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Investing for a Secure Future: 24-Year-Old Needs Advice

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |694 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2024

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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I am 24 years old and earn a monthly salary of Rs.65,000. I am interested in investing some of my funds for future financial security and am also planning to marry in two years. As I have no prior knowledge of investment, I would greatly appreciate guidance on this matter.

Ans: Hello;

First and foremost buy a good term life cover including riders for critical care and accident benefit.

Ensure that you can top-up the sum assured later when you grow your responsibilities after marriage.

For retirement planning you should consider investing in NPS. If your office provides it well and good but otherwise also you can open NPS account and contribute regularly for financing your retirement. It's an E-E-E type of scheme. Charges are quite low and you can decide to select allocation to the asset classes like equity, corporate debt or sovereign bonds as per your risk tolerance. It allows limited withdrawal before 60.

If you decide to contribute to NPS per month an amount of 20 K, it will grow into a corpus of 6.51 Cr by the time you are 60 years of age.(A modest return of 9% is considered)

For all other goals such as marriage, house, kid's education, car, vacation you can use mutual funds as your mode of investments.

If you do a monthly sip of say 15 K into a pure equity mutual fund then at the end of 5 years you may expect to receive a corpus of 12.72 L considering moderate return of 13%.

Happy Investing!!

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7136 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi
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I have 20 lakhs of funds in my bank account....I am 26 years of age....getting married in 4 months.... I want to invest this amount so that it grows and give nice returns
Ans: You are getting married in four months. It is an exciting time. You also have Rs. 20 lakhs to invest. This amount can be used to secure your future. It can also help you achieve your financial goals.

Short-Term Needs
First, consider your short-term needs. You may have wedding expenses. You might need an emergency fund. It is essential to keep some money aside for these needs.

Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial. It should cover six months of expenses. This fund should be in a liquid investment. Examples include savings accounts and fixed deposits. This will ensure you have easy access to funds when needed.

Diversified Portfolio
A diversified portfolio reduces risk. It also maximizes returns. Allocate your funds across various assets. Here are some options:

Mutual Funds
Mutual funds are a great investment. They offer diversification. Actively managed funds are preferable. They are managed by experienced fund managers. This can provide better returns compared to index funds.

Debt Funds
Debt funds are safer than equity funds. They provide steady returns. They are ideal for short to medium-term goals. Examples include corporate bond funds and short-term debt funds.

Equity Funds
Equity funds offer high returns. They are suitable for long-term goals. They invest in stocks of companies. Examples include large-cap and multi-cap funds. These funds are managed by experts. They can help you grow your wealth.

Regular Monitoring
Investments need regular monitoring. Keep track of your portfolio. Make adjustments as needed. This will ensure your investments are aligned with your goals.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Avoid Direct Funds
Direct funds seem appealing. They have lower expense ratios. However, they require more effort. You need to choose and manage your investments. This can be risky without proper knowledge. It is better to invest through a certified financial planner (CFP). They can provide professional advice.

Avoid Index Funds
Index funds have lower fees. But they also offer average returns. They follow the market index. Actively managed funds can outperform the market. They are managed by experts. They offer higher returns.

Tax Planning
Tax planning is crucial. It helps you save money. Invest in tax-saving instruments. Examples include ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme). They offer tax benefits under Section 80C. This can help you save on taxes and grow your wealth.

Retirement Planning
It is never too early to plan for retirement. Start investing in retirement funds. This will ensure a comfortable future. Examples include National Pension Scheme (NPS). They offer good returns and tax benefits.

Professional Guidance
A certified financial planner can provide professional advice. They can help you create a personalized investment plan. They consider your financial goals and risk tolerance. They also help you make informed decisions.

Final Insights
Investing Rs. 20 lakhs wisely can secure your future. Start with an emergency fund. Diversify your portfolio. Choose mutual funds, debt funds, and equity funds. Avoid direct and index funds. Focus on tax and retirement planning. Regularly monitor your investments. Seek guidance from a certified financial planner.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7136 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

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Hi sir I need your help I am 26yr old female, i might get married in another 1 year, i have 0 rs of savings. I have to start savings, i can save upto 20k+10k per month. 20k i wish to save for 1 year for my marriage 10k i wish to save for future Please help me to start investing
Ans: Congratulations on taking the first step towards financial planning! Let's create a simple and effective plan for your short-term and long-term goals.

Short-Term Savings for Marriage (Rs. 20,000 per month)
Your priority is to save for your upcoming marriage in a year. Given the short time frame, safety and liquidity are essential.

Recurring Deposits (RDs):

Open an RD account in a bank.
It offers fixed returns and is safe.
This will help you accumulate your savings steadily.
Deposit Rs. 20,000 monthly for a year.
At the end of the year, you'll have a lump sum amount with some interest.
High-Yield Savings Account:

Choose a bank offering high-interest rates on savings accounts.
Deposit Rs. 20,000 monthly.
This provides easy access and liquidity for your wedding expenses.
Long-Term Savings for Future (Rs. 10,000 per month)
For your long-term savings, let's focus on building wealth over time. Diversification is key here.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in Mutual Funds:
Large Cap Mutual Funds (40%):
Invest in well-established companies.
Offers stability with moderate returns.
Mid Cap Mutual Funds (30%):
Invest in medium-sized companies.
Offers higher growth potential.
Small Cap Mutual Funds (20%):
Invest in smaller companies.
Offers high growth potential but with higher risk.
Debt Funds (10%):
Provides stability and reduces overall risk.
Invest in government and corporate bonds.
Investment Strategy
Monthly Allocation:

Large Cap Funds: Rs. 4,000
Mid Cap Funds: Rs. 3,000
Small Cap Funds: Rs. 2,000
Debt Funds: Rs. 1,000
Choosing Funds:

Select funds with a strong performance history.
Diversify within each category for better risk management.
Consider investing through a Certified Financial Planner for professional advice and management.
Additional Tips
Emergency Fund:

Start building an emergency fund.
Save at least 3-6 months' worth of expenses.
This provides a financial cushion for unexpected events.
Health Insurance:

Ensure you have adequate health insurance.
It protects you from high medical costs and ensures financial stability.
Regular Review:

Review your investments every six months.
Adjust your portfolio based on performance and changes in your financial situation.
Final Insights
Starting early with a disciplined savings and investment plan is crucial. By following this strategy, you can achieve your short-term goal of saving for your marriage and also build a strong financial foundation for your future. Consistency, regular review, and professional guidance will help you stay on track and reach your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7136 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 26, 2024

Money
My salary is 29500 in hand, I have a OD Loan of Rs 9.4 lacs at 10% rate of interest. Want to close it with in next 5 years tell me how to plan for sip?
Ans: Your monthly salary of Rs. 29,500 in hand is a good starting point. However, having an outstanding Overdraft (OD) loan of Rs. 9.4 lakhs at 10% interest is a significant financial responsibility. It's important to manage this debt effectively while planning for future investments.

Prioritising Loan Repayment
Repaying your OD loan within the next five years is a reasonable goal. Given the 10% interest rate, prioritising this loan is crucial. The interest burden on an OD loan is often higher than potential returns from investments in mutual funds, so clearing this loan should be a top priority.

Establishing a Repayment Plan
1. Monthly Loan Repayment
Set aside a portion of your salary to pay off the loan each month.
Since the loan has an interest rate of 10%, it’s important to make regular payments to reduce both the principal and the interest.
Make a budget to allocate at least Rs. 18,000-20,000 per month to clear the loan faster. This will allow you to reduce your interest burden.
2. Additional Lump Sum Payments
If possible, try to make any lump-sum payments from savings or other sources of funds.
This can significantly reduce the principal, which in turn will lower the interest you pay over time.
Managing SIPs While Repaying the Loan
1. Initial Focus on Loan Repayment
In the first year, your primary focus should be on repaying the loan.
Avoid committing a large portion of your salary to SIPs in this initial period.
You can still start with a smaller SIP, say Rs. 5,000-7,000 per month, to gradually build your investment portfolio.
2. Gradual Increase in SIP Contributions
Once you pay off Rs. 3-4 lakhs of the loan (within 1-1.5 years), you can increase your SIP contributions.
You can scale up your SIP to Rs. 10,000-12,000, based on the reduction in your monthly loan repayment.
3. Balanced SIP Strategy
Diversify your SIP into actively managed equity funds.
Equity funds offer the potential for long-term capital appreciation, which will help you achieve financial goals after clearing the loan.
Keep your SIP in a mix of large-cap and mid-cap funds for growth and stability.
Structuring Your SIP Portfolio
1. Large-Cap Funds
Allocate a significant portion of your SIP to large-cap funds.
Large-cap funds are less volatile and offer stable returns over the long term.
Even though returns may be moderate compared to mid-cap or small-cap funds, they are ideal for investors with moderate risk tolerance.
2. Mid-Cap Funds
Mid-cap funds have higher growth potential.
Allocate a smaller portion to mid-cap funds, say 30%-40% of your SIP.
This will give you access to high growth opportunities while balancing risk.
3. Balanced Advantage Funds
Consider investing in balanced advantage funds.
These funds offer both equity and debt exposure, which helps manage market volatility.
They can provide an optimal mix of growth and risk mitigation.
4. Debt Funds
If you are risk-averse, you can also consider allocating a portion to debt funds.
Debt funds will provide stability in your portfolio.
However, avoid too much allocation to debt funds, as they have lower growth potential compared to equity funds.
Managing Expenses and Cash Flow
1. Budgeting Effectively
Stick to a strict monthly budget to manage both your loan repayments and SIPs.
Cut unnecessary expenses to ensure you have enough for both debt repayment and investments.
2. Emergency Fund
Set aside an emergency fund of at least 3-6 months of living expenses.
This ensures that you do not dip into your loan repayment or SIP amounts in case of an unexpected financial situation.
3. Avoid Accumulating More Debt
Avoid taking on additional debt while repaying the current loan.
This will help you stay focused on clearing the OD loan and building your wealth through SIPs.
Tax Considerations for SIP Investments
Equity Mutual Funds Taxation:
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh will be taxed at 12.5%.
Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.
Debt Mutual Funds Taxation:
Both LTCG and STCG are taxed based on your income tax slab.
These funds offer steady returns but are subject to higher taxation compared to equity funds.
Since you are planning to invest in equity funds, it’s important to factor in these taxes when making withdrawals. You can manage your withdrawals to stay below the Rs. 1.25 lakh threshold to minimise tax impact.

Final Insights
It’s great to see your commitment towards closing the OD loan and starting SIPs. The key to success is balancing both goals without compromising on your financial health.

Repay the loan first: Focus on reducing the loan principal by paying it off faster.
Start small SIPs: Begin with Rs. 5,000-7,000 SIPs and increase them as the loan decreases.
Diversify: Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and balanced advantage funds.
Maintain a budget: Stick to a budget to balance loan repayment and SIP investments.
By staying consistent with both debt repayment and systematic investing, you will be on track to achieve financial security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7136 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 25, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, I am 38 yrs old and I'm investing around 70K/month in the below funds. Kindly review my portfolio. Im planning to invest around 42L for 5yrs and stop Kindly review and advise. If my fund investment is correct Nippon multicap 16K JM flexi cap 16K Nippon small cap 6K Motilal Midcap 14K SBI Contra 10K HDFC balanced advantage 4K Nippon Large cap 4K
Ans: Your decision to invest Rs. 70,000 per month shows financial discipline and a clear focus on wealth creation. With a diversified portfolio spread across multicap, small-cap, midcap, contra, balanced advantage, and large-cap funds, your approach balances growth and stability. Let’s review the details:

Strengths in Your Portfolio
Multicap and Flexicap Funds: These funds provide flexibility to invest across all market capitalisations. They help capture growth opportunities while minimising risk.

Small-Cap and Midcap Exposure: Investing Rs. 20,000 (28.5%) in these categories offers high-growth potential. It is suitable for long-term wealth creation.

Balanced Advantage Fund: This allocation adds stability to your portfolio by balancing equity and debt exposure.

Contra Fund: Contrarian strategies can deliver good returns during market turnarounds.

Large-Cap Fund: Though Rs. 4,000 (5.7%) in large-cap may seem low, it provides a stable base for your portfolio.

Areas of Improvement
1. Overlapping Funds
Having multiple funds in similar categories (e.g., multicap and flexicap) may cause portfolio overlap.
This can reduce diversification and increase redundancy.
2. Underweight in Large-Cap
Large-cap funds offer stability during market corrections.
Your allocation of 5.7% is low for a balanced portfolio.
3. Balanced Advantage Fund Contribution
Rs. 4,000 (5.7%) in a balanced advantage fund is not substantial enough to impact portfolio stability.
4. Sectoral or Thematic Gaps
The portfolio lacks exposure to sectoral or thematic funds, which can enhance returns during specific market phases.
Recommendations for Optimising Your Portfolio
1. Increase Large-Cap Allocation
Allocate at least 10-15% of your monthly SIPs to large-cap funds.
This provides a strong foundation and reduces portfolio volatility.
2. Rationalise Fund Categories
Retain either the multicap or flexicap fund, as both serve similar purposes.
Consolidation can improve portfolio efficiency and reduce redundancy.
3. Optimise Small-Cap and Midcap Allocation
Limit small-cap and midcap exposure to 20-25% of your portfolio.
This balances growth potential with risk mitigation.
4. Increase Contribution to Balanced Advantage Fund
Increase the SIP in this fund to 10-15% of your portfolio.
This ensures better risk-adjusted returns during volatile markets.
5. Avoid Contra Overdependence
Keep the contra fund allocation to a maximum of 8-10%.
Monitor its performance regularly, as contrarian strategies may underperform in certain phases.
6. Consider International Funds
Include 5-10% exposure to international equity funds for geographical diversification.
This reduces dependence on the Indian market and provides global growth opportunities.
Tax Considerations for Your Plan
1. During the Investment Phase
Equity mutual funds are taxed at 12.5% LTCG for gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh annually.
Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.
2. Post-Investment Phase
If you plan to withdraw systematically (SWP mode) after five years:
Withdrawals will attract LTCG or STCG based on the holding period of redeemed units.
Plan withdrawals strategically to minimise tax outflows.
Strategies for Your Rs. 42 Lakh Investment Over Five Years
Stick to SIPs: Continue with systematic investments to benefit from rupee cost averaging.
Rebalance Periodically: Review and rebalance your portfolio every 6-12 months.
Align with Goals: Ensure your investments match your risk tolerance and financial objectives.
Alternative Suggestions
1. Hybrid Funds
Consider hybrid funds that blend equity and debt for balanced growth and stability.
They are suitable if you seek moderate returns with reduced risk.
2. Systematic Transfer Plans (STPs)
Invest lump sums in liquid funds and transfer them systematically to equity funds.
This strategy reduces market timing risks.
3. Diversify Beyond Mutual Funds
Include options like gold ETFs, sovereign gold bonds, or government-backed schemes for better diversification.
Finally
Your portfolio is well-structured and shows a clear focus on long-term wealth creation.

Consolidate overlapping funds to improve efficiency.
Increase allocations to large-cap and balanced advantage funds for better stability.
Include geographical diversification through international funds.
Review your portfolio periodically and align it with your financial goals.
Work with a Certified Financial Planner to optimise fund selection and tailor a withdrawal strategy after five years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7136 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 26, 2024

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I have invested lupmsum 25L in motilal oswal defence index fund at 9.5 Rs. I am looking at long term 4-5 years..will it give good returns..right now it is down to 7.79 Rs.please.advice
Ans: Your lump sum investment of Rs 25 lakh shows financial commitment.

Index funds can be predictable but have limitations.

Current Situation
Your investment is now at Rs 7.79 per unit, below the Rs 9.5 purchase price.

The defence sector can be cyclical, influenced by government policies and global events.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Limited Customisation
Index funds replicate the index. They cannot adapt to market changes actively.

A defence index fund may lack diversification as it focuses on one sector.

Missed Opportunities
Actively managed funds can seize growth in other sectors during market shifts.

Index funds may underperform during sector-specific downturns.

No Expert Intervention
Fund managers in actively managed funds rebalance portfolios.

This flexibility is absent in index funds, leading to potential stagnation.

Why Actively Managed Funds Are Better
Research-Driven Investments
Professional managers monitor economic, sectoral, and market trends.

They optimise portfolios for risk-adjusted returns.

Diversified Portfolios
Actively managed funds spread investments across sectors.

This reduces risks and captures growth in multiple industries.

Tax-Effective Withdrawals
With active funds, strategic withdrawals can help reduce tax liabilities.
Recommendations for Your Investment
Hold with Caution
Defence is a niche sector and can be volatile.

Keep a close eye on geopolitical trends and government spending.

Diversify Your Portfolio
Avoid over-reliance on one sector or investment type.

Add diversified equity and debt funds to balance risks and returns.

Consider Partial Reallocation
Shift part of your investment into actively managed funds.

This provides flexibility and reduces sector-specific risks.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner
Get a customised investment strategy based on your goals and risk appetite.

A certified planner can recommend better-performing funds.

Final Insights
Your long-term outlook is commendable but requires diversification.

Defence index funds can deliver, but only if market conditions favour the sector.

Actively managed funds could enhance your returns over time.

Build a balanced portfolio to achieve consistent growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |437 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Expert, I am in a committed relationship with a divorced woman who has a 6-year-old daughter. We have known each other for six years and became deeply involved in relationship after her divorce, which was finalized a year ago. She is currently 23 years old and was married at the age of 14. She endured domestic harassment during her marriage, leading to a separation, and has been living apart from her ex-husband for the past four years before their legal divorce. Presently, she has no source of income and relies on her parents, who themselves face financial difficulties. Despite these challenges, we both wish to marry and build a life together. However, I am facing some concerns that I hope you can help me address: I am uncertain about how to approach my parents regarding our relationship, given her previous marriage, her young child, and her challenging circumstances. Her ex-husband is my colleague and is currently unaware of our relationship. I fear that he will react negatively, potentially tarnishing my and my family’s reputation among friends and relatives or even attempting to harass us in the future. I'm seeking your guidance on the following: 1. Is marrying her and embracing this responsibility a prudent decision, considering her past and the challenges we may face? 2. How can I effectively address her ex-husband's behavior and protect our relationship and my and family's reputation? 3. What strategies can I use to gain my parents' understanding, acceptance, and support? 4. How can we ensure a strong and healthy future together, considering the complexities of our situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Let me address your issues one by one
1. Is marrying her and embracing this responsibility a prudent decision, considering her past and the challenges we may face?
I can't tell if it is prudent but I don't see it to be a dangerous decision as well. Yes, I understand your concerns, but you have been with her for a long time now. You must have considered all of these concerns beforehand. But if you think you are not sure, I would suggest you don't keep her hanging with hope. Discuss the doubts and concerns directly with her.

2. How can I effectively address her ex-husband's behavior and protect our relationship and my and family's reputation?
Her previous marriage involved domestic harassment and that's how the relationship ended. You had no part in it. You came into the picture after their separation. Why should her husband have any say in her life after divorce? Be strict with him from the very beginning. As a part of courtesy, you can let him know that you are considering marrying his ex, but besides that, you owe him no explanation.

3. What strategies can I use to gain my parents' understanding, acceptance, and support?
Highlight the positives in your partner; let them know how happy she makes you and how much she means to you. Parents being unsupportive in such cases are very common, but with some persistent counseling from your end can make things work out in your favor.

4. How can we ensure a strong and healthy future together, considering the complexities of our situation?
The complexities of the situation don't necessarily have to play part in your future together. Let her move on from this past and if anything, you should help her move past this divorce and harassment instead of bringing that into the future. Yes, it is a part of who she is, but is so much more than just a divorcee and a very young mother; she is the person you fell for- there must be some solid reason for that. After all, you fell knowing all the complexities. That makes her even more special. All you have to do is remember those.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |437 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (29M) have connected with a Prospective match (26F) through an Arranged Marriage Platform & we both seem to be getting along quite well, interacting regularly via WhatsApp, Phone Calls & even met personally, Twice in the span of a Month. She had been in a Long Term Relationship with her Boyfriend since College, for almost 7 years. They had to Break-up an Year ago as their Parents had not approved of their Marriage (due to Caste Factor). But they both are still in touch as "Just Friends". This is what makes me uncertain about whether I'd be able to Trust her or not. We both get along quite well with each other on almost all other aspects. She regularly interacts with her Ex Boyfriend & whenever I try to ask her anything about it, she shuts me down, calling me 'Insecure' & says that her Past Relationship & Present 'Friendship' with her Ex Boyfriend are solely her Personal Matter & she doesn't owe me any explanation about it, not even after we get Married (assuming that we did). But she also tries to reassure me saying that she has moved on from the Relationship & now their Friendship is just 'Platonic' not 'Romantic'. But I am not able to Trust her completely. Will it be a Reasonable demand, from my side, if I ask her to cut off all contacts with her Ex? Or shall I secretly approach her Ex, without her knowledge & strictly warn him to stay off his Ex Girlfriend as she's soon going to be another Man's Wife? Or else, how should I build Trust with her, in spite of her 'Friendship' with her Boyfriend? Is it even worth trying or shall I move on to find another Woman who is Virgin like myself?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your concerns. But, trust is important in a relationship. If she says they are just friends, if your relationship is healthy, you should be able to trust her.

Having said that, I would suggest you take some time to think if you can get to the point where you can actually trust her without being bothered about this friendship, and not forcefully trust her. Demanding to end the friendship or approaching her ex is not the right way to deal with this situation. You two are not married yet; you still have the time to rethink.

I don't know whether you should move on to someone else, but I believe that you should take some time to rethink. You two are still matches and these problems are trivial now, but once you get married, things will get even more complicated. You can either sort the matter by having an open conversation where you explain how her relationship with her ex bothers you, or you can both consider parting ways. But please do not commit just yet, especially since there is an existing issue.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |437 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am a I am Virgin & never had any Relationship. I have been meeting & interacting with several ladies through Arranged Marriage Platforms, since the last 3 years. As per my Observation, almost all the Women have had Relationship(s) in the Past & most of them are not Virgin. Whenever I tried to ask them (Respectfully) about their Past Relationship(s), some of them refuse to talk about their Past & most others try to shift the Blame onto someone else, usually, it's either the Ex Boyfriend who'd been Unfaithful/Abusive or either Party's Parents who hadn't approved of their Marriage due to various Reasons. In the last 3 years, not even single Woman I'd met, had owned up & taken Responsibility for her Choices/Actions/Mistakes & the consequences arising out of it. This made it very difficult for me to trust most of them. Since I have no first-hand experience in Relationship dynamics, I am unable to understand, whether Girls/Women can NEVER be the one at Fault, in a Relationship? Is it always the Fault of the Male Counterpart, Parents or the Patriarchal Society? My biggest fear is, if I Marry such a Woman, will she ever take any Accountability for her Actions/Mistakes, which may cause Conflicts in our Future Married Life? Or will she conveniently shift the entire Blame onto me & project me as a Bad Husband? I may seem to be overthinking, but my Fears are not unfounded as Divorce cases accompanied by False Accusations from Wives have been increasing at an Alarming Rate. Preferably, I'd want to Marry a Virgin Woman, who hadn't been in Relationship like myself or atleast a Woman can be Honest & Transparent about her Past, taking Responsibility for her Actions/Choices/Mistakes. How do I find a Woman like this? Please guide me on how to Question a prospective match, to Judge her Character, realistically?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your concerns make sense, but if you think about it, the majority of people do not know how to take accountability- it has nothing to do with gender. For instance, some men say they are acting like casanovas because of some girl they had a crush on, who rejected their proposal, and some say they have commitment issues because an ex-girlfriend had broken their trust. So, my point is, it's a people problem, not a woman problem.
Having said that, a good way to judge someone is to open up about yourself first. Next time you meet someone, instead of asking about her past, try talking about yours. Mention that you did not have a relationship, or you like people who can own up to their mistakes, etc. This way, you will make her feel comfortable enough to open up to you. It's not easy for women to disclose sensitive details, especially to men. And, ideally, their past should not play a part in their present, but since it is so important to you, try this technique.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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