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Is my 7 cr investment plan realistic for the next 10 years?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Sachin Question by Sachin on Jul 17, 2024Hindi
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I am 40 and plan to accumulate around 7cr in next 10 years. I have 1 cr in mutual fund, 65 lacs in equity. Having sip of 45000 per month. Insurance 5 lacs in ulip having death insurance of 50lac and 10 lac insurance in lic , FD of 35 lacs, PF 19 lac, ppf 1.2 lacs , 1 lac of govt gold bond . cash in bank of 10 lacs.have some amount approx 20 lac which are on loanto relatives will get back in 2 years having 2 children of age daughter 10 and son 5 years .Please advise which funds to invest in.I have one home of approx 3 cr in gr Noida and one property in yamuna expressway authority of approx current value 2.5 cr.i am having salary of 1 lac. Investing 10k in vpf.

Ans: Current Financial Snapshot
You have a diverse portfolio.

You have investments in mutual funds, equity, insurance, FD, PF, PPF, and gold bonds.

You also own properties in Greater Noida and Yamuna Expressway.

You have a good monthly salary and a structured SIP.

Your financial goals are clear.

Asset Allocation Evaluation
Mutual Funds
You have Rs 1 crore in mutual funds.

This is a strong investment, but diversification within mutual funds can be improved.

Consider including a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

Actively managed funds can offer better returns than index funds due to expert management.

Equity
Rs 65 lakhs in direct equity is commendable.

Ensure you regularly review your portfolio.

Rebalance based on market conditions and company performance.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
You have a SIP of Rs 45,000 per month.

This is a disciplined approach.

Consider increasing your SIP amount gradually.

This will help you achieve your goal of Rs 7 crore in 10 years.

Insurance
You have ULIP and LIC policies.

ULIPs often have high charges and low returns.

Consider surrendering your ULIP and reinvesting in mutual funds.

LIC policies are good for insurance but not for investment.

Evaluate if term insurance can provide better coverage at a lower cost.

Fixed Deposits (FD)
You have Rs 35 lakhs in FD.

FDs are safe but offer low returns.

Consider diversifying a portion of this into higher-yield investments.

Provident Fund (PF) and Public Provident Fund (PPF)
You have Rs 19 lakhs in PF and Rs 1.2 lakhs in PPF.

These are excellent for long-term, tax-free returns.

Continue with your contributions to PPF.

Gold Bonds
Rs 1 lakh in government gold bonds is a good hedge.

Gold is a good diversification tool.

Cash in Bank
You have Rs 10 lakhs in the bank.

Keep sufficient liquidity for emergencies.

Consider moving excess funds to higher-yield investments.

Loans to Relatives
You have Rs 20 lakhs given as a loan to relatives.

Ensure you have a clear agreement for repayment.

Reinvest this amount once received.

Real Estate
You own properties worth Rs 5.5 crore.

These are significant assets.

Keep them for long-term appreciation.

Investment Strategy Recommendations
Diversify Mutual Funds
Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

Actively managed funds can provide better returns.

Increase SIP
Increase your SIP amount to Rs 50,000 or more.

This accelerates wealth accumulation.

Rebalance Portfolio
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio.

Shift funds based on performance and market conditions.

Evaluate Insurance Needs
Consider term insurance for better coverage.

Reinvest savings from ULIP in mutual funds.

Fixed Deposit Diversification
Move a portion of FD to mutual funds.

This can yield higher returns over time.

Continue Provident Fund Contributions
Keep contributing to PF and PPF.

These are tax-efficient and offer stable returns.

Maintain Gold Investments
Keep investing in gold bonds.

Gold provides a good hedge against market volatility.

Plan for Loan Repayment
Ensure timely repayment of loans to relatives.

Reinvest the recovered amount strategically.

Final Insights
Your goal of Rs 7 crore in 10 years is achievable.

Diversify and rebalance your investments.

Increase SIP gradually.

Evaluate and optimize insurance coverage.

Maintain liquidity but seek higher returns on excess funds.

Plan and invest wisely for your children's future.

Regular review and disciplined investing are key.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir ,I am 50 years old and a government servant in Rajasthan having served the department for 21 years now with 12 years of service still remaining . I own a house which is almost debt free, have invested in sip’s ,which are small amount but in different funds which includes SBI blue chip,nippon ,quant small cap fund ,Parag Parikh flexicap .I have one daughter and my wife is also a government teacher.We both would get around one crore each when we retire . My objective now is my daughter’s education,her marriage and post retirement a better life economically. I have family health insurance also despite government providing us with a free of cost health services.In which funds , for long and short term,I should invest to fulfill my future requirements.My job is pensionable.
Ans: It's commendable that you're thinking ahead and planning for your family's future. Here are some tailored suggestions for your financial goals:

For Daughter's Education:
Short-Term (0-5 Years): Consider investing in debt mutual funds or fixed deposits to ensure capital preservation for your daughter's near-term education expenses.
Long-Term (5+ Years): Since your daughter's education is a long-term goal, you can invest in a mix of equity mutual funds with a focus on growth. Look for diversified funds that offer exposure to large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap segments.
For Daughter's Marriage:
Medium to Long-Term (5-15 Years): To accumulate funds for your daughter's marriage, you can allocate a portion of your investments to equity mutual funds with a longer investment horizon. Opt for a combination of large-cap and flexi-cap funds for stability and growth potential.
For Retirement:
Long-Term (12+ Years): As you have a pensionable job, your retirement corpus can supplement your pension income. Invest in a diversified portfolio of equity mutual funds along with a portion allocated to debt funds for stability. Aim for a balanced approach that accounts for both growth and capital preservation.
Fund Selection:
Equity Funds: Look for well-established funds with a consistent track record of performance and a focus on long-term wealth creation. Consider funds with a proven investment strategy and experienced fund managers.
Debt Funds: Choose debt funds that offer a blend of safety and returns suitable for your short-term goals. Opt for funds with a low credit risk and a moderate duration profile.
Balanced Funds: Consider allocating a portion of your investments to balanced funds, which offer a mix of equity and debt exposure. These funds provide diversification and stability to your portfolio.
Risk Management:
Review Regularly: Periodically review your investment portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Make adjustments as needed based on changes in your circumstances or market conditions.
Stay Informed: Stay updated on market trends, economic developments, and investment opportunities. Knowledge empowers you to make informed decisions and navigate financial markets effectively.
Consultation:
Seek Professional Advice: Consider consulting with a certified financial planner to develop a personalized financial plan tailored to your specific needs and objectives. A professional advisor can provide valuable insights and guidance to help you achieve your financial goals effectively.
By following these recommendations and staying disciplined in your investment approach, you can work towards securing a bright and financially stable future for yourself and your family.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
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I am 33 years and earn around 1Lakh per month. Below are my investments. I want to have a good retirement corpus before 50 or monthly income for 50k 1. Axis ELSS Tax Saver Fund - 15th Dec 2018 - 2500 PM - 1.23L invested till now - paused now as ELSS not needed 2. Tata Small Cap Fund - 28th Aug 2021 -2500PM - 72.49k invested till now 3. UTI Nifty 50 Index Fund - 10th Mar 2023 - 2500PM - 43.99k invested till now 4. Axis Bluechip Fund - 21st Aug 2019 - 2500 PM - 1.32L invested till now 5. Nippon India Growth Fund - 10th Apr 2023 - 2500 PM - 33.87k invested till now 6. Axis Small Cap Fund - 28th Aug 2021 - 2500 PM - 72.49k invested till now 7. Axis Nifty 100 Index Fund - 15th Mar 2024 - 420 PM - 1.8k invested till now 8. Zerodha Nifty LargeMidcap 250 Index Fund - 2221 Lumpsum 9. DSP ELSS Tax Saver Fund - 32.49k Lumpsum 10. Bank of India ELSS Tax Saver - 36.99k Lumpsum Apart from this i invest 50000 in NPS annually. PPF 1500 annually since 2018 have 2 Flats of approx 45lakh each and have a pending loan of 23lakh for one. kindly suggest.
Ans: Your diligent approach towards investing and financial planning at 33 sets a strong foundation for achieving your retirement goals. Let's analyze your current investments and outline a strategy to build a robust retirement corpus or secure a monthly income stream by age 50.

Assessing Investment Portfolio
Your diversified investment portfolio comprising Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS), mutual funds, index funds, and other tax-saving instruments reflects a proactive approach towards wealth accumulation. Let's evaluate each component to optimize your retirement strategy.

Equity Investments: Building Long-Term Growth Potential
Equity-oriented funds such as Axis ELSS Tax Saver Fund, Tata Small Cap Fund, Axis Bluechip Fund, and others offer exposure to diversified market segments, aiming for capital appreciation over the long term. While these funds carry market risk, they historically outperform traditional investment avenues over extended periods.

Index Funds: Cost-Effective and Passive Growth
Index funds like UTI Nifty 50 Index Fund and Axis Nifty 100 Index Fund provide broad market exposure while minimizing expense ratios and active management fees. Their passive investment approach mirrors market performance, offering steady growth potential with lower volatility compared to actively managed funds.

Real Estate Holdings: Tangible Asset Accumulation
Owning two flats valued at approximately ?45 lakhs each provides tangible asset accumulation and potential rental income streams. However, considering the pending loan of ?23 lakhs, it's essential to evaluate the overall debt exposure and assess the feasibility of leveraging rental income towards loan repayment.

Supplementary Retirement Contributions: NPS and PPF
Your annual contributions of ?50,000 to NPS and regular investments in PPF demonstrate a disciplined savings approach towards retirement planning. Both NPS and PPF offer tax benefits and long-term wealth accumulation potential, complementing your equity and real estate investments.

Crafting Retirement Strategy
Optimize Equity Portfolio: Consider reviewing your equity portfolio to ensure alignment with your risk tolerance and long-term goals. Periodic rebalancing and diversification across market caps and sectors can mitigate risk and enhance returns.

Evaluate Real Estate Holdings: Assess the rental income potential of your flats and explore options to expedite loan repayment. Strategic debt management can unlock additional cash flows and bolster your retirement savings.

Maximize Tax-Efficient Investments: Leverage tax-saving instruments like ELSS, NPS, and PPF to optimize tax benefits while accelerating retirement savings. Regular contributions and systematic investment planning amplify wealth accumulation potential over time.

Monitor and Adjust: Regularly review your investment portfolio, track performance metrics, and adapt strategies based on changing market dynamics and personal circumstances. Seeking professional guidance can provide valuable insights and optimize investment decisions.

Conclusion
With a proactive approach and diversified investment strategy, achieving your retirement goals before age 50 is within reach. By leveraging equity, real estate, and tax-efficient savings avenues, coupled with prudent portfolio management and strategic debt optimization, you can pave the way towards a secure and fulfilling retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi sir, I am 39 year old. Earning 1.8 l per month. Invested in stocks upto 1 lakh.Invested in gold for 2lakhs. Invested in ppf upto 13 lakhs and continuing it, investing in SSY upto 1lakhs from 2019 for girl child.Invested in NPS upto 1 lakh. Having term insurance for 2cr paying 3800rs per month. Having endowment policy for next 21 years. Having medical insurance upto 30 lakh sum assured having premium about 70k per year for myself, dependant and a kid. Having medical insurance sum assured upto 5 lakh each for parents having premium of 42k per year. Having a car loan of 20lakhs for next 4 years, having a personal loan of upto 4 lakhs and will end up in December. Planning for retirement corpus of 5 cr in next 15 years, and planning for child higher education for 12 years with 2 cr and marriage in next 20 years for another 2cr. Planning to buy plot in 3 years worth 75 lakhs,Am I going in right financial path? Which mutual fund needs to be considered to achieve these goal?
Ans: Evaluating Your Current Financial Situation
You are 39 years old with a monthly income of Rs. 1.8 lakhs.

Your investments include Rs. 1 lakh in stocks, Rs. 2 lakhs in gold, and Rs. 13 lakhs in PPF.

You also invest in SSY for your daughter, with Rs. 1 lakh since 2019, and Rs. 1 lakh in NPS.

You have a term insurance cover of Rs. 2 crores and an endowment policy.

Your medical insurance covers you, your dependents, and your parents.

You have a car loan of Rs. 20 lakhs and a personal loan of Rs. 4 lakhs ending in December.

Setting Financial Goals
Your financial goals include a retirement corpus of Rs. 5 crores in 15 years.

You plan to fund your child's higher education with Rs. 2 crores in 12 years.

You also plan for your child's marriage with Rs. 2 crores in 20 years.

Additionally, you plan to buy a plot worth Rs. 75 lakhs in 3 years.

Assessing Current Investments
Your current investments are diversified but may need adjustments to meet your goals.

The PPF and SSY investments are good for secure, long-term growth.

Stock and gold investments add diversity but require careful monitoring.

Evaluating Insurance Coverage
You have substantial insurance coverage with term and medical policies.

Ensure the term insurance adequately covers your family's financial needs.

Your medical insurance provides good coverage, but review the premiums regularly.

Managing Debt
You have a car loan of Rs. 20 lakhs and a personal loan ending soon.

Prioritize paying off high-interest loans quickly to free up cash flow.

Managing debt effectively is crucial for financial stability.

Retirement Planning
To achieve Rs. 5 crores in 15 years, invest in high-growth mutual funds.

Assume an average annual return of 12% for equity mutual funds.

You need to invest approximately Rs. 85,000 monthly in SIPs.

Child's Education Planning
For Rs. 2 crores in 12 years, focus on high-growth mutual funds.

Assuming a 12% annual return, invest around Rs. 55,000 monthly in SIPs.

Consider starting a dedicated fund for your child's education.

Child's Marriage Planning
For Rs. 2 crores in 20 years, invest in balanced mutual funds.

Assuming a 10% annual return, invest around Rs. 27,000 monthly in SIPs.

Longer investment duration allows for balanced funds to grow steadily.

Plot Purchase Planning
For buying a plot worth Rs. 75 lakhs in 3 years, consider short-term debt mutual funds.

These funds offer moderate returns with lower risk compared to equities.

Invest around Rs. 2 lakhs monthly in short-term debt funds.

Choosing Mutual Funds
Select a mix of equity, balanced, and debt mutual funds for diversification.

Equity funds provide high returns for long-term goals.

Balanced funds offer moderate growth with less risk for medium-term goals.

Debt funds ensure stability for short-term goals.

Risk Management
Diversify investments to manage risk effectively.

Review your portfolio regularly to adjust based on market conditions.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized risk management strategies.

Tax Planning
Invest in tax-saving mutual funds to reduce your tax liability.

Utilize Section 80C deductions for investments in PPF, SSY, and ELSS funds.

Efficient tax planning enhances overall returns.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Monitor your investments regularly to ensure they align with your goals.

Adjust your SIP amounts and fund selections based on performance.

Stay informed about market trends and economic changes.

Emergency Fund Consideration
Maintain an emergency fund for unforeseen expenses.

An emergency fund provides financial security and peace of mind.

Ensure it is easily accessible and separate from your investment portfolio.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
A CFP can help create a detailed investment strategy.

They provide personalized advice based on your financial situation.

A CFP can guide you in selecting the right mutual funds and adjusting your portfolio.

Avoiding Common Investment Mistakes
Avoid investing in quick-rich schemes, as they are risky and often lead to losses.

Stick to disciplined investing through SIPs for long-term wealth creation.

Do not make impulsive decisions based on short-term market fluctuations.

Benefits of Long-Term Investing
Long-term investing allows your money to grow through compounding.

It helps overcome short-term market volatility.

Stay invested for the long term to achieve your financial goals.

Monitoring Market Conditions
Stay informed about market trends and economic conditions.

However, do not let short-term market movements dictate your investment decisions.

Focus on your long-term investment strategy.

Conclusion
Your current financial path is strong, but adjustments can help you reach your goals.

Invest Rs. 85,000 monthly in equity mutual funds for retirement.

Invest Rs. 55,000 monthly for child's education and Rs. 27,000 for marriage in SIPs.

Consider Rs. 2 lakhs monthly in short-term debt funds for plot purchase.

Consult a CFP for personalized advice and regular portfolio review.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 14, 2024Hindi
Money
My salary 2.4 lac per month. I am 42 my wife and two son comprising of my family. One son is in 5th standard and other yet to start education. I have 2 house emis of 1.6 lacs of which one generates rent of 40k per month. Have around 50 lacs in investment comprising of 20lac in ppf and rest in stocks and sips and mfs. Only have company health insurance and no term insurance. Schooling cost is 1.2 lacs per annum. Rest expenses includes holiday every 6 months and daily needs. Please help me sort out investment to ensure I can generate enough to retire in next 10 years?
Ans: You have a solid foundation, and it’s commendable that you are managing two home loans while balancing various investments. Your monthly salary of Rs 2.4 lakhs and an EMI burden of Rs 1.6 lakhs shows you are carrying significant financial responsibility. However, generating Rs 40,000 from rent is helping reduce the impact of your EMIs.

Key highlights:

Monthly salary: Rs 2.4 lakhs
Two house EMIs: Rs 1.6 lakhs
Rent: Rs 40,000 per month
Investment portfolio: Rs 50 lakhs (Rs 20 lakhs in PPF, rest in stocks, SIPs, and MFs)
Annual schooling cost: Rs 1.2 lakhs
Other expenses: Holiday every 6 months, daily needs
No term insurance
Company health insurance only
While you have done well to invest Rs 50 lakhs, the lack of term insurance and the heavy EMI burden may be areas for improvement. Your goal of retiring in 10 years is achievable, but some adjustments will be necessary to optimize your portfolio and secure a comfortable future.

Investment Strategy Review
Let’s break down your current investments to better align them with your retirement goal in the next 10 years.

PPF (Public Provident Fund) - Rs 20 Lakhs
The PPF is a safe, long-term investment with tax benefits, but its returns are relatively modest. Over the next 10 years, this will continue to grow at a steady pace.

Action Plan:

Keep contributing to your PPF but avoid putting additional large sums.
PPF should be treated as part of your safe, low-risk portfolio.
Stocks, SIPs, and Mutual Funds (Rest of Rs 30 Lakhs)
Your exposure to equities through stocks and mutual funds will help you generate growth, but it needs diversification and regular review. SIPs in actively managed funds are ideal for long-term goals like retirement.

Action Plan:

Actively managed mutual funds: Ensure that the mutual funds you are invested in are diversified across sectors and are actively managed.
Avoid direct funds: Regular funds provide better tracking and advice from an MFD with CFP credentials, which is crucial for your long-term planning.
Review your stock portfolio: Individual stocks carry more risk than mutual funds. It is wise to regularly assess performance and sell off underperforming stocks.
Balance with debt funds: Include some debt funds for stability, especially as you approach your retirement goal.
Rental Income from Property
Your rental income of Rs 40,000 per month is a significant contributor to offset your EMIs. While real estate is not recommended as a new investment option, your existing property generating income can support your cash flow needs.

Action Plan:

Rent reassessment: Ensure you are getting market rent or consider raising it over time to adjust for inflation.
No additional real estate investments: Avoid tying more capital into real estate. Focus on growing your financial portfolio instead.
Critical Areas for Improvement
1. Lack of Term Insurance
It’s essential to secure your family’s future in case of any unexpected event. Currently, you do not have term insurance, which is a vital part of any financial plan.

Action Plan:

Immediate term insurance: Buy a term plan covering at least 10-12 times your annual income. This will ensure your family is financially secure if something happens to you.
2. Health Insurance Coverage
You rely on company-provided health insurance. This is risky, as you may lose coverage if you switch jobs or retire early. Having separate family health insurance will ensure consistent protection.

Action Plan:

Buy individual health insurance: Get family floater health insurance with adequate coverage for your entire family, ensuring lifelong renewability.
Supplemental critical illness cover: Consider adding critical illness coverage to protect against major health expenses.
3. EMI Management
You have significant EMIs totaling Rs 1.6 lakhs per month. While one property generates rental income, the overall EMI burden is high. Managing this will be crucial for freeing up cash flow for further investments.

Action Plan:

Prepay EMIs: Any surplus income should go toward prepaying your loans, starting with the one without rental income. Reducing this burden will ease your cash flow.
No additional loans: Avoid taking on any further debt to ensure your financial plan stays on track.
Retirement Planning
You aim to retire in 10 years, at age 52. With your current lifestyle and goals, your investments will need to provide enough to cover your post-retirement expenses. Here’s a strategy to ensure a comfortable retirement:

1. Estimate Future Expenses
Your current schooling costs are Rs 1.2 lakhs per year, and other living expenses include vacations and daily needs. Over the next 10 years, expenses will increase due to inflation, and you must account for these future costs when planning your retirement.

Action Plan:

Create a detailed budget: Track all your current expenses and project them for the next 10 years, considering inflation. This will give you a clearer picture of your financial needs after retirement.
2. Build a Retirement Corpus
With 10 years to go, you will need to create a solid retirement corpus. The Rs 50 lakhs you currently have, along with further investments, will need to grow substantially. Here’s how to optimize this growth:

Action Plan:

Increase SIP contributions: Start contributing more to your SIPs as soon as your EMI burden reduces. A higher SIP contribution in actively managed mutual funds will provide better growth potential over the next decade.
Diversify investments: Include a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds to ensure a balanced risk-return profile. Actively managed funds, especially those recommended by a certified financial planner, will perform better than index funds or ETFs.
Regular portfolio review: Work with a certified financial planner to review your portfolio annually. Ensure your funds are performing as expected and make necessary adjustments.
3. Plan for Post-Retirement Income
After retirement, you will need a reliable source of income to meet your monthly expenses. Your investments must be structured to provide regular income, adjusted for inflation.

Action Plan:

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP): Set up SWPs in mutual funds to provide a regular, inflation-adjusted income post-retirement.
Emergency Fund: Set aside a portion of your corpus in a liquid fund for emergencies. This will ensure you don’t have to liquidate long-term investments prematurely.
Final Insights
To achieve your goal of retiring in 10 years, you will need to fine-tune your investment strategy and reduce your EMI burden. Your current investments, while substantial, require diversification and a focus on growth-oriented funds.

Additionally, securing term insurance and individual health insurance is critical for protecting your family’s future. By prepaying your loans and increasing SIP contributions over time, you will be better positioned to build a retirement corpus capable of supporting your post-retirement lifestyle.

Finally, always remember that regular reviews with a certified financial planner are key to staying on track and adjusting for any changes in your financial situation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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It is obviously very shocking for you to know that things have been happening behind your back.
Now, how you want this to move on from here on, is a decision only you must make! Have you had a chat with your wife about the association that she has with the other person? Does she know that you know about it?
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Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
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There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
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All the best!
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Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

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Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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