Whenever there’s a fight, my partner never says sorry. When we were dating this was fine as I like to mend things faster. But now that we are married it's always somehow my fault. Even when I try to talk calmly, he would twist the story and make me feel guilty. I don't know if this is his real personality or he is trying to control me. Is this a red flag? How do I know if he is doing it intentionally to stay powerful? How do I teach him to take equal responsibility?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Love marriages, we assume is safeguarded against any of the usual misunderstandings that crop up in a marriage that is arranged. But, I guess when you are in love, it usually takes a spin of 'anything is fine, because I love him/her'.
What this initial understanding does is keep you in a place of 'all is fine' which comes back to haunt you later in life. Your friends need not be equal to my friends, what you like to eat may not be what I like to eat, but in love this doesn't stand a chance. So, now that this is where both of you are, what I can suggest is:
- Go back to that moment where both of you thought of coming together into a marriage.
The reason is usually ONE strong one and it is the one that needs to serve as a reminder.
- Of course, like many will tell you, sit down as two mature adults and talk about what irks either of you and giving a patient listening to one another, even when they say things against you. Remember, you are rebuilding your marriage.
- Remind yourselves how you were in love, even if you have enough evidence now against it
- Learn to celebrate each other's individual lives; Chinese and Mexican food rarely go well together, yet we learn to relish them individually, don't we?
- His silence is his defence mechanism and the only way to break it is through a lot of reassurance that he will be heard
- A lot of care and love in creating moments where you can be by yourselves minus family, friends and children (if any) can give the two of you some time to resolve the underlying issues

It takes two to build a marriage and the blame game will continue...one of you has to break the pattern to draw a different perspective where the marriage seems every bit worth it.
So, all the best!

Ans: I am scared to speak my mind. you said this. This will end up becoming a relationship you will not wish to be in.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Every home has a different routine and share of responsibilities. So, there's no standard norm to challenge it as normal or not!
So, if you want your husband to pitch in, then say it in clear terms, especially since he has told you to tell him what to do.
Once you have told him, do make sure to ask him: Will you find it convenient to do it now or later? If later, when?
This will ensure that he makes a statement of commitment, so there's no question of forgetting it, right? Play it smart...it's better than feeling bad about the situation or mulling over why something does not work.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: You’re right. It’s unfair. And it’s exhausting.
Women are told to “adjust” because it’s easier for families to keep peace than to hold men accountable. Your mother and mother-in-law are not really judging right or wrong — they’re choosing convenience over fairness.

But that doesn’t make it correct.

If your husband never apologises, never reflects, and you are always the one expected to move on, then this is not adjustment — this is imbalance.

And the real issue is not your parents anymore.
It’s that your husband has learned he doesn’t have to take responsibility, because the system around him supports that.

You don’t need to argue with your parents to prove your point.
You need to stop silently accepting a pattern that hurts you.

You don’t have to fight.
But you also don’t have to keep absorbing everything.

A simple shift is this:
instead of explaining again and again, just say calmly —
“This hurt me. I’m not okay with ignoring it.”

And then don’t rush to normalise things immediately.

Respect in a marriage doesn’t come from adjusting more.
It comes when the other person realises you won’t keep accepting less.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your situation can be tiring. It might seem trivial but when it keeps piling up, it gets emotionally exhausting for the person who is on the receiving end of this. Repeated half truths can make a person feel emotionally unsafe in the long term and trust and comfort are key aspects of a healthy marriage. Maybe his intent is not malicious, he still needs to understand that it is not fair to you. Here is what I suggest: let him know that the issue is not the small lies, but the feeling it creates for you. When you find out the truth from someone else, it embarrasses you and breaks your heart that you don't know things about your husband that others do. This pattern makes it difficult for you to trust things that he says. Along with expressing your emotions, acknowledge them too. See if you react negatively when he says he wants to hangout with friends; I am not blaming you here, but introspection is the only way to understand where this behavior is stemming from. Let him know that you do not want yourself to turn into a detective trying to decode everything. You want plain honesty. Clear communication can help a lot. Start from here.

Best Wishes.