My wife doesn't like my choice of gifts. If I buy a sari she doesn't like the colour. If I take her out on a lunch or dinner she will complain about the food. We have been married for 20 years and till date I don't know what makes her happy. If I ask she will say I don't love her. What is this? How will I know if she doesn't say what she wants. Im tired and confused what to buy for our anniversary next week

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well no two people in a marriage are the same, are they?
You just have different ideals stemming from different value systems. this can be bridged by actually talking about it, so that either of you might not be on a extreme. If she likes to save, you can moderate her by actually setting a budget for spending on necessities and luxuries.
And she will in turn moderate you, if she finds you spending on things that are unnecessary.
It's about seeing things on the same page but with different glasses and acknowledging that you are both different.
As far as physical intimacy goes, I guess many couples face a slump after children occupying a huge part of their lives and with full-time jobs, it can make one tired more than excited. Set aside time to be alone with one another and practice the art of non-sexual intimacy like holding hands, cuddling, hugging...
Sometimes to jump out of the mechanical life, you need to do something different and exciting to get a different and exciting result. So do what you haven't done before! Get the drift here?

All the best!

Ans: Dear Vikas,
Marriage can become a routine and a chore after a few years and when there are children involved, the couple have little or almost no time for each other. This can have a direct impact on emotions and very little sex drive.
Both of you must invest time in one another to reconnect outside of the bedroom first. This will inevitably help intimacy and rekindle that lost spark!

1. Do little things for one another; gifts and other surprises
2. Offer to take care of the children over weekends where she can get a break (if she is predominantly taking care of the children)
3. Have a family member (grandparents perhaps) take care of the children one weekend a month, so that two of you get time to getaway
4. Help one another rekindle lost hobbies and interests
5. Find an activity that you can do together; cooking, exercising, painting...

The key here is BOND and allow that spark to come back and well, the rest is history...

All the best!

Ans: Dear Devendra,
I am sure that you know your wife better than I will ever know her.
It's about recalling what are the things that get her happy and excited. She may like gifts or she may find gifts within experiences with you like traveling or spending time doing things together. Figure that out and surprise her with it.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If there is a breakdown in emotional connection, women have a tendency to be laid back about the marriage.
Now, if this is the case, it is difficult to find reasons but surely you can make a good attempt at winning her over. Small gestures like gifting her flowers or a day off from household chores, asking her about her day, complimenting her...
Also, check if you have started to become very instructional; woman DO NOT like husbands instructing them constantly and will shut off almost immediately.
Instead offering to do things together will help her bond with you...

So, it's possibly not about you or listening to what you have to say BUT possibly the manner in which you say or request is important to her. Involve yourself in her world and see things change.

All the best!
Dear Anonymous,
Oh, she can treat this as though she's just married. Start fresh and new and there's so much to explore with one another and within the marriage only if she is willing to go in with an open mind.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
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