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Nikunj

Nikunj Saraf  | Answer  |Ask -

Mutual Funds Expert - Answered on Oct 27, 2022

Nikunj Saraf has more than five years of experience in financial markets and offers advice about mutual funds. He is vice president at Choice Wealth, a financial institution that offers broking, insurance, loans and government advisory services. Saraf, who is a member of the Institute Of Chartered Accountants of India, has a strong base in financial markets and wealth management.... more
Rohit Question by Rohit on Oct 27, 2022Hindi
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I am 31 yrs old. I am investigating in below schemes since last 2 years. My plan is to build a portfolio such that I can expect an amount of 1cr in next 8-10 yrs. (Goals-Daughters education, Clearing home loan). Request to give your appreciation of my existing portfolio and request to suggest if any changes to be done with required. Investment amount to fulfill the goal.

1) ICICI Prudential Technology Fund-2000

2) Nippon India Small cap Fund-1000

3) Parag Parikh flexicap Fund-1000

4) SBI Bluechip fund-1000

5) Axis small cap fund-1000

6) PGIM India Midcap opportunities fund-1000

7) Franklin India feeder franklin us opportunities fund-1000

8) Axis Bluechip fund-500

Total: 8.5k/Month

Ans: Hi Rohit. It appears that your portfolio has a good report. It would be advisable to reconsider the SBI AMC fund with better peer schemes.

The current amount of SIP is very low to achieve a corpus of 1 cr in 10 yrs; you should increase your SIP amount to 35,000 and above.

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 13, 2023Hindi
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Dear Sir, I am 45 years old and have the following investments in Mutual Funds and other investments. Kindly review my portfolio and suggest changes as needed. My goals are: retirement and higher education for my son who is 13 years old now AXIS LONG TERM EQUITY FUND REGULAR IDCW PAYOUT - 1 lakh (one time) AXIS MULTICAP FUND-REGULAR PLAN-GROWTH - 1 lakh (one time) DSP TAX SAVER FUND IDCW PAYOUT - 50,000 (one time) ICICI PRUDENTIAL VALUE DISCOVERY FUND IDCW PAYOUT - SIP (5000) SBI BLUE CHIP FUND REGULAR PLAN IDCW PAYOUT - 1 lakh (one time) ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund -IDCW - 1 lakh (one time) Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund - Regular Plan Growth - SIP (5000) Tata India Tax Savings Fund Regular Plan IDCW - 50,000 (one time) Thanking You
Ans: It's commendable to see your proactive approach towards investing at 45, with clear goals for retirement and your son's higher education. Let's delve into your portfolio and make some thoughtful recommendations.

Retirement Goal:
Given your age, retirement planning is crucial. Your one-time investments in Axis Long Term Equity Fund, Axis Multicap Fund, and SBI Blue Chip Fund are good choices for long-term growth. However, consider diversifying across asset classes to manage risk better. Adding debt or balanced funds can provide stability to your portfolio.

Higher Education Goal:
For your son's education, which is 5 years away, your SIPs in ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund and Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund are well-suited for potential growth. Given the shorter time horizon, you may want to consider gradually shifting to less volatile investment options as the goal approaches.

Portfolio Suggestions:

Diversification: Consider adding debt funds or balanced funds to balance out the equity-heavy portfolio.
Regular Review: Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio to align with your goals and risk tolerance.
SIPs: Continue your SIPs but reassess the funds periodically to ensure they align with your goals and market conditions.
Tax Planning: Given your investments in tax-saving funds, ensure you maximize tax benefits while maintaining a diversified portfolio.
Specific Recommendations:

Retirement: Consider adding a mix of debt funds or balanced funds to your portfolio for stability.
Education: As the education goal approaches, gradually shift to less volatile options to protect the corpus.
Remember, investing is a journey, not a destination. Regularly reviewing and adjusting your portfolio is essential to stay on track towards your goals.

I strongly recommend consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to discuss your portfolio in detail and tailor a strategy that aligns with your aspirations.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

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Dear Sir, I am 45 years old and have the following investments in Mutual Funds and other investments. Kindly review my portfolio and suggest changes as needed. My goals are: retirement and higher education for my son who is 13 years old now AXIS LONG TERM EQUITY FUND REGULAR IDCW PAYOUT - 1 lakh (one time) AXIS MULTICAP FUND-REGULAR PLAN-GROWTH - 1 lakh (one time) DSP TAX SAVER FUND IDCW PAYOUT - 50,000 (one time) ICICI PRUDENTIAL VALUE DISCOVERY FUND IDCW PAYOUT - SIP (5000) SBI BLUE CHIP FUND REGULAR PLAN IDCW PAYOUT - 1 lakh (one time) ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund -IDCW - 1 lakh (one time) Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund - Regular Plan Growth - SIP (5000) Tata India Tax Savings Fund Regular Plan IDCW - 50,000 (one time) Thanking You
Ans: It's heartening to see your commitment towards planning for both your retirement and your son's higher education. At 45, you're at a pivotal stage in life where strategic investment decisions can make a significant difference.

Your current portfolio reflects a blend of equity investments, which offer growth potential, and tax-saving funds, which are beneficial for long-term planning. However, as we journey through life, our goals evolve, and so should our investment strategy.

Have you considered how market fluctuations could impact your goals? Or how changing life circumstances might affect your investment needs? Diversifying your portfolio further could provide a cushion against such uncertainties.

Remember, it's not just about chasing returns but aligning your investments with your life's aspirations. A well-crafted plan by a Certified Financial Planner can offer you clarity and peace of mind.

Let's ensure your financial journey is not just about reaching a destination but cherishing the experiences along the way. Your dedication to planning today will pave the way for a fulfilling tomorrow.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 30, 2024

Money
Sir, I am 45 years old and have the following investments in Mutual Funds and other investments. Kindly review my portfolio and suggest changes as needed. My goals are: retirement and higher education for my son who is 13 years old now AXIS LONG TERM EQUITY FUND REGULAR IDCW PAYOUT - 1 lakh (one time) AXIS MULTICAP FUND-REGULAR PLAN-GROWTH - 1 lakh (one time) DSP TAX SAVER FUND IDCW PAYOUT - 50,000 (one time) ICICI PRUDENTIAL VALUE DISCOVERY FUND IDCW PAYOUT - SIP (5000) SBI BLUE CHIP FUND REGULAR PLAN IDCW PAYOUT - 1 lakh (one time) ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund -IDCW - 1 lakh (one time) Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund - Regular Plan Growth - SIP (5000) Tata India Tax Savings Fund Regular Plan IDCW - 50,000 (one time)
Ans: Reviewing your portfolio and goals is a wise step. Your investments reflect thoughtful planning. Let’s assess and suggest adjustments for your retirement and your son's education.

Reviewing Your Current Investments
Your portfolio consists of various mutual funds with a mix of lump sum investments and SIPs. You have invested in tax-saving funds, blue-chip funds, and multi-cap funds.

Assessing Axis Long Term Equity Fund
This fund is good for tax-saving but consider switching from IDCW payout to growth option. Growth options typically yield better long-term returns.

Evaluating Axis Multicap Fund
This fund offers diversification across market caps. Keeping it in growth mode aligns with long-term goals. Multicap funds can handle market volatility well.

DSP Tax Saver Fund Analysis
Tax-saving funds with IDCW payout might not maximize returns. Switching to growth option can be more beneficial for long-term wealth accumulation.

ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund
SIP investment here is wise. Value funds can offer substantial growth over time. Ensure you monitor its performance regularly.

SBI Blue Chip Fund
Blue-chip funds provide stability and steady returns. Consider switching from IDCW payout to growth option for better long-term benefits.

ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund
Similar to SBI Blue Chip Fund, switching to growth option is advisable. Blue-chip funds are reliable for steady, long-term growth.

Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund
This SIP is well-placed. Emerging bluechip funds balance between mid-cap growth and blue-chip stability. Continue monitoring its performance.

Tata India Tax Savings Fund
Tax-saving funds in IDCW payout mode may not optimize returns. Switching to growth option can help in better wealth creation.

Assessing Portfolio Allocation
Your portfolio is well-diversified across different fund types. However, ensure there's no overlap in large-cap funds. Too much concentration in one type can limit growth.

Balancing Risk and Return
As you are 45, balancing risk and return is crucial. Maintain a mix of equity funds for growth and consider adding debt funds for stability.

Planning for Retirement
Given your age, focus on long-term growth while gradually reducing risk. Equity funds should still be a significant part of your portfolio.

Planning for Son's Education
Your son is 13, so you have about 5-8 years before funds are needed. Prioritize equity funds for growth but start shifting to debt funds as the goal nears.

Considering Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds, handled by professional managers, aim to outperform the market. They offer potential for higher returns compared to index funds.

Importance of Regular Funds
Investing through regular funds via a Certified Financial Planner ensures professional management and better guidance aligned with your goals.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly monitor your portfolio’s performance. Rebalance it annually or as needed to ensure alignment with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Leveraging the Power of Compounding
Long-term investments benefit from compounding. Ensure that most of your funds are in growth options to take advantage of compounding.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund covering at least six months of expenses. This ensures financial stability without disrupting your investment plans.

Tax Efficiency
Review the tax implications of your investments. Growth options in mutual funds can be more tax-efficient compared to IDCW payouts.

Diversification Benefits
Diversification minimizes risk. Ensure your portfolio is well-diversified across various sectors and fund types to optimize returns and manage risk.

Reviewing Fund Managers
Check the performance and strategies of your fund managers. Consistent underperformance may warrant switching to better-performing funds.

Aligning Investments with Financial Goals
Align your investments with specific goals such as retirement and education. This helps in selecting appropriate funds and managing timelines.

Professional Guidance
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for tailored advice. They provide insights and adjustments based on your financial situation and goals.

Avoiding Overlapping Funds
Ensure your portfolio does not have too many overlapping funds. This can reduce diversification benefits and concentrate risk.

Balancing Equity and Debt
Maintain a balanced mix of equity and debt funds. Equity for growth and debt for stability ensures a well-rounded portfolio.

Considering the Economic Outlook
Stay informed about the economic outlook. It can impact fund performance and help you make informed decisions about your investments.

Conclusion
Your portfolio is on the right track. Switching to growth options and balancing equity with debt can optimize your investments for retirement and education goals. Regular monitoring and professional guidance ensure ongoing alignment with your financial objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  | Answer  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Dec 06, 2023

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I am 35, govt employee with having inhand salary of 1 lakh /month. I have a term plan of 1 cr and the medical facility is provided by the office covers both OPD and IPD. I have a home loan EMI of Rs 20000, 15 lakh are still to be paid, and Investing about Rs 9000 in mutual funds Quant tax saver-2500, Quant small cap-2000, Nippon small cap-2000, Mirae Asset emerging bluechip funds-2500 corpus of 2.5 lakh is generated. 10% of basic is been deducted in NPS. Please review my portfolio and suggest to me which funds and stocks, to have a balanced and diversified portfolio for maximum gain. I should repay my home loan have an interest rate of 9.55% or invest. Please help me to fix the amount I should repay in the loan and the amount I should invest to generate a corpus of 2cr in 20 years by means of stocks, SGB, mutual funds, and other instruments & average monthly expenses amount. I have realized that I am investing after spending so expenses are higher, it should be investing first and the remaining amount to be spent. Help me to have balanced diversified portfolio of multiple instruments to achieve the goal of 2 CR. Long-term Goal (20 years) Amount Retirement (other than NPS) 1cr Child education (2) 40 lakhs Child Marriage (2) 60lakhs Pankaj
Ans: Your current portfolio is well-diversified across different asset classes, including mutual funds, NPS, and an Insurance.

However, there is a significant high allocation to small-cap funds, which tend to be more volatile. By replacing Quant Small Cap Fund, you can add Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund (Returns variation can be seen but the risk exposure reduced drastically)

We do not have your home loan details. So, in brief if you have paid EMIs for more than half of the loan tenure then it is not advisable for prepayment considering financial mathematics. But it is good from a psychological aspect.

To achieve a corpus of 2 Cr. In 20 Years, you have to do monthly investment of Rs. 20,000 @ 12% p.a. It is achievable by selecting Equity and Hybrid Mutual Funds with right risk to reward ratio.
For achievement of other goals, complete details are not mentioned.

I would advice you to take the help of a good financial advisor and plan for the future properly.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Dec 28, 2024 | Answered on Dec 28, 2024
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Thanks You Very Much Ma'am For Your Answer. The Reason For Not Using Instagram Was Cause I Didn't Wanted To Look At Any Other Women Instead Of Her. My Intentions Were Pure. Also I Didn't wanted a thing which can spark of cheating so there will be no fire. I am open minded I told her I will accept it. Problem is that affair continued even after engagement and marriage (till 9 months of marriage) But today's condition is that i think she has lost interest. We have tradition inwhich wife goes to their home and stay for 2-3 months. Her mother has been so influential from beginning so am telling her to comeback. She is not ready to comeback even when I am sick. I told her to come back for at least 4-5 days so we can talk. I am afraid she will mindwash her. And I can see that. I have given the best possible time yet she is complaining that I don't give time. When I told her to come back she overeated that she will never go there and that. She wasn't like this. She was with me in my everything. I am so confused. I have forgiven & forgotten everything about the past still... What do you suggest ma'am???
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
I have already made my suggestions in the initial response. Start afresh and wipe the slate clean. Rebuilding trust cannot happen overnight, so give the marriage a fair GO.
What you have shared again are problems and when you stay in that Zone, you will only be able to focus on problems. When there is an intention to solve the issue, the prerequisite is to move away from all the things that have gone wrong/bad and all the things that you think will go wrong/bad. That's the only way to solve problems. So my suggestions are still the same.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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