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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Navin Question by Navin on May 09, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi, I am 38 Year old. I am planning for Financial Freedom. Total Investment Value-Mutual Fund-45L,Stock-12L,NPS-1.66L,PF-5L, Emergency Fund-1.36L(In FD). Covered with 1 Cr Life Insurance and have 15 Lakh Health Insurance. My Investment style-(Mutual Fund-10K,NPS-8.7k, Stock-30k to 45k & PF-10K) per month. My monthly expenses (35k to 40K). Mutual Fund growing by 17% and Stock by 22%. Learning to how my Investment give me better return. Hope By End of FY 25-26 my portfolio will be 1Cr. Pls suggest at current scenario what Amt looks for Financial free. Dependant-Wife-Home make and a kid(3 month old)

Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Position
You have made commendable progress in building a robust investment portfolio. Your total investment value includes mutual funds worth ?45 lakhs, stocks worth ?12 lakhs, NPS of ?1.66 lakhs, PF of ?5 lakhs, and an emergency fund of ?1.36 lakhs in an FD. Additionally, your insurance coverage is solid with ?1 crore life insurance and ?15 lakh health insurance.

Evaluating Investment Strategy
Mutual Funds
Investing ?10,000 monthly in mutual funds is a wise choice. With an average growth rate of 17%, your mutual funds are performing well. Actively managed funds provide the potential for higher returns compared to index funds.

Stocks
Your monthly investment of ?30,000 to ?45,000 in stocks is yielding an impressive 22% growth. This indicates a strong portfolio selection and market understanding. Diversifying your stock investments further can help mitigate risks and sustain high returns.

National Pension System (NPS)
Contributing ?8,700 monthly to NPS is beneficial for long-term retirement planning. NPS offers tax benefits and a mix of equity and debt investments, providing stability and growth.

Provident Fund (PF)
Your monthly PF contribution of ?10,000 is crucial for a secure retirement. PF offers guaranteed returns and tax benefits, making it a reliable investment.

Emergency Fund
Maintaining an emergency fund of ?1.36 lakhs in an FD is prudent. This ensures liquidity and financial security during unforeseen events.

Achieving Financial Freedom
Targeting ?1 Crore by FY 2025-26
Your current trajectory suggests you will achieve a portfolio value of ?1 crore by FY 2025-26. To ensure this, consider the following strategies:

Regular Review and Rebalancing: Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio. This ensures your investments align with market conditions and personal goals.

Increase SIP Contributions: Gradually increase your SIP amounts. This combats inflation and boosts your investment corpus.

Focus on High-Growth Assets: Continue focusing on high-growth assets like stocks and actively managed mutual funds. This enhances your portfolio's growth potential.

Planning for Financial Freedom
To achieve financial freedom, you need a clear understanding of your financial goals and expenses. Here are some steps:

Calculate Future Expenses: Estimate your future monthly expenses considering inflation. This helps in determining the corpus needed for financial freedom.

Determine Retirement Corpus: Calculate the corpus required to generate a monthly income that covers your expenses. Use a conservative withdrawal rate to ensure longevity of your corpus.

Diversify Investments: Ensure a well-diversified portfolio across various asset classes. This mitigates risks and provides balanced growth.

Emergency and Contingency Planning: Maintain a robust emergency fund. Consider additional health and life insurance coverage as your family grows.

Securing Dependents' Future
Child's Education Fund: Start a dedicated investment plan for your child's education. Consider child-specific mutual funds or recurring deposits.

Spousal Security: Ensure your spouse is financially secure. Consider additional insurance or investments in her name for long-term security.

Enhancing Investment Returns
Professional Guidance
Consider consulting a certified financial planner regularly. They provide expert advice on portfolio management, tax planning, and goal setting.

Advanced Investment Strategies
Systematic Transfer Plan (STP): Use STPs to transfer funds from debt to equity or vice versa. This balances risk and returns based on market conditions.

Tax-Efficient Investments: Invest in tax-saving instruments like ELSS funds. This reduces your tax liability and enhances net returns.

Continuous Learning
Stay updated with market trends and investment strategies. This enhances your decision-making and helps in optimizing returns.

Conclusion
Your current investment strategy is strong and well-diversified. By continuing to review and adjust your investments, increasing SIP contributions, and planning for future expenses, you are on the right path to financial freedom. Keep focusing on high-growth assets and maintain a balanced portfolio to achieve your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

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I am 37 years old me&my wife salary is 55k pm each , rental income 30k , & we have a home loan of36 lacs emi32K @ 20yrs 8.4%we hve 2 kids of one boy12yr &8yr daughter. We totally have 2 L share ,mutual funds 1 L , ssy 3L, and I have 1 cr term insurance , wife giving regular lic premium 60k yrly abt to close in 4 yrs and we both have individual Nps account with total corpus 16L and ppf 3L each . My presently exp is 30k pm. I want to be financially free in next 15 years with monthly expense of 60k. Need money for kids studies marriage etc. also need 1 cr to purchase new house at earliest. Should I invest in shares or mutual funds. I have no knowledge of mkt but ready to learn. which one is safe for future
Ans: First, it's commendable that you are taking charge of your finances with a clear goal in mind. Your financial goals are ambitious yet achievable with the right planning and strategy. Understanding your current financial standing and future aspirations is the first step towards financial freedom. Here, I'll provide a comprehensive guide to help you navigate your financial journey over the next 15 years, ensuring that you can meet your expenses, children's education, and marriage costs, as well as purchase a new house worth Rs 1 crore.

Current Financial Situation
Let's break down your current financial situation. You and your wife have a combined salary of Rs 1,10,000 per month and a rental income of Rs 30,000, bringing your total monthly income to Rs 1,40,000. Your home loan EMI is Rs 32,000 per month at an interest rate of 8.4% for 20 years. Your monthly expenses are Rs 30,000, leaving you with a significant surplus.

Your current investments include:

Rs 2 lakh in shares
Rs 1 lakh in mutual funds
Rs 3 lakh in Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)
Rs 1 crore term insurance
Rs 60,000 yearly LIC premium
Rs 16 lakh in NPS (both accounts)
Rs 3 lakh each in PPF for you and your wife
Financial Goals and Priorities
Your goals include:

Financial freedom in 15 years with monthly expenses of Rs 60,000
Funds for children's education and marriage
Purchase of a new house worth Rs 1 crore
Analyzing Your Investments
Insurance
You have a term insurance of Rs 1 crore, which is good. Term insurance provides financial security to your family in case of any unfortunate events. Your wife’s LIC policy is about to mature in four years. After maturity, consider investing this amount in more growth-oriented investment options. Since term insurance is already in place, you might not need additional LIC policies which often combine insurance and investment.

NPS and PPF
Your combined NPS corpus of Rs 16 lakh is a significant amount. NPS is beneficial for long-term retirement savings due to its tax benefits and potential for reasonable returns. Similarly, the PPF accounts are stable, tax-efficient, and provide safe returns.

Mutual Funds and Shares
You have Rs 2 lakh in shares and Rs 1 lakh in mutual funds. While shares offer potentially high returns, they come with higher risks and require market knowledge. Mutual funds, especially actively managed ones, provide a balanced approach with professional management and diversification.

Investment Strategy for Financial Freedom
Monthly Savings Allocation
With your monthly income surplus, you have ample room to allocate funds towards different investment avenues. Here’s a suggested allocation:

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6 months of expenses (approximately Rs 1.8 lakh) in a liquid or savings account.

Home Loan Repayment: Continue with your existing EMI of Rs 32,000. As your income increases, consider making occasional lump sum payments towards the principal to reduce the tenure and interest burden.

Children’s Education and Marriage: Start a dedicated investment in mutual funds for your children’s education and marriage. Use child-specific plans or balanced funds to ensure steady growth with moderate risk. SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) in equity mutual funds can be a good option here.

Retirement Planning: Increase your contributions to NPS and PPF. NPS offers good returns with moderate risk, while PPF provides assured returns with tax benefits. Aim to maximize your PPF contributions each year.

New House Purchase: For your goal of purchasing a new house worth Rs 1 crore, start a separate investment plan. Invest in a mix of debt and equity mutual funds to balance growth and stability. This will help you accumulate the required down payment.

Mutual Funds vs. Shares
Given your limited market knowledge, mutual funds are a safer and more practical option compared to direct shares. Here's why:

Benefits of Mutual Funds
Professional Management: Fund managers handle investments, leveraging their expertise to maximize returns.

Diversification: Mutual funds spread investments across various sectors and companies, reducing risk.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly, benefiting from rupee cost averaging and disciplined savings.

Flexibility: Mutual funds offer various schemes tailored to different goals, risk appetites, and time horizons.

Transparency and Regulation: Mutual funds are regulated by SEBI, ensuring transparency and investor protection.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
While index funds passively track market indices, actively managed funds aim to outperform the market through selective investment choices by fund managers.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
No Outperformance: Index funds match market returns but don't aim to beat them.

Market Risk: They are fully exposed to market volatility without the possibility of tactical adjustments.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Potential for Higher Returns: Skilled managers can leverage market opportunities for better returns.

Risk Management: Fund managers can adjust portfolios to mitigate risks during market downturns.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
Direct mutual funds have lower expense ratios since they bypass intermediaries, but they require more investor involvement and knowledge.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Self-Management: Investors must research and manage investments themselves, requiring market knowledge.

Time-Consuming: Continuous monitoring and adjustments are needed without professional assistance.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Advisor Support: Investing through a certified financial planner offers professional advice and tailored strategies.

Ease and Convenience: Financial planners handle the complex aspects of investment, allowing you to focus on your goals.

Steps to Implement Your Plan
Consult a Certified Financial Planner: A CFP can provide personalized advice and help tailor a strategy to your specific needs and goals.

Set Up SIPs in Mutual Funds: Allocate your surplus income towards SIPs in equity and balanced mutual funds for long-term goals.

Increase NPS Contributions: Boost your NPS contributions to benefit from long-term growth and tax advantages.

Review and Adjust Regularly: Regularly review your financial plan and adjust based on changing needs, market conditions, and goals.

Educate Yourself: While your financial planner will manage your investments, understanding the basics of mutual funds and market trends can help you make informed decisions.

Addressing Your Goals
Children’s Education and Marriage
Investing through SIPs in diversified equity mutual funds will help accumulate the necessary corpus for your children's education and marriage. Start early to benefit from compounding.

Retirement Planning
Your current NPS and PPF investments form a solid foundation. Increase contributions and consider additional retirement-focused mutual funds for a well-rounded retirement plan.

Purchasing a New House
For the new house, a combination of debt and equity mutual funds can help you accumulate the required down payment. Plan to divert a portion of your monthly surplus towards this goal.

Final Insights
Achieving financial freedom and meeting your long-term goals requires a disciplined approach and strategic investments. Your current financial standing is strong, and with careful planning and the right guidance, you can reach your aspirations.

By leveraging mutual funds for their professional management and diversification benefits, increasing your NPS and PPF contributions, and regularly reviewing your plan, you will be well on your way to financial independence.

Remember, a certified financial planner can offer invaluable support and ensure your investments are aligned with your goals. Stay focused, be disciplined, and regularly monitor your progress.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 26, 2024

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Hi Ramalingam Sir, Hope you doing great and healthy. Sir, I am 34 year old and having 2 daughter 7 year old and 6 months old. My house hold (me and spouse) income is 1 lakh 30k in hand. My monthly expenses are around 35000 and school expenses are 20000 quarterly. I have monthly EMI of 50000 which will be ending on July-25. I have a land worth 31 lakh, and investing 5k monthly in PPF. I have term insurance of 1cr. I want to plan my financial in systematic way. I have surplus of 10k more monthly which I have to invest, please suggest any Mutual Fund in 60% equity and 40% debt. I have a future goal in 2026 of building my own home on land I purchased with construction loan. Also I want to build some corpus for both daughters education. Please help me how I can plan to meet a good financial life.
Ans: Current Financial Overview
You have a stable household income of Rs. 1,30,000 per month. Your monthly expenses are Rs. 35,000, with quarterly school expenses of Rs. 20,000. You have a significant EMI of Rs. 50,000, which will end in July 2025. You invest Rs. 5,000 in PPF monthly and have a term insurance of Rs. 1 crore. You own land worth Rs. 31 lakhs and have an additional Rs. 10,000 monthly for investment.

Financial Goals
Build a home on your land by 2026.
Create a corpus for your daughters' education.
Systematically invest the surplus Rs. 10,000.
Expense Management
Your expenses are well-managed, but optimizing them can provide more room for savings. Review your expenses periodically and adjust where possible. Consider small lifestyle changes that can help reduce costs without impacting your quality of life.

Investment Strategy
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
You are already investing in PPF, which is a good long-term, tax-saving investment. Continue this as it provides a secure and tax-efficient growth for your funds.

Mutual Funds: Equity and Debt Allocation
For your surplus Rs. 10,000, investing in a balanced mutual fund with a 60% equity and 40% debt allocation is wise. This provides growth potential with moderate risk.

Equity Component (60%):

Invest in diversified equity mutual funds.
Focus on funds with a track record of consistent performance.
This portion will help in wealth creation over the long term.
Debt Component (40%):

Invest in debt mutual funds for stability and regular income.
These funds have lower risk and provide steady returns.
They will balance the volatility of the equity portion.
Home Construction Goal
You aim to build a home by 2026. Start planning for the construction loan early. Ensure you have a clear budget and timeline. Keep a portion of your savings in liquid assets for this purpose, so you can access funds quickly when needed.

Children's Education Fund
To build a corpus for your daughters' education, start a dedicated investment plan.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):
Allocate a portion of your surplus to equity mutual funds via SIPs.
SIPs provide the benefit of rupee cost averaging and disciplined investing.
Consider child-specific mutual funds with a mix of equity and debt.
Insurance Coverage
Your term insurance of Rs. 1 crore is a good safety net. Review your insurance needs periodically to ensure it covers your growing responsibilities.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least 6 months of your household expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and kept in a savings account or liquid fund.

Regular Monitoring and Review
Track Your Investments:

Regularly review your investment portfolio.
Ensure your investments align with your financial goals.
Financial Health Check:

Conduct an annual financial health check.
Adjust your investments based on market conditions and personal circumstances.
Tax Planning
Leverage tax-saving instruments like PPF, ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme), and National Pension System (NPS) to reduce your taxable income. Proper tax planning can enhance your savings and investments.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong. By strategically investing your surplus and planning for future goals, you can achieve financial security and growth. Regularly monitor and adjust your plan to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 21, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: First, you have done well in accumulating Rs 80 lakh in mutual funds and Rs 20 lakh in stocks. Your Rs 40 lakh in bank deposits also provides liquidity for any emergency needs. Your monthly SIPs, totalling Rs 57,000, are a step in the right direction, showing a commitment to long-term wealth creation.

However, job security is a concern, and it is wise to assess the stability of your finances. You aim to ensure Rs 1.5 lakh per month for retirement and also cover your children's education expenses. This is achievable with careful planning.

Assessment of Mutual Fund Portfolio

You have spread your SIPs across multiple mutual funds, with Rs 57,000 allocated monthly. However, this spread across many funds can lead to overlapping, reducing the diversification benefits.

Consolidate Fund Choices: You are invested in too many funds, particularly in the small and mid-cap categories. It’s better to focus on a few quality funds rather than spreading across too many. Funds with overlapping themes might dilute returns and increase volatility.

Rebalance Your Portfolio: Your current SIP choices, especially in small-cap and mid-cap funds, are aggressive. These categories can be volatile, particularly if markets face a downturn. For a person nearing retirement age, a balanced approach is better. You may want to shift some investments into large-cap or flexi-cap funds, which are relatively less volatile.

Actively Managed Funds: Investing in actively managed funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can give you access to professional expertise and ongoing advice. These funds, with the right guidance, have the potential to outperform and provide you with strategies to navigate different market cycles.

Lumpsum Investments Insight

Your lumpsum investments of Rs 54.5 lakh are heavily concentrated in small-cap funds. Small-cap funds have high growth potential but also come with significant risks. As you approach retirement, this heavy exposure could be dangerous if the market does not perform well. Here’s how you can rebalance:

Review Small-Cap Exposure: Reallocate some of your lumpsum investments from small-cap funds to more balanced categories. This reduces risk while ensuring growth.

Infrastructure Funds: Your investment in infrastructure funds also seems concentrated. This sector can be cyclical. It's better to diversify into more stable sectors or broader market funds for consistent returns.

Retirement Planning

Your goal of securing Rs 1.5 lakh per month during retirement is realistic. But you need to ensure a balanced approach to achieve this. Here's how you can strengthen your retirement planning:

Shift Focus to Stability: As you approach retirement, your portfolio should gradually shift to include more stable, income-generating assets. A balanced or large-cap-oriented mutual fund will offer better stability compared to small caps. You can also consider debt funds or hybrid funds to provide a buffer against market fluctuations.

SIP Continuation: Continue your SIPs but consider moving some of the small-cap allocations into more conservative, large-cap funds. This strategy will help safeguard your retirement corpus from short-term market risks.

Children's Education Planning

With two kids, aged 18 and 14, education costs are likely to be a significant financial responsibility. Here's how you can address this:

Allocate Funds Specifically for Education: Consider creating a separate investment strategy for your children's education. You can explore education-focused mutual funds or a combination of debt funds and equity funds to ensure a steady flow of funds when needed. For your elder child, since education costs may be more immediate, less risky investments, such as debt funds, could be beneficial.

Maintain Liquidity: Keep a portion of your Rs 40 lakh bank deposits available for education expenses. This ensures you are not forced to redeem investments during market downturns.

Job Security and Emergency Funds

With your concerns about job security, having an emergency fund is essential. Here's how you can protect yourself:

Increase Emergency Fund: You have Rs 40 lakh in bank deposits, which is good. However, ensure you keep at least six months' worth of expenses (around Rs 7-8 lakh) in liquid, easily accessible instruments like a savings account or liquid funds. This will cover any unforeseen expenses or job loss situations.

Insurance Review: Ensure you have adequate health and life insurance cover. As your wife is a homemaker, you are the primary breadwinner, so it is important to protect your family in case of any unfortunate event.

Tax Considerations

The taxation of mutual funds is another critical factor. Here’s a brief overview of how taxes will affect your investments:

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: For debt mutual funds, both LTCG and STCG will be taxed as per your income tax slab. This can significantly affect your returns if not planned well.

Ensure that you track your investments and redeem only when needed to avoid hefty tax implications. A CFP can help structure your investments to minimize tax liabilities.

Final Insights

Here are the key points to keep in mind for a secure financial future:

Simplify and Rebalance: Reduce the number of funds in your portfolio and shift focus towards large-cap and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Education Planning: Set aside a portion of your investments for your children’s education to ensure their future without straining your retirement corpus.

Retirement Strategy: Begin transitioning your portfolio towards more stable investments, like large-cap or balanced funds, as you near retirement.

Tax Efficiency: Plan your withdrawals carefully to minimize tax outflow and preserve your wealth.

Emergency Fund: Keep sufficient liquidity to manage any job loss or unexpected expenses.

By carefully balancing your portfolio, ensuring liquidity, and planning for both retirement and education, you can build a financially secure future for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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