Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |250 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hi, I have a sort of boyfriend. He tells me he loves me but is holding back because of past trauma and stuff going on in his life. We have had great chemistry too sexually and he's pretty attentive but defers when I talk about relationship. He also tells me that whenever he is ready it will be me. I don't know what to do. Please advise.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It is great that you have found someone you adore. Also, it's amazing of you to give him the space to deal with his issues at his own pace. Having said that, I want to remind you to take care of your own needs too. If you ever feel like you are being dragged without any commitment and that bothers you, you should communicate it to him. And if he still does not want to label your relationship, it is okay to reconsider it. While he is not wrong to need time, you are not wrong to want clarity.

Right now what you can do is sit with him and have a clear discussion. Express your concerns. Let him know that you are concerned about where this relationship is going or you are confused about what you two are to each other. Point out how cooperative you have been with him and ask him to give you a little more clarity because you deserve it. Saying that you will be the one when he is ready can sometimes seem like he is keeping you on the hook without actually intending to get serious. Have the talk. It might be tough but it's necessary.

Best Wishes!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1040 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 13, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, my story is quite big. I am 43 and I love a man of my caste who is 52. He is not married and my father had showed me his profile in 2006 for marriage. Those days I was not interested in marriage and so I rejected him. I saw his profile in March 2019 in matrimony and sent him interest and he gave me a reply. I fell in love with his profile in 2020 and further gave him reply on his mobile. I went to see him in Pune in 2020 October. Since then we have only been chatting on WhatsApp. When I asked for commitment in Feb 2021, he said his sister is not keeping well. Then he lost his father in August 2021. Earlier in 2020 he used to call me and we used to talk for hours. It all stopped in 2021 February when his sister fell sick. Now I stopped messaging him but he still keeps sending me some or other forwards. He says he wants to marry me (He said this Jan last year when I asked him if he is interested in marriage) but this year has been tough. I am really fed up of the delay. I still love him very much. He is very intelligent and professionally qualified and has good hobbies -- he is a Himalayan trekker and has sent me pics of his trek. He also encourages me to do many things but I am bored of the delay. Should I trust him and wait for him?
Ans:

Dear VG,

It looks likely that when you sent him your interest request, your feelings were from 2006. But hey, everyone has grown older and wiser since then.

Also, to expect him to have the same level of interest that you have, isn’t wise as he has led a different life to yours.

What happens is when we start our lives together when we are younger, we merge on a lot of ideals and thoughts.

When the same marriage/companionship/relationship happens when we are older, having had separate experiences and a different life, we might not have much in common in terms of thoughts and way of being in life.

Given that, have an honest chat with him face to face, and express what you want out of this connection.

Give him time to process his own life, his needs, his wants, his priorities and then get back to you.

If he is clearly not into this, no point waiting for him and tugging at your heart strings.

So the only way that I feel is to have a mature face to face talk where both of you have space to be assertive and communicate boldly. It will help both of you to decide what’s best.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1040 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, I am in a relationship with a guy for 5 months. I met him via social media. We know each other since a year. Initially I saw him only as a friend, but we grew close, talked daily for a year, met a few times and decided to date. But I am still confused if he is right for me. It's a long distance relationship and I am not able to connect as much as him. I am not able to decide if I want to spend my life with him. He is too deeply involved, and that scares me, I try to break up because I feel it's not fair to him, but I end up going back to him because I miss him. This continues. I am stuck in a loop, I don't know what to do. Please advice.
Ans:

Dear DJ,

It can be a little difficult to know people through social media as they are at their amazing best there; pictures, videos, status updates usually is for someone else to validate them and possibly does not reflect who they truly are. And yet you call it a relationship? How?

Also, you have chosen to feel guilty for being upfront about it or take a decision to move on.

How much of emotions are invested in this ‘relationship’ or have you grown it in the mind to an extent that doesn’t even exist?

Time to introspect and evaluate:

Who is he?

How much do I know him despite speaking to him every day?

Does his thoughts and idea match mine?

How do you know that he is deeply involved?

Could just feeling lonely be the reason that the two of you are stuck in this?

I have no clue how old you are but I can tell you one thing; there is no future where there is no true love and for true love to grow, one needs to be with another person initially, investing time in one another.

In your case check if the two of you can meet and maybe things might fall into place after that clearing up many of these confusions.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |250 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 03, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi. I am 36 yrs old divorcee and the person whom I dating from past 4 years is recently divorced (when we started dating, his case was subjudice). From past 1.5 years, his behaviour is on and off. He took a break for 3 months, now also someday he talks and then disappear for days and I constantly supported him by giving him benefit of doubt as he was going through divorce (as I already had gone through that phase). But, even now he is not talking anything about commitment or our future. I am stuck with this. I even started seeing other guys too on matrimonial sites, but find that they too have a commitment phobia. Now, I am hopeless and don't get it what to do? please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am so sorry that you are facing so many issues. I understand that it can be frustrating but rest assured it will get better. Coming to the issue you are facing with your partner, I suggest having a clear conversation about it with him. Tell him how you are feeling about his on-again-off-again attitude. Make it clear to him that you won't be waiting forever for him to commit. Do not just say it because you want to give him an ultimatum, rather mean it because you should not compromise your mental health and self-respect for anyone. If your partner still does not change his ways, it might do you good to reconsider the relationship and put down some ground rules.

About the guys you met- in today's dating scene, some people are hesitant about commitment, but it does not mean every single person has the same fear; for instance, take a look at yourself. You are ready to commit. There are many like you. To find like-minded men, try dating apps known for serious relationships. Write a clear bio about what you're looking for to attract the right match. Ask friends and family to set you up with people looking for a committed relationship to save time and energy.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |99 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on May 17, 2024

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |250 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi I am 29 year old F dating a 27 year old M. I have always been very conservative and emotional with respect to love. Before him, i never dated anyone, nor allowed anyone to touch me because I wanted only one man in my life. We both have failed to crack a gov job. He has lost all hopes in life and somehow wants to fix his career. On the other hand, My family is pressurising me to get married and even I think that I have reached that stage where I should get married in a year or two. Meanwhile his parents too wants him to get married by next year. However, he refuses to give me any commitment unless he has a stable career i.e government job. And if he failed to do so, then he will marry any girl whom his parents choses because without a gov job, he won't be able to take a stand for me. I his mind he thinks that my family is of high standards than his. (which is partially true) I want some form of commitment from him, but all he says that he wants to marry me, and wants me to stay with him as friend untill he is ready. He has also not given me the tag of a gf, he says that because of that tag I will be emotionally attached to him and if things didnt worked out than I will be devastated. He had also not made any sexual advances towards me. He asked for 6 months to fix everything. However, this undefined relationship without a commitment is emotionally exhausting me. Because of my family pressure, I am in delema whether I should look for someone else or believe someone who has not yet defined anything? I dont want to look for anyone else becase than it is against my personal ideology of being with only one man. Yet, I am scared. What if I ended up being with no one. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand your dilemma. Your partner has asked for six months. That might seem and feel very long, given the situation, but it will pass in a heartbeat. You can, only if you want, give him that time and see where things go. Having said that, let me also mention that if you decide to quit this relationship, if it is too exhausting and it's putting you through more emotional turmoil than giving you happiness, you would not be wrong. You have every right to choose peace. After all, why do we love someone? Because they, the relationship with them, makes us happy. There will indeed be ups and downs in a relationship, but if there are only downs, and only more downs to come in the future, it wouldn't be wrong to reconsider that relationship.

Evaluate your needs. Take a little time for yourself to reflect- weigh the pros against the cons. You will have your answer.

Your ideology is commendable. But make sure it doesn't affect your emotional well-being. While your beliefs are admirable, there is also nothing wrong with finding love more than once. Not every love story is bound to succeed, and a single failure should not define your entire life.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |1550 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4816 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4816 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Listen
Money
Dear Sir, I am 40 years old, happily married, have 2 daughters 7 years and 3 years old. My financials are 1. Real Estate 1.50 cr. Land and 2 houses (house value: 85 lakhs: Monthly rental yield 30,000) 2. ULIP 18,000 monthly for 5 years. (19 months completed. Corpus: 4 lakhs) C. Mutual funds 50,000 (just started). I can invest monthly 1.50 lakhs now. Please advice the best categories of Mutual Funds to invest as SIP. Also, thinking to sell the house of 85 lakhs value and put in SWP. Please advice.
Ans: You are 40 years old, happily married with two daughters aged 7 and 3. You have real estate worth Rs. 1.50 crores, including two houses (one valued at Rs. 85 lakhs with a monthly rental yield of Rs. 30,000). You have a ULIP with a monthly contribution of Rs. 18,000 for 5 years, with 19 months completed and a corpus of Rs. 4 lakhs. You have just started investing Rs. 50,000 in mutual funds. You can invest Rs. 1.50 lakhs monthly now.

Investment in Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds are essential for long-term growth. They provide high returns over time. You can invest in large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Large-cap funds are less risky. Mid-cap and small-cap funds offer higher returns but come with higher risks.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds provide stability to your portfolio. They invest in bonds and government securities. They are less volatile and offer regular returns. You can consider short-term and long-term debt funds based on your investment horizon.

Hybrid Mutual Funds
Hybrid funds invest in both equity and debt. They balance risk and return. They are suitable for moderate risk takers. They provide stability with some growth potential.

Tax-saving Mutual Funds
ELSS funds provide tax benefits under Section 80C. They have a lock-in period of 3 years. They offer good returns and help in tax planning. You can allocate a portion of your investments to these funds.

Selling the House and SWP
Selling the house worth Rs. 85 lakhs can provide a lump sum. You can invest this in a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP). SWP offers regular income from mutual funds. It provides flexibility and better returns compared to rental income. Ensure to consult with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to align this with your financial goals.

Investment Strategy
Increase your SIP contributions to Rs. 1.50 lakhs monthly. Diversify your investments across equity, debt, and hybrid funds. Review your portfolio regularly to ensure it aligns with your goals.

Professional Guidance
Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can provide a tailored financial plan. Professional guidance helps achieve your financial goals efficiently.

Final Insights
Focus on long-term growth with equity funds. Maintain stability with debt funds. Balance risk and return with hybrid funds. Consider tax-saving ELSS funds. Review your portfolio regularly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4816 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Listen
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4816 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Listen
Money
Age41 yrs , Currently been doing monthly SIP in below mutual funds: * Parag parikh elss tax saver fund : 2000 a month ( 1 year ) * Quant mid cap fund : 5000 a month (started newly ) I am self employed who earns minimum 50k a month I have term insurance and health insurance for my family . Would like to retire my age 55 , keeping inflation and children education and other expenses in my mind . How should I go ahead
Ans: You are 41 years old. You earn Rs. 50,000 a month. You have term insurance and health insurance for your family. You are investing in two SIPs: Parag Parikh ELSS Tax Saver Fund (Rs. 2,000/month) and Quant Mid Cap Fund (Rs. 5,000/month).

Retirement Goal
You plan to retire at 55. Consider inflation, children's education, and other expenses in your planning. Start by estimating your retirement corpus. This should cover living expenses, healthcare, and other needs.

Investment Strategy
Increase your SIP contributions gradually. This will help build a larger retirement corpus. Diversify your investments across equity, debt, and hybrid funds. This balances risk and provides stable returns.

Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds offer better potential returns. Fund managers select stocks based on research. This can outperform index funds, which only track the market.

Tax Saving and Growth
Continue investing in ELSS funds for tax benefits. They also provide good returns over the long term. Consider adding more equity funds for growth. Equity funds can beat inflation and provide higher returns.

Education Fund for Children
Start a separate education fund for your children. Invest in a mix of equity and debt funds. This ensures their education expenses are covered.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least six months of expenses. This provides financial security in case of emergencies. Use a high-interest savings account for this fund.

Regular Fund Investments
Consider regular funds with the help of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). Regular funds come with expert advice and monitoring. This ensures your investments stay aligned with your goals.

Review and Rebalance
Review your portfolio regularly. Rebalance it to maintain the desired asset allocation. This helps manage risk and improve returns.

Professional Guidance
Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can provide a tailored financial plan. Professional guidance helps achieve your financial goals efficiently.

Final Insights
Increase your SIPs and diversify investments. Plan for children's education and maintain an emergency fund. Seek professional guidance for a comprehensive financial plan.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4816 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Listen
Money
I am 30 years old working in Public sector bank my salary is monthly 60000 and I have shares worth 1100000 and mutual funds worth 200000 and I am investing monthly SIP 13000 Including equity, best and hybrid funds I have health and term insurance I would like to retire at 50 years with corpus of 3 crores how can I improve my investment strategy.
Ans: You are 30 years old, earning Rs 60,000 monthly. You have shares worth Rs 11 lakhs and mutual funds worth Rs 2 lakhs. You are investing Rs 13,000 monthly in SIPs. You also have health and term insurance.

Retirement Goal

You aim to retire at 50 with a corpus of Rs 3 crores. This goal is achievable with a well-planned strategy.

Investment Strategy Evaluation

Your current investments include equity, debt, and hybrid funds. This mix is good for diversification. However, to reach Rs 3 crores, you need to optimise and possibly increase your investments.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

Direct funds require constant monitoring. Regular funds, managed by a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), can provide expert advice and better management. This ensures your investments are aligned with your goals.

Recommendations for Improvement

Increase SIP Contribution: Gradually increase your SIP amount as your salary grows.

Professional Management: Regular funds managed by a CFP can offer better returns and less hassle.

Diversify Portfolio: Include large-cap funds to balance the risk and return.

Regular Reviews: Monitor and adjust your portfolio regularly with the help of a CFP.

Final Insights

Your goal to retire with Rs 3 crores is realistic. You need to increase your SIPs, diversify your portfolio, and seek expert advice. Regular funds managed by a Certified Financial Planner can help you achieve your target with less stress.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4816 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hello Experts, I am currently working in pvt sector and am 32 years old. My current in hand salary is 1.45lac per month. I am currently paying off my father's home loan of 38lacs, with current outstanding of 24lacs. I have bought a flat back in 2021, for which the loan is of 70lac for 30years.I have a loan insurance for this loan. The EMI for this has not been started yet. It will start once the builder will provide possession of the same. I am paying 15500 monthly rent and apart from that monthly expenses amounts to 30k a month. I am married and my wife is a homemaker and I have a baby girl 2months old. Could you please guide me.
Ans: You have a monthly salary of Rs. 1.45 lakhs. You are paying off your father's home loan with Rs. 24 lakhs outstanding. You bought a flat in 2021 with a Rs. 70 lakhs loan. Your EMI for this will start once you get possession. You pay Rs. 15,500 rent and have monthly expenses of Rs. 30,000. You are married with a homemaker wife and a 2-month-old daughter.

Debt Management
Focus on repaying your father’s home loan. Prioritize this to reduce financial burden. Use part of your monthly income for this. Once the EMI for your flat starts, your expenses will increase. Plan for this additional expense in advance.

Expense Management
You pay Rs. 15,500 in rent and Rs. 30,000 in other expenses. Ensure these expenses are well-managed. Create a monthly budget to track your spending. This will help you save more.

Emergency Fund
Build an emergency fund to cover at least 6 months of expenses. This will provide financial security. Use a high-interest savings account for this fund.

Insurance Coverage
You have loan insurance for your flat. Ensure you also have adequate life and health insurance. This protects your family in case of emergencies.

Investment Planning
Start a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in mutual funds. SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly. This helps in disciplined investing and wealth creation.

Benefits of SIPs
SIPs help in rupee cost averaging. This reduces the impact of market volatility. They provide the benefit of compounding returns. SIPs are flexible, allowing you to increase or decrease your investment amount.

Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds offer better returns than index funds. Professional fund managers select stocks based on research. This can outperform the market.

Regular Funds vs Direct Funds
Regular funds come with the expertise of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). CFPs provide personalized advice and regular monitoring. This ensures your investments remain aligned with your goals.

Child’s Education Planning
Start an education fund for your daughter. Invest in a mix of equity and debt funds. This will ensure her future education expenses are covered.

Professional Guidance
Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can provide a tailored financial plan. Professional guidance will help you achieve your financial goals efficiently.

Final Insights
Prioritize debt repayment. Build an emergency fund. Invest in SIPs for long-term growth. Secure your family’s future with proper insurance and planning.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |1550 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x