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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 26, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 29 years old, married with no children. I have 2 houses each valuing 1.5cr. inherited land worth 5cr. Investment in Fd 1cr, equity 70lakh, mf 30lakh, gold 100gms, ppf 51lakh(started by my father) and other investments worth 50 lakh in nsc, kvp etc. I invest 70k per month in sips (balance advantage, elss, top 100, bluechip, small and midcap). I earn monthly 1.5 lakh and household expenses including my mother's medicine is 85k. I have a young sister for whom I need 1cr after 5years. How can I plan my funds to achieve financial independence? All have health insurance and I have a term insurance of 1.75cr which will cover md till 85 years age.

Ans: You’ve built a solid financial foundation. It’s impressive, and you're already ahead in your financial journey. Let's dive into how you can achieve financial independence, secure your sister’s future, and ensure a comfortable life for your family.

Assessing Your Current Financial Position
First, let’s look at where you stand financially. You have a diverse portfolio and multiple income streams, which is fantastic. Your assets include:

Two houses worth Rs. 1.5 crore each.
Inherited land worth Rs. 5 crore.
Fixed Deposits worth Rs. 1 crore.
Equity investments of Rs. 70 lakh.
Mutual funds amounting to Rs. 30 lakh.
100 grams of gold.
PPF account with Rs. 51 lakh.
Other investments (NSC, KVP) worth Rs. 50 lakh.
Your regular investments are also strong with Rs. 70,000 per month in SIPs across balanced advantage, ELSS, top 100, bluechip, and small & midcap funds. You have a stable monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh, and household expenses, including your mother’s medication, are Rs. 85,000.

You also have:

Health insurance for the family.
Term insurance of Rs. 1.75 crore.
Setting Financial Goals
Your main goals are:

Achieving financial independence.
Providing Rs. 1 crore for your sister in 5 years.
Ensuring a comfortable lifestyle for your family.
Let’s break down how you can achieve these goals.

Planning for Your Sister's Future
You need Rs. 1 crore for your sister in 5 years. Here’s how you can plan:

Dedicated Investment Fund
Consider a dedicated investment plan for this goal. A mix of debt and equity can provide a balance of safety and growth. Given the 5-year timeframe, a balanced fund or a mix of short-term debt funds and bluechip equity funds could work well.

Regular Contributions
Allocate a portion of your monthly investments towards this goal. Since you already invest Rs. 70,000 per month, you might consider directing part of this to the dedicated fund. Ensure this amount grows steadily to meet the Rs. 1 crore target in 5 years.

Building Towards Financial Independence
Diversified Investment Portfolio
You already have a well-diversified portfolio. Continue to diversify across different asset classes. Your current mix of real estate, equities, mutual funds, fixed deposits, and gold is good. However, regular reviews and rebalancing of your portfolio are essential to align with market conditions and personal goals.

Increase SIP Contributions
If possible, increase your SIP contributions annually. Even a small increase can significantly impact your wealth over time. This helps in capitalizing on the power of compounding.

Emergency Fund
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund. This should cover at least 6-12 months of your expenses. Given your expenses are Rs. 85,000 per month, aim for an emergency fund of around Rs. 10 lakh. This can be parked in a liquid fund for easy access.

Enhancing Retirement Planning
Review Your PPF and EPF
Your PPF is already substantial at Rs. 51 lakh. Continue contributing to this as it provides tax-free returns and security. If you have an Employee Provident Fund (EPF), ensure regular contributions there as well.

Long-term Equity Investments
Equities are vital for long-term growth. Continue your investments in diversified mutual funds. Focus on funds with a good track record and consistent performance. Avoid direct stocks unless you have the expertise.

Avoid Annuities and Real Estate
Avoid annuities due to lower returns and lack of flexibility. Also, real estate as an investment can be illiquid and involve high transaction costs.

Insurance and Risk Management
Health Insurance
Your family’s health insurance is crucial. Ensure the coverage is adequate to handle any medical emergencies without depleting your savings.

Term Insurance
Your term insurance of Rs. 1.75 crore is good. It provides a safety net for your family in case of any unforeseen events. Ensure this coverage remains adequate as your financial obligations grow.

Tax Efficiency
Optimize Tax Savings
Make the most of tax-saving instruments. Continue investing in ELSS, which offers tax benefits under Section 80C. Also, consider other tax-saving avenues like NPS for additional benefits.

Tax-efficient Investments
Choose investments that offer tax efficiency. For instance, PPF and ELSS provide tax-free returns. Balanced funds and long-term equity investments are also tax-efficient.

Regular Financial Review
Annual Review
Conduct an annual review of your financial plan. Assess the performance of your investments and make necessary adjustments. This ensures you stay on track to meet your financial goals.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner
Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice. They can provide insights tailored to your financial situation and goals.

Avoid Common Pitfalls
Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds may not always beat inflation or provide superior returns. Actively managed funds, with professional management, can offer better returns and adjust to market changes.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds require active management and market knowledge. Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP credentials offers professional guidance and better fund selection.

Conclusion
You've done an excellent job building a strong financial base. With a few adjustments and strategic planning, you can achieve financial independence and secure your sister’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 12, 2024

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I am 53 with 1 cr corpus , invested in MF( lump sum - equity and SIP of 85 k month for last 2 years) PPF, NSC, stocks, FD . I have 2 children one is working and the daughter is in 12 would like to pursue medicine . I want to know the following A. How do I plan my finances ahead ? B. My daughters education ? My pension ? C. A medical policy is there for 26 lakhs for a family of 4 . Is that enough or I need to take another policy ? D. What amount should I have to lead a decent and comfortable life . Without depending on kids .( have a house of my own ) Kindly help / advice .
Ans: Hello Mr. Kumar Shashi Raj,

It's great that you're actively planning for your financial future and your children's education. Let's address your concerns step by step:

A. Planning your finances ahead:

With a corpus of 1 crore and diversified investments like MFs, PPF, NSC, stocks, and FDs, you're on the right track.
Consider reviewing your investment portfolio periodically to ensure alignment with your financial goals and risk tolerance.
Continue your SIPs and monitor the performance of your equity investments.
Explore options for retirement planning to secure a steady income post-retirement. You can consider instruments like NPS or annuities for this purpose.
B. Your daughter's education:

Since your daughter aims to pursue medicine, it's crucial to plan for the substantial expenses associated with her education.
Estimate the cost of her medical education and explore education loans, scholarships, or other funding options to supplement your savings.
Consider investing in instruments like mutual funds or fixed deposits specifically earmarked for her education expenses.
C. Medical insurance:

Your existing medical policy covering 26 lakhs for a family of four is a good start.
However, considering rising healthcare costs and the possibility of unforeseen medical emergencies, it's advisable to assess if this coverage is adequate.
Evaluate the premium versus coverage benefits and consider topping up your existing policy or purchasing an additional policy for enhanced coverage.
D. Retirement planning and leading a comfortable life:

Determine your desired post-retirement lifestyle and estimate your retirement expenses, including healthcare, travel, and other essentials.
Calculate the corpus required to generate a steady income stream post-retirement, considering factors like inflation and life expectancy.
Aim to build a retirement corpus that can sustain your lifestyle without relying on your children's financial support.
Maximize contributions to retirement-oriented schemes like NPS or voluntary provident fund to boost your retirement corpus.
Regularly reassess your financial plan and make adjustments as needed to stay on track towards your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

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Hi Iam 42 M, salary 26L, PF 28L. PPF 3.5L, NPS-4L, MF 4.5L, have shares 8L, LIC premium paying 90K per year. House rent 24k per month. Own house no loan, can invest 60K-1L per month. Daughter in 7th, want to have a financial plan for her higher studies (Engineering or Medical) and her Marriage. And also for my retirement with 1 Cr.. Can you suggest how to plan for education, marriage and my retirement ? Shall I put different funds for each goal? Shall I put a single funds to cater to all 3 Goals.
Ans: Understanding Your Financial Situation
Salary: Rs 26 lakh annually
Provident Fund (PF): Rs 28 lakh
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 3.5 lakh
National Pension System (NPS): Rs 4 lakh
Mutual Funds (MF): Rs 4.5 lakh
Shares: Rs 8 lakh
LIC Premium: Rs 90k per year
House Rent: Rs 24k per month
Own House: No loan
Potential Monthly Investment: Rs 60k - 1 lakh
Goals
Daughter’s Higher Education (Engineering or Medical)
Daughter’s Marriage
Your Retirement with Rs 1 crore
Financial Plan for Each Goal
Daughter's Higher Education
Timeline: 5-6 years
Investment Strategy:
Invest Rs 20k per month in equity mutual funds.
Choose a mix of large-cap and diversified funds.
Consider systematic investment plans (SIPs) for disciplined investing.
Utilize education-oriented funds for focused growth.
Daughter's Marriage
Timeline: 10-12 years
Investment Strategy:
Invest Rs 15k per month in a combination of balanced and equity funds.
Allocate a portion to gold investments for diversification.
Utilize SIPs for consistent growth and rupee cost averaging.
Review and adjust the portfolio based on market conditions.
Your Retirement
Timeline: 18 years
Investment Strategy:
Invest Rs 25k per month in diversified equity mutual funds.
Increase contribution to NPS for tax benefits and long-term growth.
Maintain and increase contributions to PPF.
Ensure a balanced portfolio with a mix of equity, debt, and gold.
Consider a systematic withdrawal plan (SWP) for steady post-retirement income.
Portfolio Allocation
Mutual Funds
Equity Funds: For higher returns and long-term growth.
Balanced Funds: For stability and moderate growth.
Debt Funds: For safety and regular income.
Gold Investments: For diversification and inflation hedge.
Provident Fund (PF) and NPS
Provident Fund (PF): Continue contributions for safe, long-term returns.
National Pension System (NPS): Increase yearly contributions for additional tax benefits and retirement corpus growth.
Insurance and Risk Management
Life Insurance: Ensure adequate coverage to protect your family.
Health Insurance: Consider a family floater plan to cover all members.
Creating Separate Funds for Each Goal
Education Fund: Focused on growth with equity investments.
Marriage Fund: Balanced with equity and gold.
Retirement Fund: Diversified with equity, debt, and PPF/NPS.
Additional Tips
Emergency Fund: Keep at least 6 months of expenses in a liquid fund.
Review and Rebalance: Regularly review your portfolio and adjust allocations.
Increase Investments: Gradually increase your SIP amounts as your income grows.
Tax Planning: Utilize tax-saving instruments to optimize your tax liability.
Final Insights
By strategically allocating your investments, you can achieve your goals. Separate funds for each goal provide clarity and focus. Regular reviews and adjustments will keep you on track. Continue disciplined saving and investing to build a secure financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

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I have 41yrs old and earning 1.8 lacs per month,, married 14years ago two kids one daughter Nd son,I have home loan,own flat and bought one flat by paid cash flat worth 75lac and another plot 30lacs have 5lacs health insurance,2cr term insurance How do I plan my financial plan please suggest me
Ans: Current Financial Overview
Age: 41 years
Monthly Income: Rs 1.8 lakhs
Family: Married with two children
Assets:
Own flat (home loan)
Flat worth Rs 75 lakhs (paid cash)
Plot worth Rs 30 lakhs
Insurance:
Health Insurance: Rs 5 lakhs
Term Insurance: Rs 2 crores
Appreciating Your Efforts
You have made good progress with property investments and securing your family's future with health and term insurance.

Financial Goals
Children’s Education and Marriage
Retirement Planning
Loan Repayment
Emergency Fund
Investment Strategy
Children's Education and Marriage
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):

Start SIPs in diversified mutual funds.
Allocate specific SIPs for education and marriage goals.
Recurring Deposits:

Open RDs for medium-term goals.
Ensure liquidity for urgent needs.
Retirement Planning
Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Maximize annual contribution to PPF for tax benefits and long-term savings.
National Pension System (NPS):

Invest in NPS for an additional retirement corpus and tax benefits.
Mutual Funds:

Invest in a mix of equity and debt funds.
Consider balanced advantage funds for stability and growth.
Loan Repayment
Home Loan:
Prioritize paying off the home loan.
Increase EMI payments if possible to reduce tenure and interest.
Emergency Fund
Maintain Liquidity:
Keep at least 6 months of expenses in a savings account or liquid fund.
Asset Allocation
Equity:

Invest 60% in diversified mutual funds.
Allocate towards large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.
Debt:

Invest 30% in PPF, NPS, and debt mutual funds.
Ensure stable returns with minimal risk.
Gold and Bonds:

Allocate 10% to gold bonds and other safe instruments.
Hedge against inflation and market volatility.
Insurance Review
Health Insurance:

Consider increasing coverage for comprehensive protection.
Include family members under the same plan.
Term Insurance:

Ensure the term insurance amount is adequate.
Review periodically to match with life stage changes.
Financial Discipline
Budgeting:

Track monthly expenses diligently.
Cut down on unnecessary expenditures.
Regular Review:

Review portfolio quarterly.
Rebalance based on performance and goals.
Final Insights
You are on a solid financial footing. Prioritize children’s future, retirement, and loan repayment. Ensure a balanced portfolio for growth and stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Hello Ms Anu, I am a 42yr female..married since 14 yrs and have 10yr old son . I am highly qualified and financially independent. My marriage was a arranged one.. but in these 14 yrs.. I never experienced love or and attachment from my husband's side. He is a family man.. there is no other woman involved..He loves his parents and his two sisters immensely... but always treats me as a option. I feel humiliated and lonely and he has short temper when i talk about this issue... so basically I don't discuss... but that is no solution... I am suffering and unhappy. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A few married men can be more focused on the women on their side of the family; it becomes easy to express love, care and attention to them as he has grown with them.
A wife happens to be someone that he is yet to understand. It requires effort to make a marriage work; your husband finds it convenient to take the easy way out and 'hang out' with his family.
So, here you take the lead and start. Start not by bringing forth your complaints as this is going to push him further to them which is going to annoy you BUT by inviting him to be with you. A lot of work, I get it...but the bottom line: that's what you want, right?
Plan dates evenings, take short vacations together, work-out together...the key is to establish a connection which never had its chance in the first place...So, give your best shot! Most times actions speak louder than words ever can...

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Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

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Namaste Mam Main Ek Ladki Se Bohot Pyaar Karta Hun Lekin Woh Kisi Aur Se Pyaar Karti Ek Wakt Pahle Woh Ladki Meri Acchi Dost Thi Fir Maine Soccha Ki Usse Ek Yeh Kehdu Ki Main Usse Be Inteha Pyaar Karta Hun Maine Usse Keh Diya Par Usne Muzhe Mana Kiya Eh Kehke Ki Usse Pyaar Karne Main Dilchajbi Nahi Aur Wahan Se Chali Gai Main Uss Din Bohot Dipretion Main Tha Fir Maine Yeh Faisla Kiya Ki Woh Apne Bhai Maa Baap Se Darkar Iss Rashte Ko Banane Main Dar Rahi Hogi Par Aaise Karte Karte 2 Saal Ho Gaye Aur Fir Ik Din Achanak Do Saal Baad Yeh Kehne Aati Hain Ki Main Ek Ladke Se Pyaar Karti Aur Tab Maine Usse Puccha Kya Tum Usse Shaadi Bhi Karna Chahti Ho To Ussne Jhijakte Hue Yeh Jawab Diya Ki Woh Usse Shaadi Karna Chahti Darsal Woh Mere Paas Yeh Madat Mangni Aai Thi Ki Woh Usse Milne Jaana Chahti Hain Aur Usse Usko Milne Keliye Kucch Paiso Ki Jarurat Hain To Maine Uss Situation Ko Samjhakar Uski Baaton Ko Samjhakar Usse Paise De Diye Magar Woh Muzhe Usse Pehle Maine Usse Yeh Kahan Ki Tum Mere Paas Kaise Aai Paise Mangne To Usne Kaha Ki Woh Muzhe Uska Ek Accha Dost Manti Isiliye Woh Mere Paas Madat Mangni Aai Thi Iska Main Matlab Kya Samjhu Ki Woh Muzhe Sachme Accha Dost Mantti Hain Yah Sirf Usse Paison Ki Jaruart Thi Isliye Agar Muzhe Apna Accha Dost Manti Hain To Kya Woh Bhavishya Main uss Ladke Jisse Woh Pyaar Karti Agar Uss Ladke Ne Uss Ladki Ki Dhoka Diya To Kya Woh Mere Paas Wapas Aa Sakti Kya Woh Mere Saath Shaadi Kar Sakti Hain Main Abbhi Usse Utna Hi Pyaar Karta Hoon Aur Usse Kabhi Kabar Baad Chit Karne Mile To Usse Healthy Conversation Karta Hoon To Kya Yeh Sambhav Ho Sakta Hain Ki Woh Aage Chalkar Mere Future Wife Bane Aur Main Uske Saath Hamesha Khush Rah Saku Aur Usse Khush Rakh Saku
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Nah! Bilkul nahin aur agar kabhi aisa hua bhi toh yeh zaroor jaan lena ki use aur koi mila nahin aur woh yeh jaanti hai ki aapka pyaar aapki kamzori hai isiliye koi bhi haalaat mein aap use sweekar kar lenge. Majboori hogi uski jab woh aapko chunegi, naaki yeh ki woh aap se pyaar karti hai...aur aise rishte zyaada tikte nahin.
Jab wusne saaf kahaa hai ki aapko dost maanti hai, toh is baat ko maan lijiye; yeh nah karke aapne khayaali Pulao pakaana shuru kiya hai...ki kya yeh hoga toh woh aapke paas chali aayegi...yeh nahin hoga toh woh kya aapse shaadi karegi?
Yeh sirf aapki zidd hai aur yahi zidd aapko maayusi ke alawaa kuch nahin dega.
Apni zindagi jiye, uspe dhyaan de kyonki yahi sab baatein leke baithenge toh khud ki zindagi mein aage badhne ke mauke bhi aapko nazar nahin aayenge.
Aur jahaan tak aapse paise maangne ki baat hai, toh use yeh toh zaroor pataa hai ki aap usse pyaar karte hain aur uski koi baat ko taalenge nahin...Toh paise ke liye manaa kaise karenge...Yeh jaan le ki woh aapse pyaar nahin karti aur jitni jaldi is baat ko maan lenge aap khule dil se jee paayenge. Naye dost banaye, nayi anubhavon ko aapnaaye; yeh sab tab hoga jab aap is kisse ko dimaag se hataa lenge...koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1285 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Mam i love a boy.. Who is 2 yr younger then me and... Now he is preparing for jE.. Post and... My parents worry about my marriage... I told him about this.... He is craying... So much... He love s me very much.... He don't tell about this relationship.....to his parents.. Because he dont have any.... Job..... What should i do mam.... Plz.... Tell me... Mamm plzzz
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It might also be helpful to have a calm conversation with your parents, expressing your feelings for him while being open about the current situation. Sometimes parents worry because they don’t know the full picture. Explaining that he is working hard toward his career goals may give them a better understanding. You could also ask them if they’d be willing to wait for some time before making any decisions on your marriage, if they feel comfortable with that.

If waiting is not possible and your family pressures you to consider other options, it’s important to think about your own long-term happiness and make the best choice for you. These situations are never easy, but by staying honest with yourself and your family, you will be able to make a decision that respects both your love and your future stability.

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Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

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Relationship
Hello, There is a woman in my office working in my department. She is my friend's wife and was referred by me for this job. We get to work closely often, but we both make opportunities to get to work together. Most of our time spent is on work related items, with few minutes of casual chats, and we both have spent a lot of time alone in office, working extra hours and all. I have a feeling that I am starting to yearn to spend time with her on work and she also tries to be around me. We both text outside of office hours, share a lot of "inside" jokes and we both look to be enjoying the time together. I am in a confused state because it looks like she is giving me a lot of signs to move forward to next levels, but I am pulling back and not advancing. We both are married and have families. Any advice?
Ans: To manage this, start by gently reinforcing professional boundaries. While it may feel awkward initially, limiting the personal, non-work-related conversations and texts can create some emotional distance. This will not only help reduce feelings of attachment but also prevent misunderstandings or assumptions from developing on either side. At the same time, it may be beneficial to reflect on your own life and current relationships. Often, feelings that arise outside our primary relationship can signal needs or emotions that might require attention within our existing commitments.

Redirecting your focus back to your own relationship with your spouse and engaging in activities that strengthen that bond can bring a renewed appreciation for the life you have built. Rekindling affection, open communication, and connection with your spouse could help provide a sense of fulfillment that might reduce the attraction you’re feeling toward your colleague.

It may also help to remind yourself of the potential risks involved, not only to your family life but also to your professional reputation and friendships. By focusing on maintaining a respectful, professional, and appropriate connection, you’re honoring both your commitments and protecting the integrity of all relationships involved. Choosing not to act on these feelings will ultimately support the stability of your personal life and career, allowing you to maintain a healthy and professional environment at work.

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Hi I brought up from a middle class family now I'm married and having 3 yrs kid, my younger brother recently got married! Ever since his marg there was a problem going on between my mom, brother and her wife , all the 3 of them bringing their problems to me and husband it creates a huge impact on my mental health due to their problems, if I try to resolve nobody is listening, I'm staying nearby my parents which is a big disadvantage, directly it's affecting me and my family? I don't know how to overcome from this type of issue
Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi ma’am, I am a 27 year old girl. My father is a very strict person. Since childhood I have tolerated many things like I was not allowed to make friends(not even girls, forgot about boys). When I was 12 years old I was told that I was not allowed to talk to boys, and if my father ever saw me doing so, he will kill me. So, I was not allowed to talk to any friend, forget about going out and other stuff. All I used to do is sit in my room and study,I was not allowed to go out to play, wasn’t allowed to watch tv, not even allowed to go and play with cousins. Even if there was a wedding in my family, i was not allowed to go out and enjoy. And this has continued till date. I am still not allowed to go out without my father’s permission. Although I live in Bengaluru and work in a big company with a high paying job. Even the salary I get is not mine. Because my father takes it from me and I can’t say no to him. I use to say to me that if I ever did anything which he thinks is wrong, he will kill me, or will not allow me to go to college and now he will not allow me to work. And now he want me to get married to someone of his choice because of caste system. But I have a boyfriend and I want to marry my him. But I can’t even tell this to my father, because once I tell him this, he will not allow me to leave the house ever again and he would get me married to next person he finds. I am very scared of him. I don’t want to get married to anyone but my boyfriend. What should I do? Should I run away and get married to my boyfriend. I don’t know what my father will do then. He is a very controlling person .
Ans: To start, consider small steps that allow you to establish a greater sense of independence. Setting aside a portion of your income in an account only you can access, even if done quietly, can help you prepare financially for the future you envision with your boyfriend. Gaining control over your finances can also give you a greater sense of autonomy, which is key for your emotional and practical well-being.

Considering your father’s intense reaction to any choices that don’t align with his, safety is a priority. Consulting with a therapist or a counselor could help you process the emotional impact of your experiences and, importantly, develop strategies for how to approach this situation. Speaking to a counselor may also help you find a safe way to discuss your relationship with your father and express your own wishes while understanding any resources that might be available to you if needed.

If, ultimately, you decide to move forward with your relationship and marriage independently of your father’s permission, preparing yourself for potential emotional fallout is essential. While it’s natural to hope for family acceptance, remember that creating your own happiness is equally important. Over time, if your father can see that you’re stable, happy, and independent, he may eventually respect your decision.

Taking steps toward your own life may feel overwhelming, but with support and gradual changes, you can find a path that balances your love for your family with your need for self-respect, autonomy, and a future that you choose.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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