Ans: Dear SV,
I guess two people in love wanting two different things within the relationship?
Easy way is to talk about it.
Yes, she may feel hurt and may feel that you led her the wrong way etc, but it’s better to discuss this rather than let it grow any further.
I would not know if many men feel the way that you do (it’s your view of the situation) but let’s focus on what you feel.
You do not want to have that commitment where you play the householders’ identity all over again after going through it in a not so pleasant way the first time. Fair enough!
But, don’t you feel the lady who loves you now needs to know that.
Keep her trust in you alive and validate her feelings when you communicate this to her.
There may be emotional outbursts and you must be in the kindest space of mind. After all, she has known her dreams in a different way with you and now things are changing.
An alternate thought to this: What would happen if you actually allow yourself a second chance at being a married man?
A lot of men do go through a second marriage and things have worked out fine for them.
Is it that you are used to living independently as you believe or are you fearful of a repeat from your first marriage?
If it is a fear, then time to break it and move past as you are keeping yourself from a beautiful journey and marriage.
It might be worthwhile to assess your thoughts and then if you still feel that it’s not fear and that you want the independence, time to break it to the lady very kindly and gently and do not forget to apologise to her. It might be a huge shock.
So, please check with your mind first before taking any decision.
Best wishes!
