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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |44 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 24, 2025

Dr Upneet Kaur is a medical professional and therapist based out of Amritsar.
After completing her bachelor’s degree in Ayurvedic medicine and surgery from the SKSS Ayurvedic College and Hospital, Sarabha, Punjab, in 2008, she worked as a medical officer at various multi-specialty hospitals in Punjab, handling both physical and mental patient care and clinical decision-making. She spent the next decade leading multidisciplinary teams at various levels.
Since 2022, she has been practising as a clinical psychologist and marriage counsellor.
Dr Upneet also holds an MBA in hospital management from Alagappa University, Tamil Nadu, and an MA in psychology from the Indira Gandhi National Open University.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 06, 2025
Relationship

I am in a relationship with a girl since 2 years, we have a lot of differences like, she is more than 3 years older than me, our castes are different and she is marathi and I am non marathi. But apart from all this she has just got divorced from court legally, till now she was living separately from his ex husband. She had a affair for about 10 years with her ex but they started living separately just after 8 months of marriage. When I met this girl, we both fell in love, but there were 2-3 mistakes from my side during the first year of our relationship. I lied on small things thinking she will get hurt if she knows that. I haven't cheated, not even talked personal things with any other girl. And for the last one year i have been as honest as anyone can be. But I feel she is not like she used to be. I don't know if I can even call this a relationship anymore. Since we are colleagues we talk in office, we go out for dinner, we still talk lot of personal things too, but that spark is not there. I wanted to marry this girl once. What should I do now?

Ans: Hello sir. Sir, since relationships are very sensitive and the decision to marry someone is an important decision which should be taken with lot of patience so that you don't regret it later. And the thing which you said that she has changed, she may have changed due to your lies. I appreciate that now you are honest with her. Spark needs to be created. It will not remain without effort. If she is sincere with you and you are loyal with her and you both feel that you can spend life together, you should go ahead. Nobody remains the same through out the life. Changes always come. Sit patiently with your friend and discuss the options and see work out if you both want to get married. Then take a decision. I hope this solves your problem.
Take care!
Follow me: https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1622 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 08, 2022

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Hi Anu, I have been going through your column on rediff for some time and I feel you will be able to help me out. I want your advice on my relationship with my girlfriend. We have been in the relationship for 3 years now. I love her a lot and see a future with her. But there are some issues. I think she has some mental health issues. I could never judge in what mood she is in. I look forward everyday to the time we talk or spend together but most often after the meet/ talk I feel low. She almost never misses to find mistakes in everything I do and she blames it on my immaturity since she is 3.5 years elder to me (I am 29). Very rarely I do find out eventually that her judgment was right but most often I feel in all sense she is irrational and I think I am correct. This has taken an emotional toll on me. Now I do not feel like sharing thoughts and things with her because of the fights and emotional toll that I would have to face. I love her a lot and it seems like she too does but might be, I am wrong. I tried breaking up with her thrice. But every time because of some or other urgency or work-related stuff when we reconnect we fall back deeply in love. We are in same field but different organization. I was earlier in the same organisation but she left as she got a better offer. It makes sense to me but sometimes I do feel she could have stayed in same organization). She has been asking me to marry her, but all these things stated above makes me nervous what might be in future if I do marry her. As I take time to think it out she puts it as if I never wanted to marry her. I seek your advice.
Ans:

Dear GP,

A healthy relationship is one where both individuals help each other grow and thrive.

Pointing out the other’s inadequacies can be detrimental to their emotional health.

You keep walking on egg shells around her and have started to keep things away from her for fear of her rebuke and complaints.

How is this healthy when you can’t share your thoughts with your partner? This will become a habit and not a very good one for sure.

Also, age does not define whether one can boss around or not.

She certainly maybe right in most cases, but there is a way to convey the same thing to you.

Love and calmness in communication can actually transform everything and everyone provided the intent is there.

Marriage under these circumstances can be stressful for you.

So I do suggest that the two of you have an honest talk and when she knows how you feel and how keeping things away from her has become your coping mechanism, I do feel she might be able to see the situation in a new light.

Also, things that you might have misinterpreted about her may also surface.

So, please have that necessary talk without wasting anymore time. It will give you good perspectives to work from.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1622 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 11, 2022

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Dear Anu, my girlfriend and I have been dating for the past 4 years in a live-in relationship. Before that we were good friends and she's 3 years elder to me. There came a situation that she was depressed due to something and I was supporting her which she thought as my love. We started this relationship although there was no serious commitment from my side.We had a good relationship, good moments. She paid my bills all the time even when I insisted, but there were lots of fights.I feel she never understood me or anything I said or my thought process. I don't think I really love her, because there is no spark and tried ending it many times.In frustration I even started looking for other people so that maybe I can come out of it but she would find out and make me stay with her with some or other reason.She's a very polite and sweet person and I don't want to be hurting her. She's asking me to marry her which is making me nervous. What do I do ?
Ans:

Dear A,

Kindly as yourself: what was the Live-in relationship?

Was it a relationship for her and not for you?

I really don’t understand what you mean by: She thought of your support as Love and that you were not serious commitment from your side.

It’s possible when you both were in a Live-in arrangement, she would have considered this as a relationship and become serious about it.

Since now it has gotten into a marriage stage for her, please respect her mind space and have a serious talk about this.

Take consideration of her feelings when you convey yours.

This is going to take some effort as you ease her into a space where she understands where you are in this connection.

Getting into another relationship for a distraction might not be a great idea; so do spend some time very amicably closing this one where the two of you can be mature about this.

All the best!

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Anu Krishna  |1622 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 11, 2022

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Dear Anu, my girlfriend and I have been dating for the past 4 years in a live-in relationship. Before that we were good friends and she's 3 years elder to me. There came a situation that she was depressed due to something and I was supporting her which she thought as my love. We started this relationship although there was no serious commitment from my side.We had a good relationship, good moments. She paid my bills all the time even when I insisted, but there were lots of fights.I feel she never understood me or anything I said or my thought process. I don't think I really love her, because there is no spark and tried ending it many times.In frustration I even started looking for other people so that maybe I can come out of it but she would find out and make me stay with her with some or other reason.She's a very polite and sweet person and I don't want to be hurting her. She's asking me to marry her which is making me nervous. What do I do ?
Ans:

Dear A,

Kindly as yourself: what was the Live-in relationship?

Was it a relationship for her and not for you?

I really don’t understand what you mean by: She thought of your support as Love and that you were not serious commitment from your side.

It’s possible when you both were in a Live-in arrangement, she would have considered this as a relationship and become serious about it.

Since now it has gotten into a marriage stage for her, please respect her mind space and have a serious talk about this.

Take consideration of her feelings when you convey yours.

This is going to take some effort as you ease her into a space where she understands where you are in this connection.

Getting into another relationship for a distraction might not be a great idea; so do spend some time very amicably closing this one where the two of you can be mature about this.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |606 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam, im a lecturer since 5 years. Im in relationship with a girl from Srilanka. Most of our conversation was through mobile. She is a tutor in srilanka for 10 and below standard students. Now I'm 29, she is 27. Since 5 years we are loving each other. We hardly met. In Krishnagiri Tamilnadu I first met her in a Psychotherapy course, witch was about a month. We were good friends in the beginning of our relationship and at the end of a month course she was flying back to Srilanka, before she goes she kissed on my forehead, from then on im in love with the girl. For first few years we were happy in our relationship, but last two years onwards we fight almost every day. Both sides parents are fixing matches, both us are rejecting all the matches but we never shared with our families. Don't know where our relationship is going to end. Its not that my parents won't accept, but when my parents and siblings ask do you any one whom you want marry, or love some one I am not able to reveal to them. Many times I decided and planned and imagined to speak with my family but when it comes to reality im not able to speak. Other side she also is not revealing anything to her parents. Im rejecting the matches that are coming, she is also rejecting of hers. But both are not speaking properly now a days. Most of the time our relationship is filled with fights. Both are adjusting. Some time im feeling to stop the relationship and not to marry at all. I told her to marry as her parents say, and I don't want marry anyone. She is also saying me to marry some one and she wants remain single. But don't know what is happening between us. Im confused to continue or break up or marry her or not to marry her. Nothing is working in my mind. Recently my parents have brought a proposal who was my childhood crush. Suddenly I am indirectly telling her to marry to whom her parents give. She also getting good proposals but rejecting saying that she needs to work and earn money. Same reason I'm also giving. One more issue is she is tamilian of Srilanka and I'm Telugu from Andra. Both family members can't speak directly also. Unable to take any decisions. Kindly help me
Ans: The fact that you're not able to communicate openly with your families, despite rejecting matches on both sides, shows that there might be some fear or hesitation about fully committing to this relationship. Maybe it’s the distance, the cultural and language differences, or the struggles you’re having recently in your relationship that are making it difficult to move forward.

On the other hand, both of you seem to be stuck in a cycle where you're not happy but also not ready to let go. This might be causing even more stress and frustration, leading to the frequent fights. The decision to stay together or part ways is something only you both can make, but it sounds like there’s a lot of unresolved tension and unspoken fears in your relationship.

One thing to consider is having an honest conversation with each other, not about the fights or current frustrations, but about what you both want for the future. If you're both rejecting matches, it shows some level of commitment, but the real question is whether you both see a future together. Do you still love each other, or are you staying together out of habit and fear of the unknown?

If you both feel there is still something worth fighting for, it might be worth giving the relationship another chance by opening up to your families. This could ease the pressure you're feeling and help you both feel more supported. If, however, the love has faded and the fights have taken over, it may be time to re-evaluate whether staying together is what's best for both of you.

In any case, clarity will only come through open communication—both with her and your family. If you continue to stay in a relationship without making a clear decision, the frustration and confusion will likely grow. Take some time to reflect on what you really want, and then take the courageous step of addressing it with her and your families. This may not be easy, but it’s the first step to finding a resolution and peace in your heart.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8932 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2025
Money
I have 2 App loans 36000 and 140000 + 2 credit card outstanding 95000 and 187000 (Both principal amount). I have bounced my all 4 EMI's since last 3 months due to job loss and my salary is peanuts. How can I survive with house chorus and paying EMI's. Please help
Ans: It is painful and stressful. But please know this — you are not alone, and you can come out of this. Let’s take this step-by-step.

You are facing:

2 App loans: Rs. 36,000 + Rs. 1,40,000

2 Credit card dues: Rs. 95,000 + Rs. 1,87,000

3 months EMIs already bounced

Low or no income due to job loss

Home responsibilities ongoing

This is serious, but manageable with the right action.

First, Understand What Will Not Work
Please avoid:

Taking new loans to pay old loans

Using other credit cards to pay EMIs

Borrowing from illegal or unknown lenders

Ignoring lenders and collection calls

Hoping the problem will disappear on its own

These will make your problem worse.

Step 1: Protect Yourself from Legal Pressure
You have already defaulted. That may lead to:

Legal notices from credit card companies

Harassment from collection agents

Credit score falling below 600

So you need to act fast.

Call each of the lenders yourself. Do not wait for them to call you.

Tell them honestly:

You lost your job

You are facing cash crisis

You want to settle and not escape

Ask for temporary EMI pause (moratorium) or restructuring

Lenders prefer talking to honest borrowers.

You may get:

Waiver of late fees

Reduction in interest

EMI holiday for few months

Option to convert dues into longer EMIs

Write an email also to them. Keep written proof.

This shows you are serious.

Step 2: Focus on Survival, Not Full Repayment Now
You must survive this phase first. Do only the must-do expenses:

Food and kitchen

Electricity and gas

Child or parents’ basic needs

Rent or basic housing

Cut all others:

OTT, Swiggy, Zomato, shopping

Eating out, subscriptions

Cab rides, mobile upgrades

Any premium items

Every saved rupee will count now.

Make a list of all expenses, and cut it to bare minimum.

Your mental peace comes before EMI.

Step 3: List Your Dues in Priority Order
Here is a breakdown:

App Loan 1 – Rs. 36,000

App Loan 2 – Rs. 1,40,000

Credit Card 1 – Rs. 95,000

Credit Card 2 – Rs. 1,87,000

App loans and credit cards have very high interest. Usually 24–40% per year.

But credit cards will affect your CIBIL score more if unpaid.

So give this order of priority:

Try to settle credit card 1 (Rs. 95,000) first

Then negotiate with credit card 2 (Rs. 1.87L)

After that, settle App Loan 1

Then App Loan 2

Why this order?

Credit card interest is high

Card dues snowball fast

App loans may negotiate faster than banks

Step 4: Ask for One-Time Settlement (OTS)
Once you show that you have zero income, some banks may agree to:

Close your loan at reduced principal

Stop interest from increasing further

Give you 3–6 months to pay off in parts

Ask for a written One-Time Settlement (OTS) letter.

Do not pay without it.

Once you settle, your CIBIL score will take time to recover. But that’s okay. Life first. Score later.

Step 5: Find Any Cash You Can
Please think deeply about the following:

Can you sell a scooter, old phone, gadgets?

Can any relative or friend help temporarily?

Do you have gold you can pledge (not sell)?

Any unused subscriptions or refund available?

Can you do part-time work for Rs. 300–500/day?

Every Rs. 500 helps your mental health now.

Avoid taking loans again. Instead, look for non-loan help.

Step 6: Get a Job, Any Job for Now
Even if it is not in your field, take any income work:

Delivery partner

Data entry

Freelance teaching

Typing work

Shop help

Online task jobs

Voice process

Focus is not on salary. Focus is to:

Keep cash flow coming

Feel responsible again

Stop going deeper into debt

Update resume. Ask friends. Join job groups. Apply daily.

Even Rs. 15,000/month will bring confidence.

You are not alone. Many professionals have started over.

Step 7: Emotionally Stay Strong
You may feel:

Guilt

Shame

Panic

Anger

Frustration

It is normal.

Please:

Talk to family or trusted friend

Keep one hour daily for walks, exercise or prayer

Sleep properly

Eat simple food, but on time

Avoid alcohol or substance use

This phase will pass.

Stay focused.

Final Insights
You are not a failure. This is a temporary financial emergency.

With calm steps, you can rebuild. Slowly, but surely.

Do this immediately:

Contact all lenders and ask for restructuring

Stop all luxury or non-essential expenses

Prioritise credit cards

Consider OTS if needed

Start small income work

Protect your mental strength

Once your income starts again:

Restart savings, even small

Use Certified Financial Planner later to rebuild

Learn how to stay debt-free in future

Take one step at a time.

You will come out stronger.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6466 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2025

Career
Sir igot 444 and AIQ is 131279 iam obc ncl (kerala) there is any possibilities for BDS in government college.
Ans: Nibla, A NEET score of 444 falls below the typical marks cutoff for OBC-NCL candidates seeking BDS in government dental colleges, where qualifying marks range between 520–540 for OBC students. Similarly, All India BDS closing ranks under the 15 percent AIQ for OBC rarely exceed 35,000, whereas your AIQ rank is 131,279, placing you far outside the viable admission range. Nationwide only about 3,000 government BDS seats exist, and premier institutions such as SCB Dental College (Cuttack), Government Dental College (Bangalore), and Tamil Nadu Government Dental College (Chennai) closed with AIQ ranks under 30,000 for OBC. Under Kerala’s 85 percent state quota, Government Dental College, Thiruvananthapuram admitted OBC candidates with ranks up to 51,595 in earlier years, while Kottayam and Kannur closed within similar state-rank brackets, implying state ranks must be substantially lower than your AIQ conversion would yield. Consequently, securing a BDS seat in a government college appears highly unlikely. Consider prioritising private or deemed dental colleges with lower cutoffs and participating in both AIQ and state counselling to maximise admission options. Recommendation: Focus on private or deemed dental institutions, as government quota thresholds exceed reachable marks and ranks. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6466 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2025
Career
Which university is good among VIT, AMRITA AND SRM?
Ans: VIT Vellore maintains a 90–95% placement rate across the last three years, facilitated by 632–945 recruiters visiting annually and yielding over 3,300 super-dream (≥10 LPA) and 2,800 dream (≥6 LPA) offers in 2024, with a median package near ?9 LPA and strong tech-sector engagement from companies like Microsoft, Amazon and TCS. Amrita Vishwa Vidyapeetham Coimbatore records 90–100% placement consistency for its BTech cohorts, supported by 300+ recruiters including IBM, Wipro and Cognizant, with median salaries around ?7.75 LPA and emphasis on internships and research projects embedding industry standards early in the curriculum. SRM Chennai’s flagship Kattankulathur campus posts 85–90% placement rates over three years, hosting 980–1,313 recruiters and generating 5,500–9,000 offers annually, with average packages around ?7.2 LPA and core-engineering roles from Cognizant, Infosys and Ford. VIT leads in high-value dream offers and recruiter diversity, Amrita excels in top-end consistency and academic rigor, and SRM offers broad sectoral reach with strong core engineering streams.

Recommendation: Prioritise VIT Vellore for maximum high-value offer volume and expansive recruiter network, choose Amrita Coimbatore for nearly universal placement consistency and integrated research opportunities, and consider SRM Chennai if core engineering exposure and diverse sectoral hiring are primary goals. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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