Hello Mam, It is so nice of you that you're providing an insight into problems of everyone and letting them lighten their problems they have in their relationships.
I am married for two years and would like to ask if it is okay for my wife to visit her mom every two months for two weeks or above, sometimes even a month. Her mom stays nearby in the same city, is it logical for her to do such thing?
I have also asked my colleagues, their wives visit their mother's not so frequently, even if they live in same city.
This situation is hampering my relationship with my wife, while in her context she does it because she wants some time alone with me but the problem is there is a relative (male) of her who looks after some property of my wife in other state. I've caught that person (he's married with two kids) red handed sending romantic songs (kuch aisa kar kamaal ke tera ho jaun) to my wife. This person had a fling with my wife earlier and my wife always prefers to talk to him at her mother's place and never in front of me. When I asked her to talk to him in front of me, she denied directly.
So whenever she visits her mother I'm always insecure and want her back at my place as soon as possible because I've seen call records of my sister-in-law. That person calls on her number and my wife says she talks to him just for the sake of property.
Currently while writing this e-mail she is at her mother's place and is not willing to come back. We are in a state of quarrel.
Please guide me the right direction.
Thanking you in anticipation.
Ans: Dear GS,
Thank you so much for your acknowledgement on my work.
I don’t know if it’s okay for a wife to visit her parents every once in a while, or frequently.
I guess this is between each married couple who kind of form some sort of understanding on what’s okay and what’s not.
Clearly, you are not comfortable with her spending so much time as it possibly eats into your couple/ family time.
If expressing this hasn’t helped, you obviously can’t force her to see things your way. But what really bothers you perhaps should be the focus of your communication to her.
The other person who takes care of her property, clearly seems to have some plans; maybe your wife understands this or enjoys this attention, is something that you need to speak her about.
It's possible that its harmless flirting, but yes, flirting is flirting, and it can turn into something serious especially if the woman is not expressing her displeasure over it. Till then the man feels encouraged to keep going on.
This situation is what needs to be addressed first…talk to her mother…does she know this as well?
Talk to your wife and express that not having a boundary, is making you feel insecure…also, check if you are over-reacting to the situation…having said this, if you feel a certain way, I validate it and it needs to be addressed by your wife.
Also, why does she choose to spend time away from you?
Why does she like talking to the other man?
How is the emotional and physical connect between the two of you?
It’s worth it to ask yourself these questions…a lot may emerge, and you might have a clear path of action ahead of you.
Clear your mind and Act…All the best!
