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How to Secure My Family's Future with 8 Years of Earnings Left?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Nevil Question by Nevil on Aug 10, 2024Hindi
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Currently I am 50, I am working in a private firm. I am having @ 60 Lakhs in FD, @ 5 to 6 Lakhs in PF, @ 5 Lakhs in PPF and 10 Lakhs in Savings. My current income is @ 70 K per month. Still I have 8-10 Years of earning left. I am having a family of Wife and 2 sons. Their age are 12 and 5. How should I plan my investment so that I can manage my family with proper fund and care.

Ans: You have an impressive financial base. With Rs. 60 lakhs in FD, Rs. 5-6 lakhs in PF, Rs. 5 lakhs in PPF, and Rs. 10 lakhs in savings, you’re on solid ground. Your monthly income of Rs. 70,000 offers more opportunities for future investments.

You have 8-10 years of earning left, providing time to build your wealth. This timeframe is key for financial planning.

Your family consists of your wife and two young sons, aged 12 and 5. Their education and well-being are priorities, which should guide your investment decisions.

Current Asset Allocation
Fixed Deposits (FD): Rs. 60 lakhs is a substantial amount in FDs. FDs offer safety, but returns may not outpace inflation.

Provident Fund (PF): With Rs. 5-6 lakhs in PF, this provides long-term security. However, returns are relatively fixed.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs. 5 lakhs in PPF is a tax-saving, long-term investment. The returns are decent and tax-free.

Savings: Rs. 10 lakhs in savings provides liquidity. However, this amount could be underutilized if kept idle.

Investment Strategy
Diversification: Your current assets are heavily focused on fixed returns. While this provides safety, it's crucial to diversify into higher growth avenues.

Mutual Funds: Consider increasing your allocation to mutual funds. Actively managed funds, through a Certified Financial Planner, can offer higher returns than traditional investments.

Equity Funds: These can potentially deliver higher returns over 8-10 years. Ideal for wealth creation and beating inflation.

Debt Funds: These offer stable returns with lower risk. They can replace a portion of your FD holdings.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Start a SIP in mutual funds. This disciplined approach helps in averaging costs and compounding returns.

Education Fund for Children: Set up an education fund for your sons. Given their ages, you have 6-13 years before they start higher education. Equity mutual funds can be a good option for long-term growth.

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance for your family. This prevents medical emergencies from draining your savings.

Risk Management
Emergency Fund: Keep at least 6 months of expenses in a liquid fund. This ensures quick access to cash during emergencies without breaking your investments.

Insurance: Review your life insurance coverage. With your current financial obligations, ensure your family is protected.

Retirement Planning
Retirement Corpus: With 8-10 years left to work, focus on building a retirement corpus. The current PF and PPF amounts are a good start, but they might not be enough.

Annuity Alternatives: Avoid annuities as they often offer lower returns. Instead, use mutual funds and systematic withdrawal plans (SWP) post-retirement for regular income.

Tax Planning
Tax Efficiency: Maximize your tax savings through instruments like PPF and Equity-Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS). A well-planned tax strategy can increase your net returns.

Rebalancing: Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. This ensures your investments align with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Investment in Gold
Gold Investment: If you don't already invest in gold, consider allocating a small portion of your portfolio. Gold acts as a hedge against inflation and currency fluctuations.

Long-Term Goals
Children's Marriage: Plan for your children’s marriage expenses. Given their ages, this goal is about 10-20 years away. Consider a mix of equity and balanced funds for this purpose.

Wife’s Security: Ensure your wife is financially secure if something happens to you. This includes a mix of insurance and investments that provide her with a stable income.

Finally
Your financial foundation is strong. By diversifying into higher growth investments and regularly reviewing your plan, you can ensure a secure future for your family.

Your focus on education and long-term security is commendable. By following this strategy, you can achieve your financial goals with confidence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi I am 35 years old. My annual ctc is 45 lacs. I have 26 lacs in epf, 24 lacs in equity, 1.1 lacs in gold soverign bond. I own a car and scooty. I have one flat worth 1.2cr with 30 lacs as loan . My monthly expense is 70k . My wife is home maker and i have 2 children(girl 9 years old, boy 4 years old) I want to retire after 5 years . How should i plan my investment
Ans: Planning for retirement is a significant life decision, especially if you aim to retire in just five years. Given your current financial standing and responsibilities, let's delve into the details of how you can achieve your goal.

Current Financial Snapshot
To start, let's review your current financial situation:

Annual CTC: Rs 45 lakhs
EPF: Rs 26 lakhs
Equity: Rs 24 lakhs
Gold Sovereign Bonds: Rs 1.1 lakhs
Car and Scooty
Flat worth Rs 1.2 crore with a Rs 30 lakhs loan
Monthly expenses: Rs 70,000
Homemaker wife and two children (9 and 4 years old)
Your primary objective is to retire in five years. To do this, we need to create a strategy that ensures a steady income post-retirement and covers your family's needs.

Assessing Your Current Investments
Equity Investments: Your Rs 24 lakhs in equity is a solid start. Equities generally offer high returns over the long term but come with risks. Given your short timeline, we need to balance this with safer investments.

EPF: Your EPF is a stable and secure investment. It offers moderate returns and should be preserved for your retirement corpus.

Gold Sovereign Bonds: These bonds are a safe investment, but the returns are relatively lower. They do provide a hedge against inflation.

Debt Management
Home Loan: You have a Rs 30 lakhs loan on your flat. Paying off this loan before retirement is crucial. This will reduce your financial burden and free up funds for other investments.

Monthly Expenses and Budgeting
With monthly expenses of Rs 70,000, managing your budget is vital. Post-retirement, your expenses might change, but planning for inflation and additional medical costs is necessary.

Investment Strategy
Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Funds: Investing in equity mutual funds can provide good returns. However, you should consider actively managed funds over index funds. Actively managed funds, handled by professional fund managers, can outperform the market, whereas index funds only match the market's performance.

Balanced Funds: These funds invest in both equity and debt, offering a balance of risk and return. They are suitable for investors looking for growth with moderate risk.

Debt Funds: Debt mutual funds are less risky compared to equities. They invest in government securities, corporate bonds, and other fixed-income instruments. They provide steady returns and are useful for diversifying your portfolio.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Diversification: Mutual funds allow you to spread your investment across various assets, reducing risk.

Professional Management: Certified financial planners and fund managers handle the investment, ensuring better returns.

Liquidity: Mutual funds can be easily converted to cash, providing flexibility when you need funds.

Compounding: Over time, the returns from mutual funds can significantly increase due to the power of compounding.

Risk Management
Insurance: Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance. This will protect your family financially in case of any unforeseen events. Review your insurance policies regularly.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to at least 6-12 months of expenses. This fund will cover any unexpected costs and protect your investments.

Children's Education
Education costs can be significant, especially for your two children. Start a systematic investment plan (SIP) in mutual funds dedicated to their education. This will ensure you have a separate corpus for their higher education needs.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Estimate the corpus you will need post-retirement. Consider your monthly expenses, inflation, medical costs, and any other anticipated expenditures. Use this figure to determine how much you need to save and invest over the next five years.

Surrendering Non-Performing Policies
If you hold LIC, ULIP, or other investment-cum-insurance policies, evaluate their performance. These policies often have high fees and low returns. Consider surrendering them and reinvesting in mutual funds. Mutual funds typically offer better returns and more flexibility.

Creating a Retirement Income Stream
Plan for a steady income post-retirement. This can come from:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Set up an SWP from your mutual fund investments. This allows you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly, providing a steady income.

Fixed Deposits and Senior Citizen Schemes: Consider fixed deposits and senior citizen savings schemes for stable and safe returns.

Tax Planning
Ensure your investments are tax-efficient. Utilize tax-saving instruments and schemes under Section 80C and other relevant sections. Proper tax planning can help maximize your returns and reduce your tax liability.

Regular Review and Rebalance
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. This ensures your investments align with your goals and risk tolerance. A certified financial planner can help you with this process.

Genuine Compliments and Empathy
Your commitment to securing your family's financial future is commendable. It's evident that you've worked hard to build a solid foundation. Planning for early retirement requires meticulous planning and discipline, and you're on the right track.

Final Insights
Retiring in five years is an ambitious but achievable goal. Focus on building a diversified portfolio, managing risks, and ensuring a steady income stream post-retirement. Regular reviews and adjustments will help you stay on track. Seek the guidance of a certified financial planner to fine-tune your strategy and provide expert insights.

By following these steps, you can confidently look forward to a comfortable and financially secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

Money
Hi I am 35 years old. My in hand salary is 3 lacs. I have 26 lacs in epf, 24 lacs in equity, 1.1 lacs in gold soverign bond. I have one flat worth 1.2cr with 30 lacs as loan . My monthly expense is 70k . My wife is home maker and i have 2 children(girl 9 years old, boy 4 years old) I want to retire after 5 years . After that i need atleast 1.2 lacs per month in hand. How should i plan my investment
Ans: It’s great to hear from you. You’ve done well with your savings and investments. Let's plan your investment strategy so you can retire comfortably in five years and ensure you have at least Rs. 1.2 lakhs per month in hand post-retirement.

Current Financial Snapshot
Age and Family: You are 35 years old, with a homemaker wife and two children (9-year-old daughter, 4-year-old son).

Income and Expenses: Your in-hand salary is Rs. 3 lakhs per month, and your monthly expenses are Rs. 70,000.

Investments and Assets:

EPF: Rs. 26 lakhs
Equity: Rs. 24 lakhs
Gold Sovereign Bonds: Rs. 1.1 lakhs
Flat worth Rs. 1.2 crores (with a Rs. 30 lakhs loan)
Retirement Goals
Retirement Age: 40 years
Monthly Income Post-Retirement: Rs. 1.2 lakhs in hand
Investment Strategy for Retirement Planning
Assessing Your Current Situation
You have a strong base with your current savings and investments. Let’s break it down:

EPF: A good foundation for your retirement savings.

Equity: This is your growth engine and needs to be managed well for maximum returns.

Gold Sovereign Bonds: These are good for diversification and stability.

Flat: A significant asset, but with an outstanding loan, the net value is lower.

Your immediate goal is to ensure you have enough income post-retirement. Here's a detailed plan:

1. Enhance Your Equity Investments
Equity investments are crucial for long-term growth. Since you have Rs. 24 lakhs in equity, ensure it's diversified across various sectors and market caps (large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap).

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:

Professional Management: Fund managers actively monitor and adjust the portfolio.
Potential for Higher Returns: They aim to outperform benchmarks.
Risk Management: They adjust portfolios to mitigate risks during market volatility.
Action Points:

Increase your monthly SIPs in equity mutual funds. Aim for a mix of large-cap for stability, and mid-cap and small-cap for growth.
Review and rebalance your portfolio annually to ensure it aligns with your goals.
2. Maximize Your EPF Contributions
EPF is a safe and tax-efficient retirement saving option. Keep contributing to it regularly.

Action Points:

Continue your EPF contributions till you retire.
Consider voluntary contributions (VPF) if possible to increase your retirement corpus.
3. Diversify with Debt Instruments
Diversification is essential. While equity offers growth, debt instruments provide stability.

Debt Instruments Include:

Corporate Bonds: Offer higher returns than fixed deposits but with some risk.
Debt Mutual Funds: Provide stable returns with lower risk compared to equities.
Government Bonds: Safe but with moderate returns.
Action Points:

Allocate a portion of your savings to debt instruments for stability.
Consider debt mutual funds for a balanced portfolio.
4. Utilize Gold Sovereign Bonds
Gold bonds provide a hedge against inflation and are a good diversification tool.

Action Points:

Hold onto your gold sovereign bonds for diversification.
Consider adding more during dips in gold prices for long-term holding.
5. Manage Your Real Estate Investment
Your flat is a significant asset. Reducing the outstanding loan can increase your net worth.

Action Points:

Accelerate loan repayment if possible. It reduces interest outflow and increases net savings.
Consider the rental income post-retirement if you decide to let out the property.
6. Emergency Fund and Insurance
An emergency fund is crucial to cover unexpected expenses. Adequate insurance protects against unforeseen events.

Action Points:

Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid fund.
Ensure your health and life insurance covers are adequate.
7. Education and Marriage Planning for Children
Planning for your children’s education and marriage is essential.

Action Points:

Start dedicated SIPs in mutual funds for their education and marriage expenses.
Consider child-specific investment plans for long-term savings.
Creating a Retirement Corpus
To generate Rs. 1.2 lakhs per month post-retirement, you need a substantial retirement corpus. Here’s how to approach it:

Estimate Your Retirement Corpus
Calculate the amount needed for 25-30 years post-retirement considering inflation.
Aim for a corpus that generates Rs. 1.2 lakhs per month through systematic withdrawals or interest/dividends.
Investment Vehicles for Retirement Corpus
Equity Mutual Funds:

Continue and increase SIPs for growth.
Choose a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for diversification.
Debt Mutual Funds:

Invest in debt funds for stability and regular income.
Consider a mix of short-term, medium-term, and long-term debt funds.
Hybrid Funds:

Invest in balanced or hybrid funds that combine equity and debt.
These offer a good mix of growth and stability.
Fixed Income Instruments:

Invest in instruments like PPF, EPF, and government bonds for assured returns.
Withdrawal Strategy Post-Retirement
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP):

Use SWPs in mutual funds for regular income.
Plan withdrawals to meet your monthly needs without depleting the corpus quickly.
Dividends and Interest Income:

Use dividends from mutual funds and interest from fixed income investments.
Ensure a mix of growth and income-generating assets.
Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Annual Review:

Regularly review your investment portfolio.
Make adjustments based on market conditions and life changes.
Rebalance Portfolio:

Rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation.
Shift from high-risk to low-risk investments as you approach retirement.
Final Insights
You've built a strong financial foundation. With careful planning and disciplined investing, you can achieve your retirement goal comfortably.

Focus on maximizing your current investments in equity, EPF, and gold. Diversify with debt instruments for stability and maintain a balanced portfolio.

Plan for your children's future needs and ensure you have adequate insurance coverage. Regularly review and adjust your investment strategy to stay on track.

With dedication and strategic planning, you can secure a prosperous retirement and enjoy financial freedom.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7337 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am 40 yrs and have working wife with 10 yrs old boy. Below are few investments and Please help to plan it better, such that children's education and my retirement both things are planned better. Investments: 1. FD 16 lacs 2. EPF 2 lacs 3. LIC 90K per year 4. Started MF SIP 5K per month and Gold loan having 5 lac. Our income 1.1L monthly and i want to save a corpus of 2 crores in next 10 years.
Ans: You are 40 years old and have a working wife. You both have a 10-year-old boy. Let's analyze your investments and savings to plan better for your child's education and your retirement.

You currently have:

FD: Rs 16 lakhs

EPF: Rs 2 lakhs

LIC: Rs 90,000 per year

SIP in Mutual Funds: Rs 5,000 per month

Gold loan: Rs 5 lakhs

Your monthly income is Rs 1.1 lakh. You aim to save a corpus of Rs 2 crores in the next 10 years.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Fixed Deposits (FD):

FDs provide safety and fixed returns.

However, returns may not beat inflation.

Suggest diversifying into higher-yield investments.

Employee Provident Fund (EPF):

EPF is a secure, long-term investment.

Continue contributing to benefit from tax savings and compounding.

Life Insurance (LIC):

Evaluate the coverage and returns.

Traditional LIC policies often have lower returns.

Consider switching to term insurance for better coverage.

Mutual Funds SIP:

SIPs in Mutual Funds are a good choice.

They offer potential for higher returns over the long term.

Gold Loan:

Gold loans should be repaid quickly to avoid high-interest costs.

Prioritize paying off this loan.

Creating a Comprehensive Financial Plan
1. Children's Education Planning

Estimate future education costs considering inflation.

Invest in equity mutual funds for higher returns over the long term.

SIPs are a disciplined way to build an education corpus.

2. Retirement Planning

Target a retirement corpus of Rs 2 crores in 10 years.

Diversify your investments across asset classes.

Focus on equity mutual funds for growth.

3. Debt Management

Prioritize repaying the gold loan.

Avoid taking additional high-interest loans.

4. Insurance Planning

Ensure adequate life and health insurance coverage.

Switch to term insurance for higher coverage at lower premiums.

5. Optimizing Investments

Mutual Funds:

Continue with SIPs in diversified mutual funds.

Avoid direct funds due to lack of professional management.

Actively managed funds are better for maximizing returns.

Fixed Deposits and EPF:

Rebalance to reduce FD exposure.

Continue EPF contributions for steady growth.

Actionable Steps
1. Increase SIP Amount:

Gradually increase your SIPs as your income grows.

Aim to invest at least 20% of your monthly income.

2. Diversify Investments:

Allocate funds to large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds.

This will help balance risk and returns.

3. Terminate LIC Policy:

If your LIC policy is not term insurance, consider surrendering it.

Use the proceeds to invest in mutual funds.

4. Repay Gold Loan:

Use a part of your FD to repay the gold loan.

This will reduce your debt burden.

5. Review and Adjust Regularly:

Review your portfolio every six months.

Adjust your investments based on performance and goals.

Final Insights
You have a good start with diverse investments. Prioritize repaying high-interest debt and increasing SIP amounts. Diversify your mutual fund investments to balance risk and returns. Ensure adequate insurance coverage to protect your family's financial future.

Your goal of Rs 2 crores in 10 years is achievable with disciplined investing and regular reviews. Focus on equity mutual funds for growth and balance with fixed-income investments for stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Pushpa R  |37 Answers  |Ask -

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I HAVE CONSTIPACATION PROBLEM WICH AASAN RELIVE FROM THIS PROBLEM
Ans: Constipation can be uncomfortable, but yoga is an excellent way to stimulate digestion and relieve this issue. Here are some simple asanas you can try regularly to help improve bowel movements:

1. Pavanamuktasana (Wind-Relieving Pose)
Lie on your back and bring one knee to your chest, holding it with your hands.
Press your knee gently into your abdomen while keeping the other leg straight.
Switch legs and repeat, or do both knees together.
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Begin on all fours.
As you inhale, arch your back (Cow Pose) and look up.
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Repeat slowly for 8-10 breaths to massage your digestive organs and improve gut motility.
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Sit with your legs straight and bend forward from your hips, reaching for your toes.
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Drink plenty of water and include fiber-rich foods in your diet.
Practice these poses daily, but avoid forcing your body into any position.
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R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
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https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
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It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

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Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
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The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

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You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

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Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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