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Aruna

Aruna Agarwal  |57 Answers  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Apr 21, 2023

Aruna Agarwal is a qualified child psychologist and behaviour therapist with over 20 years of experience.
She has a master’s degree in psychology with a specialisation in behaviour analysis. She focuses on children between the ages of 2-10 years who face challenges related to behaviour, language development or attention issues and providing them with the right life skills.
Agarwal is the owner of Kidzee, a pre-primary school, and Mount Litera Zee School that caters to primary students.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 21, 2023Hindi
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My five-year-old daughter has just started school. For the first two days she was fine, but after that she started crying the whole time. Her teachers called us, asking us to take her home as she was crying relentlessly. We were even allowed to sit with her at school, but still she refused to go to class. Now, she even refuses to go to school. We push her inside the class but she comes out running moments later. Cries the whole time she is in school, whether we are there or not. We asked her if everything is fine, she only says 'I don't like school, don't like teachers and classmates'. Two of her friends, with whom she plays every evening, are also in the same class. But she refuses to even sit with them in the class. She misbehaves with teachers when forced to sit in the class. Though she apologises later when prompted. One day when we left her in school, we got a call within half an hour that she is showing very violent behaviour, hitting herself against the wall and running towards the school gate. All this made us very frightened as school buses keep coming and going on the main thoroughfare. The school counsellor failed to help. She said my daughter is not responding to counselling. We are absolutely clueless about what to do. Forcing her seems pointless.

Ans: The child seems to have Social Anxiety.However this can be determined by detailed Analysis.
You can start introducing the child to small groups rather than just stopping it. The best is introduce her to different set of people in a group and settings more often.Every behavior shown will have a function which we need to understand well before putting the intervention.
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Dear Anu, I have a ten year old daughter studying in 5th std in a reputed school of Delhi. I think the Covid lockdown has had a negative impact on her behaviour. She has become notoriously obstinate and her behaviour has become a real concern for us. She has become a compulsive liar and lies mostly for no reason at all. Also she quarrels and fights with other children in the colony. Please help us to get her back to what she was before lockdown.
Ans: Dear VG, the online structure has messed up the minds of many children and adolescents.

I don’t have much information from you and have to assume that nothing significant has happened after which her behaviour has changed.

Lying and hiding is common when children are scared of doing something that they have been warned against and it could be something that excites her and gives her immense pleasure.

Quarrels and fights is common assuming that your daughter must be around 10 or 11 which is when their struggles for creating their identity causes much ruffles in their minds.

It could also be because of increased usage of the internet as there is enough there to mess with the minds of kids; violence, bullying…the list is endless…

Also, I have been noticing that with the lockdown, kids have forgotten what socialising means and it has become convenient to live at home with free WiFi and food. Convenient pleasure…

Try and be out of home with her every day, good amount of physical activity is a great one too, dancing and pottery are good things for her to indulge in.

It will be a struggle initially; but persist and if necessary one of the parents can become her hobby buddy to help her transition into the ‘normal’ way of life.

Whatever you do, be really patient.

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Dr Aarti Bakshi  |40 Answers  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Apr 27, 2023

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My five-year-old child has just started going to school a month ago. She has never been out without her parents. This is her first time outside in a big set up with complete strangers. Initially, she cried a lot and we tried leaving her at school first and then staying with her there for some time. But the school authorities took things in their hands a couple of days ago. My child started sitting in the class and stopped crying, and according to them 'she is fine now'. But she became very quiet after coming back. Her usual playfulness was missing. She was not speaking much and was mostly nodding her head in response when asked anything. Even the things she is usually excited by were not interesting her. She went out to play but came shortly saying 'I am tired'. I took her out and after very long time she started talking normally. I spoke to her teachers and they said we were a bit strict with her today as it was needed. They're saying we should send her to school and this behaviour would be over within a week or so. But my wife and I are very worried that her childhood is being lost in this exercise. What should we do?
Ans: It is trying as a parent to see your child grow and develop in so many ways. It takes a village to bring up a child. Parenting is an art and you learn on the job. Averagely schools build discipline, consistency and hardwork. Parents build social connectedness, and support a child to see the real world. Trust professionals and be there as parents to hug and be hearing ears. But you are a team with the school faculty so you could reach out and connect with them. Hear their views, state yours views positively, and work towards the betterment of your child, trust processes. Children are precious and entry into the real world is tough for any child away from the cocoon of home. You both are her trusted adults, support the teacher to be her trusted adult too. Positive words fun and play are wonderful additions in a child’s life. Revert back with your way forward.
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 19, 2024Hindi
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Child counselling - psychological and career guidance Background:- My son is soon going to enter his teen age in couple of months. I’m a widow with no assistance from both sides of the family. My sons been in boarding all along however last year I brought him back, took a career backseat Working from home, dedicating all my time todays him. Off late bad company at school is influencing him and has resulted into major issues pertaining to behaviour and disrespect towards teachers, other parents and me. He doesn’t feel guilty or acknowledge the fact that he needs to stop being a bully and be the sane kind caring child he use to be. Tried someone free counselling it back fired. Education grades are dropping and he’s got no inclination towards academics. He’s interested in things that can’t earn him a career option. He was in Igcse board and has to move him to cbse so struggling with school, curriculum, new area new friends and isn’t understanding the impact of his actions. Very concerned for his future cause everything I earn was and is invested in his boarding and schooling and I’ve not saved enough for the future. What to do next? He’s been identified with Attention deficiency when he was 8yrs just before lockdown but we didn’t pursue any treatment. My frustration too comes out on him and gets the worst of me but that’s pushed him even further away from me. He’s interested are physical and not Education inclined my friends suggest remove him from these expensive schools( paying 3.5lac minimum every year) and put him in a local school and just save for my future. I can’t be so selfish. I had put him in best school and selected subjects like French so that if he goes abroad a foreign language can help and he anyways struggles to even pass in Hindi and local languages so selected a school too so that his board exams eventually he will have to write only English and French exams that can help him score. After sacrificing my time health career and money I feel in these 6 months everything is going downhill my anxiety and stress has gone out of control. His friends are being a terrible influence and it’s scary cause I’ve had some major complaints from teachers and other parents. What do I do? I can’t give up I have faith and only hope it’s just a phase I’m still loving caring and trying to talk with him and understand where can we mend things before it’s late and hoping for some guidance
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is a difficult phase that you are going through...
It will be worth pulling him out of the school for a while...it's not just to save money but also to focus on his therapy that he surely needs to get into. Also, during his therapy, you will know where his interest lie...Do remember, we are all unique...some of us take up professions that may not give us immediate money but it trickles in later or maybe it comes in the form of satisfaction rather than money.
You are attempting to secure his future and you are right as a single mom to do that because you want your son to be in a stable place which you did not experience. But his path in life is his to follow...any attempt to control it will cause the two of you a lot of emotional upheavals.
Kindly get him assessed again as you did mention Attention Deficiency...that will allow for appropriate corrective measures right away which will channelize his energies in the right direction. Otherwise both you and he will be on a roller coaster ride that never stops and this will lead to more stress and strain. Pause for a moment and put his health as a priority even if it means taking a break from school for a while. The sooner his emotions find a useful path, he will shine in what he is meant to...Take a deep breath...you are doing a great job!

All the best!
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Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

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My son completed his B.Tech Mechanical but he is in Data science field. He wants to do MBA, Finance from USA. Can you please recommend a good college and it's admission procedure.
Ans: Hello Levin,

First and foremost, thank you for getting in touch with us. I am happy to hear that your son has completed his Bachelor of Technology in Mechanical Engineering and is currently in the field of Data Science. To answer your question first, I would like to tell you that changing from mechanical engineering to data science and then pursuing an MBA in Finance demonstrates a diversified skill set and drive. I would recommend that your son takes into account the following steps:

Firstly, he should investigate MBA programs in the USA with strong finance specializations and a track record of admitting students from a variety of academic backgrounds. Stanford Graduate School of Business, the Booth School of Business at the University of Chicago, Harvard Business School, and The Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania are a few well-known finance schools that your son can consider applying to. Next, remember that the admission prerequisites for each MBA program will be unique. These typically entail academic marksheets, GRE or GMAT test scores, essays or personal statements, endorsement letters, and at times an interview. While other programs may accept recent graduates, some may demand professional experience. Thirdly, although your son doesn’t have a formal background in finance, drawing on his experience in data science and mechanical engineering he can display problem-solving skills, analytical abilities, and a strong foundation in quantitative methods, all of which are highly sought-after in the finance industry. Bear in mind that either GRE or GMAT scores are required by the majority of MBA programs. In order to attain a competitive score, I would suggest that your son begins studying for the exam well in advance. A number of resources viz., practice tests, study guides, and prep courses are accessible. As the next step, your son should create an appealing application. Remember, to prove your son's interest in finance and possible success in an MBA program, the endorsement letters and application essays are important. Your son should talk about his professional objectives, how an MBA best resonates with his plans, and what unique viewpoint he brings to the table. I would like to let you know that unique courses or dual-degree possibilities that integrate finance with other subjects viz., analytics or technology are offered by certain MBA programs. For individuals with experience in both data science and engineering, these programs may be well-suited. As the next step, your son should look into possibilities for scholarship and monetary assistance opportunities that MBA programs offer. In addition, he should also investigate external scholarships specifically designed for students pursuing finance-related degrees. Remember that during the MBA application process, building connections can be beneficial, and therefore, I would suggest that your son gets in touch with students who are currently enrolling in, or past graduates of the programs he’s interested in, in order to learn about their experiences and possibly even find a mentor.

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 25, 2024Hindi
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I am 24 yrs old currently earning roughly around 1.09 lakhs per month, I have around 1.4 lakhs in PF, 1 lakh in each stocks and mutual funds. Currently have SIP of 14k ( 2k in Parag Parikh flexi cap, 2k in Groww nifty total market, 2k in icici prudential nifty 50 index, 2k in dsp mukti assert allocation , 2k in sbi contra, 2k in Tata nifty mid cap 150 momentum 50 index, 2k in HDFC mid cap opportunity). I have a HL running with 16k emi and a gold scheme monthly deposit of 20k. Also an RD of 20k for savings and emergency funds FD of 2 lakhs. My monthly expenses are around 10-15k. Should I invest in NPS or not as I am not comfortable with blocking period . Also any suggestions related to MF or investment are welcomed.
Ans: It's impressive to see your proactive approach to financial planning at such a young age. With a healthy income and diverse investments, you're laying a strong foundation for your future. Your current SIPs reflect a balanced approach, diversifying across various market segments.

Regarding NPS, it's understandable that the lock-in period may not align with your comfort level. While NPS offers tax benefits and retirement planning advantages, it's essential to choose investment avenues that resonate with your financial goals and preferences.

Considering your financial situation and goals, a Certified Financial Planner can help streamline your investments and align them more closely with your aspirations. They can guide you on optimizing your portfolio, considering factors like risk tolerance, time horizon, and liquidity needs.

Remember, financial planning is a dynamic process. As you progress in your career and life, your goals and priorities may evolve. Regular reviews and adjustments to your investment strategy can help you stay on track. Keep up the good work, and best wishes for your financial journey ahead!
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |845 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 25, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir . I am a 34-year-old man with a monthly income of 1.4 Lakh. I have a 1-year-old son. I haven't invested in mutual fund investments before and seek your guidance on how much to invest and in which mutual funds. My financial goals are as follows: Accumulate atleast 6 crores before retirement (in the next 20 years). Save atleast 1-2 crore for my son's higher education in the next 20 years. Set aside atleast 50 lakhs for my son's marriage in the next 25 years. My current investments include: PPF - 1.5 Lakhs per annum for the last 5 years. NPS - 50000 per annum for the last 3 year. ULIP - 1.2 Lakh per annum for last 1 year One SBI scheme - 1.2 Lakhs per annum for last 3 years My wife is also working with monthly income of 1.4 Lakhs. I would greatly appreciate your advice on how to structure my mutual fund investments to achieve these goals. Thank You.
Ans: It's commendable that you're planning ahead for your family's future. With clear financial goals and a steady income, you're already on the right path. Given your aspirations, mutual funds can play a pivotal role in achieving these milestones.

For your retirement goal of accumulating 6 crores in 20 years, systematic and disciplined investing will be key. Similarly, for your son's education and marriage funds, a structured approach can make a significant difference.

Considering your current investments in PPF, NPS, ULIP, and other schemes, mutual funds can complement these by offering diversification and potential growth opportunities. A Certified Financial Planner can help you tailor an investment strategy aligned with your goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.

Remember, investing is a journey, not a race. It requires patience, diligence, and periodic review. By investing wisely and staying committed to your goals, you can pave the way for a secure and prosperous future for your family. Best wishes on your financial journey!
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
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I am single mother of 12 year old boy and got divorced last year after 7 years of living seperate from my ex husband, I got married in 2010 through matrimonial site and had very toxic and abusive relationship, so I came to my maternal home in 2016 completely. There were many occasions when he approached me and promised to behave properly but failed to do so . He only filed for divorce by making false accusations of being characterless. I gave him divorce and in return I got very less alimony or the amount which was given in cash to them in my marriage. Now I came to know that he remarried and living his life . He is still in contact with my son and sometimes he blame me and my parents for this divorce. My first question is that is he trying to manipulate my son ( he is not bearing any education expenses of my son) And when I ask my son if I can also move on in my life, he refuses and says I don't want to share you with anyone. So I am very confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your first question is something that you have already answered yourself. Since you said that you got very less in alimony, obviously it suggests that the terms of separation of assets and monetary compensation and support for you and the child was not drawn up by your lawyer. (if you had a lawyer or was it a mutual consent divorce?) I am unaware if things can be changed through legal means demanding more compensation now; you can check with a legal expert.
But I don't understand the manipulation part. What does he do to manipulate your son?

Secondly when your son says that he does not want to share you with anyone, he is just confused and scared. He has lost his father in this divorce and does not want to lose you as well. At 12, they go through a lot of hormonal changes and it can be a confusing time. Also it is possible that he has not yet processed this separation. Sit him down and explain what has just happened. He needs to first feel safe before he is in a place of accepting another person as a part of your life and his. Address all his concerns gently and provide him with all the reassurance that he seeks to feel stable and safe. On your part, are you looking for a partner only because your ex-husband has moved on? Something to ponder over...

All the best!
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Archana Deshpande  |19 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 07, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am 41 working in it mnc. I did well in my career initially and then because of my carelessness and laid back attitude, I faltered and I am in a very depressive situation where I feel as complete failure who failed himself and his family. I am not sure how can I help myself come out of the situation. My wife is also worried and trying to cheer me up but it's not helping much. Please help how to come out of this and move ahead
Ans: Hello there!!
"The greatest success in not in never failing, but getting up every time you fail"!
It's time for you to get up and move!!
With the information you have given me, the conclusions I have drawn are that-
1. you are a person who is aware of what went wrong, this itself is a blessing. There are many who just move in life without being aware.
2. you are still working, you have a job at an MNC. That's good!! Had you been so bad as you are describing yourself, you would not be still working, so cheer up!!
3. you have a caring wife, she is trying to cheer you up .You are lucky.
4 . you are an intelligent man, hence you did well in your job initially

Now the way forward-
1. with so little information you have given me , I have listed 4 things you need to be grateful for. Every morning you'll count your blessings and write them down or say it aloud. You'll repeat this activity before going to sleep.
2. spend 20 mins walking amidst nature. Physical activity and spending time in nature is a must everyday. I am sure taking 20 mins in a day for this should be easy.
The above two activities will make your depressive mood run far away from you.

Next plan of action ,for you to move further in you career-
1. first and foremost forgive yourself for your carelessness and laid back attitude. Past is past ,forget it.
2. plan every action of yours with one leg in the future, is there a new skill set you need to learn or improve upon your Image, Soft skills , leadership skills , etc in order to have an edge over others. Think about it and learn new skills.
3. do not compare yourself with anyone, it's your journey at your own pace. Compare yourself with others if you feel inspired else do not compare.
4. you are just 41.... there is still a long life ahead. Don't beat yourself down for a few mistakes ...Just look ahead now...Look forward to a beautiful future with your family.

All the very best!!
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Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |1687 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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