocation? I would appreciate your suggestions on any modifications or alternative funds to help achieve my target. Looking forward to your valuable advice. Thank you.
Ans: Let's focus on a well-structured approach to help you achieve your goal of Rs 1.5 crore within 7 years, keeping simplicity and clarity at the forefront. Below is an analysis of your fund allocation and the role each category could play in meeting your objective.

1. Balanced Asset Allocation Strategy
Your choice of funds spans across small-cap, mid-cap, and large and mid-cap categories, with an ELSS tax-saving component. This diversification brings in potential for long-term growth with some volatility management.

Small-Cap Allocation: Investing in small-cap funds can yield high returns over the long term but is often volatile. This category suits aggressive risk-takers, and since you have a seven-year horizon, it may work to your advantage. However, a limited allocation is wise given its higher risk factor.

Mid-Cap Allocation: With a significant portion in mid-cap funds, you are targeting growth from a relatively stable yet high-growth segment. Mid-caps balance the high growth potential of small caps with slightly lower risk, which fits well with your medium-term horizon.

Large and Mid-Cap Allocation: The large and mid-cap fund adds stability to your portfolio. Large companies tend to be more resilient during market downturns, reducing overall portfolio volatility. This category generally provides consistent returns over the long term.

ELSS for Tax Benefits: Investing in an ELSS fund is a smart choice to maximize tax savings under Section 80C. Since it has a three-year lock-in period, it ensures disciplined investing and allows you to reap the benefits of compounding over a longer period.

2. Review of Direct Funds
Opting for direct funds does save on distribution expenses, but working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) brings several advantages that direct funds lack. Direct funds require constant tracking and hands-on management. Meanwhile, a CFP-backed advisor offers valuable insights, guidance, and personalized attention, often resulting in more optimized returns and efficient portfolio rebalancing. Regular plans enable you to benefit from expert monitoring, portfolio rebalancing, and a consistent investment strategy.

3. Fund Allocation Recommendations
Considering your aim to accumulate Rs 1.5 crore within seven years, here are suggestions to strengthen your fund mix for an enhanced balance of growth and stability:

Enhanced Large-Cap Exposure: Including a larger large-cap allocation could add resilience to your portfolio. These funds typically provide steady returns with lower volatility, an essential feature as your timeline nears maturity.

Limit Mid- and Small-Cap Exposure: Small-cap and mid-cap funds can be volatile, especially in shorter durations. For your goal, consider moderating these allocations and redistributing towards stable large-cap funds or hybrid funds for a balanced risk approach.

Tax-Efficient Planning: Your ELSS investment is a valuable tax-saving tool. However, for the remainder of your investments, focusing on tax-efficient funds with a long-term strategy will also help optimize your returns after taxes, particularly in years when you may want to sell and reinvest.

4. Tax Implications on Mutual Fund Investments
Mutual fund investments have specific tax rules that can impact your returns:

Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG): Gains from equity mutual funds held for more than one year are taxed at 12.5% if they exceed Rs 1.25 lakh.

Short-Term Capital Gains (STCG): Equity funds sold within a year are taxed at 20%.

Debt Funds: LTCG and STCG from debt funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Optimizing your tax liability can be done by holding funds for longer durations when possible and planning withdrawals based on tax-efficiency to retain more of your gains.

5. Focused SIP Approach
A consistent SIP approach in mutual funds creates discipline and provides the benefit of rupee cost averaging. By sticking to your SIP plan, you minimize the impact of market volatility. Rebalancing your funds once a year will ensure alignment with your goals while responding to market conditions.

6. Potential Fund Alternatives
Given the high growth target, it might be helpful to explore funds that balance equity growth with moderate risk. Consider funds with a balanced or hybrid structure that provide equity exposure but with an embedded stability component.

Balanced Hybrid Funds: These funds offer both equity and debt exposure, blending growth with stability. It could reduce portfolio risk while keeping your returns within range of your goals.

Dynamic Asset Allocation Funds: These funds adjust asset allocation between equity and debt based on market conditions, offering a degree of stability when equity markets are volatile. This category could complement your goal and reduce the need for frequent rebalancing.

7. Monitoring and Rebalancing
Given your goal, annual reviews are essential to ensure you are on track. Regular rebalancing helps maintain your desired asset allocation, which is critical for navigating different market phases and meeting your financial objectives. Working with a Certified Financial Planner for this could enhance your portfolio's performance and simplify the process.

8. Final Insights
In summary, your selected funds form a sound base for achieving a Rs 1.5 crore target over seven years. However, a few adjustments will help align your portfolio to be both growth-oriented and stable. A slightly increased large-cap allocation and hybrid fund inclusion can balance risk and optimize returns. Remember, working with a CFP can provide the professional insight and monitoring that direct plans lack, helping you reach your villa-building goal more smoothly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Dr Nagarajan Jsk

Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |284 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Mar 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 13, 2025Hindi
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Career
I am a bsc graduate and in two months I will be 23 years old but mbbs is my dream and goal. I would like to purse it now and preparing for neet exam. Can you give you advice on this sir
Ans: ELIGIBILITY RELATED TO AGE:
Eligibility for appearing in NEET (UG), as per related Regulations of NMC
and DCI are as follows:-
5.1.1. He/she has completed 17 years of age at the time of admission or will
complete that age on or before 31 December of the year of his/her
admission to the first year of the Undergraduate Medical Course.
Accordingly, the lower age limit shall be as under:
For Candidates of General (UR)/General-EWS born on or
before
31.12.2008
For Candidates of SC/ST/OBCNCL/
PwBD/PwD Category
5.1.2. Upper age limit: As per Letter No. U-11022/2/2022-UGMEB,
dated 09 March 2022 received from National Medical
Commission (NMC), Under Graduate Medical Education Board
(UGMEB) regarding the upper age limit, there is no upper age
limit.

ELIGIBILITY RELATED TO COURSE:
CODE: 06
B.Sc. Examination of an Indian University provided that
he/she has passed the B.Sc. Examination with not less than
two of the subjects Physics, Chemistry, Biology (Botany,
Zoology)/Biotechnology and further that he/ she has passed
the earlier qualifying examination with Physics, Chemistry,
Biology, and English.

KINDLY NOTE: Based on the facts and guidelines surrounding NEET, I would like to offer the following comments.
There is no need to worry about the age limit because the NTA is not concerned about your upper age limit. However, your educational qualifications must match the requirements. You fall under the Code 6 category.

If you have completed your undergraduate degree in Science (which you didn’t mention, but I’m predicting), consider whether stating your BSc is worthwhile. Ultimately, your eligibility depends on matching your Higher Secondary Certificate (HSC) qualifications. If your HSC does not align with the requirements, you will not be eligible to appear for NEET. If you are eligible based on your HSC, then focus on your HSC score rather than Code 6.

Wishing you the best of luck!

POOCHO. LIFE CHANGE KARO!

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 07, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I had a very bad past where I was in physical relationship with like 10 guys that was due to the earlier relationship I had where I was being used financially and physically that hurt and me and I got really f***** up in my mind so I started dating guys just for physical relationship then the last guy I was in relationship with I got pregnant with a baby and I aborted it because I did not want to have a future with him and also I did not have confidence to grow that baby. then 4 months later I met my husband I fell in love with him at the first meet and we had physical thing at the very first meet. during the second meet he read the group chat between me and my friends where we spoke bad words ,my husband was not okay with that and he was really feeling bad about it and he started to talk about our break up.I was waiting for my final yr results when I met him soon I got my result then I have to start my internship my husband paid 5 lacs rupees for me but he was anxious that I will be with the friends who I was talking bad words with in college and he wanted to have a breakup and he fighted everyday with that reason .I promised him that I will not be that person anymore and I won't talk to my friends. one day I helped my friend with work for which my husband got angry and he wanted to have a break up and he started to talk about the last guy which I said that he was a friend before and I don't talk to him anymore then he raised question about him and then I told him that I was having a Friends with benefit relationship with him, then things got bitter and he seriously wants break up this time,.everyday he talks to me about that and fights with me I stop going to college .one day I made a suicide attempt and then 2 days after he started talking to me normally. soon again he started asking all those questions about the last guy I have been with, he asked very minute questions about the day and dates and he fighted with me everyday for that. there is a friend of mine who knows everything about my past ,in all these chaos,things got bitter between me and her and we stop talking. one day my husband talked to her and he asked everything about me and he got to know all about my past and he said that he took all the history of my chats ,apps and photos and asked me questions repeatedly and I told him everything completely without hiding anything. then things got messed up. I was really distressed, then my family got involved and things got very bitter, he told everything about my past to my mother. one day, they made me stop talking to him. he sent message to my sister in law and brother about my past, then my mother went to my husband's sister and told her that my husband is making a big mess not allowing me to go to internship and he has all our intimate pictures then things got Messed up more and he stopped talking to me. he was just asking me the 5 lakhs rupees he paid for me and then we stopped talking for about a week, I turned completely insane during that period and I sent him txt that I am not able to live without him .then we started talking, few days after he was okay with me going to the college then again he started fighting he was not ok with me to go to college. then we decided to get register married which a day later he denied.then I ran away from my house to him ,he received me and I was with him for 3 months we lived together for 3 months during which period he spoke really bad of me because of my past which I endured because I was really feeling guilty of my past and I thought I deserved it. he was asking even all those small personal things and he hurted me so much with his words which was mere verbal abuse ,meanwhile I got pregnant then he introduced me to his family and then we got married registered in front of our family. it was an inter religious marriage. all this time he controls me for every little thing like I should do this and I should do that which I did not take seriously then. now everything got secured my mom wanted me to complete my degree in my hometown because I was not able to complete it anywhere else but my husband was not ok with me going to my hometown to complete my degree because of my past things. I have financial things to take care of because of the money spent for my degree so I was thinking to make a deal either to finish my degree or I wanted my husband to give back the money that was spent for my degree because he said so but then later he started to humiliate my family for expecting money from me and he told that they we just see me as an investment to earn back the money they spent on me. But my family wanted me to complete the degree at the first place.this created a lot of arguments between me and him . Finally,one day my mom approach his family and she wanted me to come with her to complete my degree but my husband was not ok with it and I was still supporting him my mom told that she will die if I didn't complete my degree because that was all that she dreamed for me her entire life. then they sent me to my hometown with my mom to complete my degree. after coming here my husband did not talk to me for 2 days, then he texted me that he does not want to live with me. he told that I and my family were being fake and we were using him and we broke him into pieces and made him go through the pain which he did not deserve. I got really emotional and I told him that I wanted to go back to him. he told me that he will take me to him the next day that he will book a bus for me to reach back to him but he did not contact me the next day .then a day later he started making arguments again this time, he said that he wanted divorce from me because he cannot have a life with me .he told that he does not want to be in my life and our child's life, if I want he can give financial support for my child's growth. I denied the money and I told him that I am not willing for a divorce unless or otherwise he wants to marry another girl then he 3 hrs later, he sent a letter of intent to divorce and I did not reply for it .what should I do now?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
As bad or hurtful as it may sound to you, you have simply thrown your life at the mercy of others. They have used you as a puppet only because you have given them permission to do so...past relationships and even now.
What you should do now is:
1. Ask an elder member (not your mother) of the family to intervene and talk to him and his side of the family to see if there is any scope for reconciliation. If there is, then your husband has got to stop playing these games of wanting you one day and then not wanting you the next. It's highly toxic to live with someone who trusts you for a moment and then asks you to prove your innocence the next moment. The two of you will need to get into Intensive Therapy as a couple to put things back together.
2. If there is no scope for reconciliation, please get a good lawyer who can secure the baby's future and yours.

Though you haven't asked me this, for your own good I suggest:
Please understand that no man is going to make you happy. So, depending on them despite the fact that can act toxic, is only draining you mentally and emotionally. Evaluate for yourself what you want from life besides being in relationships constantly. A break from it all will actually help you, you know. At least it will give you sense of how you can be by yourself and what you value the most in your life. Once you get past this stage, you will be stronger to draw boundaries and know how to enforce them. No one will be able to walk over you and you will be able to reclaim your identity.
You come first and your baby is going to need a strong mother raising them. So, step up NOW!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan Jsk

Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |284 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Mar 16, 2025

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1553 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 06, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My father in law dislikes my cooking. My husband also feels I can learn a thing or two from my mother in law. Honestly, I am not passionate about cooking or household chores. I can make my tea, fold my clothes, keep my room organised. Beyond that I cannot contribute because I also have a day job. I don't like being compared to other women who can cook, clean, do the dishes and also manage their work. This conversation always leads to arguments at home. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Integrate yourself well into the family; showing interest in cooking and actually doing it are two different things. At times, family members just end up testing you through what you do or not do. Showing interest and in fact praising you mother-in-law and actually learning a dish or two the way she makes it isn't going to hurt you or put a dent in your work life. In fact, they will appreciate that you tried and leave you alone.
Going on a tangent to prove that you have a day job and that you don't like to be compared etc leads to unwanted conversations and arguments. But what is it getting you other than putting you on a spotlight where they target you again. Instead take the spotlight off of you by integrating better; they will leave you alone and in fact even support you. Right now, all this nagging is only to gain your attention and you are giving into it...Integrate...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1553 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 05, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I caught my partner cheating on me with other women on a discreet dating app. He apologised once saying he joined it for fun, he wasn't serious. But I am unable to get over the incident. Recently, I discovered that he has changed his phone's password. I don't know if I should trust him again. If I find out that he is cheating on me again, it will break my heart. We have been together for 7 years. Can one incident really change your relationship? Since I confronted him, I have become more suspicious. Am I overthinking? Should I give him another chance or slowly part ways?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Honesty is the core of any relationship and when this is in question like in your relationship, it's obvious that you are going to think and process every move and action of his.
The key here is to separate his actions from what is important to you. Let's assume for a moment that what is important to you is Honesty...then all is actions will be evaluated against this, isn't it? This game will go on and stress you. Instead, hold on to the fact that honesty is non-negotiable and that's that!
Now, assure him that at any point in time he has the space and liberty to talk to you about anything. This will ensure that you are accommodating. Being in a understanding space can put men at ease and who knows his wayward ways may end soon. But, hey you know best...But also know this, once the seed of doubt is set in, it's only going to grow. So, decide whether you want to trust him and if he really is someone you can put your trust on. You will know that being with him for 7 years...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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