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Investing for a Secure Future: 24-Year-Old Needs Advice

Milind Vadjikar |807 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2024

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi

Money

I am 24 years old and earn a monthly salary of Rs.65,000. I am interested in investing some of my funds for future financial security and am also planning to marry in two years. As I have no prior knowledge of investment, I would greatly appreciate guidance on this matter.

Ans: Hello;

First and foremost buy a good term life cover including riders for critical care and accident benefit.

Ensure that you can top-up the sum assured later when you grow your responsibilities after marriage.

For retirement planning you should consider investing in NPS. If your office provides it well and good but otherwise also you can open NPS account and contribute regularly for financing your retirement. It's an E-E-E type of scheme. Charges are quite low and you can decide to select allocation to the asset classes like equity, corporate debt or sovereign bonds as per your risk tolerance. It allows limited withdrawal before 60.

If you decide to contribute to NPS per month an amount of 20 K, it will grow into a corpus of 6.51 Cr by the time you are 60 years of age.(A modest return of 9% is considered)

For all other goals such as marriage, house, kid's education, car, vacation you can use mutual funds as your mode of investments.

If you do a monthly sip of say 15 K into a pure equity mutual fund then at the end of 5 years you may expect to receive a corpus of 12.72 L considering moderate return of 13%.

Happy Investing!!

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.

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Question by Sandhya - Sep 08, 2021Hindi

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I am 45 years old. I have not done any investment yet. Can you please guide how I can start? I can invest upto Rs 5,000 monthly.

Ans: You may start with Axis ESG Equity Fund - Growth.

Ramalingam Kalirajan |7367 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi

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I have 20 lakhs of funds in my bank account....I am 26 years of age....getting married in 4 months.... I want to invest this amount so that it grows and give nice returns

Ans: You are getting married in four months. It is an exciting time. You also have Rs. 20 lakhs to invest. This amount can be used to secure your future. It can also help you achieve your financial goals.

Short-Term Needs
First, consider your short-term needs. You may have wedding expenses. You might need an emergency fund. It is essential to keep some money aside for these needs.

Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial. It should cover six months of expenses. This fund should be in a liquid investment. Examples include savings accounts and fixed deposits. This will ensure you have easy access to funds when needed.

Diversified Portfolio
A diversified portfolio reduces risk. It also maximizes returns. Allocate your funds across various assets. Here are some options:

Mutual Funds
Mutual funds are a great investment. They offer diversification. Actively managed funds are preferable. They are managed by experienced fund managers. This can provide better returns compared to index funds.

Debt Funds
Debt funds are safer than equity funds. They provide steady returns. They are ideal for short to medium-term goals. Examples include corporate bond funds and short-term debt funds.

Equity Funds
Equity funds offer high returns. They are suitable for long-term goals. They invest in stocks of companies. Examples include large-cap and multi-cap funds. These funds are managed by experts. They can help you grow your wealth.

Regular Monitoring
Investments need regular monitoring. Keep track of your portfolio. Make adjustments as needed. This will ensure your investments are aligned with your goals.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Avoid Direct Funds
Direct funds seem appealing. They have lower expense ratios. However, they require more effort. You need to choose and manage your investments. This can be risky without proper knowledge. It is better to invest through a certified financial planner (CFP). They can provide professional advice.

Avoid Index Funds
Index funds have lower fees. But they also offer average returns. They follow the market index. Actively managed funds can outperform the market. They are managed by experts. They offer higher returns.

Tax Planning
Tax planning is crucial. It helps you save money. Invest in tax-saving instruments. Examples include ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme). They offer tax benefits under Section 80C. This can help you save on taxes and grow your wealth.

Retirement Planning
It is never too early to plan for retirement. Start investing in retirement funds. This will ensure a comfortable future. Examples include National Pension Scheme (NPS). They offer good returns and tax benefits.

Professional Guidance
A certified financial planner can provide professional advice. They can help you create a personalized investment plan. They consider your financial goals and risk tolerance. They also help you make informed decisions.

Final Insights
Investing Rs. 20 lakhs wisely can secure your future. Start with an emergency fund. Diversify your portfolio. Choose mutual funds, debt funds, and equity funds. Avoid direct and index funds. Focus on tax and retirement planning. Regularly monitor your investments. Seek guidance from a certified financial planner.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

Ramalingam Kalirajan |7367 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

Question by Swarna - Jul 18, 2024Hindi

Money

Hi sir I need your help I am 26yr old female, i might get married in another 1 year, i have 0 rs of savings. I have to start savings, i can save upto 20k+10k per month. 20k i wish to save for 1 year for my marriage 10k i wish to save for future Please help me to start investing

Ans: Congratulations on taking the first step towards financial planning! Let's create a simple and effective plan for your short-term and long-term goals.

Short-Term Savings for Marriage (Rs. 20,000 per month)
Your priority is to save for your upcoming marriage in a year. Given the short time frame, safety and liquidity are essential.

Recurring Deposits (RDs):

Open an RD account in a bank.
It offers fixed returns and is safe.
This will help you accumulate your savings steadily.
Deposit Rs. 20,000 monthly for a year.
At the end of the year, you'll have a lump sum amount with some interest.
High-Yield Savings Account:

Choose a bank offering high-interest rates on savings accounts.
Deposit Rs. 20,000 monthly.
This provides easy access and liquidity for your wedding expenses.
Long-Term Savings for Future (Rs. 10,000 per month)
For your long-term savings, let's focus on building wealth over time. Diversification is key here.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in Mutual Funds:
Large Cap Mutual Funds (40%):
Invest in well-established companies.
Offers stability with moderate returns.
Mid Cap Mutual Funds (30%):
Invest in medium-sized companies.
Offers higher growth potential.
Small Cap Mutual Funds (20%):
Invest in smaller companies.
Offers high growth potential but with higher risk.
Debt Funds (10%):
Provides stability and reduces overall risk.
Invest in government and corporate bonds.
Investment Strategy
Monthly Allocation:

Large Cap Funds: Rs. 4,000
Mid Cap Funds: Rs. 3,000
Small Cap Funds: Rs. 2,000
Debt Funds: Rs. 1,000
Choosing Funds:

Select funds with a strong performance history.
Diversify within each category for better risk management.
Consider investing through a Certified Financial Planner for professional advice and management.
Additional Tips
Emergency Fund:

Start building an emergency fund.
Save at least 3-6 months' worth of expenses.
This provides a financial cushion for unexpected events.
Health Insurance:

Ensure you have adequate health insurance.
It protects you from high medical costs and ensures financial stability.
Regular Review:

Review your investments every six months.
Adjust your portfolio based on performance and changes in your financial situation.
Final Insights
Starting early with a disciplined savings and investment plan is crucial. By following this strategy, you can achieve your short-term goal of saving for your marriage and also build a strong financial foundation for your future. Consistency, regular review, and professional guidance will help you stay on track and reach your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

Milind Vadjikar |807 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2024Hindi

Money

I am 38 years old. I have not done any investment yet. Can you please guide how I can start? I can invest upto Rs 5,000 monthly.

Ans: Hello;

What is purpose of investment (retirement planning, kid's education house purchase)?

What is the time horizon (number of years)?

Based on your response, I can recommend you suitable options.

Thanks;

Latest Questions

Ramalingam Kalirajan |7367 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Question by jitendra - Dec 28, 2024Hindi

Money

Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP

Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

Ramalingam Kalirajan |7367 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Question by Purushotham - Dec 28, 2024Hindi

Money

Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati

Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

Milind Vadjikar |807 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi

Money

Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.

Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

T S Khurana |266 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tax Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi

Money

Hello Sir My father in law wants to transfer his owned residential property to my wife's name. Apart from will what are the other ways through which he can transfer? And what would be the taxation component?

Ans: Besides Gift, he can transfer his property to his daughter, through transfer/sale deed. In many states like Punjab, property can be transferred within family, without payment of any Registration fee.
Income Tax is not involved in such transactions.
Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

Mayank Chandel |1954 Answers |Ask -Follow

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 02, 2024Hindi

Career

I am a PCMB student .My neet score in my first attempt was 525 . I am preparing for my second attempt but am not sure if i want to pursue medicine or not. I am interested in science but equally interested in both the streams ( med & non med).

Ans: Hi
For now, you keep a complete focus on NEET. Let the second attempt result come, then we will discuss all the avenues available for you.

Mayank Chandel |1954 Answers |Ask -Follow

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Question by Y - Dec 27, 2024Hindi

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Dear Sir, I filled candidate name as (name-fathername-surname) in JEE main application. 10th marksheet it is name-surname. Is it create any problem during Josaa councelling? Same name affidavit is ok to resolved query during Josaa councelling?

Ans: Hi
There should not be any issue. If they ask for an explanation during counselling, you may be required to submit an affidavit.
Because in CBSE Student's Name & Surname are printed. While in State board NAME FATHER NAME SURNAME is printed.

Mayank Chandel |1954 Answers |Ask -Follow

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Question by Balaraju - Dec 22, 2024Hindi

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My daughter is preparing for jee mains, kcet also she is in class 12 Can she write NDA along with this? But she has -3.0D eyesight

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For NDA, the distant vision (corrected) should be 6/6 in the better and 6/9 in the worse. Myopia should not exceed 2.5 D, while Hypermetropia should not exceed 3.5 D, including Astigmatism. Binocular vision should be Grade III

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi

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Meri 12th 2021 main home science subjects se hui thi mtlb ki mere pas 12th main physics chemistry biology nhi tha but currently my question is ki main NIOS se physics chemistry biology science subjects se pass hu kya main NEET exam de skti hu pls mere questions ka answer dijiye ????

Ans: Hi
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Anu Krishna |1414 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1414 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Question by LoneKnight - Dec 26, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!

Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Asked on - Dec 28, 2024 | Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Thanks You Very Much Ma'am For Your Answer. The Reason For Not Using Instagram Was Cause I Didn't Wanted To Look At Any Other Women Instead Of Her. My Intentions Were Pure. Also I Didn't wanted a thing which can spark of cheating so there will be no fire. I am open minded I told her I will accept it. Problem is that affair continued even after engagement and marriage (till 9 months of marriage) But today's condition is that i think she has lost interest. We have tradition inwhich wife goes to their home and stay for 2-3 months. Her mother has been so influential from beginning so am telling her to comeback. She is not ready to comeback even when I am sick. I told her to come back for at least 4-5 days so we can talk. I am afraid she will mindwash her. And I can see that. I have given the best possible time yet she is complaining that I don't give time. When I told her to come back she overeated that she will never go there and that. She wasn't like this. She was with me in my everything. I am so confused. I have forgiven & forgotten everything about the past still... What do you suggest ma'am???

Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
I have already made my suggestions in the initial response. Start afresh and wipe the slate clean. Rebuilding trust cannot happen overnight, so give the marriage a fair GO.
What you have shared again are problems and when you stay in that Zone, you will only be able to focus on problems. When there is an intention to solve the issue, the prerequisite is to move away from all the things that have gone wrong/bad and all the things that you think will go wrong/bad. That's the only way to solve problems. So my suggestions are still the same.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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