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Kanishka
Kanishka
Ravi

Ravi Mittal177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 02, 2024

Asked on - Mar 31, 2024Hindi

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Hi Ravi, You might still remember me, Kanishka Niyogi, the one who wrote to you about a tiff with a girl of a different background. We belong to different worlds, she a rich Punjabi and I a lower middle class Bengali. After the tiff, the poor lady was shocked since I was so very rude to her. Recently she has got in touch with me again after I managed to convince her that I indeed did try to be a good friend of hers. What I'm seeking advice on is how I should assure her that I won't ever hurt her again. How can I make it up to her? Should I gift her something? While I'm not really looking to get into something deep with her, I want to remain a trustworthy friend of hers forever. How do I tell her that irrespective of how anyone treats her, she should stay confident that she's a nice woman? How do I help her raise her self esteem? Lots of questions!! Looking forward to your advise. Thanks!
Ans: Dear Kanishka,

Let's get into it one by one. How to assure her that you won't hurt her again? Well, words are not enough most of the time. That does not mean you need to buy her gifts. It's time. Time is the answer. Give her time. Let your actions speak for you. Once enough time has passed and you have held your end of the bargain, she will know that you meant what you said. You would not need to convince or assure her. Just keep being a good friend. Next, should you buy her a gift? You can if you want to; who doesn't like gifts? But that won't accelerate the process of her trusting you. How to convince her to be confident and help her raise her self-esteem? As a friend, all you can do is constantly remind her how amazing she is and all that she has achieved and point out the positives in her. That can boost her confidence. But the journey to regaining or gaining self-esteem is her own. It isn't your place to push her; just a friendly reminder now and again would be nice.

Best Wishes!
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 03, 2024

Asked on - Dec 29, 2023Hindi

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Hi Ravi, I had written to you earlier and your advice truly helped me. Hence, I write to you again. I was going around with a Punjabi girl and we used to get along very well despite the fact that she was posh and I'm not. Once her insensitive behaviour hurt me and I was very rude to her. I later realised that she was deeply shocked by my outburst and the poor girl went into depression. In fact she had to go for rehab as well. I sank into guilt and after she was back from rehab, I tried patching up with her desperately. However, as I was half expecting, she refused to continue being friends with me and stopped taking my calls. I saw this coming but I still find it difficult to deal with the emptiness at times. My friends ask me to read a lot but I feel books can never be a substitute to female company. Please advise on how I can cope with my loneliness. Thank you
Ans: Dear Kanishka,

I am glad I was of help. Also, I am sorry to hear how you are feeling but trust me it will pass. You are right, books can never be a substitute for companionship but they can be a great escape from the mundane realities of life. While you don't need to escape the truth all the time because accepting it is also crucial, doing so once in a while can be good for your mental health. Moreover, books widen your horizons and help you gain more perspective than one. Now I am not pushing you to become an avid reader; I am merely saying that your friend isn't wrong here. It sounds like a decent suggestion.

Coming to how you can overcome loneliness, let's get to the basics- meet your close friends, people who make you feel whole. Spend time with your family. Invest time in yourself, on your growth. You can hit the gym; it's one of the most productive habits and does wonders for not just your body but your mind too. Take up a hobby. It can be anything. The goal is to stay busy. After all that, take out some half hour a day to feel all the sadness and loneliness you are feeling, acknowledge it, and comfort yourself. Slowly you will realize that alone does not always mean lonely.

One more thing I would like to recommend is seeing a counselor if things don't improve with time. Time and again we need a little help to feel better, be it physically or mentally. You don't have to do it all alone.

Best Wishes!
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Anu

Anu Krishna825 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 13, 2023

Asked on - Nov 16, 2023Hindi

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Hi, Trust you're doing well. I'll begin with a complaint. I'm mentioning it here since there's no other platform to grumble on. My previous mail, not written to you, wasn't replied to. On top of that, my inbox is bombarded with mails with details of crises faced by others. As it is, I'm besieged with problems of my own. I don't really have the stomach to analyse crises faced by others. Coming to my issue, as was somewhat expected, the girl I would go around with has broken all contact with me after I was rude to her. Now the question is, how do I cope with it? I've managed to shrug off the feeling of guilt since she was herself very rude when I tried reaching out to her. However, I'm still missing her. How do I cope with the emptiness? Reading books isn't helping. After all, books don't talk, do they? Books can't really be a substitute to a woman's company. I'm trying to raise my earnings since at 49, I'm at the fag end of my career. Is there any way I can keep myself busy? NGOs don't take in people of my age. What do I do? Please advise. Thank you.
Ans: Dear Kanishka,
What is the point with all the distress? The more you stay in the problem, the bigger it is going to get!
If your relationship is over, then move on...yes, the emptiness takes quite sometime to get over with BUT it is possible to get a grab of your emotions ONLY if you choose to...
Focus on the time being on:
Work
Health
Family
Friends
This will give you an idea as to how much more energy you can drive into each of these to see the results that you want. Obviously, you can put in strategic thought into planning the next 10 years of your professional life. Your career ends only when you want it to end. In this digital age, the world is one big village where there are myriad opportunities. Research a bit on where your skills and experience can add value...
So, the point that I am making here is: Shift focus to the things that can change the course of your life for the better!

All the best!
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Anu

Anu Krishna825 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 26, 2023

Asked on - Nov 14, 2023Hindi

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Relationship
Hi, I have already been advised once before on a certain crisis I'm faced with. Though along expected lines, it has still come back to haunt me. I was very good friends with a Punjabi girl of a background vastly different from mine. I was very rude to her one day after a certain insensitive act of her's hurt and insulted me. Now she has stopped all communication with me and left me high and dry. Please help me by advising how I should cope with my loneliness now. My friends ask me to read a lot. It might help, but books don't talk to you, do they? They can never be a substitute to a woman's company. I'm thinking of trying to revive a relationship with an old flame, recently divorced. Should I go ahead? Or should I give up on girls altogether and focus on raising my earnings? I'm 49 and at the fag end of my career. Please advise. Thank you. ????
Ans: Dear Kanishka,
Chasing people just to drive loneliness away isn't a great goal to have in the first place. Sooner or later, these people will move away once they realize that you have connected with them to satisfy a need of yours. If they fit the bill, you will have a tendency to avoid them which will only make them feel disrespected.
Connections are based on trust, love and respect.
So, would it be possible for you to make a genuine effort to associate with people with genuine interest in them? This will help foster mutual trust and warmth and maybe lead to a relationship that is not just satisfying your need but is instead nurturing the connection allowing the two of you to explore a long-term relationship.

And do focus on your career as well; it pays your bills and secures your future! A wholesome life is a good aim to have...

All the best!
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