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Confused Parent of a 16-Year-Old with ADHD: Daughter Struggles in School, Social Situations, and Independence

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |124 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Aug 02, 2024

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan is a senior consultant physiotherapist with over 12 years of experience specialising in orthopaedic and paediatric physiotherapy.
He has served as a technical consultant for the World Health Organisation, the United Nations, the Tata Institute of Social Sciences and several national and international NGOs.
Besides physiotherapy, he is keenly interested in disability management, early intervention, geriatric care and assisting children with disabilities.
Dr Khan has a bachelor's degree in physiotherapy from the Ravi Nair Physiotherapy College in Wardha, Maharashtra, a master's degree in disability rehabilitation administration from the National Institute for the Mentally Handicapped, Secunderabad, and a PhD in disability management from Bangalore University.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2024Hindi
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We are from TN. My Cousin aged 42 years and his wife aged 39 years. Their only daughter of age 16 years. Financially stable family. Got to know about their Daughter ADHD problems in school 1st standard. Had to changed to a special school and since then, have changed 3 schools. Currently in a normal school and studying in 6th standard( but should be in 11th standard now). She has attended puberty. Anyone new person meeting her finds in 5 minutes that she has some problems from her mannerism.... She is physically fit. Pls advise - if they need to relocate themselves in some metropolitan cities to get more guidance or to be associated with a group of such parents-kids...Will getting her admitted in a hostel will help ? Her parents only wish is - she should be independently doing here regular daily life needed work on her own without dependency on her parents.

Ans: It's understandable that your cousin's family is seeking the best environment for their daughter's development and independence. Professional support is essential, including occupational therapists to assist with daily living skills, special educators for tailored educational strategies, and psychologists for behavioral therapy and emotional support. Joining parent support groups can provide valuable insights and resources from other parents facing similar challenges. It's crucial to stay in a city or town with access to rehabilitation professionals, good healthcare, and educational support systems. They should also check for specialized programs or schools nearby catering to children with ADHD.

Focusing on developing her independence in daily tasks, such as personal hygiene, cooking, cleaning, and time management, is vital. Engaging in extracurricular activities like sports, arts, or hobbies can boost her confidence and social skills. While relocating to a metropolitan city may offer more resources, it's important to weigh the emotional and financial implications. A more practical approach might be to stay in their current location but ensure regular visits to professionals in a nearby city. A specialized boarding school might provide a structured environment that encourages independence, but this should be carefully evaluated to ensure it meets her specific needs and comfort. Ensuring her current school provides the necessary support and accommodations, such as individualized education plans (IEPs), is also crucial.

Utilizing apps and tools designed to help children with ADHD manage their routines, homework, and tasks can be beneficial. Additionally, parents can build their capacity by enrolling in professional courses related to ADHD and child development, enabling them to better support their daughter. With the right support, their daughter can develop the skills needed for greater independence. Building a network of professionals and support groups close to home can be just as effective as relocating to a metropolitan city. My best wishes
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

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My daughter right now age is 24 . From her childhood days she has problem in understanding basic facts ...she was not good in studies and perhaps she realized that she was not going well in studies cornered herself , as a result no friendship was developed with anybody. IQ test was done in Nair hospital in Mumbai and found a touch of autistic but not severe and doctors said she has to build up social skill to improve herself . with help of writers she passed out ssc from JK School thane followed by HSC & bca As she not fit for higher studies and lacks interest for higher studies , we did not force her to do higher studies . Recent improvement is noticed in communication skill but lacks maturity in terms of her age ( vis a vis today's G age group) She perhaps sings more a less well and we admitted her in Suresh wadkar's Ajivadsn musical academy for sastriya sangeet programe in thane branch and perhaps with songs her language is developed a bit . Communication in eng , Hindi & Bengali as such ok but lacks speaking skills .. But , we think , if she is joined in a group where skill development takes place , where she can find girls of her category in which she may find a different skill suits her interest ( which we are not aware ) . We noticed her understanding skill & expression of thoughts are better but at 24 there is some obstacles Since , she is our only daughter , we are concerned and seek advise to meet right person / organisations for proper guidance for welfare of daughter as ,we think, if enrolled in a particular course / put into activities for skill development programmes ( of her interest) her self esteem factors can increase and better mould is possible Kindly understand n guide Thanks
Ans: It sounds like you’ve made thoughtful and supportive choices for your daughter’s growth, especially through music, which is helping her communication skills blossom. To further nurture her social skills, self-esteem, and interests, several steps might be particularly beneficial. Connecting with nearby NGOs and parent support associations could be a valuable starting point, as many offer structured programs that focus on building social skills, independent living skills, and even employment readiness for young adults with autism. These organizations can provide both community support and access to programs specifically tailored for people with similar abilities, allowing her to meet others and gain confidence in a comfortable setting.

Skill development centers in Mumbai and Thane, such as the **Ummeed Child Development Center** and **ADAPT** (Able Disabled All People Together), offer training in social integration and vocational skills for adults with mild autism. **Forum for Autism** also provides a network of resources, connecting parents to organizations that support developmental growth through group activities and workshops. In addition to these centers, social skills workshops are often very helpful for young adults, focusing on conversation skills, self-expression, and managing social interactions in a supportive group setting. These structured interactions can be key to building maturity and self-confidence.

If she has specific interests, vocational training programs that offer hands-on experience or internships can be valuable in exploring new strengths and areas of interest. If you’d like additional details on specific organizations or need help finding associations nearby, I’d be glad to assist further.

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I am 21. I am a chronic overthinker. I am always thinking about what other people think about me or overanalysing situations and making things complicated. Is this a serious problem? What should I do?
Ans: Dear overthinker,

Thinking is a good trait to have, overthinking is not.

You literally have to STOP overthinking!!!

One way to overcome this is to stop thinking and become more action oriented. STOP analyzing everything in the head, put it on paper, there is something calming about putting thoughts on paper, writing them down with a pen and paper.
And then taking actions based on what you have written and no more thinking about it.

Indulge in physical activity, play a game which is more action oriented , this teaches you to be fully present in the moment, which helps you in being in the moment. Being fully present in the moment is what gets you out of overthinking.
Do meditate , I really can't enumerate all the benefits of meditation, what meditation does to people is beyond words.

There is a book called as, STOP OVERTHINKING by Nick Trenton, this book offers practical advice and exercises to help you break free from negative thoughts and worries. It provides evidence-based methods to combat overthinking and anxiety.

Another amazing book by Eckhart Tolle, "The Power of NOW", can help you.

There is no problem which can't be overcome, believe in yourself, you are more powerful than you think, the body and mind have to listen to you!!
What you think so you become, feed yourself the right thoughts and let the magic unfold.!!

All the best!!

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Asked by Anonymous - Oct 16, 2024Hindi
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My manager is constantly manipulating his boss about me. Everyone in my team is aware that she is increasingly insecure about my success and feels threatened by me. She often gives incorrect and incomplete feedback due to which my manager feels that my manager is more efficient than I am. In the past, 4 people have quit or been foced to resign due to these politics. Should I also quit and move to another company or should I talk to the manager about this? Pls help
Ans: Hi!!

When I was working in the corporate world, the oft repeated quote was, "people don't leave the company ,they leave bad bosses".
Your manager's boss is your super boss, rt? Can't you go and speak to him directly and put your concerns across?
I am sure the HR must have noticed that people are quitting and might have explored the reasons why they are doing so too, do check with them.
I fail to understand why women should not cooperate with each other. You can also explore the option of talking directly to the manager and telling her if your actions in any way have caused some misunderstanding and if she says yes then you are willing to clear them. Also tell her that you are not eyeing her post and you are just trying to do your job well. I did the same with one of my bosses, it worked for me, we became the best of friends, we are still in touch. You need to think which is your best option and choose one from all the possible solutions I have mentioned. You can always quit, that's the last option I feel..

Hoping you choose wisely..All the very best!!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |3911 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

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my son is 8 year old studying in Class 3 . The classes occus is in morning shift from 6.30 am to 1.30 PM . after comming from the scholl he tired and not able to study in night . plz suggest the Correct time table for the second shift school child so that we can manage his tiredness and keep improving him in balanced way.
Ans: Priya Madam,

You have not provided information regarding the number of hours your son sleeps.

(1) Given that your son is only 8 years old, it is important to ensure he gets a minimum of 8 hours of sleep at night and 2 hours in the afternoon. Sleeping hours can be reduced once he enters the 6th Standard.

(2) Ensure he receives a balanced diet and nutritious food to sustain his energy levels. (3) Encourage him to maintain regular water intake to prevent dehydration. (4) Facilitate opportunities for him to take regular breaks and engage in play. (5) A 3rd standard student can't study for extended periods. He should study for 25 to 30 minutes, followed by a 10 to 15-minute break after each 25-minute study session.

(6) I am providing this information for general awareness. Parents should refrain from physically assaulting their children to achieve compliance, as this can undermine their self-confidence. (7) They should engage in more polite and loving communication with the children. (8) Children frequently observe their parents and tend to emulate their actions. Ensure that the environment at home is tranquil. (9) Addiction to electronic gadgets may also result in fatigue. (10) Regarding the Study Planner, it has been previously stated that regardless of whether he studies in the morning or evening, he should engage in study sessions of 25 minutes followed by a 10-minute break after each session. He will not experience fatigue, and the output will be increased. Hope, this answer will help you, Madam.

All the BEST for Your Prosperous Son's Future.

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