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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7915 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 26, 2023Hindi
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Hi Sir, I am 47 years and wife is 46 years old and we both are working in SW field. We both have started investing in MF for past 3-4 years and below is the investment done in various MF's( currently our SIP is Rs 53,000) . This is been done as per advice of our bank Relationship manager. Our investment horizon is long term and we intend to build a healthy corpus for our retirement. Please advice if our investment is headed in right direction and do we need to recalibrate this. Currently we have a joint home loan of 18 lacs and our apprx. monthly income is 2.5 lacs. Below is the list of our investments in various funds ( with SIP and duration): 1. Axis Blue Chip Fund Regular Plan- Growth SIP 3000 -( since 54 Months) 2. ICICI Prudential Balanced Advantage Fund - Regular - Growth SIP 3000 (since 32 Months ) 3. ICICI Prudential India Opportunities Fund - Growth SIP 3000 (14 Months) 4. Nippon India Large Cap Fund - Growth - SIP 3000 (54 Months) 5. Aditya Birla Sun Life Frontline Equity Fund - Regular Plan - Growth SIP 4000 (Since 6 Months) 6. Axis Focused 25 Fund Regular Plan - Growth SIP 3000 (27 Months) 7. Canara Robeco Emerging Equites- Regular Plan - Growth SIP 3000 (34 Months) 8. HDFC Balance Advantage Fund - Regular Plan - Growth SIP 6000 (6 Months) 9. ICICI Prudential Multi- asset Fund- Growth SIP 3000 (20 Months) 10. Kotak Equity Opportunities Fund- Regular Plan Growth SIP 5000 (6 Months) 11. Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund Regular Plan Growth SIP 4000 (6 Months) 12. Nippon India Small Cap Fund - Growth SIP4000 (6 Months) 13. SBI Equity Hybrid Fund - Regular Plan - Growth SIP 4000 (32 Months) 14. Tata Multi Asset Opportunities Fund Regular Plan - Growth SIP 5000 (6 Months Total SIP 53000 Lumpsum Investments: 1. Axis Growth Opportunities Fund - Fund Regular Plan- Growth 100000 Done on 21st May 2021 2. Axis Global Innovation Fund of Fund Regular Plan Growth 100000 Done on 21st May 2021 Thanks in Advance

Ans: It's commendable to see your commitment towards building a substantial corpus for your retirement. Your diversified portfolio showcases a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid funds, which is a good strategy for long-term growth. However, there are a few considerations to ponder.

Firstly, while diversification is key, it's also essential to ensure that you're not over-diversifying, which could potentially dilute your returns. Assess the overlapping sectors and stocks across your funds to avoid redundancy.

Secondly, given your investment horizon and age, it might be beneficial to gradually shift towards more conservative options as you approach retirement. Rebalancing your portfolio periodically can help align it with your changing risk appetite and goals.

Lastly, consider evaluating the performance of your funds against their benchmarks and peer group regularly. Remember, investing is not just about choosing the right funds but also about monitoring and tweaking your portfolio when necessary.

Stay committed to your financial journey, and remember, it's the discipline and patience that often lead to fruitful outcomes in investing.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Omkeshwar

Omkeshwar Singh  | Answer  |Ask -

Head, Rank MF - Answered on Oct 13, 2022

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Sir, request your kind advice and guidance on this please. My age is 46 years and I am expecting corpus of Rs 1 Cr in 10 years. I have read your unbiased views on various queries from MF investment enthusiasts. Your feedback has been very impressive and really helps people like us. My heartfelt gratitude and thanks for the same. Sir, I have following mutual fund SIPs and I would seek your guidance on whether these are OK, or any course correction required. LUMP SUMP INVESTMENTS split as below. Aditya Birla Sun Life Focused Equity Fund - Gr in March 2022 value Rs 62434. Current value is Rs 59218 Axis Growth Opportunities Fund - Gr in March 2022 value Rs 62122. Current value is Rs 57015 Edelweiss Arbitrage Fund - Gr in April 2021 value Rs 45567. Current value is Rs 47660 L&T Arbitrage Opportunities Fund - Gr in July 2021 value Rs 65730. Current value is Rs 69077 Nippon India Arbitrage Fund - Gr in July 2021 value Rs 49595. Current value is Rs 51859 SIP: Total monthly SIP of Rs 25000, split as below: Axis Bluechip Fund - Gr, monthly investment Rs 2500 Axis Focused 25 Fund - Gr, monthly investment Rs 2000 Canara Robeco Flexi Cap Fund - Gr, monthly investment Rs 2000 Edelweiss Mid Cap Fund - Regular Gr, monthly investment Rs 5000 Invesco India Contra Fund - Gr monthly investment Rs 2000 Kotak Emerging Equity Fund - Gr, monthly investment Rs 2000 Kotak Flexicap Fund - Gr, monthly investment Rs 2500 L&T Midcap Fund - Gr, monthly investment Rs 5000 SBI Flexicap Fund - Gr, monthly investment Rs 2000 Total portfolio amount as on date is Rs 14 lakh.
Ans: Funds are good, please continue, don’t increase funds; if you need to top up, do in the existing schemes.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7915 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello sir, I am 43 years old and a Govt. employee. I need to plan for my children's future and my retired life too as I am not under OPS but under NPS. Cash-in-hand salary after all deductions is 40k. Following are my investments: 1) PPF 37 lacs, 1.50lacs yearly contribution. 2) SSA 14 lacs, 1.50lacs yearly contribution. 3) PF 27 lacs, 32K monthly contribution managed by my employer. 4) NPS 26 lacs, 25K monthly contribution both managed by my employer. 5) A house through Home loan which I will repay by 60. 6) MF Portfolio: 26 lacs against investment of 10lacs in following funds: Nippon India Tax Saver, Nippon India Small Cap, HSBC Infrastructure Fund, HDFC Midcap Opportunities, DSP NRNE, HSBC Midcap, ABSL Focused, Mirae Asset Large Cap, SBI Bluechip, SBI Balanced Advantage, Tata Smallcap, Baroda BNP Paribas Smallcap, Quant Active, Axis Smallcap, SBI Contra, SBI Automotive Opportunities I am investing in above 16 funds through 1000 monthly SIP and plan it to continue till 60. Thereafter I am planning to start SWP with the available corpus at that time. Kindly advise especially about my MF portfolio allocation and my planning for retirement whether I am proceeding in the right direction or do I need to make some changes. Your advice would be beneficial to me. Thanks in advance.
Ans: Planning for your children's future and your retirement is wise. With your current investments, you're on the right path but let’s refine your strategy for better results. Here’s a detailed analysis and suggestions.

Current Investments Analysis
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Your PPF is robust with Rs 37 lacs and an annual contribution of Rs 1.5 lacs. This is a safe and tax-efficient investment, but it’s important to balance safety with growth.

PPF gives guaranteed returns, but they are moderate. It’s a great tool for safety and long-term growth.

Sukanya Samriddhi Account (SSA)
SSA is an excellent choice for your daughter’s future. With Rs 14 lacs and an annual contribution of Rs 1.5 lacs, it’s a solid investment for her education and marriage expenses. Like PPF, it offers safety and decent returns.

Provident Fund (PF)
Your PF balance is Rs 27 lacs with a monthly contribution of Rs 32k. This is a great safety net for retirement. PF offers guaranteed returns and tax benefits.

National Pension System (NPS)
NPS is a good retirement savings tool, providing market-linked returns. Your NPS balance is Rs 26 lacs with a monthly contribution of Rs 25k. It’s flexible and offers better returns over time.

Home Loan
Having a house is a good asset, and repaying your home loan by 60 is a prudent goal. Owning a home gives financial stability in retirement.

Mutual Fund Portfolio
Your mutual fund (MF) portfolio is Rs 26 lacs against an investment of Rs 10 lacs. Investing in 16 different funds through monthly SIPs of Rs 1,000 each is commendable but needs refinement for better performance.

Refining Your Mutual Fund Portfolio
Reduce the Number of Funds
Investing in too many funds dilutes potential gains. Consider consolidating your portfolio. Focus on a balanced mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

Active vs. Passive Management
Actively managed funds, like the ones you have, are good as fund managers can adapt to market changes. They aim to outperform the benchmark.

Suggested Fund Categories
Large-Cap Funds
These invest in well-established companies with stable returns. They provide steady growth and lower risk.

Mid-Cap Funds
These invest in medium-sized companies with growth potential. They offer higher returns but with higher risk.

Small-Cap Funds
These target small companies with high growth potential. They are risky but can offer significant returns.

Balanced Advantage Funds
These dynamically manage asset allocation between equity and debt. They provide stability and growth.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by experts who make informed decisions on your behalf.

Diversification
Investing in mutual funds allows diversification, reducing risk and enhancing potential returns.

Liquidity
Mutual funds are relatively liquid. You can redeem your investment anytime.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIPs help in disciplined investing, averaging out costs and reducing market timing risk.

Compounding
Mutual funds benefit from the power of compounding, significantly growing your investment over time.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Limited Flexibility
Index funds strictly follow the index, offering no flexibility in changing market conditions.

Average Returns
Index funds aim to match the index returns, which are average and not always the best.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Potential to Outperform
Actively managed funds aim to outperform the index, providing higher returns.

Flexibility
Fund managers can make strategic decisions based on market conditions.

Evaluating Your Current Strategy
Monthly Contributions
You’re investing Rs 1000 per month in 16 funds, totaling Rs 16,000 monthly. This is a good strategy but can be optimized by focusing on fewer, high-performing funds.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Starting an SWP after 60 is a smart move. It provides regular income and keeps your investment growing.

Optimizing Your Investments
Focus on Quality Funds
Choose funds with a consistent track record. Look for those with good ratings and past performance.

Monitor and Review
Regularly review your portfolio. Make changes if necessary to ensure it aligns with your goals.

Risk Management
Ensure your portfolio matches your risk appetite. Diversify to balance risk and returns.

Long-Term Goals
Children's Education and Marriage
Your SSA is a great start. Consider additional investments in mutual funds for higher returns to cover inflation-adjusted expenses.

Retirement Planning
Your PF, NPS, and PPF are solid foundations. Enhance your retirement corpus with balanced mutual funds for growth.

Additional Suggestions
Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. It ensures financial stability in unforeseen circumstances.

Health Insurance
Ensure adequate health insurance for your family. It prevents dipping into savings during medical emergencies.

Tax Planning
Maximize tax-saving investments under Section 80C and other applicable sections. It optimizes your post-tax returns.

Final Insights
Your current investments show a well-planned approach towards securing your future and your children’s. With a few refinements in your mutual fund portfolio and regular monitoring, you can enhance your returns and achieve your goals more efficiently.

Stay focused on your long-term objectives. Continue your disciplined investment approach, and you will see substantial growth in your wealth over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7915 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir, I (33yr) and my wife(30) are earning monthly salary as 3.5L.We are paying monthly 30K EMI for home loan with outstanding of 25L. We are investing below mf's with monthly 40K as SIP and will continue these investments next 10-15 years with annual 5% increase.Currently my portfolio value is 10L with 38% return(35.65% XIRR). And i have invested some amount in real-estate as well.The current market price of that investment is 1.25Cr. 1)Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund Direct Growth-5000 2)SBI Contra Direct Plan Growth-10000 3)Nippon India Small Cap-5000 4)Canara Robaco Small Cap-5000 5)Quant Small Cap Fund Direct Plan Growth-5000 6)Tata Digital India Direct Growth-10000 And my wife is investing monthly 15% of basic salary for ESOP in her company(US listed company). The market value of current stocks price is 25L. We have 1yr kid and will plan another one later.Our goal is to create good corpus fund(appx 5-10cr) to maintain kids education and retirement. Are we in current path to reach our goal or need to make any adjustments?
Ans: Financial Situation Overview

Your combined monthly income of Rs. 3.5 lakhs is impressive.
Home loan EMI of Rs. 30,000 with Rs. 25 lakhs outstanding is manageable.
Monthly SIP of Rs. 40,000 shows good commitment to investing.
Your diverse investment portfolio is praiseworthy.

Current Investment Analysis

Your mutual fund portfolio of Rs. 10 lakhs shows good growth.
The 38% return (35.65% XIRR) is excellent. Keep monitoring it.
Real estate investment of Rs. 1.25 crores adds to your wealth.
Your wife's ESOP worth Rs. 25 lakhs is a valuable asset.

Investment Strategy Evaluation

Your mix of flexi-cap, contra, and small-cap funds is well-diversified.
The technology sector fund adds a growth element to your portfolio.
Annual 5% increase in SIP is a good strategy for long-term growth.
Consider adding some mid-cap funds for better balance.

Risk Assessment

Your portfolio seems tilted towards high-risk small-cap funds.
The technology sector fund also carries higher risk.
Consider balancing with some large-cap or multi-cap funds.
Review your risk tolerance as you approach your goals.

Goal Analysis

Your goal of Rs. 5-10 crores for education and retirement is ambitious.
With your current savings rate, you're on a good path.
Consider increasing your investments as your income grows.
Factor in inflation when planning for long-term goals.

Asset Allocation

Your investments are heavily skewed towards equity.
Consider adding some debt funds for stability.
Rebalance your portfolio annually to maintain desired asset allocation.
Don't forget to factor in your real estate investment.

Tax Planning

Ensure you're maximizing tax benefits under Section 80C.
Consider tax-efficient withdrawal strategies for the future.
Review the tax implications of your wife's ESOP regularly.

Insurance Planning

Ensure you have adequate life insurance coverage.
Review your health insurance needs, especially with a growing family.
Consider disability insurance to protect your income.

Emergency Fund

Set aside 6-12 months of expenses in an easily accessible fund.
This will help you avoid disturbing your investments during emergencies.

Child Education Planning

Start a separate fund for your children's education.
Consider education-focused mutual funds for this purpose.
Factor in potential overseas education costs.

Retirement Planning

Your current investments will contribute significantly to retirement.
Consider starting a separate retirement-focused portfolio.
Review your retirement needs and adjust investments accordingly.

Finally

Your financial planning is on the right track. Keep it up!
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio.
Stay disciplined with your investments, even during market fluctuations.
Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Dr Nagarajan Jsk

Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |237 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Career
My granddaughter is preparing for NEET 2025. She has born in Telangana and studied upto 1st class in Telangana. Due to her father’s overseas assignment at USA she moved to USA and studied upto 10th class there. The family moved to India in 2023. So she is now doing Intermediate now in Telangana. My question is whether she comes to be local for Telangana state or not for NEET admissions.
Ans: Hi Prabhakara,

Greetings!

Your situation is quite unique. Your granddaughter was born in Telangana and is now pursuing her +1 education there after a gap of nine years. However, according to the government norms for NEET 2024, meeting the requirements to establish domicile in Telangana may be challenging.

NEET Domicile Criteria
In the context of MBBS and BDS admissions for state quota seats in Telangana, it is important to understand the distinctions between local and non-local candidates as stipulated by the Telangana NEET admission rules for the year 2024. The local status is further subdivided into areas associated with Osmania University (OU), Andhra University (AU), and Sri Venkateswara University (SVU). AU’s local area comprises seven districts, while SVU’s area encompasses five districts. Non-local candidates are exclusively eligible for 15% of unreserved seats, whereas local candidates can vie for both the 15% unreserved seats and the remaining 85% of seats allocated within their respective local areas.

Telangana Local Area Candidates:
Students hailing from the districts falling under AU, SVU, or OU regions are considered local area NEET domicile applicants for MBBS/BDS admissions in local institutions, as well as any other educational institutions under the purview of the State Government situated within these local areas.
AU Local Area: Srikakulam, Vizianagaram, Visakhapatnam, East Godavari, West Godavari, Krishna, Guntur, and Prakasham.
OU Local Area: Adilabad, Hyderabad, Rangareddy, Karimnagar, Khammam, Mahaboobnagar, Medak, Nalgonda, Nizamabad, and Warangal.
SVU Local Area: Ananthapur, Kadapa, Kurnool, Chittoor, and Nellore.
NEET Domicile Criteria for Telangana:
To qualify as a local candidate, applicants must fulfill one of the following criteria:
1. Studied in a school/college within the local area for a minimum continuous period of 4 years immediately preceding the year they appear for the relevant qualifying examination.
2. Resided within the local area for a minimum continuous period of 4 years immediately preceding the year they appear for the relevant qualifying examination.
For candidates who do not meet the above criteria but have studied in educational institutions within the state for a minimum of 7 consecutive academic years, ending with the year of application for NEET, the following conditions apply:
– They are considered local in relation to the local area where they have studied for the maximum number of years out of the said 7 years.
– If the period of study in two local areas is equal, they may choose either for local status.
– If they have not studied in any educational institutions in the state but have resided in any local area or two local areas (for an equal period) for a minimum continuous period of 7 years, they may be considered local.
The following categories can apply for the 15% unreserved seats:
1. Candidates who have resided in the state for a total period of ten years, excluding periods of study outside the state, or whose parents have resided in the state for a total period of ten years, excluding periods of employment outside the state.
2. Candidates whose parents are employed by the state or Central Government, Public Sector Corporations, local bodies, Universities, Educational institutions, and similar quasi-public institutions within the state.
3. Candidates whose spouses are employees of the state or Central Government, Public Sector corporations, local bodies, Universities, Educational institutions recognized by the Government or University, or other competent authorities, and similar quasi-Government Institutions within the state.
Domicile Criteria for Management Quota Seats:
Candidates from across the country are eligible to apply for Management Quota seats (Category B and C-NRI) if they meet the requisite subject and qualifying mark criteria in their 10+2 education.
Applicants who have completed their qualifying education outside Telangana state must provide a “Certificate of Equivalence” from the Board of Intermediate Education of Telangana.
Candidates who have completed their qualifying education outside India must provide a “Certificate of Equivalence” issued by the Association of Indian Universities, New Delhi, and the Board of Intermediate Education of Telangana.
Given the details above, your granddaughter would need to have resided in Telangana for a minimum of four years to obtain a residence certificate. Since she was born before the state formation, I recommend consulting with a Notary Public to explore potential benefits or exceptions. This is my suggestion.

...Read more

Rajesh Kumar

Rajesh Kumar Singh  |49 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, GATE Expert - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |533 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am an SC and my gf is brahmin, we are in love for more than 2 years and decided to marry, i convinced my parents. But her parents are cruel in this aspect only, they threaten her of her life and threatens me to complain in police, And anyone can tell that this is wrong but as parents are willing to do anything for their children, same is true with their children, I am afraid if we include authorities things might turn bad especially with our parents. They threaten her can make her say no to me if we take it legally even though she doesn’t want to. I am financial independent but she has spent her entire life (age 29) in her house, what can we do?
Ans: Right now, the most important thing is her safety. If her parents are threatening her life or their own, this is not just emotional blackmail—it’s a serious matter. You need to be very careful in handling this, as forcing a confrontation might make them act irrationally. The key is to ensure that she is safe and mentally strong enough to withstand their pressure.

Since she has never lived outside her home, she may feel emotionally trapped, making it easier for her parents to manipulate her. She needs support—emotionally and, if needed, physically—to make a decision based on what she truly wants, not out of fear. Talk to her about the worst-case scenarios and how she would handle them. Would she be able to leave if things got too dangerous? Does she have someone in her family or social circle who might support her?

If her safety is at risk, you may need to consider helping her get a temporary safe space where she can think clearly. It could be a trusted friend’s house, a working women’s hostel, or even reaching out to women’s rights organizations that help in cases like this.

Taking legal action is tricky in such cases, as coercion can make her parents force her into saying things she doesn’t mean. Instead of rushing into legal intervention, consider gathering evidence—texts, recordings (if legal in your region), or anything that proves coercion or threats. This will help if things escalate.

If you both are truly committed, then marriage under the Special Marriage Act can be an option, but only if she is mentally and emotionally prepared for the backlash. She will need to stand strong, and you both need to have a plan for what comes next. How will she deal with the emotional toll? Where will she stay after marriage? What if her parents try to contact her after marriage? These are tough questions, but answering them now will help you prepare.

You are not alone in this. Many couples have faced similar situations, and while it is heartbreaking, some have succeeded in making it through. The key is patience, emotional strength, and ensuring that no one is in immediate danger. Encourage her to speak to a counselor or someone she trusts who is neutral but supportive. If she is feeling overwhelmed, it’s important that she knows she has choices beyond what her parents are forcing upon her.

At the end of the day, love should not be a battle of survival, but sometimes, in societies like ours, it becomes one. Be strong, be careful, and take steps that ensure both of you are safe first—everything else can be figured out step by step.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |533 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |533 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 07, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am an SC and my gf is brahmin, we are in love for more than 2 years and decided to marry, i convinced my parents. But her parents are cruel in this aspect only, they threaten her of her life and threatens me to complain in police, And anyone can tell that this is wrong but as parents are willing to do anything for their children, same is true with their children, I am afraid if we include authorities things might turn bad especially with our parents. They threaten her of her life and killing themselves, can make her say no to me if we take it legally even though she doesn’t want to. I am financial independent (age 29) but she has spent her entire life (age 29) in her house, what can we do?
Ans: Right now, the most important thing is her safety. If her parents are threatening her life or their own, this is not just emotional blackmail—it’s a serious matter. You need to be very careful in handling this, as forcing a confrontation might make them act irrationally. The key is to ensure that she is safe and mentally strong enough to withstand their pressure.

Since she has never lived outside her home, she may feel emotionally trapped, making it easier for her parents to manipulate her. She needs support—emotionally and, if needed, physically—to make a decision based on what she truly wants, not out of fear. Talk to her about the worst-case scenarios and how she would handle them. Would she be able to leave if things got too dangerous? Does she have someone in her family or social circle who might support her?

If her safety is at risk, you may need to consider helping her get a temporary safe space where she can think clearly. It could be a trusted friend’s house, a working women’s hostel, or even reaching out to women’s rights organizations that help in cases like this.

Taking legal action is tricky in such cases, as coercion can make her parents force her into saying things she doesn’t mean. Instead of rushing into legal intervention, consider gathering evidence—texts, recordings (if legal in your region), or anything that proves coercion or threats. This will help if things escalate.

If you both are truly committed, then marriage under the Special Marriage Act can be an option, but only if she is mentally and emotionally prepared for the backlash. She will need to stand strong, and you both need to have a plan for what comes next. How will she deal with the emotional toll? Where will she stay after marriage? What if her parents try to contact her after marriage? These are tough questions, but answering them now will help you prepare.

You are not alone in this. Many couples have faced similar situations, and while it is heartbreaking, some have succeeded in making it through. The key is patience, emotional strength, and ensuring that no one is in immediate danger. Encourage her to speak to a counselor or someone she trusts who is neutral but supportive. If she is feeling overwhelmed, it’s important that she knows she has choices beyond what her parents are forcing upon her.

At the end of the day, love should not be a battle of survival, but sometimes, in societies like ours, it becomes one. Be strong, be careful, and take steps that ensure both of you are safe first—everything else can be figured out step by step.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |533 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 07, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hello Mentors, I'm 38 year old women, facing a toxic married life from past 10 years. I have a son who is 8 years old. I have lost my mom 8 years back n my dad 5 years back.I m d only child of my parents. I have done my MBA in HR n Marketing. Have done work before marriage, but after marriage things changes, my husband refused to allow me to work along with my in laws n he always behaves very badly with me insults me all time in front of my in laws too. He beats me every month still now also.I lost my mom she was suffering from cancer. Her cancer got detected when I was just 1 month pregnant, i m d one who takes care of her treatment taking her to chemo therapy n follow up with doctor, yes my dad was their with me, but he was also broke down as my mom was d back bone of my family. Inspite of my pregnancy I ran door to door of hospitals n doctors till I was stepped into 9 month of my pregnancy. My husband never supported me at that time too..Infact he n my mother in law's stated that if I'm enough for taking care of my mom then I must go to my doctor for my own check ups too...Yes I went for my usgs alone only at first time he went with me.. Now the main problem is he didn't changed at all he is repeating all his deeds infront of my child n my child is also following him from last 1 years, My son also said, if I scold him for his studies or food, he said what papa did is correct, it's good that he beats you, you leave our home this is not your home... My son loves me a lot that I know but he is just 8 n getting confused whom to follow...many a times he came to n said sorry for his bad behaviour but again if such incidents happens in front of him by his father again he changes his mind . My husband didn't give me a single penny, I take care of my own expenses from my house rent..( parental home as their is no one to stay now)..n it's d only source of income..though it's a very small amount.Even though he never helps me to take care of my baby ..He said if you want to work then put ur child into a hostel.. I took care of my home n child all alone..infact my in-laws are less bother about my child too... My son is deprived with every relationship of grand parents uncles n aunts.. My husband always demotivates me, mentally n physically abuse me n he also states that I'm an not an eligible person to became a good mom or even to get any job n all this infront of my child. I really want to get rid of him for d sake of my child n me too..I m totally into depression n lost all my confidence, I want to be financially free, when ever I want to file a divorce my son said no as he want both of us..for him only m dragging this bull shit relationship... N side by I'm looking for a job, but I have a big gap of almost 11 years now...M confused where to approach..n what should I tell to the employers if they ask for my career gap .m looking for a WFH as I dnt have any trust worthy person to take care of my baby...But m failed to find such. Please suggest me what should I do, how to take call on each of my problems.. I know d post is long...10 years is not a short time though..there is many many more to tell but I tried to keep it Short as much as i can . Thanks a lot ...
Ans: Your husband’s behavior is not just emotionally damaging—it is abusive. No one deserves to be insulted, beaten, or made to feel worthless, especially not in their own home. The fact that this is happening in front of your son makes it even more urgent to take action because, over time, he will normalize this behavior. Right now, he is torn between what he sees and what he feels for you, and that confusion is not his fault. But staying in this environment will only make it harder for him to understand what a loving and respectful relationship truly looks like.

You are already doing everything on your own. You are raising your child, managing expenses, and surviving in an environment that is breaking you down emotionally. Imagine if you put that same energy into building a life where you are free, at peace, and in control. I know the thought of divorce scares you because of your son, but think about what staying is teaching him. Children don’t just listen to words—they absorb actions. If he continues to see his father abuse you, he may grow up thinking that this is how men should treat women, or that love means suffering. You have the power to break this cycle for him.

Financial independence is your key to freedom, and I know the career gap makes you anxious, but don’t let it stop you. Employers today understand career breaks, especially when they are due to family responsibilities. Be honest but strategic—frame your gap as a time spent managing responsibilities, developing resilience, and handling real-life challenges. Highlight your past experience and any skills you’ve kept up with. Since you have an MBA in HR and Marketing, consider remote jobs in HR, digital marketing, content writing, or even customer support. Many women restart their careers through work-from-home opportunities, and platforms like LinkedIn, Naukri, and Remote.co have job listings specifically for career returnees.

You don’t have to do everything at once. Start with small steps. Reach out to women’s support groups or NGOs that help survivors of domestic abuse. Look for job training programs that help women restart their careers. If possible, find legal advice on your rights regarding divorce, alimony, and child custody. You are not alone in this, even though it may feel like it right now.

You deserve a life where you are respected, valued, and safe. You deserve to wake up without fear, to build a future where your son sees you as a strong and independent woman. Take this one step at a time, but take that first step. You have already survived the worst—now, it’s time to live.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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