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Retirement Planning with 25 Lakh Corpus at 30: Is Regular Investment Needed?

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |566 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 05, 2024

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Mani Question by Mani on Sep 05, 2024Hindi
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I am 30 years single, we have been in joint family previously. My expenses are very minimal to zero. In these time I have accumulated 25 l corpus whose present value is ?.50 lacs. I don't require this for next 30 years atleast upto retirement. Now we are seperated and my question is, do i need to make regular investment or sip like. Will this accumulated corpus is not enough for retirement corpus ???? where I am planning not to get married or having any loan commitment. Adequately having health and Life insurance. So that I can spend comfortably without worrying about retirement or sip commitment etc. (ofcourse anything leftover will be saving)

Ans: If you do not have any other commitments and liabilities, can meet your regular requirements comfortably with adequate health insurance then this corpus(50L) you need to invest in equity MF so as to grow into a meaningful corpus for funding your retirement.

*Investments in mutual funds are subjected to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6903 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

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I will retire end of this year and all my commitments are done, also no liabilities. I have a self owned apartment where Ism staying with my wife. Have invested close to 2 crores, mainly in stocks and mutual funds. On retirement, I will have a corpus of around 85 lakhs. Have sufficient health insurance and term life insurances. My job is non pensionable and I am targeting a yearly requirement of around 12 lakhs. Will my corpus + past investments provide this requirement ?
Ans: Retirement planning is a significant milestone, and your preparation is commendable. Having invested Rs 2 crores and having a retirement corpus of Rs 85 lakhs shows foresight and discipline. With your target of Rs 12 lakhs per year, let's assess if your investments can sustain your needs.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
You have a self-owned apartment and no liabilities. This is a solid foundation as housing costs are often a major expense for retirees. Your health and term insurance cover potential unforeseen expenses, reducing financial strain in emergencies. Your job is non-pensionable, making your investments crucial for generating a steady retirement income.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Your investment of Rs 2 crores in stocks and mutual funds indicates a diversified approach. These investments can provide growth and income through dividends and capital gains. The additional Rs 85 lakhs corpus boosts your financial security. Let's assess how to utilize these resources effectively to meet your yearly requirement.

Annual Income Requirement Analysis
You aim to have Rs 12 lakhs per year for expenses. This translates to Rs 1 lakh per month. To determine if your corpus and investments can support this, we need to consider factors like expected returns, inflation, and withdrawal strategy.

Expected Returns and Inflation
Assume your investments provide an average annual return of 8%. This is a reasonable expectation for a balanced portfolio of stocks and mutual funds. However, inflation, which reduces purchasing power over time, must be considered. If inflation is around 6%, the real return is approximately 2%.

Withdrawal Strategy
A systematic withdrawal plan can help manage your finances effectively. With a corpus of Rs 2.85 crores (Rs 2 crores + Rs 85 lakhs), withdrawing Rs 12 lakhs annually is sustainable if managed well. A withdrawal rate of around 4% is often recommended for retirees to ensure longevity of funds.

Diversification and Asset Allocation
Diversification across various asset classes is essential. While stocks and mutual funds provide growth, consider including debt funds, fixed deposits, and bonds for stability. This reduces risk and ensures a steady income stream. A balanced portfolio can withstand market fluctuations better and provide consistent returns.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market through professional management. Fund managers adjust the portfolio based on market conditions, aiming for higher returns. Index funds, which mirror market indices, may have lower fees but lack the potential for outperformance. Actively managed funds, despite higher fees, can offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
Direct funds have lower expense ratios since they bypass intermediaries. However, investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) using regular plans provides professional advice and expertise. A CFP can help tailor investments to your needs, rebalance your portfolio, and make strategic adjustments. The cost of regular funds is often offset by the benefits of professional guidance.

Creating a Retirement Income Plan
Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This ensures liquidity for unexpected needs without disturbing your investments.

Debt Instruments: Allocate a portion of your corpus to debt instruments like fixed deposits, bonds, and debt mutual funds. These provide stable returns and reduce risk.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan: Use a systematic withdrawal plan from your mutual funds. This ensures a regular income stream while allowing the remaining corpus to grow.

Balanced Portfolio: Maintain a balanced portfolio with a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds. This balances growth potential and risk.

Review and Rebalance: Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. Adjust based on market conditions, performance, and changing financial goals.

Ensuring Financial Security
Regularly monitor your expenses and adjust your budget if necessary. Keep an eye on your investment performance and consult with your CFP periodically. Ensure that your investment strategy aligns with your long-term goals and risk tolerance.

Importance of Health and Life Insurance
You have sufficient health and term life insurance, which is excellent. This protects against high medical costs and provides financial security for your spouse. Regularly review your policies to ensure they meet your needs.

Conclusion
Your preparation for retirement is impressive. With a corpus of Rs 2.85 crores and a target of Rs 12 lakhs per year, your financial plan looks sustainable. Diversify your investments, maintain a balanced portfolio, and use a systematic withdrawal plan. Regularly consult with a Certified Financial Planner to adjust your strategy as needed. This approach will help ensure a comfortable and financially secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6903 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 05, 2024

Money
This question is to Mr Ramalingam Kalirajan.. I am 30 years single, we have been in joint family previously. My expenses are very minimal to zero. In these time I have accumulated 25 l corpus whose present value is ?.50 lacs. I don't require this for next 30 years atleast upto retirement. Now we are seperated and my question is, do i need to make regular investment or sip like. Will this accumulated corpus is not enough for retirement corpus ???? where I am planning not to get married or having any loan commitment. Adequately having health and Life insurance. So that I can spend comfortably without worrying about retirement or sip commitment etc. (ofcourse anything leftover will be saving)
Ans: You are 30 years old, single, with a solid financial base already in place. You’ve accumulated Rs. 50 lakh in equity mutual funds over the last 10 years. Your expenses are minimal, and you don't foresee any major financial commitments, such as marriage, housing loans, or car loans. You also have adequate life and health insurance.

In such a scenario, you’re rightly questioning whether you should continue to make regular investments (such as SIPs), or if the accumulated corpus is enough for retirement. You’re looking to maintain financial independence and avoid worrying about your retirement or future SIP commitments. Below, I’ll assess your current position and provide suggestions from a 360-degree perspective.

1. Understanding the Power of Compounding
At 30 years old, you have a significant advantage: time. Compounding plays a crucial role in long-term wealth creation. The Rs. 50 lakh you have today has the potential to grow exponentially over the next 30 years. However, the key here is that the longer you let your money grow, the more significant the compounding effect becomes.

For example, even if you don’t touch the Rs. 50 lakh corpus, it could potentially grow into a much larger sum by the time you retire at 60. But that growth will depend on factors such as the rate of return, inflation, and market volatility.

Three important points to consider:

Assumed Rate of Return: Typically, equity mutual funds in India offer a long-term average return of 10-12%. However, this is not guaranteed and depends on market performance.

Inflation: While your investments will grow, the cost of living will also increase due to inflation. Historically, inflation in India has ranged between 5-7%. So, while your corpus is growing, your future expenses will also increase.

Time Horizon: With 30 years to retirement, the power of compounding will have a significant impact on your wealth, provided you stay invested and allow your corpus to grow.

2. Is Rs. 50 Lakhs Enough for Retirement?
The question of whether Rs. 50 lakh is enough for retirement depends on several factors:

Retirement Expenses: You mention that your expenses are minimal now, but retirement living costs will be higher due to inflation. The Rs. 75,000 you might need for monthly expenses now could be worth much less 30 years from now.

Life Expectancy: Since you’re planning to retire at 60, and assuming you live until 85, you will need to fund 25 years of post-retirement life.

Future Goals: Although you do not plan to marry or take on loans, there might be other goals to consider, such as healthcare costs or lifestyle adjustments as you age.

To ensure you don’t run out of money in retirement, it’s crucial to continue investing and growing your corpus further.

3. Importance of Continuing SIPs
Stopping SIPs might seem tempting, given that you already have a solid base. But continuing your SIPs could help you build a much larger corpus without much additional effort. Even though you feel that Rs. 50 lakh is a significant amount, continuing to invest could give you the security of knowing that you’ll have more than enough for retirement, even in uncertain times.

Benefits of continuing SIPs:

Rupee Cost Averaging: SIPs allow you to take advantage of market fluctuations. By investing a fixed amount regularly, you buy more units when the market is low and fewer when it is high, reducing the average cost of investment.

Discipline: SIPs instill investment discipline. You won’t need to worry about timing the market, which can be stressful and often unprofitable.

Enhanced Growth: Adding even a small amount regularly to your portfolio can have a massive impact over time. An additional Rs. 10,000 per month in SIPs over 30 years can significantly increase your corpus.

4. Balancing Your Portfolio
While you have accumulated Rs. 50 lakh in equity mutual funds, it’s essential to balance your portfolio for diversification and risk management. Equity markets can be volatile, and having a diversified portfolio can help smooth out the returns over time.

Here’s how you could think about restructuring your portfolio:

Equity Mutual Funds (Core): Continue investing in equity mutual funds, but ensure they are diversified across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Equity will give you the growth potential you need for the next 30 years.

Debt Funds: While equity offers growth, debt funds provide stability. You could allocate a small portion of your portfolio to debt funds to ensure you have some stability in case of market downturns.

Gold: Although not a significant portion of a portfolio, gold (such as Sovereign Gold Bonds) can act as a hedge against inflation and market crashes. You might consider allocating 5-10% of your portfolio to gold.

PPF/FD: You may already have life insurance, but considering fixed-income instruments like PPF and FDs for the long term could help add security to your retirement portfolio. However, these should be a smaller part of your portfolio compared to equity.

Emergency Fund: Make sure you have an emergency fund in place to cover at least 6-12 months of living expenses. This can be held in a savings account or a liquid fund.

5. Impact of Inflation
One key factor in retirement planning is inflation. The Rs. 50 lakh you have today will not hold the same value in the future. Inflation erodes purchasing power, so it's critical to continue investing in growth-oriented assets.

Assume inflation to be around 6% annually. In this case, your current expenses and desired corpus will be much higher by the time you retire.

Expenses could double or triple in the next 30 years. Continuing your SIPs will help you maintain the purchasing power of your retirement corpus.

6. Investment Strategy for the Next 30 Years
Given your long-term horizon and lack of immediate financial commitments, an aggressive growth strategy is recommended.

100% Equity Focus Now: At 30, you can allocate nearly all of your investments to equity. This will give you the highest growth potential.

Gradual Shift to Safety: As you approach retirement (around age 50), start shifting your portfolio towards debt and safer instruments. This helps protect your corpus from market volatility when you need to start drawing income.

7. Liquidity and Flexibility
You may feel that continuing SIPs locks you into regular commitments. However, SIPs are flexible, and you can modify them as your situation changes. You can increase, decrease, or pause your SIPs based on your financial situation.

Having an emergency fund in liquid or debt instruments ensures that you can meet any unexpected expenses without disturbing your long-term investments. This liquidity cushion is essential for peace of mind.

8. Long-Term Healthcare Planning
Healthcare costs will rise significantly over the next few decades. Even though you have health insurance, it’s wise to build a separate health corpus as you age. A portion of your investments can be allocated towards this goal.

You may also want to review your health insurance coverage regularly to ensure it is adequate for your future needs. Healthcare expenses tend to increase with age, and having a robust health insurance plan will be crucial.

9. Psychological Comfort of Continuing SIPs
While it’s possible to stop investing and rely on your current corpus, continuing to invest brings psychological comfort. It ensures that even in uncertain times, such as market downturns, inflation spikes, or unexpected personal expenses, you have additional funds being built up for security.

10. Final Insights
You are in an excellent financial position at the age of 30. Your Rs. 50 lakh corpus is a strong foundation for your retirement. However, given the uncertainties of life and the impact of inflation, it would be wise to continue your SIPs. This ensures that your corpus will continue to grow and will be more than sufficient by the time you retire.

By continuing your investments in equity mutual funds, diversifying into debt funds and gold, and keeping a focus on long-term growth, you will build a robust retirement corpus. Even though you currently have no significant commitments, maintaining regular investments will give you peace of mind and financial security.

Retirement is a long way off, and your situation may change. By keeping your investment strategy flexible, you can adjust your portfolio as needed while staying on track to achieve financial independence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6903 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Money
My age is 57 and just taken early retirement. I have a corpus of 2cr invested MF'S. I have three houses, (in Chennai, Hyderabad and Cochin) one we live and rental income of 30k from the other two. No loan or liabilities. My son has completed PhD abroad and have to complete his marriage for which expenses will be from Corpus. Approx 30L. Our monthly expenses are around 70k (withdrawing 30k monthly through swp) and will the corpus and rental be sufficient for our retirement period considering another 25-30 years of life span. Have medical insurance for 30L family floater. Harikrishnan Ramakrishnan
Ans: You have successfully transitioned into early retirement. This is a significant milestone and deserves appreciation. You have a strong financial foundation to support your lifestyle and goals.

Your total corpus of Rs 2 crores invested in mutual funds provides a solid base for your retirement. You also own three properties in Chennai, Hyderabad, and Cochin, with two generating rental income of Rs 30,000 per month.

Your monthly expenses are around Rs 70,000, of which you are withdrawing Rs 30,000 through a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP). You have a well-structured medical insurance policy with coverage of Rs 30 lakhs for your family.

These factors contribute to a promising financial outlook for your retirement years. However, it’s important to evaluate your resources to ensure they are sufficient for your expected lifespan of 25 to 30 years.

Income Sources and Financial Sustainability
Your primary income sources include:

Rental Income: You receive Rs 30,000 monthly from rental properties. This totals Rs 3.6 lakhs annually.

SWP from Mutual Funds: You are withdrawing Rs 30,000 monthly, which amounts to Rs 3.6 lakhs annually as well.

Total Income: Your total annual income from rental and SWP is approximately Rs 7.2 lakhs.

Your estimated expenses of Rs 70,000 per month lead to total annual expenses of Rs 8.4 lakhs.

This creates a shortfall of Rs 1.2 lakhs annually, which will need to be covered by your mutual fund corpus.

Evaluating the Corpus for Longevity
You have Rs 2 crores in mutual funds. Let’s assess how long this corpus can sustain your retirement lifestyle.

Estimated Annual Withdrawals: If you continue with your current SWP of Rs 3.6 lakhs annually, your total withdrawals from the corpus will be Rs 3.6 lakhs.

Impact of Withdrawals on Corpus: If you maintain this withdrawal strategy, the corpus will deplete faster due to your shortfall in income.

Considerations: Based on historical market performance, your mutual fund investments can grow over time. The actual growth will depend on market conditions and the performance of your funds.

Strategies to Ensure Financial Stability
To enhance the sustainability of your retirement corpus, consider the following strategies:

Reassess Your SWP
While your SWP strategy allows for regular income, it may not be the most efficient approach if there are shortfalls.

Recommendation: Evaluate the possibility of adjusting your SWP amount. If possible, consider lowering your monthly withdrawals to better match your income from rentals.

Exploration of Alternative Withdrawals: If you find it challenging to reduce your SWP, think about temporarily pausing your withdrawals until your rental income increases or other sources of income become available.

Explore Investment Growth
Your mutual fund investments are critical for long-term growth. Ensure you are invested in funds that align with your goals.

Recommendation: Focus on actively managed mutual funds with a strong performance track record. These funds have the potential to outperform passive strategies over the long term, especially during volatile market conditions.

Performance Evaluation: Regularly assess the performance of your mutual funds. If some funds consistently underperform, consider reallocating those investments to better-performing options.

Maintain an Emergency Fund
It’s wise to keep an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses.

Recommendation: Ensure you have enough liquid funds available to cover at least 6 to 12 months of your living expenses. This will help you avoid withdrawing from your investments during market downturns or personal emergencies.

Location of Emergency Fund: Consider keeping this emergency fund in a high-yield savings account or liquid mutual fund for quick access.

Review Monthly Expenses
Regularly reviewing your monthly expenses can help identify areas to save.

Recommendation: Analyze your current expenses to see where cuts can be made. Reducing discretionary spending can increase the longevity of your corpus.

Budgeting: Create a budget that reflects your essential and non-essential expenses. This will allow you to allocate funds more efficiently and identify potential savings.

Preparing for Future Expenses
You mentioned the upcoming marriage of your son, with an expected expense of approximately Rs 30 lakhs. This will impact your corpus significantly.

Recommendation: Plan for this expense well in advance. Since this is a substantial amount, consider allocating a portion of your mutual fund investments specifically for this purpose.

Investment Strategy: To accumulate funds for this expense, you may want to increase your investments temporarily. This could include redirecting a portion of your SWP to a dedicated fund for your son’s marriage.

Healthcare Considerations
You have a family floater medical insurance policy with coverage of Rs 30 lakhs. This is a good measure for health-related expenses in retirement.

Recommendation: Regularly review your health insurance coverage. Ensure it remains adequate as medical costs continue to rise.

Incorporate Health into Financial Planning: Plan for potential healthcare expenses in your overall financial strategy. This may involve setting aside a separate fund for medical emergencies or treatments.

Final Insights
You have a solid financial foundation for your early retirement. Your strategy should focus on ensuring the longevity of your corpus while managing expenses effectively.

Balance Income and Expenses: Continue to monitor your income from rentals and the withdrawals from your mutual funds. This balance is crucial for your financial health.

Consider Additional Income Sources: If possible, explore ways to generate additional income, such as part-time work or freelance opportunities that align with your skills and interests.

Professional Guidance: Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner for personalized strategies. They can provide tailored insights based on your specific situation and goals.

With careful planning and consistent monitoring, your corpus can sustain your retirement lifestyle for many years. Stay proactive and adapt your strategy as needed.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |387 Answers  |Ask -

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I am 45 years old female, single child, I fell in love wid a guy during college, he is short tempered other than that when hez ok he used to care me so so so much. We got married when i was jobless and when he just started a business. The business isnt going tht well and after having two kids i started realising he is not at all ready to take any responsibilities, always he is lazy once he reach home and i am working and i am the one who has to do evry work along with work. When we fight he doesnt do any physical Abuse but mentallyy he abuses me so much that i feel myself useless. My parents too started saying that they never saw us happily instead we are always fighting and we are never at peace. I really was never able to understand him. I feel he has too much ego and wanna win every fight. He too says the same about me, but i am the one who goes and solves most of our fights by begging him badly. I decided to divorce him frm last one year but never had the guts tu say it to him openly. Was very afraid. Recently i met a guy, he have been noticing me for so long, we became friends first, very quickly he became my best friend, i have never in my life been able to read someones mind so well, so i am Able to take care of him so well, similarly never in my life i was respected so much for everything i do, or never was i cared so much. My own husband doesnt know what all i like, but this bestie knows. Slowly slowly we fell in love. I have confirmed my thought about divorce, and my Husband instead of even clutching on to me He is saying you just go i dont wanna beg you to stay for me. I dont wanna beg to a girl like you. He is very kind and soft outside only inside my house to me he is very very arrogant and fighting. Once i make this divorce decision public everyone will blame me, everyone will point out me as culprit, but i dont wanna continue anymore, i am done with this. What shall i do now ??
Ans: It seems like you’ve reached a point where you’re ready to prioritize yourself, which is a powerful realization. Divorce is a big step, and the fear of judgment from others is understandable, but your well-being and peace of mind should come first. In situations like this, people often rush to judge, especially if they don’t see the full picture, but those who care about you will come to understand and support your decision over time.

The love and respect you’ve found with your friend have likely shown you what’s been missing in your marriage: appreciation, understanding, and care. This relationship seems to have opened your eyes to what you deserve and given you the strength to take action. Still, take things slowly to make sure your next steps are about building the future you want rather than escaping the past.

If you haven’t already, consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who can provide you with support and guidance through this transition. They can help you work through any lingering guilt or fear and navigate the practical and emotional complexities of divorce. Having a supportive, nonjudgmental space to process everything will make a difference as you take steps toward a healthier and happier life.

Ultimately, if your heart is set on ending this marriage, trust that decision and give yourself permission to move forward. It will be hard at first, but taking this step toward self-respect and peace is worth it, even if others don’t immediately understand. You deserve a life filled with love, respect, and joy—don’t let fear of judgment hold you back from finding it.

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Kanchan Rai  |387 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

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I am married for 5years with 2kids.. i am an employee and had to stay 100kms away from my native place on work purpose.. I opted to take my kids along as they are too small(3+ and 1+).. I asked my husband to accompany me as he is unemployed and staying at home.. But he refused and likes to stay with his mother.. He has a brother to look after his mother and his married sister also stays very near to them.. I sometimes feel very stressed out to handle my job and look after my kids.. i have no support from my husband neither emotionally nor financially.. i tried everything possible but he just talks about my earnings not wt i am going through.. wt i should do?
Ans: In a partnership, mutual support and shared responsibilities are essential, and it’s natural to feel frustrated and even resentful if your husband is prioritizing his comfort over your needs and well-being. Since he’s not providing emotional or financial support, it might be time to set some boundaries and expectations to protect your own peace and ensure you’re not carrying everything alone.

Start by calmly sharing how this situation affects you—not just financially but emotionally and physically. Emphasize that while you understand his desire to stay close to his family, your situation is not sustainable, and you need him to step up. You might also consider counseling, either together or on your own, to find ways to cope with your stress and explore solutions to address this imbalance in your relationship.

If he’s unwilling to make changes or support you even after open conversations, it may be necessary to think about your long-term well-being and that of your children. Your strength and resilience in handling so much on your own are admirable, but you also deserve a partner who is invested in your happiness and shares the load.

In the meantime, is there any possibility of support from family, friends, or childcare services near your work location? Having some practical help, even temporarily, could relieve some of your stress and allow you to focus on what’s best for you and your children going forward. Remember, you are not alone, and reaching out to build a support network can make a world of difference in helping you navigate this challenging time.

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Kanchan Rai  |387 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi
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Madam am working women of age 28 working for past 5 years , I am in living relationship with my boyfriend who is 38 now. I want to do marriage and settle now but my partner doesn't feel necessary to do marriage and if I force he is telling he will do court marriage which am not interested to do. He is not ready to meet or convince my parents for marriage . I have given him money for buying a property which I was least interested. He started controlling all my finances which I felt incorrect so I questioned him which made his ego hurt and he has hit me twice. My parents are now telling me to get married but I don't know what to do. Sometimes when he ia not around I tried talking to other guys in dating app which afterwards am feeling guilty for cheating him. Nowadays I lost interest in everything I don't have courage to end my life so not able to concentrate on my work. Please tell me what I need to do to correct my path as it's getting hell day by day.
Ans: Right now, it might be helpful to take a step back from the relationship to regain your sense of self and control over your life. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or even a counselor could help you find clarity, and having a support system can make it easier to make decisions that protect your well-being.

It’s understandable that you feel torn, especially since you’ve invested years and finances into this relationship. But it’s important to remember that you deserve a relationship where you feel valued, safe, and equal. The feelings of guilt about talking to others on dating apps are natural, but they’re also a sign that you might be searching for connection and respect that you’re not receiving in your current relationship.

Consider reclaiming control over your finances immediately. Seek guidance on how to separate your financial dealings from him, as it’s essential for you to be able to support and manage yourself independently. Ending this relationship might be difficult, but it could also give you the freedom to rebuild your confidence, focus on your goals, and find the stability and respect you deserve.

It’s clear that you’re strong enough to make changes; the courage you’ve shown in questioning his control and sharing your story here is proof. With the support of loved ones and professionals, you can find a way out of this painful situation and start building a life that brings you peace and happiness.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |387 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi
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Hii, my husband and I have a love marriage after 9 years of dating, now it has been 6 years and two children after that, little one is 8months old. He had a brief affair extending to chatting mostly as far as I know to someone who works in the same company but different department to him when my little one was 1 month old, we were in rough patch that time due to child birth difficulties and family drama. Then as I got to know about the same, by casually checking his phone and confronted him he accepted his mistake and said sorry. And said he won't be doing that again but I caught him again somehow chatting and same repeat he said he is wrong and now as per him he have reduced talking to that girl. But as I think he talks to her thoda bhot, as she is his junior position and asks for help once a while. I love my husband a lot, but this thing hurt my self respect and I am in a lot of torture mentally. I know my husband won't leave me, but I don't want to stay in such a relationship which feels a burden to my partner. I want my husband to be happy too. I am very confused what to do. I have talked to him on several times, every time he listen and helps me calm down, some times we fought also. But I am not at peace. Ps that girl is also married to her love just 2 years back. I don't want to harm my husband's reputation in any way. But I am very much hurt also. I have been reading your column for 3-4 now. I am also financially independent. I don't need anything form him, just his love. Sorry for the length, please help me.?
Ans: In your heart, it’s clear that you love him deeply and that, ideally, you want to preserve your family and relationship. However, it’s important not to dismiss your own needs for validation, love, and respect. Sometimes, the process of forgiveness includes setting strong, clear boundaries. Your husband needs to understand that while you’re willing to work on the relationship, trust is fragile and requires commitment to restore. This might mean a commitment on his part to keep all communication with this colleague strictly professional and transparent, or even a decision to minimize interactions with her entirely if necessary. Expressing these boundaries clearly may help him see the gravity of what’s at stake.

It’s also valuable to remember that healing from betrayal is not a quick process. Even with reassurances and boundaries in place, your feelings of hurt, betrayal, and anger may surface unexpectedly. Be gentle with yourself in this process and consider turning inward to strengthen your own resilience. Financial independence is an incredible strength, and leaning into the aspects of your life that bring you personal fulfillment can be grounding. Investing in your own well-being will help you feel more centered, no matter where this journey takes you.

If, at any point, you feel that his actions aren’t aligning with his words and that trust cannot be rebuilt, remember that choosing a path that prioritizes your mental peace is not a failure. Some couples also find that a temporary separation helps provide clarity; this doesn’t have to mean ending the relationship but could be a chance to reset, reflect, and decide if you both are truly aligned in your vision for the future.

In the end, what matters most is that you feel respected, valued, and loved in a way that doesn’t compromise your self-worth. This situation is a challenging chapter, but with clarity, boundaries, and professional support, you can find a path that honors both your love for your husband and your own dignity.

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