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30-year-old single parent seeks advice on generating wealth for child's education and higher studies

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 29, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Aditya Question by Aditya on Jul 15, 2024Hindi
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Hello , My age is 30 and have investments as follows: 15 lacs in fd , 15 lacs in nsc, 5.5 lacs in ppf which will go upto 10 lacs in next 3 years (during maturity), 5 lacs in stocks and 2 sip 10k in quant elss tax saver fund & 6k in kotak elss tax fund , 5k/m contribution in nps.I have housing rent which is 35k/m and monthly expense upto ?6k. I am the only one earning at home. I want to generate wealth to cover my childs education and higher studies.

Ans: You have a good start in your investment journey. Your age is 30, and you have a well-diversified portfolio. Your goal is to generate wealth for your child's education and higher studies. Let's analyse your current investments and provide insights for future growth.

Current Investment Overview
Fixed Deposits: Rs 15 lakhs

National Savings Certificate (NSC): Rs 15 lakhs

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 5.5 lakhs (expected to grow to Rs 10 lakhs in 3 years)

Stocks: Rs 5 lakhs

SIPs: Rs 10,000 in ELSS tax saver fund, Rs 6,000 in another ELSS tax fund

National Pension System (NPS): Rs 5,000 monthly

Housing Rent: Rs 35,000 monthly

Monthly Expenses: Rs 6,000

Analysis of Your Current Portfolio
Fixed Deposits and NSC: These are low-risk, but returns are often low. They provide stability but may not keep pace with inflation.

PPF: This is a safe and tax-efficient option. It is a good long-term investment.

Stocks: High-risk, high-reward. Requires careful selection and monitoring.

SIPs in ELSS Funds: These offer tax benefits and potential for good returns. However, avoid duplication in fund choices.

NPS: Good for retirement planning. Offers tax benefits and disciplined savings.

Recommendations for Wealth Generation
Diversify Investments: Avoid putting too much in low-return options. Consider increasing exposure to equity mutual funds for higher growth potential.

Review ELSS Funds: Having two ELSS funds is redundant. Opt for one well-performing ELSS fund. This simplifies management and can boost returns.

Increase Equity Exposure: Allocate more to equity mutual funds. These funds generally offer better returns over the long term.

Regular Fund Investing: Consider investing through regular funds with a Certified Financial Planner. This ensures professional guidance and avoids common investment mistakes.

Avoid Direct Funds: Direct funds lack professional advice. Regular funds with CFP help are better for most investors.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management: Fund managers actively manage the portfolio for optimal returns.

Flexibility: They can adjust holdings based on market conditions.

Potential for Higher Returns: Actively managed funds often outperform index funds.

Additional Steps for Financial Security
Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund equal to 6-12 months of expenses. This covers unexpected financial needs.

Insurance Coverage: Ensure adequate life and health insurance. This protects your family from unforeseen events.

Regular Portfolio Review: Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. This keeps your investments aligned with your goals and market conditions.

Final Insights
Your investment portfolio is well-diversified but can benefit from adjustments. Shift some funds from low-return options to equity mutual funds. Simplify your ELSS investments and increase equity exposure. Regular funds with Certified Financial Planner guidance offer better returns and convenience. Maintain an emergency fund and ensure adequate insurance coverage. Regular reviews and rebalancing keep your portfolio on track. This approach will help you generate wealth for your child's education and secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Dear Sir, I am 48 year old, having a monthly income of 4 lakh a month post tax. my current investments as follows . Mutual Fund - monthly contribution of 30k for the past 6 years and it has generated a corpus of 20lac so far. LIC jeevan saral yearly payment of 1lakh and this has generated a value of 31lakh so far.. FD currently to the tune of 1.20 crore and couple of other investments to the tune of 3 lakh. I need an advice as am targeting to get 1.5 crore more in next 5 years over and above the current wealth i have. I have no loan commitment. my monthly expenses around 1.5 lakh on an average
Ans: You're in a great financial position with a good monthly income, consistent savings, and a diversified portfolio. Here are some strategies to help you achieve your goal of accumulating an additional Rs. 1.5 crore in the next 5 years:

1. Increase Monthly Investment Amount:

You're currently saving Rs. 30,000 per month in mutual funds. Consider increasing this amount to accelerate your wealth accumulation. You have a significant disposable income (Rs. 4 lakh - Rs. 1.5 lakh = Rs. 2.5 lakh) after expenses.
2. Review Mutual Fund Allocation:

After 6 years, your chosen mutual fund has generated a corpus of Rs. 20 lakh. Analyze the fund's performance and risk profile. Consider consulting a financial advisor to ensure your mutual fund aligns with your goals and risk tolerance.
3. Explore Equity Investment Options:

While FDs offer stability, their returns may not outpace inflation. Consider allocating a portion of your increased savings to equity-based instruments like stocks or aggressive mutual funds for potentially higher growth. However, remember the inherent risk associated with equity investments.
4. Invest in Tax-Saving Instruments:

Utilize tax-saving instruments like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) to save taxes while potentially earning higher returns compared to FDs.
Here's a possible breakdown of increased savings:

Increase monthly SIP by Rs. 50,000 (Rs. 30,000 existing + Rs. 50,000 increase)
Invest Rs. 1,00,000 per month in aggressive mutual funds or direct stock picking (if you have the expertise or consult a financial advisor).
Important Considerations:

Risk Tolerance: Equity investments carry higher risk. Ensure your overall portfolio aligns with your risk tolerance.
Diversification: Maintain diversification across asset classes (equity, debt, gold etc.) to mitigate risk.
Financial Advisor: Consulting a financial advisor can provide personalized investment strategies based on your goals and risk profile.
Additional Tips:

Track and Review: Regularly track your investments and review your portfolio to adapt to market conditions and your evolving goals.
Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses.
By increasing your savings, considering higher growth investment options, and maintaining a diversified portfolio, you can significantly increase your chances of achieving your target of Rs. 1.5 crore in the next 5 years. Remember, this is a general guideline, and consulting a financial advisor can provide a more personalized roadmap for your specific situation.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

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hello sir, I am 51 years, I have a corpus of 1cr in mutual funds , 5 lacs in PPF , my PF is 25 lacs, KVP 10 lacs, monthly sip in mutual funds is 27000, daughter is employed and have set a side 40 lacs for her marriage , my son is still studies in Bcom hrs . 3rd years. have an agricultural land of worth 1 crores . Have three flats worth , 25 lacs 40 lacs and 80 lacs and the one i am living in is 20 lacs. I want to generate a corpus of 5cr at the age of 60. Apart from this I want to generte an extra income of around 1 lacs per month. from the age of 55. Prsently my income is 1lacs per month.
Ans: At 51, you have built a significant corpus. You’ve invested wisely in mutual funds, PPF, PF, KVP, and real estate. Your current situation includes:

Mutual Funds: Rs 1 crore, which is a substantial investment.

PPF: Rs 5 lakhs, a secure, tax-saving investment.

Provident Fund: Rs 25 lakhs, a reliable source of retirement income.

Kisan Vikas Patra (KVP): Rs 10 lakhs, providing safe and guaranteed returns.

Real Estate: Three flats worth Rs 25 lakhs, Rs 40 lakhs, and Rs 80 lakhs. Plus, the one you live in is worth Rs 20 lakhs.

Agricultural Land: Worth Rs 1 crore, a valuable asset.

You’ve also set aside Rs 40 lakhs for your daughter’s marriage, which is prudent planning. Your son is in his final year of B.Com, so his education is almost complete.

Assessment of Your Financial Goals
You have two main financial goals:

Building a Corpus of Rs 5 Crores by Age 60: This is your retirement goal.

Generating an Extra Income of Rs 1 Lakh per Month from Age 55: This will supplement your retirement.

Evaluating Your Investment Strategy
To achieve your goals, we need to assess and possibly enhance your current investment strategy.

Increasing Your SIP Contributions
Your current SIP of Rs 27,000 per month is good, but you may need to increase this amount to reach your Rs 5 crore target. Consider raising your SIP to Rs 50,000 or more. This will give your portfolio the boost it needs over the next 9 years.

Focus on Actively Managed Funds
It’s crucial to focus on actively managed mutual funds rather than index funds. Actively managed funds have the potential to outperform the market, especially over a long period. These funds are managed by experienced professionals who can make strategic decisions to maximize returns.

Review Your Asset Allocation
Your current allocation includes mutual funds, PPF, PF, KVP, and real estate. While these are good, it’s important to ensure your portfolio is well-diversified and aligned with your risk profile.

Equity Funds: Continue with your mutual fund investments, but ensure you are diversified across large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds. This will balance risk and return.

Debt Funds: As you approach retirement, gradually increase your exposure to debt funds. These funds are less volatile and provide steady returns, which is essential for preserving capital as you near retirement.

Avoid Direct Funds: Direct funds may seem cost-effective, but regular funds offer the advantage of professional advice. Certified Financial Planners can guide you in selecting the best funds, tailored to your goals.

Consider Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds, which invest in both equity and debt, can provide a balanced approach. They offer moderate growth with reduced risk, making them ideal as you get closer to retirement.

Generating an Extra Income of Rs 1 Lakh Per Month
To generate Rs 1 lakh per month from age 55, you need to create a reliable income stream.

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs)
SWPs from your mutual fund investments can provide a steady monthly income. This allows you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly, while the remaining investment continues to grow.

Dividend-Paying Mutual Funds
Consider investing in dividend-paying mutual funds. These funds distribute dividends regularly, providing you with an additional income stream. However, remember that dividends are subject to market performance and are not guaranteed.

Fixed Deposits and Debt Instruments
You can also consider placing a portion of your corpus in fixed deposits or debt instruments that provide regular interest income. While these offer lower returns, they are secure and can provide a steady income.

Tax Efficiency
As you plan for retirement, it’s important to keep tax efficiency in mind.

Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG) Tax: Ensure your equity investments are held for more than one year to benefit from LTCG tax advantages.

Tax-Efficient Withdrawals: Plan your withdrawals in a tax-efficient manner. For example, SWPs are generally more tax-efficient than lump-sum withdrawals.

Managing Your Real Estate Assets
Your real estate assets are valuable, but they may not generate significant income unless sold or rented out. Since you’re not looking to invest further in real estate, consider the following:

Rent Out Your Flats: If you haven’t already, renting out your flats can provide additional monthly income. This income can be reinvested or saved for future needs.

Diversify Away from Real Estate: As you approach retirement, consider selling one or more properties. The proceeds can be reinvested in more liquid and income-generating assets like mutual funds or debt instruments.

Final Insights
You’ve done an excellent job of building a strong financial foundation. To reach your Rs 5 crore goal and generate Rs 1 lakh monthly income, consider increasing your SIP contributions, focusing on actively managed funds, and exploring hybrid and debt funds. Additionally, create a reliable income stream through SWPs, dividend-paying funds, and fixed deposits.

Keep in mind the importance of tax efficiency and gradually shift your focus from growth to capital preservation as you approach retirement. Regular reviews with a Certified Financial Planner will help you stay on track and adjust your strategy as needed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 02, 2024

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hello, my age is 31 year old married. wife is house wife and we have 1 year old daughter alo, i am freelance interior designer, architect from mumbai and earning aprroximate 1.25 lac per month and monthly expenses are approc 30000. i dont have any loan/ dept to pay. currently i have 15 lac in equity market, 10 lac in mutual funds monthly SIP 25000, 2lac in FD, 5lac of gold jewellary, 20 lac of health insurance and 20 lac of Life insurance. please send good planning to make wealth by the age of 50.
Ans: Current Financial Overview
Age: 31 years

Family: Married with a homemaker wife and a 1-year-old daughter

Profession: Freelance interior designer and architect

Location: Mumbai

Monthly Income: Rs 1.25 lakh

Monthly Expenses: Rs 30,000

Savings: Rs 95,000 per month

Existing Investments:

Rs 15 lakh in equity market
Rs 10 lakh in mutual funds
Rs 2 lakh in fixed deposits
Rs 5 lakh in gold jewellery
Rs 20 lakh health insurance
Rs 20 lakh life insurance
Financial Goals
Corpus Goal: Rs 5 crore in the next 12-15 years
Wealth Accumulation Goal: By age 50
Financial Strategy
Evaluation of Existing Investments
Equity Market: Rs 15 lakh

Equity investments earn high returns over a long period.
Invest in different sectors to minimize risk.
Mutual Funds: Rs 10 lakh with Rs 25,000 SIP on a monthly basis

One can continue investing through SIP in actively managed funds.
These funds would perform better than index funds as it is expertly managed funds.
Get the services of a CFP to select funds periodically.
Fixed Deposits: Rs 2 lakh

Fixed deposits offer safety but only ordinary returns.
Some of the money could be shifted to betterperforming instruments.
Gold Jewellery: Rs 5 lakh
Gold is an excellent hedge against inflation.
No more money needs to be put into gold as the returns are only good.
Health and Life Insurance: Rs 20 lakh each
Adequate coverage ensures financial security.
Review periodically to check on adequacy of coverage.
Optimising Investments
Increase SIP Amount:

The monthly SIP should be increased from Rs 25,000 to Rs 50,000.
Now, invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap and multi-cap funds.
Since actively managed funds have an added advantage in terms of the possibility of higher returns.
Diversify Equity Investments:

Sectors in which you can diversify your Rs 15 lakh equity investments.
You can add in blue-chip stocks for stability.
Invest in sectors that will grow significantly for better returns.
Emergency Fund:

Maintain emergency funding equivalent to 6 months to 12 months of expenditure.
Consider keeping Rs 3-5 lakh in liquid funds or saving bank accounts.
Regular Review:

Review your investment portfolio regularly.
Flow with the market and adjust by financial goals.
Shun Index Funds:

Index funds closely follow the market index and tend to be inferior to active funds
Active funds can adjust to changes in the market and deliver superior returns
Take the help of a Certified Financial Planner
Engage a CFP for customized investment plans
He helps with the right fund choices and portfolio management
Investment Planning for the Long-term
Systematic Transfer Plan (STP):

Get the help of STP to transfer money from low-risk to high return investments.
This will ensure gradual exposure to equity markets.
Child's Education and Future Needs:

Open a separate fund for the education of your daughter.
You can look at some mutual funds that are specifically for children or PPF.
Retirement Planning:

Start retirement planning through targeted investments.
Diversify into retirement-specific mutual funds with steady growth expectations.
Tax Planning:

Invest in tax-saving products such as ELSS mutual funds.
Save on taxes through deductions available under Section 80C.
Final Words
Monitoring Regularly: Track your financial goals and performance of your investments regularly.

Discipline in Savings: Save and invest Rs 95,000 every month regularly.

Avoid Low-Yield Investments: Avoid investing in low-return instruments like excessive fixed deposits.

Professional Guidance: Consult a Certified Financial Planner to optimize your investment strategy.

With these steps, you will be able to achieve your aim of creating a corpus of Rs 5 crore in a span of 12-15 years. A disciplined approach and expert guidance will ensure steady growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 24 years old..My current inhand salary is 27000 per month...I have 4 LIC including my parents ..for which I pay 1.1 lakh per annum as premium..I am also investing 6000 rupees in mutual fund. 1 large cap(2000 ruppes)..2 small cap(1000 each) and 1 large and mid cap(2000 rupees) fund...I also recently started investing in ppf....have 30000 in bank account..Pls suggest if I am in right track for wealth creation or need further approach ...Thank You..
Ans: You have a good start in managing your finances. Your income is Rs. 27,000 per month. You have four LIC policies, with an annual premium of Rs. 1.1 lakh. You are investing Rs. 6,000 per month in mutual funds, covering large-cap, small-cap, and large and mid-cap funds. Additionally, you’ve started investing in PPF and have Rs. 30,000 in your bank account.

Insurance Coverage and Premiums
LIC Policies: Paying Rs. 1.1 lakh annually for LIC policies is a significant portion of your income. It's important to ensure that the coverage provided by these policies meets your needs. LIC policies often combine insurance with investment, which may not be the most efficient use of your money.

Term Insurance: If you do not have a term insurance policy, consider one. Term insurance provides pure life coverage at a much lower cost than traditional LIC policies. It would free up funds for other investments.

Investment Strategy Evaluation
Mutual Fund Investments: Your Rs. 6,000 per month investment in mutual funds is a good step. You’ve diversified across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. This approach balances risk and potential returns. However, given your age, consider increasing your contribution to small and mid-cap funds. These funds have the potential for higher returns over the long term, which aligns with your goal of wealth creation.

Avoiding Index Funds: It’s good you’re investing in actively managed funds rather than index funds. Actively managed funds can outperform the market, especially in the Indian context. Index funds, while lower in fees, may not offer the same growth potential.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds: If you’re investing in direct funds, consider the benefits of regular funds. Regular funds, through a Certified Financial Planner, offer professional guidance. This can help you navigate market fluctuations and ensure your portfolio is well-balanced. Direct funds, while cheaper, require a more hands-on approach.

PPF and Bank Savings
PPF Investments: Starting a PPF account is a smart move. PPF offers tax benefits and a secure, long-term savings option. Continue investing in PPF regularly. This will build a solid foundation for future financial goals, like buying a house or funding retirement.

Bank Savings: Keeping Rs. 30,000 in your bank account is a good start for an emergency fund. However, aim to build this up to at least three to six months of living expenses. This will ensure you’re prepared for any unexpected financial challenges.

Recommendations for Wealth Creation
1. Reassess Your Insurance Portfolio

Review LIC Policies: Consider whether the investment component of your LIC policies is giving you adequate returns. If not, it may be worth exploring the possibility of surrendering some policies and redirecting the funds to mutual funds or PPF.

Add Term Insurance: If you haven’t already, consider getting a term insurance plan. It provides higher coverage at a lower premium, allowing you to allocate more towards investments.

2. Optimize Your Mutual Fund Investments

Increase SIP Amount: If possible, try to increase your monthly SIPs. Even a small increase can have a significant impact over time due to compounding.

Focus on Growth Funds: Given your age, prioritize investments in growth-oriented funds like small and mid-cap funds. These funds are more volatile but offer higher potential returns over the long term.

3. Build a Robust Emergency Fund

Increase Savings: Aim to build your bank savings to Rs. 1.5 lakh, which would cover about six months of expenses. You can keep this in a high-interest savings account or a liquid mutual fund for easy access.
4. Long-Term Financial Planning

PPF as a Long-Term Tool: Continue investing in PPF regularly. Over 15 years, this will grow into a significant corpus, thanks to the power of compounding.

Consider Retirement Goals Early: Even though retirement is far away, starting to plan now will give you a huge advantage. Continue your PPF contributions and mutual fund SIPs, and consider gradually increasing your investments as your income grows.

Final Insights
You’re on the right track, especially at such a young age. However, optimizing your insurance and investment strategy will help you achieve your wealth creation goals more effectively. Keep reviewing and adjusting your financial plan as your income and circumstances change. This proactive approach will ensure you build a strong financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.

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