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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 29, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
PRAVIN Question by PRAVIN on Nov 23, 2023Hindi
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Dear sir I have invested many mutual funds in equity oriented in begining period. I have not consantration on which in growth option and which is dividend payout or reinvest option. So many mutual fund schemes is dividend reinvestment option and now last three years dividend income is taxable in the hand of me which is taxable income @ 30% and education cess% on tax amount . Now Please guide to me can I have change the dividend reinvested plans to growth option for the taxation purpose . Thanks & regards Pravin B Khatavkar

Ans: Dear Pravin B Khatavkar,

It's commendable that you've taken the initiative to reevaluate your mutual fund investments, especially concerning their taxation implications. Let's delve into your situation and explore the best course of action.

Assessing Your Current Scenario

Your decision to invest in equity-oriented mutual funds reflects a sound long-term investment strategy. However, the choice between growth and dividend reinvestment options holds significant implications, particularly in terms of taxation. Dividend reinvestment may seem convenient, but it can inadvertently increase your tax burden, as you've experienced.

Understanding Tax Implications

The dividends reinvested are considered as income and taxed accordingly, which can be a burden, especially if you're in the higher tax bracket. At 30% tax plus cess, the tax liability can significantly impact your overall returns. This scenario underscores the importance of revisiting your investment choices to optimize tax efficiency.

Exploring the Transition to Growth Option

Transitioning from dividend reinvestment to the growth option can be a prudent move from a taxation perspective. In the growth option, dividends are not distributed but instead reinvested in the fund, leading to capital appreciation. This approach can potentially reduce your tax liability, as you're not immediately taxed on the reinvested dividends.

Considering the Long-Term Benefits

Switching to the growth option aligns with your long-term investment objectives by optimizing tax efficiency and enhancing overall returns. By allowing your investments to grow without the immediate tax implications of dividends, you can potentially compound your wealth more effectively over time.

Navigating the Transition Process

Transitioning from dividend reinvestment to the growth option is relatively straightforward. You can typically request this change directly through your mutual fund distributor or online portal. However, it's essential to consider any exit loads or tax implications associated with the switch, ensuring that the transition is cost-effective.

Seeking Professional Guidance

While the decision to transition to the growth option appears beneficial, it's crucial to consult with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to assess your specific circumstances comprehensively. A CFP can provide personalized guidance tailored to your financial goals, risk tolerance, and tax situation, ensuring that your investment strategy remains aligned with your objectives.

Conclusion

In conclusion, transitioning from dividend reinvestment to the growth option can potentially optimize tax efficiency and enhance long-term returns. However, it's essential to seek professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner to navigate this transition effectively. By aligning your investment strategy with your financial goals, you can strive for greater financial security and peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 12, 2024Hindi
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i have retired from my business. i am holding 20 lakhs in mutual fund growth option. should i convert it into dividend option for extra income
Ans: Assessing Your Current Situation
You have retired from your business.

You hold Rs 20 lakhs in mutual funds in the growth option.

You are considering converting to the dividend option for extra income.

Understanding Growth vs. Dividend Options
Growth Option:

In the growth option, your investments grow over time.

Returns are reinvested, leading to potential capital appreciation.

Dividend Option:

The dividend option provides regular income through dividends.

Dividends are paid from the profits of the mutual fund.

Evaluating the Dividend Option
Regular Income:

The dividend option provides periodic income, which can be useful.

This income can supplement your retirement funds.

Tax Implications:

Dividends are taxed in the hands of the investor.

This can reduce the overall returns compared to the growth option.

Market Dependency:

Dividends are not guaranteed and depend on the fund's performance.

In a downturn, dividends may be lower or not paid at all.

Alternative Strategies for Income
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP):

An SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly.

You can choose the amount and frequency of withdrawals.

This provides a predictable income stream without changing the investment option.

Balanced Funds:

Consider investing in balanced funds, which provide both growth and income.

These funds invest in a mix of equity and debt instruments.

Debt Funds:

Debt funds offer lower risk and regular income.

They are suitable for conservative investors seeking steady returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds Through a Certified Financial Planner
Professional Guidance:

A CFP can help tailor your investment strategy to your retirement needs.

They can provide advice on the best funds for your risk profile and income needs.

Periodic Reviews:

Regular reviews ensure your investments remain aligned with your goals.

Adjustments can be made based on changes in the market or your personal situation.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Lack of Professional Advice:

Direct funds do not come with professional guidance.

This can be a drawback if you are not well-versed in investment strategies.

Higher Risk of Mismanagement:

Without expert advice, there is a higher risk of making poor investment choices.
Time-Consuming:

Managing direct funds requires more time and effort.

This can be challenging, especially in retirement.

Final Insights
Consider your need for regular income carefully.

Evaluate the benefits and drawbacks of the dividend option.

Explore alternative strategies like SWP or balanced funds.

Consult with a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 02, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello sir. Currently I am 35 years old. I have just started investing in mutual funds. (a) parag parekh flexi cap - 7500/- per month (B) tata small cap fund -2500/- per month (C) mirae asset ELLS tax saver -5000/- (D) pGIM india mid cap opp. Fund -5000/- (E) quant infrastructure fund-3500/- (F) quant small cap fund -4000/- (G) qyant active fund -3500/- (H) quant absolute fund-5000/- Total i am investing 36000/- per month. I want to get 2 crore till 2035. Additionally i want to invest 1 lakh per annum So my questions is AREA THESE MUTUAL FUNDS ARE OK or I should change any fund. And where should I invest this additional 1 lkh rupee per annum
Ans: You have taken a solid step by investing in mutual funds. Let’s assess your portfolio for alignment with your Rs. 2 crore goal by 2035.

Analysing Fund Selection
Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund
A flexi cap fund is suitable for long-term growth.

It provides exposure to multiple market segments and geographies.

Tata Small Cap Fund
Small-cap funds can deliver high returns but carry high risk.

Keep exposure limited to control portfolio volatility.

Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Fund
ELSS funds are excellent for tax-saving under Section 80C.

They also provide equity exposure with a lock-in period of 3 years.

PGIM India Midcap Opportunities Fund
Mid-cap funds balance growth potential and risk.

It fits well for wealth creation over 10+ years.

Quant Infrastructure Fund
Sectoral funds like infrastructure are highly volatile.

Limit their allocation to avoid concentrated risk.

Quant Small Cap Fund
Small-cap funds should be balanced with large-cap or flexi-cap funds.

Diversify further to mitigate risks.

Quant Active Fund
This multi-cap fund offers flexibility in stock allocation.

It can complement other diversified funds in your portfolio.

Quant Absolute Fund
Balanced funds can provide stability to a portfolio.

Use these for moderate growth with reduced risk.

Portfolio Observations
Strengths
Good mix of diversified equity funds and mid-cap options.

Includes ELSS for tax savings.

Concerns
High allocation to small-cap and sectoral funds increases portfolio risk.

Quant funds dominate, reducing diversification across fund houses.

Suggested Portfolio Adjustments
Reduce Small-Cap Exposure
Retain one small-cap fund, preferably Tata Small Cap.

Exit the Quant Small Cap Fund to reduce concentrated risk.

Diversify Fund Houses
Choose funds from varied AMCs for better risk distribution.

Avoid over-reliance on a single fund house like Quant.

Add Large-Cap Focus
Include a large-cap or large and mid-cap fund for stability.

These funds are essential for balancing risk.

Utilising the Additional Rs. 1 Lakh Annually
Lump Sum in Mutual Funds
Invest the amount in existing equity funds systematically.

Distribute it across balanced and large-cap funds.

Consider Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds offer equity growth with debt stability.

Allocate Rs. 50,000 annually to a good hybrid fund.

Emergency Fund
Build an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses.

Use liquid funds or fixed deposits for this purpose.

Health Insurance Top-Up
Increase health insurance coverage if necessary.

Ensure sufficient coverage for medical emergencies.

Tracking and Adjusting Your Investments
Annual Portfolio Review
Monitor fund performance regularly.

Exit consistently underperforming funds to optimise returns.

Rebalancing
Adjust your equity and debt exposure annually.

Maintain the desired asset allocation for your goals.

Tax Implications and Planning
ELSS Tax Benefits
Continue with ELSS investments for Section 80C deductions.

Redeem matured ELSS funds and reinvest to extend benefits.

Long-Term and Short-Term Capital Gains
LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG is taxed at 20%. Plan withdrawals wisely to minimise taxes.

Estimating Rs. 2 Crore Corpus by 2035
Your Rs. 36,000 SIP is a significant step toward this goal.

Stay disciplined with investments to capitalise on compounding.

Use the additional Rs. 1 lakh annually to accelerate corpus growth.

Final Insights
Your portfolio needs minor adjustments for better risk management. Focus on diversification, balancing equity and debt, and tracking performance. Stay consistent with your SIPs, and your Rs. 2 crore target by 2035 is achievable.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Sep 24, 2025

Money
I am 31 now in MNC. In early days, I have invested in hdfc balance advantage fund dividend option to get passive and additional income. Now employed in MNC getting a decent salary now the dividend not required forme even as passive income, also giving tax burden, moreover the HDFC BAF dividend fund has grown well apart from giving dividend my purchase nav was ₹.24 now it ₹.45. Please guide me should I switch to one withdrawal or by STP where both involves tax burden or in batches to match every year. 1, if withdraw one lot LTCG but save dividend taxing 2. If STP no or minimum tax on LTCG but dividend is tax pressure 3.if withdraw in batch both LTCG and dividend 4. If I do nothing and to allow it grow in dividend though I set dividend transfer to growth fund this dividend gives tax pressure. I don't require this dividend or accumulated funds in Dividend option any more say for next 25 years Can you please Guide me and throw light to ease the situation
Ans: Hi Mani,

Unfortunately there isn't any direct option to switch from Dividend option to growth or any other option.
You can withdraw the amount in batches so that the maximum gain in one financial year does not cross Rs. 1.25 lakhs as 1.25 lakhs LTCG is tax exempt. So if you withdraw gains worth 1.25 lakhs, you will incur the dividend tax on the remaining amount till next FY.
This is the best option for you to exercise.
You can share your net salary details and total invested amount in this MF along with current value for me to guide you better.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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