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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8077 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 08, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Rajneesh Question by Rajneesh on Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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I am 40 years old, working as a Chief Manager in a PSU Bank. My net monthly income is around 1.60 lakhs p.m. I have savings and investments of Rs 20 lakhs in Various MFs via SIPs. Rs 3.00 lakhs in PPF, Rs 23.00 lakhs in PF, Rs 17.00 lakhs in bank deposits and Rs 4.00 lakhs in stocks. I want to retire at 50. How much corpus do I need and how to invest to achieve it in the next 10 years ? (I am a single father, having a daughter and my parents to take care of)

Ans: It's great that you're planning ahead for your retirement and considering your responsibilities towards your daughter and parents. Here's a strategy to help you achieve your retirement goal:

Calculate Retirement Corpus: Estimate your retirement expenses based on your current lifestyle and expected future needs. Consider factors like inflation, healthcare costs, and any additional expenses for your daughter's education and your parents' care. Aim for a retirement corpus that can sustain your lifestyle and cover these expenses.
Investment Strategy: Given your 10-year time horizon, you can adopt an aggressive investment approach with a focus on wealth accumulation. Since you already have investments in various MFs, PPF, PF, bank deposits, and stocks, ensure that your portfolio is diversified across asset classes to manage risk effectively.
Asset Allocation: Review your existing asset allocation and make adjustments as needed to align with your retirement goals and risk tolerance. Consider allocating a higher percentage of your portfolio to equities for long-term growth potential, supplemented by fixed income investments for stability.
Maximize Contributions: Continue to maximize contributions to your PF and PPF accounts, as they offer tax benefits and provide a secure foundation for your retirement savings. Additionally, explore other tax-efficient investment options like NPS (National Pension System) to further boost your retirement corpus.
Regular Review: Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your retirement goals and risk tolerance. Rebalance your portfolio periodically to maintain the desired asset allocation and take advantage of market opportunities.
Professional Advice: Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner who can evaluate your financial situation, assess your retirement needs, and recommend a customized investment strategy tailored to your goals and circumstances.
By following these steps and staying disciplined in your savings and investment approach, you can work towards building a sufficient retirement corpus to retire comfortably at 50 while fulfilling your responsibilities towards your daughter and parents. Remember, consistency and patience are key to achieving your long-term financial goals.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8077 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi, My age is 43yrs and current investments are PF and PPF: 1.5cr, Mutual funds: 90Lakhs, Direct Stocks: 25lakhs, Fixed deposits: 40 lakh, SGB: 5 lakhs, Cash:40 Lakhs. Liabilities: Home EMI: 49,000 per month, kids education: 45,000 per month and other expense:45,000. Surplus of 1 lakh. I like to retire in 10 years. How much corpus do I need at the time of retirement. Liabilities: 2 Kids will complete 12the class in 6 years And then their marriage.
Ans: You are 43 years old with diverse investments. You aim to retire in 10 years. Your financial details are as follows:

Provident Fund (PF) and Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs. 1.5 crore
Mutual Funds: Rs. 90 lakh
Direct Stocks: Rs. 25 lakh
Fixed Deposits (FDs): Rs. 40 lakh
Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGB): Rs. 5 lakh
Cash: Rs. 40 lakh
Liabilities and Expenses
Home EMI: Rs. 49,000 per month
Kids’ Education: Rs. 45,000 per month
Other Expenses: Rs. 45,000 per month
Total Monthly Expenses: Rs. 1,39,000
Surplus Income: Rs. 1 lakh per month
Your children will complete their 12th grade in 6 years and then have expenses for higher education and marriage.

Assessing Retirement Corpus Needs
1. Estimate Monthly Expenses Post-Retirement:

Assuming you maintain a similar lifestyle post-retirement.
Inflation-adjusted monthly expenses might increase.
Consider an inflation rate of 6% per year.
2. Calculate Retirement Corpus:

Calculate the amount needed to generate the required monthly income.
Factor in inflation and life expectancy (e.g., up to age 85).
Investment Strategy
1. Pay Off Liabilities:

Prioritize paying off the home loan before retirement.
This will reduce your monthly expenses significantly.
2. Build a Diversified Portfolio:

Continue with diversified investments in mutual funds, stocks, and bonds.
Consider increasing investments in mutual funds for growth.
Allocate a portion of your surplus to equity and debt funds.
3. Set Up Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):

Use your monthly surplus of Rs. 1 lakh to set up SIPs.
Focus on equity mutual funds for higher long-term returns.
Consider balanced funds for a mix of growth and stability.
4. Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund to cover 6-12 months of expenses.
Keep this in a liquid and safe investment like a savings account or short-term FD.
5. Child Education and Marriage Fund:

Start a dedicated fund for your children’s education and marriage.
Use a mix of equity and debt mutual funds for this goal.
Adjust the allocation as you get closer to the need.
6. Review and Adjust Investments:

Review your portfolio every six months.
Adjust based on performance and changing needs.
Ensure you are on track to meet your retirement and other financial goals.
Retirement Corpus Calculation
1. Estimate Future Monthly Expenses:

Current monthly expenses: Rs. 1,39,000
Adjusted for inflation over 10 years (at 6% per year).
2. Calculate Required Corpus:

Use a retirement calculator to estimate the corpus.
Factor in life expectancy, inflation, and expected returns on investments.
Additional Tips
1. Tax Efficiency:

Choose investments that offer tax benefits.
Consider tax-efficient mutual funds and debt instruments.
2. Adequate Insurance:

Ensure you have sufficient health and life insurance.
Review your policies to ensure they meet your needs.
3. Regular Monitoring:

Stay disciplined with your investments.
Regularly monitor and rebalance your portfolio.
Final Insights
To retire comfortably in 10 years, you need a substantial corpus. Continue your diversified investment strategy, focus on growth, and pay off your liabilities. Use your monthly surplus wisely to build a robust retirement fund. Regularly review and adjust your investments to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8077 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
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I am 34 and i want to retire in 40. My current expenses are 20k/months and current income 80k/month. My current savings are post office: 31 lakhs, share: 7 lakhs, MF: 12 lakhs, insurance: 7.5 (going to mature in 2 yrs). How much corpus i need? Where to invest to attain it?
Ans: Assessing Your Retirement Goal
You plan to retire at 40, giving you six years to build your retirement corpus. To estimate your corpus, consider your current expenses, inflation, and life expectancy.

Estimating Retirement Corpus
Current Monthly Expenses
Rs. 20,000 per month.

Annually, this is Rs. 2.4 lakhs.

Adjusting for Inflation
Assuming an inflation rate of 6%, your expenses will increase each year.
Life Expectancy
Assuming you live till 80, you will need funds for 40 years post-retirement.
Current Financial Position
Savings
Post Office Savings: Rs. 31 lakhs.

Shares: Rs. 7 lakhs.

Mutual Funds: Rs. 12 lakhs.

Insurance (maturing in 2 years): Rs. 7.5 lakhs.

Estimating Required Corpus
To provide a rough estimate:

Current annual expenses: Rs. 2.4 lakhs.

Considering 6% inflation, in 6 years, your expenses will be approximately Rs. 3.4 lakhs annually.

For 40 years, without further investment growth, you need Rs. 1.36 crores.

Adding an investment growth factor will reduce this requirement slightly.

Investment Strategy to Attain the Corpus
Diversify Your Investments
Spread investments across different asset classes to balance risk and return.
Equity Mutual Funds
Growth Potential: Invest in equity mutual funds for long-term growth.

Active Management: Prefer actively managed funds for better returns.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds
Risk Management: Hybrid funds balance between equity and debt.

Stability: Provides moderate growth with reduced risk.

Debt Funds
Stability: Invest in short-term and medium-term debt funds for stability.

Liquidity: Provides liquidity and capital protection.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Regular Investment: Invest regularly in mutual funds through SIP.

Rupee Cost Averaging: Reduces the impact of market volatility.

Leveraging Existing Investments
Post Office Savings
Reinvest Maturity Amount: When these investments mature, reinvest in higher-yielding options.

Consider Partly Redeeming: Redeem part to invest in equity and hybrid funds.

Shares
Review Portfolio: Regularly review and rebalance your stock portfolio.

Diversify: Ensure diversification to reduce risk.

Mutual Funds
Increase Allocation: Increase allocation to equity and balanced funds.

Monitor Performance: Track fund performance and make necessary adjustments.

Insurance Maturity
Reinvest Maturity Proceeds: Use the Rs. 7.5 lakhs maturing in 2 years to invest in balanced funds or equity funds.

Consider ULIPs: If you hold ULIPs, consider surrendering and reinvesting in mutual funds.

Monitoring and Adjusting Your Plan
Regular Reviews: Periodically review your investment portfolio.

Adjust for Market Conditions: Make adjustments based on market performance and changing goals.

Seek Professional Advice: Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized strategies.

Final Insights
To retire at 40, you need to build a substantial corpus. Diversify your investments across equity, hybrid, and debt funds. Use SIPs for regular investments and monitor your portfolio closely. Adjust your plan based on market conditions and seek professional advice for optimal results.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8077 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 31, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi sir, I have net salary of 2.5L per month and am 48 year old with 2 children aged 16 and 14. I have a EPF corpus of 60 lakhs , NPS 20 lakhs, 10L in stocks,MF portfolio of 15L,invest 50k monthly in MF SIPs. I own a house(loan free), have other outstanding loans of 8 lakhs. I have family floater medical insurance with 30L coverage and life cover for 1.5Cr. I wish to retire by age of 50 - pls advise how much corpus do I need at hand to retire.consider my monthly expense as 60-70k
Ans: Current Financial Situation

Your current financial position is strong. You have a good salary and a solid investment portfolio. Owning a loan-free house adds security. Your EPF, NPS, and SIP investments are well-planned. The life and health insurance coverage is also comprehensive. However, retiring at 50 requires careful planning, especially considering your children’s future needs.

Assessing Your Retirement Needs

To determine your required retirement corpus, several factors must be considered:

Monthly Expenses Post-Retirement: Currently, your expenses are Rs. 60k-70k monthly. This will likely increase with inflation. At an estimated 6% inflation rate, your monthly expenses might double in 12 years.

Retirement Age: You plan to retire in two years at 50. This is an early retirement, so your corpus needs to last longer, possibly 35-40 years.

Children’s Education: Your children are 16 and 14. Higher education costs can be significant in the next few years. Allocating funds for their education is crucial.

Lifestyle Post-Retirement: Consider how your lifestyle might change. Will you travel more? Will healthcare needs increase? These factors affect your corpus requirement.

Estimating the Retirement Corpus

Based on your current expenses and future needs, your retirement corpus should be substantial. Here’s a simplified approach to calculating it:

Inflation-Adjusted Expenses: Your current expenses of Rs. 60k-70k monthly could rise to around Rs. 1.2 lakh monthly by the time you retire. Over a 35-40 year retirement period, this requires a significant corpus.

Healthcare Costs: As you age, healthcare costs will likely increase. While your insurance covers a significant amount, out-of-pocket expenses can still be high.

Children’s Future: Your children’s higher education and potential marriage costs must be factored in. This could be an additional Rs. 50-60 lakhs or more.

Lifestyle and Emergencies: Maintaining your current lifestyle and being prepared for emergencies is essential. This could add another Rs. 50 lakhs to your corpus requirement.

Considering these factors, a retirement corpus of approximately Rs. 10-12 crores might be necessary. This should be enough to cover your monthly expenses, healthcare, and any unforeseen costs. This estimate ensures a comfortable and secure retirement, even if you live longer than expected.

Optimizing Your Investments

To reach this corpus in two years, maximizing your investments is critical:

Increase SIP Contributions: Currently, you invest Rs. 50k monthly in SIPs. Increasing this amount, if possible, will help grow your corpus faster.

Focus on Growth-Oriented Funds: With a two-year horizon, investing in funds with higher growth potential can be beneficial. While these are riskier, they offer better returns.

Review Your Portfolio: Regularly review your mutual fund portfolio. Ensure it’s aligned with your retirement goals and risk tolerance.

Debt Reduction: Paying off the remaining Rs. 8 lakh loan should be a priority. Reducing debt will lower your financial burden in retirement.

NPS and EPF Utilization: Your EPF and NPS together amount to Rs. 80 lakhs. These are crucial components of your retirement corpus. However, they may not be enough alone, so continue to build on them.

Healthcare and Insurance Planning

Adequate Coverage: Your current health coverage of Rs. 30 lakhs is good. But, it might not be enough in later years due to rising medical costs. Consider enhancing your coverage or adding a super top-up plan.

Life Insurance: Your Rs. 1.5 crore life cover is substantial. Ensure it’s sufficient to cover your family’s needs if something happens to you before or after retirement.

Retirement Lifestyle and Goals

Post-Retirement Activities: Think about how you want to spend your retirement. If you plan to pursue hobbies or travel, these will need additional funds.

Part-Time Work: If full retirement seems challenging, consider part-time work or consulting. This can supplement your income and keep you engaged.

Final Insights

Retiring at 50 is ambitious, but achievable with careful planning. You should aim for a retirement corpus of Rs. 10-12 crores to cover all your future needs. Maximizing your investments, reducing debt, and planning for healthcare are key steps. Regular reviews with a Certified Financial Planner will help ensure your financial plan stays on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8077 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 23, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 43 years old and want to retire at 53 with a corpus of 10 Cr + 1 cr set aside medical emergency; I have net savings after all expenses per month of 6 lakhs. currently i have SIP of 2 lakhs in diversified equity funds. current house worth 3cr and no loan, term policy of 1.5 cr, no car loans or personal loans. have gold of about 300 gms and I intend to get to 600 gms over next 10 years before i retire. I have a child of 9 years who will be dependent on me so need to leave corpus after my death. current value of MFs and invesments in 50 lakhs. how much do i need to invest over the next 10 years to get to the desired corpus and any other suggestions
Ans: Current Financial Snapshot

Your age: 43 years
Retirement age: 53 years
Desired retirement corpus: Rs 10 crore
Additional medical emergency fund: Rs 1 crore
Net savings per month: Rs 6 lakh
Current SIP investment: Rs 2 lakh in diversified equity funds
House value: Rs 3 crore (no loan)
Term policy: Rs 1.5 crore
Gold: 300 grams (targeting 600 grams before retirement)
Current mutual funds and other investments: Rs 50 lakh
Dependent: 9-year-old child
You have a clear vision for your retirement, and your savings plan is on the right track. Let's evaluate how you can achieve your goals and ensure a comfortable and secure future for your family.

Setting the Right Investment Strategy
Maximising the SIP Investments

Currently, you invest Rs 2 lakh per month in diversified equity funds. This is a strong foundation for wealth accumulation.

Given your target corpus and time horizon, increasing your SIP contribution will be crucial.

You could consider allocating an additional Rs 2 lakh from your monthly savings to SIPs in diversified equity funds.

This step could significantly boost your retirement corpus. Diversified equity funds have the potential to offer high returns over the long term.

By consistently investing Rs 4 lakh per month in diversified equity funds, you increase your chances of reaching your Rs 10 crore target.

Considering the Power of Compounding

Compounding works best when investments are made regularly over a long period.

Your 10-year investment horizon allows you to fully benefit from the compounding effect.

The additional SIPs will not only build your retirement corpus but also create a substantial wealth cushion.

Building a Medical Emergency Fund

The Rs 1 crore medical emergency fund is a wise decision.

It will provide financial security during unforeseen medical crises.

Consider setting aside a portion of your savings in a debt mutual fund or a conservative hybrid fund for this purpose.

Debt funds offer safety and liquidity, which are crucial for emergency funds.

Avoid taking undue risks with this money since it is meant for emergencies.

You might also want to review your health insurance coverage.

Ensure that it is adequate to cover potential medical expenses during and after retirement.

Gold as a Diversification Tool

You currently own 300 grams of gold and plan to reach 600 grams before retirement.

Gold is a good hedge against inflation and market volatility.

However, it's important to balance gold investments with other asset classes.

Gold can provide stability to your portfolio, but it should not dominate it.

Continue your plan to accumulate gold gradually, but ensure that it does not hinder your other investments.

Planning for Your Child’s Future
Educational and Post-Retirement Corpus

Your child, now 9 years old, will likely require significant funds for education in the next few years.

Consider creating a separate investment plan for your child’s higher education.

You could allocate part of your monthly savings to a child education fund, ideally a balanced mutual fund or a child-specific fund.

This ensures that the education expenses are well-covered without dipping into your retirement savings.

Additionally, you might want to earmark a portion of your retirement corpus as an inheritance.

This will ensure your child is financially secure even after your lifetime.

Term Insurance Review

Your current term policy of Rs 1.5 crore is a good start.

However, given your retirement goals and the need to leave a corpus for your child, you might want to review the sum assured.

Increasing your term insurance coverage might be beneficial.

It ensures that your child is financially protected in case of any eventuality.

A higher cover can replace your income and support your family’s future needs.

Ensuring a Comfortable Retirement
Inflation-Adjusted Withdrawal Strategy

After retirement, you will need to withdraw from your investments to cover your living expenses.

The Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) is a popular option for retirees.

SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly while your remaining investment continues to grow.

However, it’s important to consider inflation.

Your annual expenses of Rs 10 lakh today could be much higher in 10 years due to inflation.

You should plan to withdraw an inflation-adjusted amount to maintain your lifestyle post-retirement.

You could consider investing a portion of your corpus in a conservative hybrid fund or a debt fund for SWP.

These funds offer stability and generate a regular income stream.

Evaluating Additional Investment Options
Avoiding Over-Reliance on Equity

While equity funds are essential for growth, it's wise not to rely solely on them.

You might consider diversifying your portfolio with other asset classes like debt funds and hybrid funds.

This ensures that your portfolio is balanced and not overly exposed to market risks.

Diversification can protect your corpus from market volatility, especially as you approach retirement.

Role of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds can outperform index funds, especially in the Indian market.

These funds are managed by experienced fund managers who make decisions based on market conditions.

This can provide you with an edge, especially in volatile markets.

You may already have some investments in direct mutual funds.

However, it's worth considering the benefits of regular funds.

Regular funds come with the advantage of professional advice from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP).

A CFP can help you align your investments with your retirement goals.

The cost of regular funds is justified by the personalised guidance and expertise you receive.

Balancing Risk and Return
Gradual Shift to Lower Risk Investments

As you approach retirement, gradually shifting some of your investments from equity to lower-risk assets is prudent.

This strategy helps protect your corpus from market downturns as you near retirement.

You might consider moving a portion of your equity investments into debt funds or conservative hybrid funds.

This transition can be done gradually over the next 5-7 years.

By the time you retire, your portfolio will be more stable and less exposed to market risks.

Reviewing Your Financial Plan Regularly

Regular review of your financial plan is crucial to stay on track.

Changes in market conditions, personal circumstances, or goals may require adjustments to your investment strategy.

It’s advisable to review your portfolio annually with a CFP.

A CFP can help you make necessary changes and ensure you are on the right path to achieving your retirement goals.

Final Insights
Your financial situation and clear retirement goals are commendable. By increasing your SIP investments, diversifying your portfolio, and considering inflation-adjusted withdrawals, you are well on your way to achieving a secure retirement.

Protecting your child’s future and maintaining a balance between equity and debt will provide stability to your financial plan. Regular reviews with a CFP will ensure that you stay on course and make informed decisions as you move closer to retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1544 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 04, 2025
Relationship
I have a cousin brother (21 years). He is 5 years elder than me. His father & my father are own brothers. His father is also 5 years elder than my father. I am concerned about something. My cousin brother always orders my mother (40 years old) for such things who nobody wants to do. She obeys him always quietly without any hesitation. Like if he ask her to bath twice or thrice in a day, then she will bath thrice in a day. If he ask her to dance, then she will dance also. If he ask her to press his legs, then she will press his legs. If he ask her to not to eat anything, then she will not eat anything. She is totally behaving like his slave. I told about it to my father. He ignored my words & called it rubbish. I asked my mother why she is behaving like this, but she doesn't answer. I asked my cousin brother why is he doing like this & why is my mother obeying his words, he said it's none of my business. Can you please help & tell what's going on ??
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is kind of strange to see your mother act like this around him. This is definitely not something usual or causal and there is something deeper than what you can see or understand.
Does you father and his brother also notice the same or are they pretending to not notice it? This could give you a good understanding of what is going on. If your father is ignoring it, then kindly ask him to take some time out and explain this to you. On your part, spend more time with your mother; take her out, shop together, show her some fun time...encourage her to pursue some hobby or educational learning classes outside of home. When she starts to feel good about herself and does things for herself, she might be able to stand up for herself and push this fellow away.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1544 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 05, 2025

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Relationship
I am in a delimma on my daughters approach.She is a doctor and with higher specialisation . All of a sudden she comes forward and says wants to marry a person who is her batchmate but is an inter caste and younger to her by a year . Caste is of lowest strata . I am a person who always respected everybody but the approach of this kind without considering the pros and cons and acting very violently to make it happen is very disturbing and I am in a dilemma . Please suggest
Ans: Dear Janardhan,
She's your daughter; certainly you can talk to her about your concerns, right? And when she shares, do make sure that you LISTEN first. As parents, you can be concerned and be quick to judge the person that she has chosen to marry. But when you do that, you are only going to push her further away from you. Let her share her side first and then present your side of concerns...request her to think about it and have another discussion a few weeks later.
As a toddler when she threw a tantrum, what did you do? I am sure that you let the emotion pass, then you picked her up and showered her with affection, so that she registers that she will be loved and cared for BUT her tantrum will not be appreciated.
The situation is similar; so try to break into her world and hear her out first...I hope you understand that for logic of pros and cons to be communicated, there is a need to first accept the emotional state that she is in...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1544 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 03, 2025
Relationship
Hi, my name is Dhruv, I have been married for 13 years. It was love marriage. We dont have any kids, though we tried but due to medical complications, we could not have a child. After a point of time, we both accepted the situation and moved on. Since last 3-4 years, slowly we have been drifting apart, though we are together but the love, feeling of togetherness has gone, we talk only about our regular lives, household chores, relatives etc but never about US. That feeling of being loved, even we don't hug each other anymore. Though we do care for each other but its not love anymore. Recently I met someone through work and somehow felt a connect with her, I could talk about things which I'm not able to talk with my wife. She make me feel that I'm still important and now I always think about her, want to be with her, talk to her. Though it makes me guilty also as somewhere in my heart I still love my wife and want to make it work. I am torn between what is right and what is wrong. If I think about myself, my happiness and t it hurts my wife, am I selfish or should I restrict my feelings, please advise way out
Ans: Dear Dhruv,
The easiest way to feel better when a relationship is failing is to get into another one. Searching for what you want in the original relationship cannot be found anywhere else; so giving into that temptation is only going to make things more confusing.
So, if you still love your wife and want to make it work, what have the two of you done so far to make things work?
Working on the marriage is a task that needs effort and a certain kind of stubborn nature that will help you cross over the the challenges that can emerge.
Your marriage now requires a complete RESET. So, push that button and go back to where it all began; no baggage, no expectations, no complaining...When you accept a situation, then do so fully...you can't have children; if you have accepted it then what's the reason to move apart. It only suggests that it was a compromise and not an acceptance.
Understand that acceptance is being graceful about the situation and being supportive of one another. Begin life afresh; date one another...laugh together, do things together. Bring back the little joys and bigger goals for marriage and life...
And most importantly, be in complete support of one another! That hidden love that you both share needs to be watered and nurtured even more...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |103 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Mar 04, 2025

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Career
Hi Mam, Hope you are doing well. I am very worried about my son who is now 12.5 years old and studying in 7th standard in a very reputed school. Since childhood, he has no interest in studies, unless we doesn't seat in front of him, he doesn't study. Every teacher from his kindergarten days upto now has the same complaint that he is doesn't pay attention in class and the result is he doesn't get good marks in the exam. When we scold him for studies, he does it for that particular time only and then get back to his non-interest mode again and start to run from studies. He will play video games, goes to play around with his friends, he will find some or the other reason for not doing studies or homework. The irony is that he is not interested in any sports or any other kind of activities. In every summer holidays, we make him to join some sports or music classes, but there also he doesn't show interest and do things just for the sake of showing. From last year, we have started sending him to tuitions also, but no change in attitude. This year we have found a teacher of his reputed school who is retired and taking tuitions, we are sending him to her and she is charging a big amount for tuitions. please guide how can we change his attitude and make him more serious in any activity he does as he doesn't have interest in anything (we have observed doing everything we can).
Ans: Hello Sunil!!

I am doing great, thank you for asking, God bless you!

I can totally understand when you say you are worried.

Your son is 12.5, he will soon be a teenager. There will be different challenges, I want you to read up on parenting a teenager and be ready to handle him well.

The problem as I see it is that everyone of you, his teachers included have made studies like a burden for him.... and subjected the young child to a lot of anxiety, he just wants to run away form it....
"Every teacher from his kindergarten days upto now has the same complaint that he is doesn't pay attention in class".... this statement of yours... it is the teacher's duty to ensure the child listens to him/her, how can she start labeling a child like this. From a young age your son has been conditioned to believe that he is not not good in studies, he doesn't focus and he doesn't sit in one place. All my sympathies are with your son...every child comes with immense potential and it's our duty as parents and teachers to nurture the child.

The following is what I propose so that we bring him back to loving to learn ( not score marks, that should never be the barometer)-
1. Love your child the way he is now
2. Give him lot of positive strokes
3. Have one on one sessions for any activity you plan for him... let him choose the activity, empower him
4. choose a teacher, who can get along with him and help him develop a positive attitude towards studies and life in general
5. look for a school where they nurture him... not just a reputed one...less number of students and a teacher who is invested in her/ his students,

If you can connect with me, I can help him. Have had many a students in this kind situation.
This is my website..
https://transformme.co.in/

Loads of best wishes to the whole family..

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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