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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 20, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Rameshwar Question by Rameshwar on Aug 20, 2024Hindi
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Just to clarify that the investments worth Rs 44 Lakhs jointly in the name of Self and wife were made by me in PPF Accounts only and it is getting matured on 01st April 2025. Is this a good investment in PPF .Kindly advise on this and for further investing the same amount.... Best Regards

Ans: Your investment in PPF has provided safety and assured returns. However, with retirement on the horizon, diversifying your investments is key. Mutual Funds (MFs) offer higher growth potential, especially equity-oriented funds. Investing in MFs through a systematic plan can help you achieve better returns over time, balancing growth with moderate risk. As your PPF matures, consider reallocating a portion to MFs to build a stronger retirement corpus.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

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I have Ppf account. Which is getting matured next year And expected ammount is 18 lac. Was thinking to withdraw and and invest in mutual fund. Is This a good option investment of 18 lac in lumpsun
Ans: Assessing PPF Maturity and Mutual Fund Investment

Strategic Investment Evaluation

Congratulations on the maturity of your PPF account, offering a substantial corpus for further investment. Let's analyze the feasibility of withdrawing the matured amount and investing it in mutual funds to optimize your portfolio.

Understanding PPF Maturity and Investment Options

The maturity of your PPF account presents an opportunity to reassess your investment strategy and explore avenues for potential growth. Transitioning the matured amount into mutual funds can diversify your portfolio and potentially enhance returns over the long term.

Analyzing Mutual Fund Investment Prospects

Mutual funds offer professional management, diversification, and liquidity, making them an attractive option for long-term wealth accumulation. When selecting mutual funds, prioritize diversified equity funds with proven track records and experienced fund managers.

Disadvantages of Direct Stocks

Direct stock investments entail higher risk and require extensive research and monitoring. Without expertise and time commitment, investing in individual stocks may expose you to market volatility and potential losses.

Benefits of Regular Funds Investing through MFD with CFP Credential

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides access to professional guidance and comprehensive financial planning services. An MFD with a CFP credential can assist in selecting suitable mutual funds, optimizing your investment strategy, and aligning it with your financial goals.

Evaluating Portfolio Diversification

Consider the diversification benefits of mutual funds compared to the singular focus of a PPF account. Mutual funds offer exposure to various sectors and market segments, reducing concentration risk and potentially enhancing portfolio resilience.

Mitigating Risks through Asset Allocation

Assess your risk tolerance and investment objectives to determine the appropriate asset allocation within mutual funds. A balanced approach that combines equity, debt, and other asset classes can mitigate volatility and optimize risk-adjusted returns.

Conclusion

Transitioning the matured amount from your PPF account into mutual funds can diversify your portfolio and potentially accelerate wealth accumulation. Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to select suitable mutual funds, optimize your investment strategy, and align it with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 28, 2024Hindi
Money
I have around 4 lakhs in PPF as of now 2024 May and its going to mature by 2029 March . If I invest around 1.5 lakhs around every year from now it will 1.5*5 which is 7.5 lakhs and maturity amount will be around 15 lakhs with prevailing interest rate of 7.1 annually . Is it wise to invest this 1.5 lakhs annually in any Equity Mutual fund for over 5 years getting returns over 12-13% . Which option would be beneficial as PPF maturity amount is tax free.
Ans: Investing wisely requires understanding the potential returns, risks, and tax implications of different investment options. In your case, you are considering continuing your investment in the Public Provident Fund (PPF) versus shifting to an equity mutual fund. Let's explore these options in detail.

Understanding Your Current PPF Investment
You have Rs 4 lakhs in your PPF account, which will mature in March 2029. You plan to invest Rs 1.5 lakhs annually until maturity. The current interest rate for PPF is 7.1% per annum. PPF investments are attractive due to their tax-free returns at maturity.

Projected PPF Maturity Amount
With your planned annual contributions, let's calculate the projected maturity amount.

Current PPF balance: Rs 4 lakhs
Annual investment: Rs 1.5 lakhs for the next 5 years
PPF interest rate: 7.1% per annum
Maturity year: 2029
Given these inputs, the maturity amount can be calculated using the compound interest formula specific to PPF.

PPF Benefits
Tax-Free Returns: The maturity amount, including interest earned, is tax-free.
Risk-Free Investment: PPF is a government-backed scheme, ensuring safety of principal.
Fixed Returns: The interest rate, although subject to change, offers a predictable return.
PPF Limitations
Lower Returns: Compared to equity investments, PPF returns are relatively lower.
Lock-In Period: PPF has a long lock-in period, reducing liquidity.
Exploring Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest in stocks and have the potential to offer higher returns over the long term. You are considering an expected return of 12-13% per annum.

Projected Returns from Equity Mutual Funds
Let’s consider the potential growth of Rs 1.5 lakhs invested annually in an equity mutual fund with a 12-13% annual return over the next five years.

Equity Mutual Funds Benefits
Higher Potential Returns: Equity mutual funds generally offer higher returns than fixed-income investments like PPF.
Liquidity: Equity mutual funds are more liquid compared to PPF, allowing easier access to your money.
Diversification: Mutual funds provide diversification across different stocks and sectors.
Equity Mutual Funds Limitations
Market Risk: Returns are subject to market fluctuations, making them more volatile.
Tax Implications: Capital gains from equity mutual funds are subject to taxes, affecting net returns.
Comparative Analysis: PPF vs. Equity Mutual Funds
To determine the better investment option, let’s compare the projected returns and other factors:

PPF
Initial Investment: Rs 4 lakhs
Annual Investment: Rs 1.5 lakhs
Interest Rate: 7.1%
Maturity Amount: Approximately Rs 15 lakhs (total contributions + interest)
Tax-Free: Yes
Equity Mutual Funds
Annual Investment: Rs 1.5 lakhs
Expected Return: 12-13% per annum
Estimated Value: Higher potential returns, but subject to market volatility and taxation
Tax Implications: Long-term capital gains tax applicable
Calculation Example
If you invest Rs 1.5 lakhs annually in an equity mutual fund, assuming a 12% annual return, the approximate value after 5 years would be significantly higher than the amount invested in PPF.
Risk vs. Return Considerations
PPF
Low Risk: Government-backed, safe investment
Stable Returns: Fixed interest rate, predictable growth
Tax Benefits: Entire maturity amount is tax-free
Equity Mutual Funds
Higher Risk: Subject to market risks, returns can vary
Higher Returns: Potential to earn significantly more than PPF
Taxation: Long-term capital gains tax applies on returns
Assessing Your Financial Goals
Risk Tolerance: If you prefer safety and guaranteed returns, PPF is suitable.
Return Expectation: If aiming for higher returns and willing to take some risk, equity mutual funds are better.
Tax Considerations: PPF offers tax-free returns, while equity funds are taxed.
Recommendations
Given your investment horizon of five years and the goal to maximize returns, consider the following:

Diversified Approach
PPF: Continue investing Rs 1.5 lakhs annually for the tax-free, guaranteed returns.
Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate a portion of your funds to equity mutual funds for higher potential returns. This balanced approach mitigates risks while leveraging growth opportunities.
Regular Monitoring
PPF: Monitor interest rates and contributions.
Equity Funds: Regularly review fund performance and market conditions.
Consultation with a Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide personalized advice, considering your financial goals, risk tolerance, and tax implications. They can help you create a balanced investment strategy that aligns with your objectives.

Conclusion
Investing Rs 1.5 lakhs annually in PPF offers stable, tax-free returns with minimal risk. However, equity mutual funds can provide higher returns, albeit with greater risk and tax implications. A diversified approach, combining both PPF and equity mutual funds, can balance safety and growth. Consulting a CFP will help tailor your investment strategy to meet your financial goals effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am 36 years old, planning to invest 10k montly in pff srarting from July. Is that right to invest in ppf at this point of age or can invest tje same in any different scheme?
Ans: At 36, planning for the future is wise. Investing Rs. 10,000 monthly can build a substantial corpus. Your choice depends on your financial goals. Let’s explore different options.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Long-Term Safety: PPF offers safety and tax benefits. It is a government-backed scheme with stable returns.

Tax Benefits: Contributions are eligible for tax deductions under Section 80C. Interest earned is tax-free.

Lock-In Period: PPF has a 15-year lock-in period. This makes it suitable for long-term goals.

Limited Liquidity: Partial withdrawals are allowed after the seventh year. This limits access to funds in emergencies.

Mutual Funds for Growth
Higher Returns Potential: Mutual funds can offer higher returns. They invest in equities, bonds, and other assets.

Flexibility: You can choose from various fund types. Equity funds are suitable for growth, while debt funds are for stability.

Liquidity: Mutual funds offer better liquidity. You can redeem units based on your financial needs.

Professional Management: Actively managed funds have professional fund managers. They aim to outperform the market.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
Actively Managed Funds: These funds are managed by experts. They can adjust the portfolio based on market conditions.

Disadvantages of Index Funds: Index funds only replicate the market. They cannot outperform it and lack flexibility.

Direct Funds vs. Regular Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds: Direct funds lack advisory services. You might miss out on professional guidance.

Benefits of Regular Funds: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers strategic advice. This ensures better decision-making.

Balancing Safety and Growth
Diversification: A balanced approach is ideal. Allocate a portion to PPF for safety and the rest to mutual funds for growth.

Risk Management: Diversifying your investments helps manage risk. This ensures you achieve your financial goals.

Investment Strategy
Consistent Contributions: Regular contributions help build wealth over time. Stick to your plan and review it periodically.

Monitor Performance: Regularly monitor your investments. Adjust your strategy based on performance and market conditions.

Stay Informed: Keep yourself updated on market trends and financial news. This helps in making informed decisions.

Final Insights
Investing Rs. 10,000 monthly can build a significant corpus. PPF offers safety and tax benefits but has limited liquidity. Mutual funds provide higher returns potential and flexibility. A balanced approach with both PPF and mutual funds can achieve your financial goals. Consider actively managed funds and regular funds for professional guidance. Regularly monitor and adjust your investments to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1285 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Hello Ms Anu, I am a 42yr female..married since 14 yrs and have 10yr old son . I am highly qualified and financially independent. My marriage was a arranged one.. but in these 14 yrs.. I never experienced love or and attachment from my husband's side. He is a family man.. there is no other woman involved..He loves his parents and his two sisters immensely... but always treats me as a option. I feel humiliated and lonely and he has short temper when i talk about this issue... so basically I don't discuss... but that is no solution... I am suffering and unhappy. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A few married men can be more focused on the women on their side of the family; it becomes easy to express love, care and attention to them as he has grown with them.
A wife happens to be someone that he is yet to understand. It requires effort to make a marriage work; your husband finds it convenient to take the easy way out and 'hang out' with his family.
So, here you take the lead and start. Start not by bringing forth your complaints as this is going to push him further to them which is going to annoy you BUT by inviting him to be with you. A lot of work, I get it...but the bottom line: that's what you want, right?
Plan dates evenings, take short vacations together, work-out together...the key is to establish a connection which never had its chance in the first place...So, give your best shot! Most times actions speak louder than words ever can...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1285 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Relationship
Namaste Mam Main Ek Ladki Se Bohot Pyaar Karta Hun Lekin Woh Kisi Aur Se Pyaar Karti Ek Wakt Pahle Woh Ladki Meri Acchi Dost Thi Fir Maine Soccha Ki Usse Ek Yeh Kehdu Ki Main Usse Be Inteha Pyaar Karta Hun Maine Usse Keh Diya Par Usne Muzhe Mana Kiya Eh Kehke Ki Usse Pyaar Karne Main Dilchajbi Nahi Aur Wahan Se Chali Gai Main Uss Din Bohot Dipretion Main Tha Fir Maine Yeh Faisla Kiya Ki Woh Apne Bhai Maa Baap Se Darkar Iss Rashte Ko Banane Main Dar Rahi Hogi Par Aaise Karte Karte 2 Saal Ho Gaye Aur Fir Ik Din Achanak Do Saal Baad Yeh Kehne Aati Hain Ki Main Ek Ladke Se Pyaar Karti Aur Tab Maine Usse Puccha Kya Tum Usse Shaadi Bhi Karna Chahti Ho To Ussne Jhijakte Hue Yeh Jawab Diya Ki Woh Usse Shaadi Karna Chahti Darsal Woh Mere Paas Yeh Madat Mangni Aai Thi Ki Woh Usse Milne Jaana Chahti Hain Aur Usse Usko Milne Keliye Kucch Paiso Ki Jarurat Hain To Maine Uss Situation Ko Samjhakar Uski Baaton Ko Samjhakar Usse Paise De Diye Magar Woh Muzhe Usse Pehle Maine Usse Yeh Kahan Ki Tum Mere Paas Kaise Aai Paise Mangne To Usne Kaha Ki Woh Muzhe Uska Ek Accha Dost Manti Isiliye Woh Mere Paas Madat Mangni Aai Thi Iska Main Matlab Kya Samjhu Ki Woh Muzhe Sachme Accha Dost Mantti Hain Yah Sirf Usse Paison Ki Jaruart Thi Isliye Agar Muzhe Apna Accha Dost Manti Hain To Kya Woh Bhavishya Main uss Ladke Jisse Woh Pyaar Karti Agar Uss Ladke Ne Uss Ladki Ki Dhoka Diya To Kya Woh Mere Paas Wapas Aa Sakti Kya Woh Mere Saath Shaadi Kar Sakti Hain Main Abbhi Usse Utna Hi Pyaar Karta Hoon Aur Usse Kabhi Kabar Baad Chit Karne Mile To Usse Healthy Conversation Karta Hoon To Kya Yeh Sambhav Ho Sakta Hain Ki Woh Aage Chalkar Mere Future Wife Bane Aur Main Uske Saath Hamesha Khush Rah Saku Aur Usse Khush Rakh Saku
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Nah! Bilkul nahin aur agar kabhi aisa hua bhi toh yeh zaroor jaan lena ki use aur koi mila nahin aur woh yeh jaanti hai ki aapka pyaar aapki kamzori hai isiliye koi bhi haalaat mein aap use sweekar kar lenge. Majboori hogi uski jab woh aapko chunegi, naaki yeh ki woh aap se pyaar karti hai...aur aise rishte zyaada tikte nahin.
Jab wusne saaf kahaa hai ki aapko dost maanti hai, toh is baat ko maan lijiye; yeh nah karke aapne khayaali Pulao pakaana shuru kiya hai...ki kya yeh hoga toh woh aapke paas chali aayegi...yeh nahin hoga toh woh kya aapse shaadi karegi?
Yeh sirf aapki zidd hai aur yahi zidd aapko maayusi ke alawaa kuch nahin dega.
Apni zindagi jiye, uspe dhyaan de kyonki yahi sab baatein leke baithenge toh khud ki zindagi mein aage badhne ke mauke bhi aapko nazar nahin aayenge.
Aur jahaan tak aapse paise maangne ki baat hai, toh use yeh toh zaroor pataa hai ki aap usse pyaar karte hain aur uski koi baat ko taalenge nahin...Toh paise ke liye manaa kaise karenge...Yeh jaan le ki woh aapse pyaar nahin karti aur jitni jaldi is baat ko maan lenge aap khule dil se jee paayenge. Naye dost banaye, nayi anubhavon ko aapnaaye; yeh sab tab hoga jab aap is kisse ko dimaag se hataa lenge...koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1285 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Mam i love a boy.. Who is 2 yr younger then me and... Now he is preparing for jE.. Post and... My parents worry about my marriage... I told him about this.... He is craying... So much... He love s me very much.... He don't tell about this relationship.....to his parents.. Because he dont have any.... Job..... What should i do mam.... Plz.... Tell me... Mamm plzzz
Ans: First, have an honest conversation with him about what both of you realistically can and cannot do right now. Since he is still working on his future and you feel pressure from your family, try to think about how much time he might need to reach a stable point. Then, consider whether waiting for him is something that is possible for you and acceptable to your family.

It might also be helpful to have a calm conversation with your parents, expressing your feelings for him while being open about the current situation. Sometimes parents worry because they don’t know the full picture. Explaining that he is working hard toward his career goals may give them a better understanding. You could also ask them if they’d be willing to wait for some time before making any decisions on your marriage, if they feel comfortable with that.

If waiting is not possible and your family pressures you to consider other options, it’s important to think about your own long-term happiness and make the best choice for you. These situations are never easy, but by staying honest with yourself and your family, you will be able to make a decision that respects both your love and your future stability.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, There is a woman in my office working in my department. She is my friend's wife and was referred by me for this job. We get to work closely often, but we both make opportunities to get to work together. Most of our time spent is on work related items, with few minutes of casual chats, and we both have spent a lot of time alone in office, working extra hours and all. I have a feeling that I am starting to yearn to spend time with her on work and she also tries to be around me. We both text outside of office hours, share a lot of "inside" jokes and we both look to be enjoying the time together. I am in a confused state because it looks like she is giving me a lot of signs to move forward to next levels, but I am pulling back and not advancing. We both are married and have families. Any advice?
Ans: To manage this, start by gently reinforcing professional boundaries. While it may feel awkward initially, limiting the personal, non-work-related conversations and texts can create some emotional distance. This will not only help reduce feelings of attachment but also prevent misunderstandings or assumptions from developing on either side. At the same time, it may be beneficial to reflect on your own life and current relationships. Often, feelings that arise outside our primary relationship can signal needs or emotions that might require attention within our existing commitments.

Redirecting your focus back to your own relationship with your spouse and engaging in activities that strengthen that bond can bring a renewed appreciation for the life you have built. Rekindling affection, open communication, and connection with your spouse could help provide a sense of fulfillment that might reduce the attraction you’re feeling toward your colleague.

It may also help to remind yourself of the potential risks involved, not only to your family life but also to your professional reputation and friendships. By focusing on maintaining a respectful, professional, and appropriate connection, you’re honoring both your commitments and protecting the integrity of all relationships involved. Choosing not to act on these feelings will ultimately support the stability of your personal life and career, allowing you to maintain a healthy and professional environment at work.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I brought up from a middle class family now I'm married and having 3 yrs kid, my younger brother recently got married! Ever since his marg there was a problem going on between my mom, brother and her wife , all the 3 of them bringing their problems to me and husband it creates a huge impact on my mental health due to their problems, if I try to resolve nobody is listening, I'm staying nearby my parents which is a big disadvantage, directly it's affecting me and my family? I don't know how to overcome from this type of issue
Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma’am, I am a 27 year old girl. My father is a very strict person. Since childhood I have tolerated many things like I was not allowed to make friends(not even girls, forgot about boys). When I was 12 years old I was told that I was not allowed to talk to boys, and if my father ever saw me doing so, he will kill me. So, I was not allowed to talk to any friend, forget about going out and other stuff. All I used to do is sit in my room and study,I was not allowed to go out to play, wasn’t allowed to watch tv, not even allowed to go and play with cousins. Even if there was a wedding in my family, i was not allowed to go out and enjoy. And this has continued till date. I am still not allowed to go out without my father’s permission. Although I live in Bengaluru and work in a big company with a high paying job. Even the salary I get is not mine. Because my father takes it from me and I can’t say no to him. I use to say to me that if I ever did anything which he thinks is wrong, he will kill me, or will not allow me to go to college and now he will not allow me to work. And now he want me to get married to someone of his choice because of caste system. But I have a boyfriend and I want to marry my him. But I can’t even tell this to my father, because once I tell him this, he will not allow me to leave the house ever again and he would get me married to next person he finds. I am very scared of him. I don’t want to get married to anyone but my boyfriend. What should I do? Should I run away and get married to my boyfriend. I don’t know what my father will do then. He is a very controlling person .
Ans: To start, consider small steps that allow you to establish a greater sense of independence. Setting aside a portion of your income in an account only you can access, even if done quietly, can help you prepare financially for the future you envision with your boyfriend. Gaining control over your finances can also give you a greater sense of autonomy, which is key for your emotional and practical well-being.

Considering your father’s intense reaction to any choices that don’t align with his, safety is a priority. Consulting with a therapist or a counselor could help you process the emotional impact of your experiences and, importantly, develop strategies for how to approach this situation. Speaking to a counselor may also help you find a safe way to discuss your relationship with your father and express your own wishes while understanding any resources that might be available to you if needed.

If, ultimately, you decide to move forward with your relationship and marriage independently of your father’s permission, preparing yourself for potential emotional fallout is essential. While it’s natural to hope for family acceptance, remember that creating your own happiness is equally important. Over time, if your father can see that you’re stable, happy, and independent, he may eventually respect your decision.

Taking steps toward your own life may feel overwhelming, but with support and gradual changes, you can find a path that balances your love for your family with your need for self-respect, autonomy, and a future that you choose.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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