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Ravi Mittal |693 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 05, 2026

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2026Hindi

Hi RediffGurus, I’m a 30M (CTC : 30LPA) and currently in serious marriage discussions with a woman (28F ; CTC : 25LPA) I met through Shaadi.com. Some context: We’ve met 5+ times one-on-one Our families have met twice Conversations have been deep and transparent on values, marriage expectations, kids, finances, lifestyle We even went as far as sharing ITR, CIBIL scores, investment details We both did and shared full body health checkups, including fertility, STDs, and thalassemia In our 2nd meet, we discussed past relationships. She told me she had one relationship. In the last meet a few days ago, she herself brought up physical intimacy (I did not bring this up out of nowhere). I honestly shared that I’m a Virgin. She explicitly said she is a Virgin too. After that, we got formally engaged with the Blessings of both Families & continued meeting up with each other, occassionally. Then during one of our recent meets, out of nowhere, she confessed that she is NOT a Virgin and that she had been physical with her ex. Her explanation was that at the time the topic came up earlier, she wasn’t comfortable sharing and ended up giving an incorrect answer. She said she fumbled her response to her own question. Now I’m struggling with something deeper than just the V-card aspect. Because: This was explicitly discussed, not assumed She had multiple chances to correct it earlier We were already at a stage of extreme transparency in other sensitive areas. Now I’m questioning other things we’ve discussed that I can’t independently verify. Like views on cheating, open marriage, long-term expectations, etc. I don’t know: Whether this is a forgivable lapse due to fear/discomfort? Or a red flag about honesty? Or what, realistically, she can do now to rebuild trust? I don’t want to overreact, but I also don’t want to ignore this. How should I proceed in this situation? What questions should I ask myself or her before deciding whether to move forward or walk away?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am glad that both of you have been so thorough and responsible. It shows your sincerity towards this relationship. Now coming to her lying: it isn’t necessary that she lied about this one thing means she might be lying about a lot of other things. Usually, women find it difficult to talk about such sensitive topics. She might have actually fumbled and tried to be in your good graces, lied about it herself. Nevertheless, I understand your hesitation about trusting everything she says now. It’s great that you are trying to address it right away instead of waiting till after marriage. I suggest you have an open and honest conversation about your concern with her. Give her another chance to explain and gauge her sincerity. There’s a lot of things in life that we cannot really verify but we still choose to believe that it’s the truth. Have a talk and see where it goes. But I would also suggest not to be rash about your decision, whether to proceed or not at all; think calmly and rationally. In case, you feel that you cannot ever trust her and it might become a huge issue later, it’s best to reconsider right away. But if you think this relationship is worth fighting for, talk and talk till you are entirely sure that things are sorted.

Hope this helps.