I married a man after he cheated multiple times. I knew marriage wouldn’t fix our relationship but I hoped that if we transitioned into marital roles we could bring peace to each other.
We have only been married a few months but have argued about money and have trust issues.
I have even sought info on divorce.
Before we married I worked 3 jobs and paid all the bills. I was unable to fulfil my goal of going back to school because we couldn’t afford it.
Now he’s working full time but doesn’t want to pay his share of the bills. He says his money is here for when all my money is spent.
We rarely go out. I work from home now and care for my children and his son.
I want his loyalty. I want him to be a co-provider for our household. I want us to communicate better.
When I get upset and try to talk, he tries to leave and becomes so defensive and disrespectful to me. He won’t tell me his plans all the time and gets upset when I ask. I just want a husband who loves me and wants to be loved by me.
I have never not once gone out with my own friends. I have never gotten my hair done. I rarely do things for myself.
I hate myself for doing this to myself. Help.
Ans: Dear GH,
So, there’s someone in your home who lives for free and also wants to go out and seek pleasure and who will not even address the issue at hand.
Why exactly are you with him? He’s in it for the money that you bring in and someone to take care of him and his children and also who overlooks his infidelity.
He certainly has hit the jackpot with you. Now, why exactly do you want to still be with him?
If you feel that he will be willing to be counselled, kindly take him to an expert who can work with him and help you both put your marriage on track, else I am sure you know what situation you are in currently and how this has begun to affect the children as well.
Self-care is something that we don’t pay attention to and slowly it starts to eat away our peace of mind.
Do the right thing for you and for the children as well. Plan now for a future without him and see how prepared you are and whether it is something that you can manage. If not, you will have to accept him for who he is and move along life.
Simply do the right thing. All the best!
