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Vivek

Vivek Lala  | Answer  |Ask -

Tax, MF Expert - Answered on May 19, 2024

Vivek Lala has been working as a tax planner since 2018. His expertise lies in making personalised tax budgets and tax forecasts for individuals. As a tax advisor, he takes pride in simplifying tax complications for his clients using simple, easy-to-understand language.
Lala cleared his chartered accountancy exam in 2018 and completed his articleship with Chaturvedi and Shah. ... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
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I am 27 year old not married earning 30 k per month in tuer 2 city. I just strated investing 5k per month in MF and have a loan of about 1.5 lakh. I can save more money where can i invest it for long term. Should i first close my loan or invest ?

Ans: Hello, the decision of loan vs investment depends on the ROI of your loan
If your loan is at 12% or above , please close off the loan first and then start investing
To finish or pay off your loan faster , start saving as much as you can in a liquid / debt fund and pay it off using that savings done
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 25, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir I am 22 year old and I can invest around Rs3000 per month with better job opportunity and time period I can increase my investment amount, I want to know where I can invest my savings every month for better returns, I can invest for next 30-35 years regularly for sure. Kindly guide me where and how to invest .
Ans: That's a fantastic start! Thinking about long-term investments at your age is a smart decision. Here are some options for where you can invest your Rs.3000 per month, considering a 30-35 year investment horizon:

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in Mutual Funds:

This is a popular option for regular investment with rupee-cost averaging. You invest a fixed amount each month, and the units are purchased based on the prevailing Net Asset Value (NAV).
Benefits:
Disciplined Investing: Encourages regular savings and avoids the need to time the market.
Rupee-Cost Averaging: Purchases more units when the NAV is low and fewer units when it's high, potentially balancing the overall cost per unit.
Long-Term Growth: Equity mutual funds have the potential for significant growth over the long term (typically 10+ years).
Investment Options:
Large-cap Funds: Invest in stocks of well-established companies with a proven track record.
Multi-cap Funds: Invest across companies of different market capitalizations (large, mid, and small).
Consider a mix of these based on your risk tolerance.
Here's how to get started with SIP in Mutual Funds:

Choose a SEBI-registered Mutual Fund Company (AMC): Research and compare different AMCs based on their performance and fund offerings.
Select a Suitable Mutual Fund Scheme: Consider your risk tolerance and investment goals.
Open an Investment Account: You can open an account with the AMC directly or through a broker/distributor.
Start your SIP: Set up a recurring transfer of Rs.3000 per month to your chosen SIP.
Additional Tips:

Increase Investment as Income Grows: As your income increases, consider raising your SIP amount to reach your financial goals faster.
Stay Invested for Long Term: Market fluctuations are normal. Don't panic and redeem your investments during downturns. A long-term horizon allows time for the market to recover and potentially generate good returns.
Review and Rebalance: Periodically review your portfolio performance (at least annually) and rebalance if needed to maintain your desired asset allocation.
Other Options to Consider:

Public Provident Fund (PPF): A government-backed scheme offering guaranteed returns and tax benefits. However, PPF has lower liquidity compared to mutual funds.
Employee Provident Fund (EPF): If you're salaried, your employer likely contributes to your EPF. This offers good long-term returns and tax benefits.
Remember:

I can't provide specific financial advice. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be helpful, especially for a personalized investment plan considering your risk tolerance and goals.
Start with your research! Read about different investment options, mutual funds, and SIPs before making any decisions.
By starting early, investing regularly, and staying disciplined, you can build a significant corpus for your future over the next 30-35 years.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

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I m 40 yrs now, earning 1.5 lacs a month in hand, monthly investment are-- 12500 ppf, Quant midcap 15k, HDFC midcap 10k, pgim midcap 5k, quant smallcap 5k, Nippon smallcap 5k, parag parekh flexicap 5k, pgim flexicap 5k, quant active 5k,Nippon multicap 5k, HDFC multicap 5k Nps, apy 7k. Total monthly inv around 84k Hv given 30 lacs unsecured loan to friend from where earning 60k per month want to invest this money monthly, where to invest?
Ans: It's commendable that you're making significant investments towards securing your financial future. Given your current financial situation and the surplus income from the unsecured loan, here are some suggestions on how you can invest the additional 60,000 rupees per month:

Emergency Fund: Before considering additional investments, ensure you have an adequate emergency fund set aside to cover unexpected expenses or financial setbacks. Aim to have 3-6 months' worth of living expenses saved in a liquid and easily accessible account.
Debt Repayment: Given that you've provided an unsecured loan to a friend, consider prioritizing the repayment of this debt. Focus on reducing or eliminating high-interest loans to free up cash flow and reduce financial stress.
Diversified Investments: Allocate a portion of the surplus income towards building a diversified investment portfolio. Consider investing in a mix of equity mutual funds, debt instruments, and other investment avenues based on your risk tolerance and investment goals.
Equity Mutual Funds: Since you already have significant exposure to mid-cap and small-cap funds, consider diversifying further by investing in large-cap or multi-cap funds. These funds offer exposure to different segments of the market and can help mitigate risk.
Debt Instruments: Given the volatility of the stock market, consider allocating a portion of your surplus income towards debt instruments such as fixed deposits, bonds, or debt mutual funds. These investments offer stability and steady returns over time.
Real Estate: If you have a long-term horizon and are willing to take on the associated risks, consider exploring opportunities in real estate investment. However, ensure you conduct thorough research and due diligence before making any real estate investments.
Seek Professional Advice: Given the complexity of financial planning and investment management, consider consulting with a certified financial planner or investment advisor. They can provide personalized guidance tailored to your specific financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance.
By diversifying your investments, prioritizing debt repayment, and seeking professional advice, you can make informed decisions to secure your financial future and achieve your long-term financial goals.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 30, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi I am 31. Me and my partner earn 75k monthly. Rent and other expenses come around 25k (which we can't cut down) Currently we are doing MF 10k (current holding 1,65,000) , a chit 10k, NPS 4.5k, LIC 2k. Have savings of 4lakhs and 16k in stocks. Other 25k I am using to repay my loans which will be cleared by September. Where can I invest 25k monthly from October. Kindly suggest the better option I am ready to take risk
Ans: Evaluating Your Current Financial Situation and Investment Opportunities

You and your partner earn Rs 75,000 monthly, with expenses around Rs 25,000. This leaves a surplus for investments. Your current investments include mutual funds, a chit fund, NPS, LIC, and some savings in stocks. Additionally, you will clear your loans by September, freeing up Rs 25,000 monthly for new investments.

Current Investments
Mutual Funds: You invest Rs 10,000 monthly, with a current holding of Rs 1,65,000.

Chit Fund: You invest Rs 10,000 monthly.

National Pension System (NPS): Your contribution is Rs 4,500 monthly.

Life Insurance (LIC): You contribute Rs 2,000 monthly.

Savings and Stocks: You have Rs 4 lakhs in savings and Rs 16,000 in stocks.

Loan Repayment
You allocate Rs 25,000 monthly for loan repayment, which will be cleared by September. Post-September, you will have this amount available for new investments.

Investment Goals and Risk Appetite
With your loans cleared and a willingness to take risks, you can focus on growth-oriented investments. Let's explore suitable options for investing Rs 25,000 monthly from October.

Diversified Mutual Fund Portfolio
Mutual funds are a great way to diversify your investments. Continue your current SIPs and consider increasing your monthly investment. Here's how to diversify further:

Large-Cap Funds
Large-cap funds invest in well-established companies. These funds provide stability and steady growth. They are less risky compared to mid-cap and small-cap funds.

Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds
Mid-cap and small-cap funds invest in medium-sized and smaller companies, respectively. They offer higher growth potential but come with increased risk. Allocating a portion of your investments here can boost your returns.

Flexi-Cap Funds
Flexi-cap funds invest across market capitalizations. They offer flexibility and diversification, balancing risk and returns.

International Funds
Investing in international funds diversifies your portfolio globally. This reduces country-specific risks and provides exposure to global growth opportunities.

Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform index funds. These funds benefit from professional management and the ability to adapt to market changes. They aim for higher returns through strategic investments.

Stocks and Equity Investments
Direct equity investments offer high returns but come with high risks. With your risk tolerance, consider the following strategies:

Blue-Chip Stocks
Invest in blue-chip stocks of well-established companies. They provide steady growth and dividend income.

Growth Stocks
Growth stocks belong to companies with high growth potential. They offer significant returns but are riskier.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly review and rebalance your stock portfolio. This ensures alignment with your investment goals and risk tolerance.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs are a disciplined way to invest regularly. Increase your SIP contributions from October. This leverages the power of compounding and enhances your investment corpus over time.

National Pension System (NPS)
Continue your NPS contributions for retirement planning. NPS provides tax benefits and long-term growth through equity and debt investments.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This ensures financial stability during unforeseen circumstances. Keep a portion of your savings liquid for this purpose.

Health and Life Insurance
Ensure adequate health and life insurance coverage. This protects you and your family from financial burdens due to medical emergencies or unforeseen events.

Tax Efficiency
Optimise your investments for tax efficiency. Utilise tax-saving instruments and strategies to reduce your tax liability, thereby increasing your net returns.

Professional Guidance
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalised advice. They provide tailored strategies to help you achieve your financial goals. Their expertise can guide you in navigating complex financial decisions.

Regular Reviews and Adjustments
Regularly review your financial plan. Market conditions, personal circumstances, and financial goals change over time. Adjust your investment strategy as needed to stay on track.

Conclusion
Your disciplined investment approach and willingness to take risks are commendable. With strategic adjustments and continued contributions, you can achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4437 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

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MY SON JUST PASSED OUT CLASS X WITH JUST 76 %. HE IS INTERESTED IN CONTINUING SCIENCE AND MATH UPTO POST-GRADUATION. IS HE RIGHT?
Ans: Avijit Sir, To provide more specific guidance, it would be helpful to know how many marks your son scored in Mathematics and Science specifically, and what exactly has motivated his interest in pursuing these subjects up to graduation. Also, what are his long-term goals? Suggestion: Please arrange a Psychometric Test for him. It will offer a clearer picture of his aptitude, interests, and personality, helping to identify which career paths might align best with his strengths. Academic Preparedness:
Please note that Class XI Science—especially Physics and Mathematics—is highly conceptual and more rigorous than Class X. If he faced difficulties in these subjects earlier, it’s important to bridge that gap now through: A foundation course or Summer preparation by joining any Coaching Cenre Offline or online. Coaching can be helpful, but only if the motivation comes from within. Without genuine interest, coaching may lead to burnout. If he is aiming for competitive exams like JEE (IIT, NIT), NEET, or wants to explore pure sciences at institutes like IISc or IISER, it’s vital to develop a structured study routine early on. Maintain Career Flexibility. Even if he continues with Science and Math now, he can later explore interdisciplinary fields such as: Data Science | Finance | Architecture | Design Or even emerging tech fields Choosing Science now doesn’t limit him—it actually keeps more doors open for the future. All the Best for Your Son's Prosperous Future.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4437 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

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Career
I get 81.2 percentile in jee main session 1 can I get any nit?
Ans: Priyanshi, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile | Convert the Percentile to AIR, based on the Formula available in Google.
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4437 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

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Hello ! I have low Gate Score but I can get Fuel and Energy Engg. in IIT Dhanbad and also Mineral Engg. in IIT Dhanbad. What should I do?
Ans: Shrikant, Fuel and Energy Engineering (FEE) focuses on sustainability, renewable energy, and energy systems, with potential for higher education in energy systems, sustainability, and climate tech roles. It offers more opportunities in renewables, thermal, oil & gas, and policy, while Mineral Engineering focuses on mineral processing, extraction, metallurgy, and mining operations. Both branches accept low GATE scores, making it a great chance to get into an IIT.

Choosing between Fuel and Energy Engineering and Mineral Engineering depends on factors such as interest area, job opportunities, future reach, and GATE score concerns. FEE is ideal for forward-thinking individuals interested in future energy technology and for more employment opportunities in India and abroad, while mineral engineering can provide stability for those working in core industries, PSUs, or mining businesses. If you're forward-looking, interested in emerging energy technologies, and want wider career options (in India and globally), Fuel and Energy Engineering is likely the better choice.

If you're okay with a more specialized field and potentially working in core industries, PSUs, or mining companies, then Mineral Engineering can also offer stability. All the Best for Your Admission.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |574 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
i dated this muslim girl for 4 .5 months and now se is obsessed with m i dont want to continue the relationship with her , but she is saying to end her life , i didnt provoked her , and i always said her that if u feel any sorrow u can text me , will i be held responible if something goes wrong?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry that you are in this difficult situation; it sounds very emotionally draining. Now coming to your question, I cannot give you advice from the legal point of view but I can give you the human pov.- even though you are not responsible for anyone’s mental health, you can still be kind and helpful when someone is at a low point in their lives. You can start by telling her that you care about her, but the romantic relationship is over. And even though you two are not a couple, you will still help her get through this. Tell her that she deserves better and her life has so much value- if she does something, it will definitely affect a lot of people who deeply care for her. Encourage her to talk to someone she is close to. You can also consider alerting someone in your circle who knows the both of you and can help in this situation.

I understand how exhausting it must be to be held emotionally hostage, but since the issue is self-harm, it is best to take things seriously. You might not be able to fix it for her, but you can be kind. If she persists, please consider alerting her family. And if you are overwhelmed, please share the concerns with someone you trust. It must be difficult to carry all the burden alone.

Hope this helps.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8259 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
Money
dear Mr. Ramalingam, I'm 49 years of age and have been working abroad.. I have worth of Rs56 Lakhs of investment in stocks, have 15L in SIP and monthly about RS25K, other investments is about 20L plus i may work for another 10 years, how can i plan for my retirement FYI, i have a son who is doing engineering and will finish by 2026 and daughter is doing grade XI
Ans: You have done a good job so far. Your existing investments show your commitment to building wealth. Let us now work on giving your plan a complete 360-degree retirement approach. The goal is to create steady income and long-term stability for your future.

We will now evaluate your current financial standing and help you design a retirement strategy that works well for the next 10 years and beyond.

Let us start step by step.

 

Assessing Your Current Financial Position

You are 49 years old and plan to work for 10 more years.

 

Your son will finish engineering in 2026. Your daughter is in Grade XI now.

 

You have Rs 56 lakhs in direct stocks. That’s a solid start.

 

You are investing Rs 25,000 monthly in SIPs with Rs 15 lakhs corpus already.

 

You also have other investments worth Rs 20 lakhs.

 

Your investment journey shows discipline and patience. That is your strength.

 

Reviewing Stock Holdings and Equity Exposure

Rs 56 lakhs in stocks is a big allocation. Stocks are high risk and volatile.

 

Stock markets need constant tracking. Sudden downturns may harm your goals.

 

Please check if your stocks are concentrated in few sectors. Diversification is key.

 

Also check if your stocks are dividend paying. This helps during retirement.

 

For stability, consider reducing high-risk exposure after age 55.

 

Move some stock funds to balanced equity funds with professional fund managers.

 

Active mutual fund managers handle volatility better than passive options.

 

Index funds don’t offer downside protection. They fall as much as the market falls.

 

Active funds allow tactical moves during market falls. That’s a big advantage.

 

Please work with a Certified Financial Planner to review your stock portfolio.

 

SIP Investments – The Growth Engine

Rs 15 lakhs in SIPs shows consistent investing. Well done here.

 

Rs 25,000 monthly SIP is a good habit. You have already built discipline.

 

Try to increase the SIP amount every year. Even 10% rise yearly can help.

 

Equity mutual funds are best for retirement growth over 10+ years.

 

Don’t go with direct mutual funds. Regular plans through a trusted CFP are better.

 

A Certified Financial Planner can track, rebalance and handhold you.

 

Direct plans look cheap. But wrong fund selection can cost a lot more.

 

Regular plans come with advice, research and emotional discipline.

 

Direct plans have no safety net. Avoid mistakes by going with professional help.

 

Other Investments – Time for Consolidation

You have Rs 20 lakhs in other investments. Kindly review those with care.

 

Check if they are in ULIPs, LIC, endowment or traditional policies.

 

If yes, assess surrender value. Exit if returns are poor or locked too long.

 

ULIPs and LIC policies usually give very low long-term returns.

 

That money can earn better in mutual funds over 10 years.

 

Insurance should be separate from investments. Mixing both causes loss.

 

Surrender the policy only after comparing exit load, tax, and maturity timelines.

 

Children’s Education and Future Planning

Your son will finish engineering by 2026. Some costs will arise before that.

 

Keep separate funds ready for final year fees, project work or study abroad.

 

Your daughter is in Class XI. Her higher education will need money in 2 years.

 

Estimate the total cost for both children now. Keep money safe and liquid.

 

Avoid equity investments for education needed within 3 years.

 

Use short-term debt funds or bank FDs for that goal.

 

Keep education planning separate from retirement planning.

 

Next 10 Years – The Build-Up Phase

You have 10 strong working years left. These years are very crucial.

 

Try increasing your SIPs every year. Focus on long-term equity funds.

 

Keep adding lump sum money to mutual funds when you get bonuses or surplus.

 

Track your portfolio yearly with a Certified Financial Planner.

 

After age 55, shift some equity to conservative hybrid or dynamic asset funds.

 

Don’t time the market. Stay invested through ups and downs.

 

Start building a separate emergency fund of 6 months expenses.

 

That helps during job loss, health issue or any surprise cost.

 

Income Planning for Retirement

At 60, you need monthly income for 25+ years. Start preparing now.

 

You will need to build Rs 3 to 4 crore retirement fund at least.

 

That can come from stocks, SIPs, PF and other sources.

 

Don’t depend only on one asset class. Use a proper mix of funds.

 

Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) from mutual funds to create monthly income.

 

SWP is tax efficient and gives flexibility. Avoid annuities. They are rigid.

 

Choose 3 to 4 mutual fund types to balance growth and income.

 

Avoid investing in index funds. They rise and fall blindly with the market.

 

Actively managed funds offer better downside control and risk-adjusted returns.

 

Tax Planning Before and After Retirement

Keep a track of capital gains tax while redeeming mutual funds.

 

Long Term Capital Gains above Rs 1.25 lakhs is taxed at 12.5%.

 

Short-term capital gains on equity are taxed at 20%.

 

Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.

 

Work with a tax advisor to minimise tax while withdrawing after 60.

 

Plan your redemptions in tranches to stay within tax-free limits.

 

Health Insurance and Emergency Protection

Please ensure you have good health insurance for self and family.

 

After 60, health costs rise fast. A Rs 25 lakhs cover is ideal.

 

If you have company health cover now, take personal cover too.

 

Personal policy stays even after retirement.

 

Also take critical illness and accident protection if not already done.

 

Estate Planning and Will Creation

Please create a simple Will. Keep your family informed.

 

Nominate family members in mutual funds, stocks and bank accounts.

 

Keep one document listing all your investments and passwords.

 

Inform your spouse or child about your retirement plan and goals.

 

Keep copies of all documents and insurances in one place.

 

Finally

You are on the right track with your investments and mindset.

 

With 10 years of active income, you can build a solid retirement base.

 

Focus on increasing SIPs and reducing risky stock exposure slowly.

 

Don’t stop SIPs when market falls. Continue no matter what.

 

Separate funds for retirement, children’s education and emergencies.

 

Avoid ULIPs, index funds and direct plans. Choose funds through CFPs only.

 

Review all investments yearly with a trusted Certified Financial Planner.

 

Stay disciplined. Retirement success is not luck. It is pure planning and patience.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2025Hindi
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Hello I am 41 years old but due to careless in life I can't take decision for marriage but now I am realising something wrong happened i started searching alliance but didn't get I want to be relation soon. Please guide me
Ans: It’s completely okay to have taken time figuring out what you wanted in life. Sometimes we don’t move forward simply because we weren’t ready, or we lacked the clarity or emotional support needed at the time. But that doesn't mean you're behind. Everyone’s timeline is different, and yours is still very much unfolding.

Now that you're feeling ready for a serious relationship, here are a few steps you can take to approach this new chapter with confidence and self-awareness.

Start with clarity. Reflect on what kind of partner you're looking for—not just in terms of age or background, but emotionally and mentally. What values matter to you? What kind of connection are you seeking? Are you open to someone who has been married before? Children? When you’re clear, it becomes easier to recognize the right person when they appear.

At the same time, look inward. Do some emotional housekeeping. Ask yourself: What kind of partner do I want to be? Am I emotionally available? Am I still carrying regret, fear, or pressure about being “late” to marriage? Because entering a relationship out of guilt or urgency often leads to settling. But entering it from a place of self-respect and genuine desire creates something meaningful.

Since you're actively searching, it’s okay to use all tools at your disposal—matrimonial sites, family networks, friends, or even a good matchmaker if culturally appropriate. But be patient and realistic. Finding someone who is also ready, aligned with your values, and emotionally compatible can take time.

Also, try not to let pressure—internal or external—rush you. You don’t need a "perfect" partner; you need someone who sees you, respects you, and is willing to grow with you.

And here’s something to hold on to: many people find love in their 40s, 50s, even later—and those relationships are often more conscious, mature, and fulfilling, because they’re built on real-life experience and emotional wisdom, not just youthful impulse.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I have strict parents. I had a boyfriend for about 5 years, but my parents made me to break up with him because we belonged to different castes. I moved on from it somehow. and now i have another boyfriend (who is of the same caste), and he loves me truly, but now my parents are making me to lose all sort of contact with him and break up, in order to study. this has become a routine now, as soon as they get to know abt me being in a relationship, they make me breakup with the guy. and i am left to chose between the guy and my parents. what do i do?
Ans: From what you’ve shared, this isn’t just a one-time struggle. It’s a pattern where your desires and emotional connections are consistently overruled by parental control. That doesn’t just impact your relationships—it chips away at your autonomy, your confidence in making life decisions, and ultimately, your sense of self.

Let’s take a step back. It sounds like your parents operate from a space of fear, control, or perhaps even cultural conditioning—believing they know what’s “best” for you, even when that means disregarding your emotions. But here’s the truth: you are the one who has to live with the choices made in your life. Not them. You’re not doing something wrong by loving someone. You’re not “disobedient” because you want a say in your own future.

That being said, when you’ve grown up in a strict household, especially where obedience is confused with love, it can be incredibly hard to assert your independence without feeling crushing guilt or fear. But you need to ask yourself: What kind of life will I have if I continue to silence my heart to please others?

This doesn’t mean you need to make a drastic decision right away. But you do need to begin slowly reclaiming your emotional power. Start by asking: do I want to live in a way that makes others comfortable but leaves me emotionally unfulfilled? Or do I want to begin building the courage to live life on my own terms, even if it means disappointing people?

Your education is important, yes—but love and education are not mutually exclusive. Healthy relationships can actually support your growth, help you manage stress, and increase your emotional resilience. If your boyfriend is kind, supportive, and genuinely wants to see you thrive, that’s a blessing, not a burden.

One path you might consider is gradually building emotional boundaries with your parents—not out of rebellion, but from a place of self-respect. That might look like choosing not to share every personal detail with them, or gently but firmly asserting that your relationship is your private choice. It might mean seeking financial or emotional independence so that your choices aren't controlled by fear of what they’ll do or say.

It won’t be easy—but here’s the truth: choosing yourself doesn’t mean you don’t love your parents. It means you also love yourself.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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