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Love Guru

Love Guru   |175 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Oct 03, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Love Guru, 
I am 40 years old, recently divorced. I have two children. I am not working. 
My friends and family want me to find a partner again and get married but it is not easy to find anyone. When I tell my friends and family to find they also become quiet because they know no one is interested in a mother of two children. 
My husband is already aaram se dating again and having fun. 
I also want to date and find someone but I am not comfortable with Tinder which seems like it is for kids. I don’t want to register on a marriage site. 
How do I find someone who will not be horrible to me like my ex-husband was?

Ans:

I have a friend who's sailing in the same boat as you.

She's a newly single mom and was very worried during her divorce that she would never find love again. Her husband had already taken up with another woman before their paperwork was finalised.

So I'm going to give you the same advice I gave her -- stop looking.

She did and, a year later, she's in a new but happy relationship.

The guy she's with is someone she always knew as an acquaintance. Post her divorce, they became close and he is fond of the child as well.

There may be challenges ahead but the point is, as soon as she let life take over instead of this obsession to find someone else, a relationship came up unexpectedly and out of nowhere.

So breathe, recover from old wounds and let things happen as they must. Stop planning a second marriage right away. 

 

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Hello Gurus! I am 40 yr divorced NRI man in the UK. I have a 10 yr old son and he lives with his mum in a different country. I have visitation rights and I meet him regularly. I have been divorced for 6 years now. I have been trying to date since last 5 years and it has been quite a frustrating experience. I do not want to jump to Matrimonial Sites as I would prefer to date someone to know them better before deciding to settle in a committed relationship. Also, there are many frauds on the Matrimonial Sites. My challenge is that most of the single women in the age range of 36 – 42 that I have met in last 5 yrs is that either they have unstable career and looking for someone to depend upon or if they have a career, they are arrogant and unruly. Though I look decent, I don’t have looks as a criteria. I worry sometimes if will I ever find love and affection in my life. Apart from the dating apps, where else do you suggest I could try to meet decent and normal woman?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I hear your concern but I don't think it has anything to do with the mode of dating. Online or IRL, rude people will continue to be rude everywhere. Also, not everyone with a stable career is arrogant and unruly, men and women alike.

Apart from dating apps, you can try finding love IRL. You can try going to clubs, cafes, or social gatherings to meet like-minded women. Or you can ask your friends to set you up with someone who matches your criteria. You can join some activity of your liking to find women who prefer the same things as you. Start with a HI and see where it goes.

You can find a decent human being even in a dating app. It is a matter of patience, a pinch of luck, and primarily a good amount of effort from your end. To get better results, try mentioning your intents in your bio; for instance, you want to date and then move on to marriage- mention the same in your bio to attract the right kind of people.


Best Wishes!
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Hi Sushil. My daughter is planning to do MS from US. She has got acceptance from two universities and waiting from one more. Meanwhile, I have approached bank for loan. Their list of documents require I20, whereas for I20 I have to show finance. How to solve this? Secondly, the fee estimate of University shows only for one year ( spring and fall), How can I show the requirement for two years to Bank? No.3: Whether cash in account to be shown while applying for VISA or bank loan also will do? Sorry I have asked lot of questions.
Ans: Hello R. It is great that your daughter has been accepted by a couple of universities in the US. To answer your question first, generally, banks do ask for I-20 to process the loan application; however, a few banks or NBFCs, e.g., HDFC Credila, could issue a loan sanction letter on the basis of the offer letter issued. You could use this sanction letter to call for the I20, provided the university is accepting the letter, or show the required funds in your savings account, provide a bank certificate, and then call for the I20.Expenses to be shown in the bank certificate or savings account to call for the I20 are for a year, which includes the total of tuition, food, accommodation, and miscellaneous [if any]. I20 will show expenses for 9 or 12 months; however, it will also clearly mention the start and end dates of the course, which would help the bank know the total duration of the course and accordingly sanction the loan amount will be sanctioned. Yes, both the savings account and the education loan letter could be used during the visa interview.

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I was doing Business for past 23 years and have been succesful in that.. After COVID my business fell apart and I am trying to regain the foothold. Although I have created a good brand, I am not able to make the Money I was making earlier. However the buisness is picking up and I knew If I could have little more patience, I will make it. However the situation demands lot of financial requirements for my lifestyle and family. They are insisiting me to go for a Job now. My business is stagnent for past few years and it is slowly showing the signs of growth now.. I do not want any waiting time due to pressing needs. I am 49 Now.. I am not sure if applying for work at this age will help as I have no idea on the Job market.. I am getting very good offers on selling my Business. Kindly advice.
Ans: Dear

There are two parts.

Emotional...how you feel attached to your business.

Rational: your financial needs and the revenue that your business is generating.

Any advise us a function of both the above aspects. Unless one knows the current revenue numbers, growth potential of the business, competition and several such factors it's not possible to share any guidance.

Hence may I suggest you talk to your CA and other colleagues of yours, look at the numbers in hard way and then take a call.

Emotional aspect can be both strength and liability... strength because it will inspire you to make business grow... liability because you may be overtly attached to your business without looking at the financial realities.

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Sir im 36 yrs of age weighing 107 kgs and I regularly walk which helps in maintaining my weight but im unable to reduce belly fats. I walk approx 4 kms daily within 30 minutes .
Ans: Thank you for your inquiry. I appreciate your dedication to maintaining a consistent walking routine for weight management. However, if you're specifically aiming to reduce belly fat, it might be beneficial to incorporate additional methods into your regimen.

While walking is great for overall health and weight control, integrating strength training exercises can be instrumental in building muscle mass and boosting metabolism, thereby facilitating greater fat loss, including targeting belly fat. Incorporate exercises such as squats, lunges, push-ups, and abdominal workouts like crunches or planks.

To enhance the effectiveness of your walking routine, consider adding intervals of higher intensity. This might entail alternating between periods of brisk walking and intervals of more vigorous effort, such as walking uphill or increasing your pace to a jog for brief durations. This approach can elevate calorie expenditure and promote fat burning.

In terms of nutrition, it's crucial to pay close attention to your dietary habits, as they significantly impact fat loss. Prioritize a well-rounded diet rich in whole foods such as fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains, while minimizing intake of processed foods, sugary beverages, and excessive calories, which can contribute to belly fat accumulation. Additionally, consider reducing carbohydrate intake and increasing protein consumption in consultation with a registered dietitian for personalized guidance.

Overall, by incorporating these strategies alongside your walking routine, you can optimize your efforts towards reducing belly fat and improving overall health.
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