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Senior Citizen 77, How to get 2 lakhs monthly from a 2cr+ corpus?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6508 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 21, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 21, 2024Hindi
Money

I need to get 2 lakhs plus every month from a corpus of 2 cr plus Please advise safe investment as am 77

Ans: You aim to generate a monthly income of Rs 2 lakhs from a corpus of Rs 2 crore. At the age of 77, your priority should be safe and stable investments. Your goal is to ensure a regular income while preserving your capital.

Safety First: Capital Protection

Your age calls for a focus on capital protection. Risky investments can jeopardize your financial stability. Therefore, we’ll focus on investments that offer safety and steady returns.

Diversified Investment Strategy

A well-diversified portfolio is essential. It helps in spreading risk across different types of investments. Let’s discuss the options:

Debt Mutual Funds:
Debt funds are less risky compared to equity funds. They invest in bonds and other fixed-income securities. These funds offer better returns than fixed deposits with some exposure to interest rate risks. A mix of short-duration and dynamic bond funds could provide a stable income.

Senior Citizens' Saving Scheme (SCSS):
This government-backed scheme is designed for senior citizens. It offers a fixed interest rate, which is revised every quarter. The income is taxable, but the safety of your capital is guaranteed.

Monthly Income Plans (MIPs):
MIPs are hybrid funds that invest in both debt and a small portion of equity. The equity component gives a potential for higher returns, while the debt part provides stability. These funds aim to provide a regular monthly income, although the payout is not guaranteed.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) in Mutual Funds:
An SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount from your mutual fund investment regularly. It’s a tax-efficient way to generate a monthly income. Choosing the right mutual funds is crucial here. A combination of conservative hybrid funds and debt funds would work best.

Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS):
POMIS is another government-backed scheme. It offers a fixed monthly income. This is a low-risk investment, ideal for ensuring a regular cash flow. The interest rates are subject to change every quarter.

Fixed Deposits (FDs):
Fixed deposits in reputed banks and post offices are safe options. Laddering your FDs can help in managing liquidity. This means spreading out your FD investments across different maturity periods.

The Role of Inflation in Retirement Planning

Inflation can erode the purchasing power of your money. Thus, it's important to choose investments that not only provide income but also beat inflation.

Debt Mutual Funds:
Certain debt funds can offer returns slightly above the inflation rate. This helps in maintaining your purchasing power over time.

Senior Citizens' Saving Scheme (SCSS):
While SCSS provides a fixed income, it may not always keep up with inflation. Therefore, combining SCSS with other options like debt funds can help balance this out.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing

Investment strategies need regular monitoring. The financial market is dynamic. You might need to rebalance your portfolio based on market conditions.

Annual Review:
Conduct an annual review of your investments. Check if the returns are meeting your income needs. If not, slight adjustments can be made.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner:
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide personalized advice. They can help in managing your portfolio, ensuring it aligns with your financial goals.

Tax Implications

Taxes can impact your net income. Understanding the tax implications of your investments is important.

Debt Mutual Funds:
The returns from debt mutual funds are subject to capital gains tax. Long-term gains (more than 3 years) are taxed at 20% with indexation benefits.

Senior Citizens' Saving Scheme (SCSS):
The interest earned from SCSS is fully taxable. However, this scheme is eligible for deduction under Section 80C up to Rs 1.5 lakhs.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP):
In an SWP, the amount withdrawn is considered a return of capital. The tax liability is only on the capital gains portion, making it tax-efficient.

Fixed Deposits:
Interest earned on FDs is taxable. The bank will deduct TDS if the interest exceeds Rs 50,000 per year for senior citizens.

Emergency Fund

Having an emergency fund is essential, even in retirement. It should be easily accessible and kept separate from your main investments.

Liquid Funds:
Liquid mutual funds are ideal for an emergency fund. They offer better returns than a savings account and can be liquidated quickly.

Short-term Fixed Deposits:
Another option is to keep a part of your emergency fund in short-term fixed deposits. They offer safety and slightly higher returns than a savings account.

Estate Planning and Will

At your age, estate planning is crucial. Ensuring your wealth is passed on smoothly to your heirs should be a part of your financial plan.

Drafting a Will:
A well-drafted will can prevent disputes among heirs. It should clearly state your intentions regarding your assets.

Nomination and Ownership:
Make sure all your investments have proper nominations. This includes bank accounts, fixed deposits, and mutual funds. Also, review the ownership structure of your assets.

Health and Medical Insurance

Medical expenses can be a significant drain on your finances in old age. Adequate health insurance is necessary to cover any unexpected medical costs.

Top-up Health Insurance Plans:
If you already have health insurance, consider a top-up plan. It covers expenses over and above your existing cover at a lower premium.

Critical Illness Insurance:
A critical illness insurance policy can provide a lump sum amount if diagnosed with a major illness. This can help cover high treatment costs.

Finally

Generating a stable income from your corpus is possible with a well-planned strategy. Prioritize safety and liquidity, and diversify your investments. Regular monitoring and rebalancing are key to maintaining your financial health. Taxes and inflation should be considered in every decision. Lastly, ensure your investments align with your long-term goals and legacy plans.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6508 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 08, 2024

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Iam 38 years old i need 5cr corpus in 55 years i have started sip of amount 7500 with 15% returns now value 1 lakh.
Ans: It's excellent that you're planning for your financial future by investing in SIPs. Here's a breakdown of your goal and how you can achieve it:

Goal: You aim to accumulate a corpus of 5 crore by the time you turn 55. This is a significant amount and requires disciplined investing over the years.
Current SIP: You've started with a monthly SIP of 7500 with an assumed return rate of 15%. At present, your SIP value is 1 lakh.
Investment Strategy:
Increase SIP Amount: Consider gradually increasing your SIP amount over time. As your income grows or expenses decrease, channel a higher portion towards your investments.
Diversify Portfolio: While it's great to have high-return expectations, it's crucial to diversify your portfolio to manage risk. Consider investing in a mix of equity, debt, and other asset classes.
Regular Review: Regularly review your investment portfolio and adjust your SIP amount or asset allocation as needed. Market conditions and personal circumstances can change, so it's essential to stay flexible.
Long-Term Perspective: Keep in mind that building a 5 crore corpus over the next 17 years requires patience and discipline. Stick to your investment plan even during market fluctuations, and avoid making impulsive decisions.
Professional Guidance: Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to fine-tune your investment strategy and ensure it aligns with your financial goals and risk tolerance.
Emergency Fund: While focusing on long-term goals, don't forget to maintain an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. Aim for at least 6-12 months' worth of living expenses in a liquid and easily accessible account.
By following a systematic investment approach, staying committed to your financial goals, and seeking professional advice when needed, you can work towards building a substantial corpus for your future.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6508 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

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Respectedsir???? .I am retired person.aged 63 yrs and having 10 lac rs at hand to invest, kindly advice to make corpus of 1 cr . Thanks . ------ K R shriwas
Ans: Dear Mr. Shriwas,

Congratulations on your retirement! It's commendable that you're proactively seeking ways to grow your wealth even after retirement. Let's explore the best investment options to help you achieve your goal of building a corpus of 1 crore.

Your commitment to securing your financial future, even after retirement, is truly inspiring and reflects your proactive approach towards wealth management.

Analyzing Investment Options
Assessing Your Situation:
Current Capital:

With 10 lakh rupees at hand, you have a solid foundation to start building your retirement corpus.
Goal:

Your objective of accumulating 1 crore rupees is ambitious but achievable with the right investment strategy and time horizon.
Investment Recommendations
Diversified Investment Approach:
Equity Mutual Funds:

Consider investing a portion of your capital in equity mutual funds to harness the potential for long-term growth. However, given your age, opt for large-cap or balanced funds to minimize risk.
Debt Instruments:

Allocate a significant portion of your investment to debt instruments such as fixed deposits, bonds, or debt mutual funds. These provide stability and regular income.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP):

Opt for SIPs in mutual funds to benefit from rupee-cost averaging and disciplined investing. This approach reduces the impact of market volatility over time.
Risk Management Strategies:
Diversification:

Spread your investments across multiple asset classes to mitigate risk. A balanced mix of equity and debt instruments can provide stability while aiming for growth.
Regular Review:

Periodically review your investment portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Rebalance your portfolio if necessary to maintain optimal asset allocation.
Conclusion
With a well-thought-out investment strategy and disciplined approach, you can work towards achieving your goal of building a corpus of 1 crore rupees for your retirement. Remember to consult with a Certified Financial Planner to tailor an investment plan that suits your unique financial situation and goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6508 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 57 years . I have 1 cr corpus. How can I get 1 lakh per month.
Ans: Having a corpus of Rs 1 crore at 57 years is commendable. Your goal of obtaining Rs 1 lakh per month is ambitious. Let's explore how to achieve this sustainably.

Evaluating Your Financial Goals
Generating Rs 1 lakh per month from Rs 1 crore corpus translates to Rs 12 lakhs annually. This requires careful planning. Balancing growth and income generation while preserving capital is essential.

Understanding Withdrawal Rates
A withdrawal rate of 4-5% per year is generally considered sustainable. With Rs 1 crore, this amounts to Rs 4-5 lakhs annually, significantly less than your target. Achieving Rs 12 lakhs annually requires a higher return or drawing down your principal, which can be risky.

Investment Strategies for Monthly Income
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): This allows you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly from your mutual fund investments. It provides a steady income while keeping the remaining corpus invested for growth.

Balanced Portfolio: Invest in a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds. Equities offer growth, while debt provides stability and regular interest income.

Debt Instruments: Consider investments in fixed deposits, bonds, and debt mutual funds. These provide stable returns and can be a reliable source of income.

Dividend-paying Stocks and Funds: Invest in stocks and mutual funds that pay regular dividends. This provides a steady income stream, though dividends can fluctuate based on company performance.

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS): This government-backed scheme offers regular interest payments and is a safe investment for senior citizens.

Monthly Income Plans (MIPs): These are mutual funds designed to provide regular income. They invest in both equity and debt, aiming for stability and moderate returns.

Managing Risks
Diversification is crucial. Spread your investments across different asset classes to reduce risk. Ensure a portion of your corpus is in low-risk investments to protect against market volatility. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio based on performance and changing market conditions.

Role of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market due to professional management. Fund managers adjust portfolios based on market conditions and aim for higher returns. This can help achieve your income goals. Although they have higher fees than index funds, the potential for better returns justifies the cost.

Benefits of Investing Through a Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide tailored advice and expertise. They can help design an investment strategy aligned with your goals, risk tolerance, and financial situation. Investing through a CFP, even with regular funds, offers the advantage of professional guidance, portfolio management, and strategic adjustments. This is more beneficial than the lower cost of direct funds, which lack personalized advice.

Practical Steps to Generate Monthly Income
Determine Monthly Needs: Start by understanding your monthly expenses and essential needs. This will help in planning your withdrawals and investments.

Set Up SWP: Establish a Systematic Withdrawal Plan from your mutual fund investments. This ensures a regular income while allowing the remaining corpus to grow.

Invest in Diversified Assets: Allocate your corpus across equity, debt, and hybrid funds. This balances growth potential and stability.

Include Safe Investments: Invest in low-risk instruments like SCSS, fixed deposits, and bonds. These provide regular income and capital protection.

Monitor and Adjust: Regularly review your investment performance. Adjust your portfolio based on market conditions and personal financial needs.

Importance of Regular Review
Regular monitoring of your portfolio is essential. This helps in making timely adjustments to align with your financial goals and market conditions. Consulting with your CFP periodically ensures that your investment strategy remains effective and up-to-date.

Protecting Against Inflation
Inflation reduces purchasing power over time. Ensure your investments can outpace inflation. Equities and equity-oriented funds are good options for long-term growth and inflation protection. A balanced approach helps maintain the real value of your corpus.

Health and Life Insurance
Adequate health and life insurance coverage is crucial. This protects against unforeseen medical expenses and provides financial security for your dependents. Regularly review and update your policies as needed.

Conclusion
Achieving Rs 1 lakh per month from a Rs 1 crore corpus is challenging but possible with a strategic approach. Diversify your investments, use systematic withdrawal plans, and include low-risk instruments. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio with the help of a Certified Financial Planner. This balanced strategy will help you achieve your income goals while preserving your capital.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6508 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 01, 2024Hindi
Money
Age 62 Corpus 1.30 Cr Require 1 Lakh per month how to invest
Ans: At the age of 62, you have accumulated a corpus of Rs 1.30 crore, and you require Rs 1 lakh per month to cover your living expenses. This translates to an annual withdrawal requirement of Rs 12 lakhs. Ensuring that your corpus lasts for the rest of your life while meeting your monthly requirements is a delicate balance. Let’s assess the best investment strategy to achieve this goal.

Assessing Withdrawal Needs
Your corpus of Rs 1.30 crore needs to generate a consistent income of Rs 12 lakhs per year. A sustainable withdrawal rate that prevents your corpus from depleting too quickly is around 6-8%. At a withdrawal rate of Rs 12 lakhs per year, you’re targeting roughly a 9-10% return on your investments. This is feasible but requires a careful balance between risk and return.

Investment Strategy for Regular Income
Debt and Fixed Income Investments
A significant portion of your portfolio should be invested in safer, debt-based instruments. These will provide you with stable returns and protect your capital. Consider allocating 60-70% of your portfolio to the following options:

Senior Citizens’ Saving Scheme (SCSS): This is a safe, government-backed scheme that offers decent returns. It also provides regular payouts to meet your monthly needs.

RBI Floating Rate Bonds: These bonds are safe and provide a regular income that can help cover part of your expenses.

Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS): This scheme provides steady monthly income and is a low-risk investment option.

Corporate Bonds or High-Rated Debt Funds: While slightly riskier than government schemes, corporate bonds or high-rated debt funds offer higher returns and can be considered for a portion of your investment.

Balanced or Hybrid Mutual Funds
Since you need regular income and want to preserve your capital for the long term, hybrid or balanced mutual funds are ideal. These funds invest in both equity and debt, providing moderate returns with lower risk. Consider allocating 20-30% of your portfolio to:

Aggressive Hybrid Funds: These funds invest about 65% in equities and the rest in debt. They offer growth potential while maintaining some level of safety.

Balanced Advantage Funds: These funds dynamically shift between equities and debt based on market conditions, offering a mix of growth and safety.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
To ensure a regular income stream, you can set up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) in your mutual fund portfolio. This will allow you to withdraw a fixed amount every month while the remaining corpus continues to grow. SWPs from balanced or hybrid funds can help you generate income and offer some capital appreciation over time.

Inflation and Rising Expenses
One of the key challenges in retirement planning is inflation. While your expenses are Rs 1 lakh per month today, they will likely increase over time. Therefore, it’s important to invest in instruments that can offer growth above inflation. This is where equity investments come in.

Equity Exposure for Long-Term Growth
To counter the effects of inflation, a small portion of your corpus should be invested in equity mutual funds. Consider allocating 10-15% of your portfolio to equity mutual funds. These funds will help grow your corpus and ensure you don’t run out of money in the long term. Focus on:

Large-Cap Equity Funds: These funds are relatively stable and invest in established companies, offering consistent long-term returns.

Dividend Yield Funds: These funds invest in companies that regularly pay dividends, providing you with an additional income stream.

Emergency Fund
Given your need for regular income, it’s important to have an emergency fund. Set aside 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid form, such as a savings account or short-term FD. This will ensure you don’t have to dip into your investments for unforeseen expenses.

Tax Implications
Tax planning is crucial, especially when withdrawing from your corpus. Here’s a brief overview of taxation on mutual funds:

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income tax slab.

By withdrawing strategically using an SWP, you can reduce your tax liability and ensure efficient tax management.

Final Insights
At 62, preserving your capital while generating regular income is essential. A diversified portfolio of debt instruments, balanced mutual funds, and a small exposure to equity can help you achieve your goal of generating Rs 1 lakh per month. Focus on:

Allocating 60-70% to debt instruments for stable, regular income.
Investing 20-30% in hybrid mutual funds for growth and safety.
Allocating 10-15% to equity mutual funds for long-term growth and inflation protection.
Setting up an SWP for monthly withdrawals while allowing your corpus to grow.
Maintaining an emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses.
By following this balanced approach, you can ensure a steady income throughout retirement and maintain your financial independence.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Moneywize

Moneywize   |165 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Oct 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 05, 2024Hindi
Money
I’m from Pune. I’m 48 with two children. Should I invest in ELSS funds to save tax, or should I focus on traditional instruments like PPF and fixed deposits?
Ans: Deciding between Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) and traditional investment instruments like Public Provident Fund (PPF) and Fixed Deposits (FDs) depends on various factors, including your financial goals, risk tolerance, investment horizon, and tax-saving needs. Here's a comprehensive comparison to help you make an informed decision:

1. Understanding the Investment Options

a. ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Schemes)

• Nature: Equity Mutual Funds with a tax-saving component.
• Lock-In Period: 3 years (shortest among tax-saving instruments under Section 80C).
• Returns: Potentially higher returns as they are invested in equities, but subject to market volatility.
• Tax Benefits: Investments up to ?1.5 lakh per annum are eligible for deduction under Section 80C.
• Liquidity: Relatively higher liquidity post the lock-in period compared to other tax-saving instruments.

b. PPF (Public Provident Fund)

• Nature: Government-backed long-term savings scheme.
• Lock-In Period: 15 years.
• Returns: Moderate and tax-free returns, revised periodically by the government (typically around 7-8% p.a.).
• Tax Benefits: Investments up to ?1.5 lakh per annum qualify for deduction under Section 80C. The interest earned and the maturity amount are tax-free.
• Safety: Very low risk as it's backed by the government.

c. Fixed Deposits (FDs)

• Nature: Fixed-term investment with banks or post offices.
• Lock-In Period: Varies; typically no lock-in for regular FDs, but tax-saving FDs have a 5-year lock-in.
• Returns: Fixed interest rates, generally lower than ELSS but higher than savings accounts. Current rates vary but are around 5-7% p.a. for tax-saving FDs.
• Tax Benefits: Investments up to ?1.5 lakh in tax-saving FDs qualify for deduction under Section 80C.
• Safety: Low risk, especially with reputable banks.

2. Factors to Consider

a. Risk Appetite

• ELSS: Suitable if you are willing to take on market-related risks for potentially higher returns.
• PPF & FDs: Ideal for conservative investors seeking capital protection and guaranteed returns.

b. Investment Horizon

• ELSS: 3-year lock-in period, but generally better for medium to long-term goals.
• PPF: 15-year commitment, suitable for long-term goals like retirement or children's education.
• FDs: Flexible, but tax-saving FDs require a 5-year lock-in, suitable for medium-term goals.

c. Returns

• ELSS: Historically, ELSS funds have outperformed PPF and FDs over the long term, but with higher volatility.
• PPF: Offers stable and tax-free returns, which are beneficial in a low-interest-rate environment.
• FDs: Provide guaranteed returns, useful for capital preservation but may lag behind inflation and equity returns over time.

d. Tax Efficiency

• ELSS: Returns are subject to capital gains tax. Short-term (if held for less than 3 years) gains are taxed as per your income slab, while long-term gains (exceeding ?1 lakh) are taxed at 10%.
• PPF: Completely tax-free returns.
• FDs: Interest earned is taxable as per your income slab, which can reduce the effective returns.

3. Recommendations Based on Your Profile

Given that you are 48 years old with two children, your investment strategy should balance between growth and safety, considering your proximity to retirement and financial responsibilities.

a. Diversified Approach

A balanced portfolio that includes both ELSS and traditional instruments like PPF and FDs can help mitigate risks while aiming for reasonable growth.

• ELSS: Allocate a portion (e.g., 30-40%) to ELSS to benefit from potential equity growth, which can help in wealth accumulation for retirement or funding children's education.
• PPF: Continue contributing to PPF for long-term, stable, and tax-free returns. Given its 15-year tenure, it aligns well with retirement planning.
• FDs: Use FDs for short to medium-term goals or as a part of your emergency fund, ensuring liquidity and capital preservation.

b. Consider Your Tax Bracket

If you are in a higher tax bracket, maximizing tax-saving instruments under Section 80C can provide significant tax relief. ELSS, PPF, and tax-saving FDs all qualify, so diversifying among them can spread risk and optimize tax benefits.

c. Assess Liquidity Needs

Ensure you have sufficient liquidity for unforeseen expenses. While ELSS has a shorter lock-in compared to PPF, both still tie up funds for a few years. Maintain a separate emergency fund in a more liquid form, such as a savings account or liquid mutual funds.

d. Review Your Risk Tolerance

At 48, with retirement possibly 10-20 years away, a moderate risk appetite might be suitable. ELSS can offer growth potential, while PPF and FDs provide stability.

4. Additional Considerations

• Emergency Fund: Ensure you have 6-12 months' worth of expenses saved in a highly liquid form.
• Insurance: Adequate health and life insurance are crucial, especially with dependents.
• Debt Management: If you have any high-interest debt, prioritize paying it off before locking funds in fixed instruments.

5. Consult a Financial Advisor

While the above guidelines provide a general framework, it's advisable to consult with a certified financial planner or advisor. They can offer personalized advice tailored to your specific financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance.

Finally, both ELSS and traditional instruments like PPF and FDs have their unique advantages. A diversified investment strategy that leverages the strengths of each can help you achieve a balanced portfolio, ensuring both growth and security. Given your age and family responsibilities, striking the right balance between risk and safety is essential for long-term financial well-being.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |365 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
This is urgent. Pls help. My son 18 yrs has been in a relationship with his classmate. He is intelligent and very venerable as he is innocent.She has been abetting him and his behaviour on the family has changed. He shouts at us and kind of surrendered himself to her. Anything we say irritates him. He has started telling lies. He locks the room and is on the phone hours together. Even if he tells that he is sleepy, she doesn't allow him to sleep. He doesn't know that we are aware of it. We tried to indirectly talk but he doesn't care about anything as he blindly follows her instructions. He doesn't listen to anyone. We feel something is wrong. Should we talk to her parents or use some law? Making them sit and advice doesn't work.
Ans: The challenge here is that he’s likely in a highly emotional and intense phase of his life, where his attachment to this person may feel all-consuming. When someone feels like they're being judged or controlled, they tend to push back harder, and it seems that's what’s happening with your son. Approaching him with confrontation or involving legal measures may only cause him to withdraw even more.

What he needs right now, even if he doesn't realize it, is understanding and connection. If you can find a way to express your concern for his well-being, not just your disapproval of his relationship, it might open up a space for dialogue. He may feel trapped in this relationship in ways he can't yet see. Your role can be to help him feel safe enough to reflect on his own choices, rather than feel he has to defend them.

This is a delicate situation, and while it may seem urgent, sometimes a softer approach allows for a deeper breakthrough. Your patience, love, and ability to listen might be the key to guiding him through this

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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