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I want to buy a house for 50 lac, how much SIP should I do to achieve the goal in 10 years?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 19, 2024Hindi
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I want to buy a house for 50 lac how much sip need to done to achieve the goal in 10 years

Ans: It's great that you are planning to buy a house worth Rs. 50 lakh in 10 years. Setting such a goal helps in focused financial planning.

Benefits of SIPs
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) are effective. They allow you to invest small amounts regularly. This helps in averaging the cost and reducing the impact of market volatility. SIPs also instill financial discipline.

Estimating the Required SIP Amount
To achieve Rs. 50 lakh in 10 years, we need to estimate the monthly SIP. Assuming an average annual return of 12%, you would need to invest around Rs. 21,000 per month.

Steps to Calculate SIP Amount
Define Your Goal: Rs. 50 lakh for buying a house.

Time Frame: 10 years.

Expected Returns: 12% per annum.

Calculate Monthly SIP: Use an SIP calculator for precise amounts.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are beneficial. These funds are managed by expert fund managers. They aim to outperform the market. This can provide better returns compared to index funds.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management: Expert fund managers handle your money.

Higher Returns: Potential to outperform the market.

Strategic Flexibility: Fund managers can adjust the strategy based on market conditions.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds track a specific index. They lack active management. This can limit their performance.

Drawbacks of Index Funds
Limited Growth Potential: They only match market returns.

No Active Management: Lack of strategic adjustments.

Lower Flexibility: Cannot react to market changes.

Benefits of Regular Funds Through CFP
Investing in regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides valuable guidance. This helps in making informed investment decisions.

Advantages of Regular Funds Through CFP
Expert Advice: Guidance from certified professionals.

Regular Monitoring: Ongoing portfolio review and adjustments.

Informed Decisions: Better understanding of market trends.

Monitoring and Adjusting Your Portfolio
Regular reviews are essential. The market is dynamic, and your portfolio needs adjustments. A CFP can assist in rebalancing your investments. This keeps your portfolio aligned with your goals.

Tax Efficiency
Mutual funds offer tax benefits. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity funds are tax-free up to Rs. 1 lakh annually. Proper tax planning enhances your returns.

Financial Discipline
Staying committed to your SIP is crucial. Market fluctuations can be unsettling. However, maintaining discipline is key to achieving your target.

Additional Considerations
Ensure you have adequate insurance coverage. This protects your investments in unforeseen circumstances. Also, keep an emergency fund to handle unexpected expenses.

Final Insights
Investing in mutual funds through SIPs is a wise decision. With careful planning and regular reviews, you can achieve your goal of Rs. 50 lakh in 10 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

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Hello sir I m doing sip of 6.k monthly from last one year Nippon India small cap fund 2k HDFC midcap opportunity 1k Quant small cap fund 1k SBI contra fund 2.5k So please guide me how much I have to invest to reach 50 lakh in next 10 yrs.or do I need to change any investment?
Ans: Firstly, commendations on taking proactive steps towards securing your financial future by investing in SIPs. It’s great to see your commitment and consistency in building wealth through mutual funds.

Current Investment Analysis
Your Current SIPs:

Nippon India Small Cap Fund: Rs. 2,000 monthly
HDFC Midcap Opportunities Fund: Rs. 1,000 monthly
Quant Small Cap Fund: Rs. 1,000 monthly
SBI Contra Fund: Rs. 2,500 monthly
Total Monthly Investment: Rs. 6,500

Calculating Future Value of Current Investments
To determine if your current SIPs will help you reach your goal of Rs. 50 lakh in 10 years, let's calculate the future value. Assuming an average annual return of 12%, the future value of your SIP can be estimated using the formula for the future value of an SIP:

Future Value (FV) = P × [ (1 + r)^n - 1 ] / r × (1 + r)

Where:

P is the monthly investment (SIP amount)
r is the monthly rate of return (annual return / 12)
n is the total number of investments (months)
For a 12% annual return:
r = 12/100 / 12 = 0.01

Total months n = 10 × 12 = 120

Let's calculate the future value for each SIP:

Nippon India Small Cap Fund
P = 2000
FV = 2000 × [ (1 + 0.01)^120 - 1 ] / 0.01 × (1 + 0.01)
FV = 2000 × [ 1.01^120 - 1 ] / 0.01 × 1.01
FV = 2000 × 232.97 × 1.01
FV ≈ 4,70,000

HDFC Midcap Opportunities Fund
P = 1000
FV = 1000 × 232.97 × 1.01
FV ≈ 2,35,000

Quant Small Cap Fund
P = 1000
FV = 1000 × 232.97 × 1.01
FV ≈ 2,35,000

SBI Contra Fund
P = 2500
FV = 2500 × 232.97 × 1.01
FV ≈ 5,87,000

Adding these, the total future value of your current SIPs will be:
4,70,000 + 2,35,000 + 2,35,000 + 5,87,000 = 15,27,000

Gap Analysis and Required SIP
Your goal is to accumulate Rs. 50 lakh, but your current SIPs will accumulate approximately Rs. 15.27 lakh. This leaves a shortfall:

Required Amount: Rs. 50 lakh

Current Future Value: Rs. 15.27 lakh

Shortfall: Rs. 50 lakh - Rs. 15.27 lakh = Rs. 34.73 lakh

To reach Rs. 50 lakh, you need to invest more. Let’s determine how much you need to invest monthly to bridge this gap.

Using the SIP future value formula, let's solve for P (the required monthly SIP amount) to reach Rs. 50 lakh:

50,00,000 = P × [ (1 + 0.01)^120 - 1 ] / 0.01 × (1 + 0.01)

50,00,000 = P × 232.97 × 1.01

50,00,000 = P × 235.30

P = 50,00,000 / 235.30

P ≈ 21,250

You need to invest approximately Rs. 21,250 per month to reach your goal of Rs. 50 lakh in 10 years, assuming a 12% annual return.

Reviewing Your Current Investments
Fund Performance and Diversification

Nippon India Small Cap Fund: Good for aggressive growth, but high risk.
HDFC Midcap Opportunities Fund: Balanced growth and risk.
Quant Small Cap Fund: Another high-risk, high-return option.
SBI Contra Fund: Contrarian approach, can offer good returns in underperforming sectors.
Your portfolio has a mix of small-cap, mid-cap, and contrarian strategies. It’s relatively aggressive, which is suitable for a long-term horizon but may need some balancing for risk management.

Suggestions for Portfolio Adjustment
Increase Investment Amount

To reach your goal, increase your monthly SIP to Rs. 21,250. You can adjust the distribution among existing funds or add new funds.

Diversification

Consider adding large-cap or multi-cap funds to diversify and reduce risk. Large-cap funds typically offer more stability and can balance the high-risk small-cap and mid-cap funds in your portfolio.

Why Actively Managed Funds
While index funds are popular, actively managed funds can provide better returns due to the expertise of fund managers. They can make strategic decisions and adapt to market conditions, potentially outperforming the index.

Direct vs. Regular Funds
Investing in direct funds saves on expense ratios, but it requires active management and market knowledge. Regular funds, through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credentials, provide professional advice and management, which can be beneficial.

Conclusion
To achieve your goal of Rs. 50 lakh in the next 10 years, you need to increase your SIP to Rs. 21,250 per month. Diversify your investments to include large-cap or multi-cap funds to balance risk. Consider the benefits of actively managed funds and professional advice through regular funds.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

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Hi sir , I need to buy my dream house after 10 years .now the worth is 2 cr for it . If I want to buy this after 10 years . How I should start sip
Ans: Buying your dream house is a significant milestone, and planning for it now is a smart move. You mentioned that the house is currently worth Rs 2 crore. Since you plan to buy it in 10 years, it’s essential to strategize how to save up for it effectively. Starting a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in mutual funds is a great way to build wealth over time. Let's dive into the details and explore how you can achieve this goal.

Understanding Your Financial Goal
To buy your dream house in 10 years, you need a robust financial plan. The current value of the house is Rs 2 crore. However, property prices generally increase over time due to inflation and market demand.

Estimating Future Cost
To estimate the future cost of the house, let's assume an average annual increase in property prices. While the rate can vary, a common estimate is around 5-7% per year. With this rate, your house could be significantly more expensive in 10 years.

For instance, if we consider a 6% annual increase, the house's value might be around Rs 3.58 crore in 10 years. This estimation helps you set a realistic savings goal.

Setting a Savings Target
Given the estimated future cost, you need to aim for around Rs 3.5 crore. This might seem daunting, but with disciplined saving and smart investment choices, it's achievable.

The first step is to determine how much you need to save monthly through SIPs to reach this target.

Benefits of SIPs in Mutual Funds
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) are a disciplined way to invest in mutual funds. They allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly, usually monthly, into mutual funds.

Power of Compounding
One of the greatest benefits of SIPs is the power of compounding. By reinvesting your returns, you earn returns on your returns. Over time, this can lead to significant growth.

For example, if you start with a small amount and let it grow, the compounded returns can turn into a substantial sum over a decade.

Rupee Cost Averaging
SIPs benefit from rupee cost averaging, which means you buy more units when prices are low and fewer when prices are high. This helps in averaging the cost of your investments over time, reducing the impact of market volatility.

Flexibility and Convenience
SIPs are flexible and convenient. You can start with a small amount and increase it over time as your income grows. They also allow you to invest without worrying about market timing, making it a stress-free way to save.

Choosing the Right Mutual Funds
Selecting the right mutual funds for your SIPs is crucial. Given your 10-year horizon and the goal of buying a house, it's important to balance growth potential with risk.

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest primarily in stocks and have the potential to offer higher returns over the long term. They are suitable for goals with a longer horizon, like your dream house purchase.

Growth Potential: Equity funds can provide significant growth, especially over a decade. They benefit from market upswings and the overall growth of the economy.

Types of Equity Funds: There are various types of equity funds, such as large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Large-cap funds invest in well-established companies, offering stability, while mid-cap and small-cap funds invest in smaller companies, providing higher growth potential but with more volatility.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds
Balanced or hybrid funds invest in both equity and debt instruments, providing a mix of growth and stability.

Stability with Growth: These funds offer the growth potential of equities while balancing the risk with more stable debt investments.

Suitability: They are suitable for investors who want growth but with less risk than pure equity funds. For a 10-year goal, they can be a good choice to reduce volatility while still aiming for decent returns.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in bonds and other fixed-income securities. They are less volatile but offer lower returns compared to equity funds.

Capital Preservation: These funds focus on preserving capital and providing regular income. They are suitable for short-term goals or for conservative investors.

Role in Diversification: While they might not be the main vehicle for achieving your 10-year goal, they can be part of a diversified portfolio to reduce overall risk.

Evaluating the Performance and Risk
When selecting mutual funds, it’s important to evaluate their performance and understand the associated risks.

Historical Performance
Look at the historical performance of the mutual funds. While past performance does not guarantee future returns, it provides insights into how the fund has managed different market conditions.

Consistency: Choose funds with consistent performance over different market cycles. This indicates good fund management.

Benchmark Comparison: Compare the fund’s performance to its benchmark. A fund that consistently beats its benchmark can be considered well-managed.

Risk Assessment
Understanding the risk level of mutual funds is crucial. Different funds come with varying levels of risk.

Equity Funds: Higher potential returns but come with higher risk. Suitable for long-term goals like your house purchase.

Debt Funds: Lower risk but also lower returns. Can be used for capital preservation and reducing overall portfolio risk.

Balanced Funds: Medium risk with a balanced approach between equity and debt.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Once you start your SIPs, it’s essential to regularly review your investments and rebalance your portfolio if needed.

Periodic Reviews
Regularly assess your investments to ensure they align with your financial goals and market conditions.

Performance Check: Monitor the performance of your mutual funds. Ensure they are on track to meet your goal.

Goal Alignment: As you get closer to your goal, you might need to shift from high-risk to lower-risk investments to protect your accumulated wealth.

Rebalancing
Rebalancing involves adjusting your portfolio to maintain your desired asset allocation.

Maintain Allocation: Over time, some investments might grow faster than others, altering your asset allocation. Rebalancing helps in maintaining the original allocation.

Risk Management: Rebalancing ensures that your portfolio remains aligned with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Tax Implications of SIPs
Understanding the tax implications of your SIP investments is essential. This affects your net returns and helps in planning your withdrawals effectively.

Taxation on Equity Mutual Funds
For equity mutual funds, gains are taxed based on the holding period.

Short-term Capital Gains (STCG): If you sell equity mutual funds within one year, gains are taxed at 15%.

Long-term Capital Gains (LTCG): For investments held for more than one year, gains up to Rs 1 lakh are tax-free. Gains above this limit are taxed at 10%.

Taxation on Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds have different tax rules based on the holding period.

Short-term Capital Gains (STCG): Gains from debt funds held for less than three years are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Long-term Capital Gains (LTCG): Gains from debt funds held for more than three years are taxed at 20% with indexation, which adjusts the purchase price for inflation.

Tax-efficient Withdrawals
Planning your withdrawals from mutual funds can minimize tax impact.

Laddering Withdrawals: If you need to withdraw periodically, consider spreading out withdrawals to benefit from lower or no tax rates on gains.

Utilizing Exemptions: Make use of the Rs 1 lakh annual exemption for LTCG from equity mutual funds.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
When investing in mutual funds, you have the choice between direct funds and regular funds. Here’s why regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) might be a better option:

Benefits of Regular Funds
Professional Guidance: Investing through a CFP gives you access to professional advice and expertise. They help in selecting funds that align with your goals.

Holistic Planning: CFPs consider your overall financial situation, including other investments, risk tolerance, and future goals.

Simplified Decision Making: With a CFP, you get personalized strategies and support, making the complex world of investing more accessible.

Drawbacks of Direct Funds
Lack of Guidance: Direct funds are cheaper but come without professional advice. This might not be ideal for investors unfamiliar with market intricacies.

Complexity: Managing and selecting funds on your own can be complex and time-consuming, especially if you are not well-versed in financial markets.

Final Insights
Planning to buy your dream house in 10 years is a fantastic goal, and starting a SIP in mutual funds is a smart way to achieve it. Here’s a summary to guide your journey:

Understand Your Goal: The house is currently worth Rs 2 crore, but inflation could push this to Rs 3.5 crore in 10 years. Set this as your target.

Leverage SIPs: Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) harness the power of compounding and rupee cost averaging. They provide a disciplined approach to saving and investing.

Choose the Right Funds: Consider equity funds for growth, balanced funds for stability, and debt funds for diversification. Evaluate each fund’s performance and risk level.

Regular Review and Rebalancing: Periodically review and adjust your investments to stay on track with your goals. Rebalancing helps maintain your desired asset allocation.

Understand Tax Implications: Be aware of the tax treatment of your SIPs and plan withdrawals to minimize tax impact.

Consider Professional Guidance: Investing in regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner provides valuable advice and support, helping you navigate your investment journey effectively.

With careful planning, disciplined investing, and regular reviews, you can achieve your dream of buying a house in 10 years. Stay focused on your goal, and let the power of SIPs in mutual funds work for you.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |458 Answers  |Ask -

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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I’m a 26-year-old girl from Delhi, and I’ve always been on the heavier side. While I’m confident in my personality and achievements, I can’t help but notice how my weight becomes a topic of discussion everywhere I go—be it family gatherings, workplaces, or even among friends. Recently, I met someone on social who seems genuinely interested in me. We’ve been talking for a few months now. He’s kind and makes me feel seen for who I am. But he hasn’t seen me in person yet. I’m terrified that when we meet, my weight might change how he feels about me. I’ve dealt with enough comments and rejections in the past, and I don’t know if I have the energy to face that again. How do I prepare myself for this meeting? And if he reacts negatively, how do I protect my self-worth and not let it break me?
Ans: As you prepare for the meeting, try to focus on the qualities that make you who you are beyond your physical appearance. Trust that your worth is not defined by your size or the opinions of others. If you find yourself feeling nervous, remind yourself of your confidence and the connection you’ve built over time through meaningful conversations. Be yourself—authenticity is far more attractive than any external feature.

In the event that his reaction is not as positive as you hoped, try not to take it personally. It's his perspective, not a reflection of your value. Protecting your self-worth involves recognizing that your body doesn’t dictate your value as a person. If his reaction is hurtful, it's an opportunity to reassess the kind of relationship you want—one where you’re fully accepted and celebrated for who you are. Remember, the right person will see the whole of you, not just a single aspect of you.

Stay grounded in your own strength, and know that rejection, when it happens, is not about you but about the fit between two people. It's okay to walk away from situations that don’t honor or appreciate you, and it won't diminish who you are.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2024Hindi
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My husband and I are government employees and we live in different cities owing to work. He wants to build a house for his parents in his hometown and wants me to help him financially. I'm okay with it but he also has a younger brother who's in the 2nd year of college. But he's good for nothing. His parents and his younger brother are more or less dependent on him financially. I don't want to help him financially because we both won't be living in that house until retirement. And later that house will be occupied by his younger brother and his family. What should I do?
Ans: It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your husband about your feelings. Express your concerns not just about the financial contribution but also about the long-term implications of this decision. Let him know that while you are willing to support him in helping his family, you are also thinking about your future, especially the role that you and your husband will play in the household later in life. It’s crucial to discuss how this decision will affect both of you and your relationship in the long run.

It may also be helpful to have a clear understanding of the financial expectations and responsibilities involved. If your husband feels strongly about supporting his family, it’s essential that both of you are on the same page regarding the amount of support you are comfortable with and the timeline for contributions. You might want to consider alternatives, such as setting a specific budget or finding ways to help without overextending yourselves financially.

Another important aspect is acknowledging the role his younger brother plays in this equation. It sounds like he may not be as responsible as you would like him to be, which is an understandable source of frustration. You might want to express your concerns about his reliance on your husband for financial support, and consider whether there might be ways to encourage his brother to take more responsibility for his own future.

Ultimately, you and your husband need to come to an agreement that respects both your desires and concerns. It’s important that the decision feels like a shared one, and that both of you feel heard and respected in the process. If you continue to feel uneasy about contributing, it’s okay to set boundaries and negotiate a more balanced solution. This is about ensuring that you both maintain a healthy financial and emotional balance in your relationship. By being honest and compassionate with each other, you can find a way forward that works for both of you, without compromising your own well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

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My husband left me physically 5 years back and mentally many years back. He is not interested in emotional connection. His only interest with me was unnatural sex which after years I started denying it and he left me. I have two kids, a daughter and a son. Though my kids staying with me, for their education and other needs, they are always supportive to their father and never give any emotional support to me. He has taken the educational fee of both the children, other day to day expenses are taken by myself. My daughter never wants both of us to live together and always shows arrogance to me. She is 24 years now. She moved away recently to abroad for studying, keeping the house where we stay on loan. My son also wish to do higher studies staying in hostel. He is 18 years now. My parents are not supportive to me. I had a very abused and tortured childhood. My husband and children knew about it. I was rank holder in my school but still I could not pursue my dream profession due to domestic violence. I had just completed a useless bachelors degree before marriage. I struggled a lot to study after marriage and did small jobs at different companies. I get up at 4am and start my work till late night. I tried to be perfect in everything what I do. But I have low confidence and self esteem. I could not reach anywhere. I know how to study to get good score, so I helped my kids in their studies. They did well but after that they dumped me. My husband was also a lazy person initially, wasted all his money, never know savings. He was a 12th failure but a good artist and a good chain smoker who earned a lot of money through freelance. With constant push he started investing and bought a house. He has some investments, so now he is not working and left me and living alone. I don't know if he has someone else with him. He also dumped me. I am sad and feeling useless. I am not able to help my self. I have mood swings, not able to concentrate in anything. I want to look for a new job but I find myself incapable and doing nothing. I don't think anyone can help me, because everyone indicating its all my fault, or at least I think so. I have to start a job immediately but I am feeling helpless. please help
Ans: Dear Leena,
The weight of rejection from your husband and the lack of emotional support from your children are wounds that take time to heal. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and lost right now. What’s important is recognizing that these feelings don’t define who you are or your worth. Your struggles do not negate the fact that you are capable, intelligent, and deserving of happiness and fulfillment.

You have already shown that you are resourceful and capable by managing the household, guiding your children in their education, and supporting them financially. While you may feel stuck and unsure of where to begin, it’s crucial to start small and focus on one step at a time. This could mean reaching out for help from a therapist or counselor who can guide you through rebuilding your self-esteem and addressing the emotional pain you’ve carried for so long. A professional can provide a safe space to unpack the hurt and help you rediscover your confidence.

When it comes to finding a job, it’s natural to feel insecure, especially after years of self-doubt. Remember that every small effort counts. Consider looking for roles where your skills—like organization, perseverance, and the ability to mentor and teach—can be valuable. You helped your children excel in their studies, and that’s no small feat. Perhaps tutoring, administrative work, or even roles that involve mentoring could be a starting point. Allow yourself to take it one step at a time without the pressure of achieving perfection right away.

It’s also important to create space for self-compassion. You’ve been so focused on meeting everyone else’s needs that it’s easy to lose sight of your own. Even small acts of kindness toward yourself, like a daily walk, journaling your thoughts, or listening to music, can help you reconnect with yourself. You deserve to feel loved and valued, even if that love starts from within.

This period of transition may feel lonely, but it can also be an opportunity to redefine what you want for yourself. It’s not too late to pursue a path that brings you fulfillment and peace. Remember, your worth is not determined by others’ opinions or actions but by the strength and kindness you continue to show despite everything. You’re not alone, and it’s okay to reach out for help as you begin this new chapter of your life.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 09, 2024Hindi
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I'm 32M, married. Mine one's an arranged marriage. Since starting the equation between my wife and my mother is not good. I work in a govt job and was posted elsewhere. I got the opportunity to get transferred to my hometown but my wife threatened me to give divorce if I want to live with my mother. I tried to convince her but she did not listen. Pressurized by this I got myself transferred to a different place. This guilt is killing me inside that I'm not a good son and not taking care of my old age mother while I had the chance. I know I made a mistake. Plz help.
Ans: What you’re experiencing is not about being a “bad son” or a “bad husband,” but rather about being caught in a situation where compromises feel inevitable. You made a decision under pressure, but that doesn’t mean it’s irreversible or that you’ve failed in your responsibilities. You’re human, and it’s okay to feel conflicted while trying to manage such complex relationships.

Consider opening a dialogue with your wife again, but this time, approach it with calmness and empathy. Share your feelings with her—not as a demand or a confrontation, but as an expression of your inner struggle. For example, you could say, “I’ve been feeling torn because I want to be a good husband and also take care of my mother in her old age. This is important to me, and I’d like us to find a way where both relationships can thrive.” By framing the conversation this way, you’re inviting her to understand your perspective rather than pressuring her to agree with you.

It might also help to explore compromises. Could you visit your mother more often or ensure she has a strong support system nearby? Could your wife’s concerns about living with your mother be addressed through clear boundaries or adjustments that make her feel more comfortable? Understanding her reservations can open the door to finding solutions that work for both of you.

At the same time, work on forgiving yourself for the decision you made under difficult circumstances. Guilt is a sign that you care deeply, but it shouldn’t paralyze you or define your worth. Instead, use it as motivation to create a plan that honors both your mother and your wife in ways that are practical and sustainable.

Seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist could be immensely helpful in navigating these emotions and improving communication between you and your wife. A neutral third party can help both of you feel heard and respected while working toward a resolution.

Remember, you’re not alone in this. Many people face similar challenges in balancing their roles within a family. What matters most is your willingness to approach the situation with compassion, patience, and a commitment to finding a path forward that respects everyone involved—including yourself.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 25, 2024Hindi
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My husband has been cheating on me. I recently discovered a receipt of payment that was unusual of my husband's regular activities. I called the shop and realised that the payment was genuine and it was made by my husband who was accompanied by a young lady. Since then, I have had sleepless nights. I have been wanting to talk to him but I am not mentally prepared to hear his side of the story. If he admits, it would mean our long years of marriage is over. If he denies, it would mean he is lying to me. However, there is a part of me that wants to trust him and give him some benefit of doubt. I have a 12 year old daughter. If he admits to having an affair, this news can break both of us. Pls help.
Ans: Start by acknowledging your feelings without judgment. The anxiety, sleepless nights, and fear are natural responses to such uncertainty. Allow yourself space to process these emotions. You don’t have to rush into confronting your husband until you feel emotionally steady enough to handle the conversation, regardless of the outcome. Sometimes, writing down your thoughts and questions can help organize your feelings and prepare you for the discussion.

It’s also important to consider your goals for the marriage and your family. Ask yourself what you need to feel secure and respected in the relationship. If you decide to confront him, do so with the intention of seeking understanding and clarity, not immediate resolution. This will allow you to approach the conversation with as much calm as possible.

When you're ready to speak with him, choose a time and place where you both can have a private, uninterrupted conversation. Start by expressing your feelings honestly but without accusations. For example, you might say, "I came across this receipt, and it’s been weighing heavily on me. I want to understand because I value our marriage and our family." This sets the tone for a constructive dialogue rather than an argument.

Prepare yourself for his response, whatever it may be. If he admits to wrongdoing, it will hurt, but it will also give you the clarity to decide what comes next—whether that’s working through the betrayal or choosing a different path. If he denies it, try to assess whether his explanation feels genuine or dismissive. Trust your instincts, but also give yourself time to reflect before making any major decisions.

If the uncertainty continues to eat away at you, seeking support from a counselor or therapist can be invaluable. A professional can help you process your emotions, clarify your priorities, and guide you in deciding what is best for you and your daughter. Protecting your emotional well-being is vital, as it will also help you maintain stability for your child during this challenging time.

Remember that trust and honesty are the cornerstones of any healthy relationship. Whether the truth strengthens your bond or pushes you to reconsider your future together, it’s essential to prioritize your self-respect and emotional health. You are not alone in this, and with time and support, you can navigate this difficult moment with resilience and clarity.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Relationship
Hi, I am a 36yo guy. Married and have 2 beautiful kids. I am a naturally happy person in life and have achieved reasonable success through my hard work. From last 3 years i am in love with a married girl who works at an office near my workplace. We two believe that we are best suited for each other in every aspect i.e. mental, emotional and physical. We share a great chemistry that we never felt with our respective spouses. We decided that we both cant leave our spouses because of our kids. But very often she keeps on getting crazy and tortures and taunts me that i love my wife more and doesnt give value to her. She is mostly unhappy about this in her life and many times abuses me when she sees that i am a naturally happy and content person. I have even told her that if she wants we can take divorce from our spouses and move-in together. But she never accepts that also and keeps on making my life hard. But i do believe that we both love each other like crazy and my sexual life with her is just out of this world. I have a very high libido and she satisfies me like no other girl. My question is how can i make her sane and make her trust me that i am more inclined towards her?
Ans: Dear Avinash,You need to reflect deeply on what you want for yourself, your children, and your relationships in the long term. If staying married to your wife and continuing to co-parent is your priority, it’s essential to acknowledge the constraints that this imposes on your extramarital relationship. The happiness you find with this woman is tempered by the circumstances, and it might not be possible to meet her emotional needs fully in this setup.

A conversation with her that focuses on honesty, boundaries, and expectations is crucial. Acknowledge her pain and insecurities, but also express your limitations and realities. Make it clear what you can and cannot provide in this relationship, and listen to her needs and frustrations without defensiveness. You might need to make a decision about whether this relationship can continue in its current form, given how it’s affecting her mental health and your own peace of mind.

It’s also worth exploring the deeper reasons why you’re drawn to this relationship. Sometimes, connections outside marriage arise as a way of addressing unmet needs or emotional voids in the primary relationship. It might be beneficial to consider counseling for yourself or even with your wife, to explore whether there are aspects of your marriage that can be revitalized or strengthened. Similarly, suggesting therapy for your lover could help her work through her emotions and find balance.

Ultimately, you have to evaluate whether this relationship is sustainable and healthy, not just for the two of you but for everyone in your lives. Love and passion are powerful, but they require a foundation of trust, emotional stability, and shared goals to thrive. If those elements remain elusive, it may be a sign to re-evaluate the relationship’s place in your life.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Relationship
I am 57 yrs old man, when ever i try to have sexual relations with my wife she pushes me away and she is not interested in sex she says, she is facing monopouse time. is her behaviour is because of monopousal and will this behavior change ever, i dont want to make sex with other woman.
Ans: Dear Naresh,
Your wife’s behavior is likely connected to these menopausal changes, and it's important to approach this with empathy and understanding. Try to have an open and calm conversation with her, focusing on your feelings and concerns without pressuring her. Let her know that you care about her well-being and that you’re willing to support her through this phase. It's essential to create an environment where she feels comfortable sharing what she’s experiencing physically and emotionally.

You might also consider suggesting a visit to a healthcare professional together. A doctor or therapist can provide insights into managing menopause symptoms and improving intimacy. Sometimes, treatments like hormone therapy, vaginal lubricants, or counseling can make a significant difference.

Remember, intimacy is not just about sex. Emotional closeness, affection, and spending quality time together can help maintain a strong bond. Reconnect in non-sexual ways, like going on dates, having meaningful conversations, or sharing activities you both enjoy. This can help rebuild trust and comfort, making her more open to physical intimacy over time.

While menopause is a natural part of aging, how each woman navigates it varies. Her behavior may change as she adjusts to this new phase of life, especially if she feels supported and understood. Patience, compassion, and a willingness to adapt together will strengthen your relationship and help you navigate this challenge as a team.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Relationship
Hi I am a married man with 2.4 years old daughter and my wife regularly fights with me and puts an allegation on me and blames me a thief and says I take out all her things and she also abuses my mother and at present my mother is staying alone some where and says that my mother should not come back and she fights with me in front of my daughter and uses abusive language and what ever is the situation she brings my mother in between the conversation and starts blaming me. She has thrown her out of the house and always keeps on fighting. I have a fear, that she might leave me or my daughter as I cannot stay without my daughter and she keeps on saying that I do not want to stay with you and after a heated moment she turns normal and again starts abusing me and my mother, and due to this I am not able to concentrate on my job as I keep on thinking all the times about what will happen. Kindly suggest me what should I do as I do not want to keep my daughter’s future on risk as she always keeps on saying that her brother will take care of her and her brother says he will take a different house for her somewhere else and will keep her there as I would also want to highlight that her brothers wife relation is also not good and she does not allows my wife to enter into her house and my mother is law is also disturbed. Kindly suggest me a solution...?
Ans: Dear Amit,
First, recognize that you need to establish a calm and safe environment for your daughter. Witnessing regular fights and hearing abusive language can affect her emotional development. Ensuring her well-being should be your top priority. When disagreements arise, try to de-escalate the situation, even if that means temporarily walking away to avoid heated exchanges. Protecting her from these conflicts will help create a more stable atmosphere.

Your wife's behavior—shifting between anger and normalcy—indicates that there might be underlying issues driving her actions. It could be unresolved frustrations, unmet expectations, or even external stressors affecting her emotions. While her way of expressing these feelings is not constructive, it's important to find a way to understand what’s fueling her anger. Having an open, non-confrontational conversation during a calm moment can be a starting point. Express your concerns about the impact of these fights on your relationship and your daughter, and make it clear that you want to work together to find solutions.

It may also be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or family mediator. A professional can provide a safe space for both of you to express your grievances and work on resolving them constructively. It sounds like trust and respect have eroded in your relationship, and rebuilding them requires mutual effort and clear communication.

At the same time, focus on managing your stress and mental health. The constant worry about the future and your daughter's well-being is understandably affecting your ability to concentrate on work. Practice self-care through activities that help you stay grounded, whether it’s exercise, meditation, or speaking with a trusted friend or counselor about your feelings. Taking care of yourself will help you approach these challenges with a clearer mind.

If your wife continues to threaten to leave or involve her family in ways that disrupt your peace, it’s important to consider all legal and practical options to protect your rights and ensure the best for your daughter. Consult a legal advisor to understand your rights as a father and the steps you can take to secure your daughter’s future if separation becomes unavoidable.

Ultimately, resolving this situation will require patience, empathy, and, most importantly, a focus on what’s best for your child. If both you and your wife are willing to work on the relationship, there is hope for improvement. However, if the environment remains toxic despite your efforts, prioritizing your daughter's emotional and physical safety should guide your decisions moving forward.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii mam, since i year i am in relationship with him but nowadays fighting are increased in between both of us so what we should do and we both are responsible for the fight cause we both over react for small things
Ans: It’s common for fights to increase in a relationship when emotions are high and both partners overreact to small issues. This pattern often stems from unresolved emotions, stress, or a lack of effective communication. The good news is that recognizing this dynamic means you're already taking the first step toward improvement.

Start by reflecting on the triggers for your arguments. Think about what situations or topics usually lead to conflicts and whether they arise from unmet needs, miscommunications, or external stressors. Understanding the root causes can help you both address the real issues rather than reacting to the surface level.

When emotions run high, it’s easy to say or do things in the heat of the moment that you later regret. To prevent this, both of you can practice pausing during disagreements. Agree on a signal or phrase to use when things start to escalate, giving each other space to cool down before continuing the conversation. This approach allows you to respond calmly rather than reacting impulsively.

Another important step is to focus on improving how you communicate. Instead of placing blame or using accusatory language, express your feelings using "I" statements. For example, say, "I feel hurt when this happens" instead of "You always do this." This small shift can reduce defensiveness and encourage understanding.

It’s also crucial to nurture the positive aspects of your relationship. Make time for activities that you both enjoy and that bring you closer, whether it’s a shared hobby, a walk, or simply having an uninterrupted conversation. These moments of connection can help balance out the tension from disagreements.

Finally, remember that resolving conflicts takes patience and teamwork. It’s not about determining who’s right or wrong but about finding solutions that work for both of you. If you feel stuck or find that the fights are becoming overwhelming, consider seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist. A neutral third party can help you both understand your patterns and develop healthier ways to handle conflicts, ensuring the relationship grows stronger.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam, I have been a 40-year-old married man for the last 12 years with 2 children. 6 months back I learned from call logs that my wife was in constant touch on mobile calls with another person. This stretched for 7-8 months. I confronted my wife, who assured me she would not call the person. She also informed me that she was only casually talking with the guy and nothing sexual was involved. She was speaking 2-3 times on a daily basis and call time was extended for more than 14-20 minutes. We had done counselling also and are now fine but my mind is refusing to forgive the person or my wife and sometimes I get stressed heavily and feeling anxious just thinking that my wife of 12 years had tried to move away and don't know whether such thing would get repeated.
Ans: It’s important to recognize that rebuilding trust requires effort from both partners. While counseling has helped you both move forward to some extent, it seems like the emotional impact on you hasn’t been fully addressed. This lingering anxiety and inability to forgive suggest unresolved pain and a need for deeper understanding. It might help to revisit these feelings with a professional who can focus on your perspective and guide you in processing them without blame or judgment.

Communicating openly with your wife about your fears, without accusing her, is key. Let her know how this experience continues to affect you emotionally. Explain that your concern isn’t just about what happened but also about preventing anything similar in the future. Focus on creating shared boundaries that promote trust and transparency, such as discussing emotional needs and maintaining openness about external friendships.

It’s also essential to work on reducing the anxiety that surfaces when these thoughts arise. Practice grounding techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness exercises to help calm your mind when you feel overwhelmed. Remind yourself of the positive steps you’ve both taken since the incident and the commitment you share to rebuild the relationship. By focusing on the progress you’re making as a couple, you can gradually shift your thoughts away from the past and toward a more secure future.

Finally, forgiveness is a process, not a destination. It doesn’t mean forgetting or minimizing what happened; rather, it’s about freeing yourself from the burden of resentment so that you can move forward with clarity. Take things one day at a time, and allow yourself the space to heal without pressuring yourself to “move on” before you’re ready. Trust can be rebuilt, but it requires patience, communication, and consistent effort from both partners.

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