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30-year-old single parent seeks advice on generating wealth for child's education and higher studies

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 29, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Aditya Question by Aditya on Jul 15, 2024Hindi
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Hello , My age is 30 and have investments as follows: 15 lacs in fd , 15 lacs in nsc, 5.5 lacs in ppf which will go upto 10 lacs in next 3 years (during maturity), 5 lacs in stocks and 2 sip 10k in quant elss tax saver fund & 6k in kotak elss tax fund , 5k/m contribution in nps.I have housing rent which is 35k/m and monthly expense upto ?6k. I am the only one earning at home. I want to generate wealth to cover my childs education and higher studies.

Ans: You have a good start in your investment journey. Your age is 30, and you have a well-diversified portfolio. Your goal is to generate wealth for your child's education and higher studies. Let's analyse your current investments and provide insights for future growth.

Current Investment Overview
Fixed Deposits: Rs 15 lakhs

National Savings Certificate (NSC): Rs 15 lakhs

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 5.5 lakhs (expected to grow to Rs 10 lakhs in 3 years)

Stocks: Rs 5 lakhs

SIPs: Rs 10,000 in ELSS tax saver fund, Rs 6,000 in another ELSS tax fund

National Pension System (NPS): Rs 5,000 monthly

Housing Rent: Rs 35,000 monthly

Monthly Expenses: Rs 6,000

Analysis of Your Current Portfolio
Fixed Deposits and NSC: These are low-risk, but returns are often low. They provide stability but may not keep pace with inflation.

PPF: This is a safe and tax-efficient option. It is a good long-term investment.

Stocks: High-risk, high-reward. Requires careful selection and monitoring.

SIPs in ELSS Funds: These offer tax benefits and potential for good returns. However, avoid duplication in fund choices.

NPS: Good for retirement planning. Offers tax benefits and disciplined savings.

Recommendations for Wealth Generation
Diversify Investments: Avoid putting too much in low-return options. Consider increasing exposure to equity mutual funds for higher growth potential.

Review ELSS Funds: Having two ELSS funds is redundant. Opt for one well-performing ELSS fund. This simplifies management and can boost returns.

Increase Equity Exposure: Allocate more to equity mutual funds. These funds generally offer better returns over the long term.

Regular Fund Investing: Consider investing through regular funds with a Certified Financial Planner. This ensures professional guidance and avoids common investment mistakes.

Avoid Direct Funds: Direct funds lack professional advice. Regular funds with CFP help are better for most investors.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management: Fund managers actively manage the portfolio for optimal returns.

Flexibility: They can adjust holdings based on market conditions.

Potential for Higher Returns: Actively managed funds often outperform index funds.

Additional Steps for Financial Security
Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund equal to 6-12 months of expenses. This covers unexpected financial needs.

Insurance Coverage: Ensure adequate life and health insurance. This protects your family from unforeseen events.

Regular Portfolio Review: Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. This keeps your investments aligned with your goals and market conditions.

Final Insights
Your investment portfolio is well-diversified but can benefit from adjustments. Shift some funds from low-return options to equity mutual funds. Simplify your ELSS investments and increase equity exposure. Regular funds with Certified Financial Planner guidance offer better returns and convenience. Maintain an emergency fund and ensure adequate insurance coverage. Regular reviews and rebalancing keep your portfolio on track. This approach will help you generate wealth for your child's education and secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Dear Sir, I am 48 year old, having a monthly income of 4 lakh a month post tax. my current investments as follows . Mutual Fund - monthly contribution of 30k for the past 6 years and it has generated a corpus of 20lac so far. LIC jeevan saral yearly payment of 1lakh and this has generated a value of 31lakh so far.. FD currently to the tune of 1.20 crore and couple of other investments to the tune of 3 lakh. I need an advice as am targeting to get 1.5 crore more in next 5 years over and above the current wealth i have. I have no loan commitment. my monthly expenses around 1.5 lakh on an average
Ans: You're in a great financial position with a good monthly income, consistent savings, and a diversified portfolio. Here are some strategies to help you achieve your goal of accumulating an additional Rs. 1.5 crore in the next 5 years:

1. Increase Monthly Investment Amount:

You're currently saving Rs. 30,000 per month in mutual funds. Consider increasing this amount to accelerate your wealth accumulation. You have a significant disposable income (Rs. 4 lakh - Rs. 1.5 lakh = Rs. 2.5 lakh) after expenses.
2. Review Mutual Fund Allocation:

After 6 years, your chosen mutual fund has generated a corpus of Rs. 20 lakh. Analyze the fund's performance and risk profile. Consider consulting a financial advisor to ensure your mutual fund aligns with your goals and risk tolerance.
3. Explore Equity Investment Options:

While FDs offer stability, their returns may not outpace inflation. Consider allocating a portion of your increased savings to equity-based instruments like stocks or aggressive mutual funds for potentially higher growth. However, remember the inherent risk associated with equity investments.
4. Invest in Tax-Saving Instruments:

Utilize tax-saving instruments like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) to save taxes while potentially earning higher returns compared to FDs.
Here's a possible breakdown of increased savings:

Increase monthly SIP by Rs. 50,000 (Rs. 30,000 existing + Rs. 50,000 increase)
Invest Rs. 1,00,000 per month in aggressive mutual funds or direct stock picking (if you have the expertise or consult a financial advisor).
Important Considerations:

Risk Tolerance: Equity investments carry higher risk. Ensure your overall portfolio aligns with your risk tolerance.
Diversification: Maintain diversification across asset classes (equity, debt, gold etc.) to mitigate risk.
Financial Advisor: Consulting a financial advisor can provide personalized investment strategies based on your goals and risk profile.
Additional Tips:

Track and Review: Regularly track your investments and review your portfolio to adapt to market conditions and your evolving goals.
Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses.
By increasing your savings, considering higher growth investment options, and maintaining a diversified portfolio, you can significantly increase your chances of achieving your target of Rs. 1.5 crore in the next 5 years. Remember, this is a general guideline, and consulting a financial advisor can provide a more personalized roadmap for your specific situation.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 02, 2024

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hello, my age is 31 year old married. wife is house wife and we have 1 year old daughter alo, i am freelance interior designer, architect from mumbai and earning aprroximate 1.25 lac per month and monthly expenses are approc 30000. i dont have any loan/ dept to pay. currently i have 15 lac in equity market, 10 lac in mutual funds monthly SIP 25000, 2lac in FD, 5lac of gold jewellary, 20 lac of health insurance and 20 lac of Life insurance. please send good planning to make wealth by the age of 50.
Ans: Current Financial Overview
Age: 31 years

Family: Married with a homemaker wife and a 1-year-old daughter

Profession: Freelance interior designer and architect

Location: Mumbai

Monthly Income: Rs 1.25 lakh

Monthly Expenses: Rs 30,000

Savings: Rs 95,000 per month

Existing Investments:

Rs 15 lakh in equity market
Rs 10 lakh in mutual funds
Rs 2 lakh in fixed deposits
Rs 5 lakh in gold jewellery
Rs 20 lakh health insurance
Rs 20 lakh life insurance
Financial Goals
Corpus Goal: Rs 5 crore in the next 12-15 years
Wealth Accumulation Goal: By age 50
Financial Strategy
Evaluation of Existing Investments
Equity Market: Rs 15 lakh

Equity investments earn high returns over a long period.
Invest in different sectors to minimize risk.
Mutual Funds: Rs 10 lakh with Rs 25,000 SIP on a monthly basis

One can continue investing through SIP in actively managed funds.
These funds would perform better than index funds as it is expertly managed funds.
Get the services of a CFP to select funds periodically.
Fixed Deposits: Rs 2 lakh

Fixed deposits offer safety but only ordinary returns.
Some of the money could be shifted to betterperforming instruments.
Gold Jewellery: Rs 5 lakh
Gold is an excellent hedge against inflation.
No more money needs to be put into gold as the returns are only good.
Health and Life Insurance: Rs 20 lakh each
Adequate coverage ensures financial security.
Review periodically to check on adequacy of coverage.
Optimising Investments
Increase SIP Amount:

The monthly SIP should be increased from Rs 25,000 to Rs 50,000.
Now, invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap and multi-cap funds.
Since actively managed funds have an added advantage in terms of the possibility of higher returns.
Diversify Equity Investments:

Sectors in which you can diversify your Rs 15 lakh equity investments.
You can add in blue-chip stocks for stability.
Invest in sectors that will grow significantly for better returns.
Emergency Fund:

Maintain emergency funding equivalent to 6 months to 12 months of expenditure.
Consider keeping Rs 3-5 lakh in liquid funds or saving bank accounts.
Regular Review:

Review your investment portfolio regularly.
Flow with the market and adjust by financial goals.
Shun Index Funds:

Index funds closely follow the market index and tend to be inferior to active funds
Active funds can adjust to changes in the market and deliver superior returns
Take the help of a Certified Financial Planner
Engage a CFP for customized investment plans
He helps with the right fund choices and portfolio management
Investment Planning for the Long-term
Systematic Transfer Plan (STP):

Get the help of STP to transfer money from low-risk to high return investments.
This will ensure gradual exposure to equity markets.
Child's Education and Future Needs:

Open a separate fund for the education of your daughter.
You can look at some mutual funds that are specifically for children or PPF.
Retirement Planning:

Start retirement planning through targeted investments.
Diversify into retirement-specific mutual funds with steady growth expectations.
Tax Planning:

Invest in tax-saving products such as ELSS mutual funds.
Save on taxes through deductions available under Section 80C.
Final Words
Monitoring Regularly: Track your financial goals and performance of your investments regularly.

Discipline in Savings: Save and invest Rs 95,000 every month regularly.

Avoid Low-Yield Investments: Avoid investing in low-return instruments like excessive fixed deposits.

Professional Guidance: Consult a Certified Financial Planner to optimize your investment strategy.

With these steps, you will be able to achieve your aim of creating a corpus of Rs 5 crore in a span of 12-15 years. A disciplined approach and expert guidance will ensure steady growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2024Hindi
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I am 24 years old..My current inhand salary is 27000 per month...I have 4 LIC including my parents ..for which I pay 1.1 lakh per annum as premium..I am also investing 6000 rupees in mutual fund. 1 large cap(2000 ruppes)..2 small cap(1000 each) and 1 large and mid cap(2000 rupees) fund...I also recently started investing in ppf....have 30000 in bank account..Pls suggest if I am in right track for wealth creation or need further approach ...Thank You..
Ans: You have a good start in managing your finances. Your income is Rs. 27,000 per month. You have four LIC policies, with an annual premium of Rs. 1.1 lakh. You are investing Rs. 6,000 per month in mutual funds, covering large-cap, small-cap, and large and mid-cap funds. Additionally, you’ve started investing in PPF and have Rs. 30,000 in your bank account.

Insurance Coverage and Premiums
LIC Policies: Paying Rs. 1.1 lakh annually for LIC policies is a significant portion of your income. It's important to ensure that the coverage provided by these policies meets your needs. LIC policies often combine insurance with investment, which may not be the most efficient use of your money.

Term Insurance: If you do not have a term insurance policy, consider one. Term insurance provides pure life coverage at a much lower cost than traditional LIC policies. It would free up funds for other investments.

Investment Strategy Evaluation
Mutual Fund Investments: Your Rs. 6,000 per month investment in mutual funds is a good step. You’ve diversified across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. This approach balances risk and potential returns. However, given your age, consider increasing your contribution to small and mid-cap funds. These funds have the potential for higher returns over the long term, which aligns with your goal of wealth creation.

Avoiding Index Funds: It’s good you’re investing in actively managed funds rather than index funds. Actively managed funds can outperform the market, especially in the Indian context. Index funds, while lower in fees, may not offer the same growth potential.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds: If you’re investing in direct funds, consider the benefits of regular funds. Regular funds, through a Certified Financial Planner, offer professional guidance. This can help you navigate market fluctuations and ensure your portfolio is well-balanced. Direct funds, while cheaper, require a more hands-on approach.

PPF and Bank Savings
PPF Investments: Starting a PPF account is a smart move. PPF offers tax benefits and a secure, long-term savings option. Continue investing in PPF regularly. This will build a solid foundation for future financial goals, like buying a house or funding retirement.

Bank Savings: Keeping Rs. 30,000 in your bank account is a good start for an emergency fund. However, aim to build this up to at least three to six months of living expenses. This will ensure you’re prepared for any unexpected financial challenges.

Recommendations for Wealth Creation
1. Reassess Your Insurance Portfolio

Review LIC Policies: Consider whether the investment component of your LIC policies is giving you adequate returns. If not, it may be worth exploring the possibility of surrendering some policies and redirecting the funds to mutual funds or PPF.

Add Term Insurance: If you haven’t already, consider getting a term insurance plan. It provides higher coverage at a lower premium, allowing you to allocate more towards investments.

2. Optimize Your Mutual Fund Investments

Increase SIP Amount: If possible, try to increase your monthly SIPs. Even a small increase can have a significant impact over time due to compounding.

Focus on Growth Funds: Given your age, prioritize investments in growth-oriented funds like small and mid-cap funds. These funds are more volatile but offer higher potential returns over the long term.

3. Build a Robust Emergency Fund

Increase Savings: Aim to build your bank savings to Rs. 1.5 lakh, which would cover about six months of expenses. You can keep this in a high-interest savings account or a liquid mutual fund for easy access.
4. Long-Term Financial Planning

PPF as a Long-Term Tool: Continue investing in PPF regularly. Over 15 years, this will grow into a significant corpus, thanks to the power of compounding.

Consider Retirement Goals Early: Even though retirement is far away, starting to plan now will give you a huge advantage. Continue your PPF contributions and mutual fund SIPs, and consider gradually increasing your investments as your income grows.

Final Insights
You’re on the right track, especially at such a young age. However, optimizing your insurance and investment strategy will help you achieve your wealth creation goals more effectively. Keep reviewing and adjusting your financial plan as your income and circumstances change. This proactive approach will ensure you build a strong financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Dr Upneet

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I don't get along with my husband and in-laws. I am living with him only for the sake of my 5 year old son. I broke up with my ex to marry this man to keep my parents happy. However, he is not at all an ideal partner for me. He abuses me all the time and takes me for granted. He doesn't allow me to step out, or meet my friends and family. I have to wait for him to go to work, so I can call anyone. His family keeps a close watch on what I do and informs him if I step out to even meet my family or relatives. We fight and argue almost every day. I have told him that I want a divorce but he said No, I have to adjust and accept. I am a graduate but I don't have a job. It is frustrating when he doesn't let me do anything on my own. I blocked my ex when our marriage got fixed but he is always suspicious. Sometimes I feel like hitting him back to stop the torture. I want to go back home but my parents are financially dependent on my brother, so they want me to reconcile and find a way to sort things out with my husband. Recently I learned that my ex is still waiting for me but I can't stay with him legally till I am divorced. How do I explain all this to my son? I am unhappy and confused. What should I do?
Ans: Hello Mam, I understand that you are in a dilemma. The situation is like this. Either ways the situation will have its negative effect on your son. If possible take some time out from your family and spend some quality time with your husband. Clear negative thoughts from your mind regarding your husband and try to accept him. If you will think positive about your family it will reflect in your actions and then things will be sorted out. But one thing to be kept in mind that you should not tolerate physical abuse. Involve your parents in this and try to convince him to behave nicely with you. U can always start something online for your financial independence. Try this out. Take care ????
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I'm in a relationship since 7 years .we both are Hindus bt our castes differ...i belong to higher caste and he belongs to a lower caste which is definitely going to be a problem because I have a elder brother his marriage was also love marriage and his wife's caste also was bit lower to ours so I have seen lot of issues at home of father not getting convinced at all.... Now after thinking about everything I'm in a state of confusion if whether I was wrong about loving somebody without their knowledge since already elder brothers issues I had seen should I have thought about all this seriously before ? Parents won't be expecting sucha thing from me because I seem kinder and understandable than my brother....last year I did let this out to my mother that i like someone and all the details....bt she started with emotional drama like this wasn't expected from you though you wld have understood the issues from brothers marriage etc etc. she tried to approach me in a different way....like being nice and to withdraw frm this decision and to take a good ....my dad still don't know abt this... actually my mom was about to say bt she thought of giving me time and assumes eventually I'll take better decision for them ...there was so much of drama and hence aftr that wasn't being able to discuss abt his.... because im in a stage of job hunting if I let this out to father i won't be able to sit at home....I'm actually really very confused and now what to do....am i wrong here...my situation and my brothers situation is different know....just because I saw brother wedding issue....how long i wld have sat without being in a relationship... especially in this generation....this was something that happened by itself inspite of me not being oke to say yes to my partner later it became yes..it was all meant to be.... because he isn't my classmate or anything my classmates family friend and is elder to me....so i believe it was to happen....I want to actually arive in a perfect and or place....not being able to take proper decision....since I always consider myself unlucky ok scared to take any decision also....and also now wondering what all shld be the qualities i must look for before taking decision about my life partner....should it be looks ...family or caste.... economic class status etc.....please help... messed up. Current update : I have attended a interview...and results are still on processing stage but I am sure even if it's taking time I will get it because my interview feedback given was excellent just that since it's a MNC they are waiting for a position in a particular department I think hence delay , meanwhile since I'm 26 and me and my partner has a age difference of 6 years situations have become difficult. His parents pressures him for marriage and to see girls . But since he is in love with me he wants to wait ... because the pressure was increasing I had to tell my mother once again after one year and she was shocked again she thought I left this in this gap.... however I had taken this time for a better decision and time alloted for finding job , there began emotional drama again ..then I had to tell her to jst let my father know about this and if he asks me I will explain it. She was also worried because dad hasn't come out of all the traumas he had out of my brother's marriage because girl was from different caste. So my father had to answer a lot of questions from his siblings and society etc . My mother anyway agreed to talk to dad...she told the matter ...again house atmosphere changed entirely. I waited until dad asked me about this...waited for two days then he approached me and called and spoke asked about each and every details and then finally said like see him as a friend and take a better decision and he left just like that. 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But , after this situation my father saved this fathers number ...one day what happened was , he saw a status put by his father in which there was his parents with few other group people who weren't so good looking...so mistook it as their relatives and told mother to speak to me because this he can't even digest me to send to such a family since as a girls parent he has certain expectations also because his main issue is caste problem hevis finding one problem behind the other . My boyfriend belongs to a Tamil caste and mine is malayali native hence my boyfriend has a dark complexion maybe his parents and family too...but should all these matter to take a terrible final decision regarding our marriage? Even tho their complexion was dark Can't they have a good heart and shouldn't character be given priority than looks ? Just because parents want to show the society...how can i toss my life and find another person as they are saying? Do all that matter ?? 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Ans: First, you are not wrong for falling in love. Love doesn’t ask for caste, status, or complexion—it simply grows where there’s connection, care, and shared values. The world around us, especially family and society, can be heavily opinionated, but that doesn’t mean your feelings are any less valid. You've been trying to balance respect for your parents with loyalty to your partner, and that's not easy at all.

Your dad's resistance is clearly rooted in fear—fear of what society will say, fear of repeating a past that felt traumatic for him during your brother's marriage. His concern isn't necessarily about your partner’s character, but about how it looks to others. Unfortunately, a lot of our parents were raised to give more weight to "what people will say" than to personal happiness. It’s not your fault he carries that burden. You’re just trying to live a life that’s true to your heart.

Your boyfriend seems like someone who really cares about you and is ready to wait for you through all this. That's rare, and it matters. If his family was kind enough to approach yours respectfully, it shows they are willing to build a bridge. You’re not trying to force anything—you’re asking for space to make a decision with both head and heart involved.

As for appearance and caste: no, these should not be what define a life partner. A dark complexion or a different community cannot and should not outweigh honesty, kindness, emotional maturity, and shared values. Looks fade. Status changes. But someone’s nature stays. And in a marriage, when times are tough, it’s not the family’s last name or the shade of their skin that matters—it’s whether they stand by you or not.

You mentioned something powerful: that you believe this was “meant to happen.” And I agree—sometimes people enter our lives with a timing and connection that doesn’t make logical sense but feels profoundly right. That’s not something to toss aside easily.

Now, about convincing your father—it’s hard to change someone who is set in their ways, but here’s what you can try:

Let your mother be the mediator since she’s more open. Ask her to have slow, non-threatening conversations with him—not to pressure him, but just to help him understand that you are not making a hasty or rebellious choice. You’re thinking practically and from the heart. It’s not about rejecting their values but about choosing someone you can build a peaceful, respectful life with.

You could also write a heartfelt letter to your dad—sometimes, parents understand better when there’s no direct confrontation. Share your side, your fears, your respect for him, and your reasons for choosing this person. Let him know you still want to be his daughter, that you haven’t forgotten your family’s worth—you’re just hoping your happiness can also be valued.

Most importantly—give yourself credit for how well you’ve handled this. You’ve shown maturity, patience, and self-awareness. Even when it hurts, you’re not reacting with drama or impulse—you’re processing, reflecting, and trying to do the right thing.


And please don’t let anyone make you feel like your love is a mistake. You’ve loved with honesty and stood strong—no matter what comes next, that’s something to be proud of. I’m here to walk with you through this, one step at a time.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

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My partner and I have a problem. Whenever we argue, I feel the need to talk it through immediately, but my partner shuts down completely and goes silent for hours, sometimes days. It leaves me feeling anxious and ignored. How do I deal with this without feeling like I am the only one trying?
Ans: Have a calm, non-conflict conversation about the issue outside of a fight. Explain to your partner how their silence affects you—not by blaming, but by expressing how it makes you feel. For example, “When we argue and you go silent, I feel anxious and alone. It makes me feel like I’m the only one trying, even though I know that might not be true.” Keep it about your feelings, not their faults.

Ask them what they feel in those moments—do they need space to think? Do they feel overwhelmed? Are they afraid things will escalate? Try to genuinely understand their side too.

Together, you can come up with a “pause plan”—a middle ground. Maybe your partner can say something like, “I need an hour to clear my head, but I promise we’ll talk after that.” That way, you get the reassurance that the issue won’t be ignored forever, and they get the breathing room they need.

Also, remind yourselves that you’re on the same team. The goal isn’t to win the argument—it’s to understand each other better and reconnect.

You’re not the only one trying—it just feels that way because your emotional needs are different. With communication, empathy, and small agreements about how to handle conflict, this doesn’t have to stay a painful pattern. You're already doing the brave thing by reflecting and wanting to improve this—see if you can invite your partner into that same space of honesty and growth.

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Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 14, 2025Hindi
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My mother doesn't want to stay with me but she gladly stays with my brother and his wife I live all alone in a house and I feel left out as well as ostracised as well as excluded I feel like I am unwanted person and if I ever meet anyone like my relatives in any social setting I feel they are tolerating me I feel like an untouchable how do I cope up with this situation as there is no one for me no one I can rely on or nobody who has my back noone who I can share my problems with or call in case I feel sick or in case of an emergency.
Ans: Feeling excluded by family and sensing that others are merely "tolerating" you is a heavy emotional burden to carry. It can quietly erode your sense of self-worth, leaving you questioning your value, your place in the world, and your importance to the people who were meant to be your first support system. You're not being overly sensitive or dramatic—this kind of emotional isolation is deeply painful, and it makes perfect sense that you’re feeling untouchable and unsafe.

But here’s a gentle truth: you are not unwanted. You are not unworthy of love or care. The way others treat you does not define your worth. Sometimes, unfortunately, people—even family—fail to show up for us in the ways we need. That doesn’t mean you are broken or undeserving. It just means their limitations are getting in the way of what should have been a loving, supportive connection.

You’re already doing something powerful by voicing your truth here. That’s not a small step—it’s an act of bravery. And while I know I’m not physically there beside you, I want you to feel this as a moment of connection: someone does hear you, someone does see what you’re carrying, and it matters.

To cope with this, start with your emotional safety. Let yourself grieve—not just for the loneliness, but for the longing of what you deserve but haven’t received. Cry if you need to, write if it helps, let those feelings have their space rather than trying to bury them. This kind of pain doesn’t go away by pretending it’s not there.

And slowly, one step at a time, begin building your circle—not necessarily with blood ties, but with people who choose you. Is there someone in your past who was kind to you? A coworker, a neighbor, someone from college or a class you took? Even a single shared conversation can be a seed. It’s not about quantity, it’s about presence. The goal isn't to replace what’s missing—but to slowly start nurturing connections that are rooted in respect and care.

In moments of emergency or fear, consider having a plan. Even having the number of a nearby clinic, a trusted neighbor, or a local community support group can give you a thread of reassurance. And if you ever feel overwhelmed or unsafe with your thoughts, reaching out to a mental health helpline or counselor can make a real difference. You deserve help when you're hurting.

And here, whenever you need someone to talk to, I will always be here to listen—no judgment, no conditions. You matter. Your story matters. And even though the world may have made you feel like an outsider, I want you to believe this: there is a space where you belong.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2025Hindi
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Hello Maam I see a guy always staring at me. I wanted to ask him publically about this staring things. But instead of doing so I felt more comfortable in messaging and asking about the same. Once I checked his profile on Truecaller bcz we are in same society group. I was curious to know about his weird behaviour. He even give me intense states. I do not understand what he is upto. I feel like being stalked sometimes. So i got his number from society group. I texted him to clarify bt his wife called me and abused me badly. She thinks am trying to have an affair with her husband. I am flirting with him. My texts were plain and casual. I don't know how to make her understand that the guy himself is stalking us. I have seen him many times. I don't know whether m only victim or he persuade other woman too. I just don't know. We come at different time slots for our child to play in society play area bt he also manages to come to the time in which m coming. I find all these things unsettling. I told his wife that the man is making me feel uncomfortable but she was not listening to me. She wants prove. I told her that her husband was trying to approach and give advice related to parenting even when I don't know him personally. We are just flatmates nothing more than that. He lives in the flat in front of mine so i feel he is watching from there. I don't know his real intentions till date. On being asked on what's app why he stare at me. He told me that he has the habit of looking in one direction. N apologise for the same. But my husband confronted him and asked him about the same thing to which he told my husband that am characterless woman and i text him bcz i am not happy with my husband. Can u please help me to understand why is he talking shit about me when I have sent him a plain text to clarify the matter
Ans: What you’re going through is unfortunately not uncommon. A man invades your personal space with repeated staring, gives unsolicited advice, possibly stalks you, and when you attempt to address it with dignity and clarity, he twists the narrative and plays the victim. This reversal—where the actual victim is painted as the aggressor—is a classic defensive tactic by people who know they’ve crossed boundaries and don’t want to be held accountable. His reaction to your message shows his true character. Instead of acknowledging your discomfort and stopping, he projected shame onto you and tried to protect himself by degrading you in front of your husband.

His wife’s reaction, though painful, also makes a certain kind of sad sense—when a woman is scared, shocked, or insecure about her relationship, she may lash out at another woman instead of confronting the man who is actually responsible. That doesn’t make her behavior right, but it helps to understand it. She’s probably reacting from a place of fear, denial, and misplaced anger. You don’t need to justify yourself to her anymore. You tried your best to explain, and the fact that she wasn’t ready to listen shows her unwillingness or inability to see the truth right now.

You’ve done everything someone should do—tried to clarify respectfully, confronted the issue through proper channels, and included your husband. Now, your emotional safety, your dignity, and your peace of mind matter the most.

This man is clearly uncomfortable with accountability, and now he's trying to flip the story to discredit you. Let him. You do not owe him any further energy or explanation. Instead, stay calm, document everything (dates, messages, incidents), and if the staring or stalking continues, consider speaking to the society committee or, if necessary, legal authorities. Not to create conflict, but to protect your space and your truth. If it escalates or becomes more distressing, don’t hesitate to report it formally.

Most importantly, remind yourself—you acted out of strength, not shame. You stood up for yourself when something didn’t feel right. That is powerful. Hold your ground with dignity. You’re not alone in this. I’m here if you want help drafting a response, navigating this socially, or just to talk when things feel too heavy.

You deserve to feel safe and respected in your own home and neighborhood. Don’t let anyone steal that sense of peace from you.

...Read more

Pushpa

Pushpa R  |59 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

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