I am 45 year old, have 2 kids and got divorced 2 years back. We had a tough time in our marriage and good things were far and few in between. But, even after divorce, i had feelings for my ex husband. 2 month back, I started dating a guy and he made me feel really special. I also kept in touch with my ex and he started becoming really helpful (and looked really genuine in acknowledging the mistakes he made and making up for it if we came together again). He is really a changed man in my interactions with him. Now, i am really confused...on one side is a person (my ex whom I have known for 18 years) and on other side is someone whom I have known for 2 months (and who is really into me). What should I do? Whom should I go for?
Ans: Dear Rohan,
Sometimes the absence of a person in a relationship can make you realize how valuable they were in the first place.
Now that he is out of your life, you have had the space of time to reflect and understand what he actually brought in your life, It's the same with him and he does know your value more now than before.
Having said this, I will suggest, introspect all the situations that led the two of you to divorce. They were things that were not negotiable and some that were negotiable. The non-negotiables still will play an important part if the two of you want to get back together. So, this time around, if you want the relationship to work, learn to navigate around this non-negotiables or come to some sort of understanding where you agree to let things be and accept each other for who they are.
If you do choose the other person, leave your baggage from your marriage behind and remind yourself that this person must be treated with respect with no expectations that came out of your marriage. It's a new relationship and the goof-ups from the previous one need not be made in this one.
But like any relationship, a roller coaster ride is what makes it interesting and exciting.
Instead of focusing on faults and shortcomings, focus on what the other person brings into your life. Appreciate the finer points in them and it is possible to grow together and laugh together.
All the best!
