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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |657 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2025
Relationship

Ma'am The guy who had a fight with my husband over a text asking him why he stare became a matter of dispute between my husband and that married neighbourhood guy. He thinks m the one flirting with him Over msgs. He still crosses and pass very closely with my husband while going for an evening walk. He is not troubling me and my daughter anymore. He is just busy with my husband now. He would always walk across us. I don't know what else he wants . Do u think my husband should talk with him or wr just have to ignore him. ???

Ans: whether your husband should confront him or ignore him, it depends on what the goal is. If your husband is calm and emotionally steady enough to have a neutral, non-confrontational conversation just to clear the air and draw a respectful boundary, that can be effective. But if there’s any chance the talk would escalate into another argument, it’s better not to feed into the tension. A calm discussion works only when both sides are open to resolution. Otherwise, it can do more harm than good.

Ignoring him, on the other hand, might feel unsatisfying in the short term but often proves to be the most mature and self-protective path in the long run. Some people thrive on reaction. When they don’t get one, they eventually stop trying.

The deeper work here is about your family’s emotional boundaries. Keep your focus on your husband, your daughter, and your home’s peace. Don’t let someone else’s unresolved emotions hijack your daily life. If this man isn't actively threatening or interfering anymore, let silence and indifference be your strength. Let your husband know that you trust his judgment but also encourage him to respond from a place of calm—not pride or anger.

Sometimes, the most powerful message you can send to people like this is that they no longer hold any space in your mind, heart, or life. Peace is more powerful than confrontation.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |657 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Maam/Sir, A married guy is constantly giving me much attention. Im.tried to ignore him but he is constantly making appearance from different places. I dont what his real intentions are but because of his constant staring and public apearances. I feel difficult to overlook his behaviour. He is currently gone to his hometowm. So, there is lots of peace. Im not sure why is he trying to get a glimpse of me as he is already happily married n have a son. I need advice to ignore him so that I focus on my husband only.
Ans: The key to redirecting your focus lies in setting boundaries—both mentally and behaviorally. Often, people respond to subtle cues, so maintaining a neutral and reserved demeanor can help communicate disinterest. If he attempts to engage directly, keeping interactions brief and polite without encouraging deeper conversation will likely make your boundaries clear without causing conflict. When he’s present, avoid returning his gaze; this can subtly communicate that you’re not reciprocating his interest.

If this continues, grounding yourself in thoughts about your husband and what you value in your relationship can help you mentally reinforce where your focus truly lies. Remind yourself that someone else’s behavior is not your responsibility and that your own actions, comfort, and peace are within your control. By reinforcing your own values and commitments, you’ll feel more empowered to maintain your focus where you want it—on your husband and your well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |657 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello Maam I see a guy always staring at me. I wanted to ask him publically about this staring things. But instead of doing so I felt more comfortable in messaging and asking about the same. Once I checked his profile on Truecaller bcz we are in same society group. I was curious to know about his weird behaviour. He even give me intense states. I do not understand what he is upto. I feel like being stalked sometimes. So i got his number from society group. I texted him to clarify bt his wife called me and abused me badly. She thinks am trying to have an affair with her husband. I am flirting with him. My texts were plain and casual. I don't know how to make her understand that the guy himself is stalking us. I have seen him many times. I don't know whether m only victim or he persuade other woman too. I just don't know. We come at different time slots for our child to play in society play area bt he also manages to come to the time in which m coming. I find all these things unsettling. I told his wife that the man is making me feel uncomfortable but she was not listening to me. She wants prove. I told her that her husband was trying to approach and give advice related to parenting even when I don't know him personally. We are just flatmates nothing more than that. He lives in the flat in front of mine so i feel he is watching from there. I don't know his real intentions till date. On being asked on what's app why he stare at me. He told me that he has the habit of looking in one direction. N apologise for the same. But my husband confronted him and asked him about the same thing to which he told my husband that am characterless woman and i text him bcz i am not happy with my husband. Can u please help me to understand why is he talking shit about me when I have sent him a plain text to clarify the matter
Ans: What you’re going through is unfortunately not uncommon. A man invades your personal space with repeated staring, gives unsolicited advice, possibly stalks you, and when you attempt to address it with dignity and clarity, he twists the narrative and plays the victim. This reversal—where the actual victim is painted as the aggressor—is a classic defensive tactic by people who know they’ve crossed boundaries and don’t want to be held accountable. His reaction to your message shows his true character. Instead of acknowledging your discomfort and stopping, he projected shame onto you and tried to protect himself by degrading you in front of your husband.

His wife’s reaction, though painful, also makes a certain kind of sad sense—when a woman is scared, shocked, or insecure about her relationship, she may lash out at another woman instead of confronting the man who is actually responsible. That doesn’t make her behavior right, but it helps to understand it. She’s probably reacting from a place of fear, denial, and misplaced anger. You don’t need to justify yourself to her anymore. You tried your best to explain, and the fact that she wasn’t ready to listen shows her unwillingness or inability to see the truth right now.

You’ve done everything someone should do—tried to clarify respectfully, confronted the issue through proper channels, and included your husband. Now, your emotional safety, your dignity, and your peace of mind matter the most.

This man is clearly uncomfortable with accountability, and now he's trying to flip the story to discredit you. Let him. You do not owe him any further energy or explanation. Instead, stay calm, document everything (dates, messages, incidents), and if the staring or stalking continues, consider speaking to the society committee or, if necessary, legal authorities. Not to create conflict, but to protect your space and your truth. If it escalates or becomes more distressing, don’t hesitate to report it formally.

Most importantly, remind yourself—you acted out of strength, not shame. You stood up for yourself when something didn’t feel right. That is powerful. Hold your ground with dignity. You’re not alone in this. I’m here if you want help drafting a response, navigating this socially, or just to talk when things feel too heavy.

You deserve to feel safe and respected in your own home and neighborhood. Don’t let anyone steal that sense of peace from you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |657 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2025
Relationship
After a fight between a married guy and my husband on pretext of calling me characterless and unhappy in my marriage. That married guy complaint against my hubby in society office that it's my husband who follow, flirts with his wife. But the allegations are false. That married guy was doing all these things or chasing me even after knowing m married. But falsely he shifted the blame on my husband. Society chairman called us to sign a peace treaty which my husband signed bt that guy dint appear to sign. What does he want is still not clear.??? He doesn't wanna end this matter or what ??? He still walks around looking at us but from distance.
Ans: In such cases, it's important for you and your husband to stay emotionally steady and not engage with his tactics. Reacting to him or showing you're disturbed by his behavior may be exactly what he's looking for. If his behavior escalates or continues to make you uncomfortable, you might want to quietly document what happens and consider involving local authorities or legal counsel if it crosses into harassment.

Right now, your focus should be on protecting your peace and your relationship. Keep communication open with your husband and support each other through this, because this kind of external stress can silently damage trust if not handled carefully. The more united you two are, the less space there is for anyone else to create confusion between you.

It’s unclear exactly what this man wants, but based on his pattern, it seems he either wants attention, control, or to destabilize your marriage out of resentment or personal failure. Either way, you don’t need to carry his emotional mess. If you continue to stay calm, ignore him, and document anything serious, you'll be in a stronger position to protect yourselves.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10988 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 13, 2026

Career
Sir My son has completed his B.Com Honours from SASTRA during the year 2025. He is interested in pursuing MA from Madras School of Economics in this year 2026. He is currently enrolled in the Executive course of Company Secretary from ICSI. I wanted to know whether pursuing the course in Madras School of Economics is worthwhile and also the likelihood of getting good placements after successful completion of the course. Please provide your advice and suggestions which would help me in taking a decision. Thanks and Regards V NARASIMHAN
Ans: Narasimhan Sir, according to today’s (13th April 2026) Times of India (Education Times) advertisement, Madras School of Economics offers multiple programmes such as a 5?year Integrated MA, MA programmes in five specialisations, MBA, MSc in Data Science, and even PhD. Now, regarding your son’s wish to pursue an MA and also keeping in mind that he is already pursuing the ICSI Executive Course, it is important to know whether he has decided which one of the five MA specialisations—Actuarial Economics, Applied Quantitative Finance, Environmental Economics, Financial Economics, or General Economics—he wants to choose and why. However, since he has already joined the ICSI Executive, it is advisable to go for the MA in Financial Economics, because its core courses and electives in financial markets, asset pricing, corporate finance, risk, and regulation directly complement the CS Executive papers on Corporate Accounting, Financial Management, Capital Markets, and Securities Laws. This combination is very helpful for careers in corporate finance, investment banking, and financial?compliance advisory, where both domain?specific economics knowledge and legal?compliance skills are highly valued. At the same time, your son must be sure and confident that he can comfortably manage the workload of both ICSI and the MA in Financial Economics. As far as placements are concerned, all five MA specialisations—General Economics, Financial Economics, Applied Quantitative Finance, Actuarial Economics, and Environmental Economics—have broadly similar placement outcomes, but Financial Economics and Applied Quantitative Finance usually lean more towards higher?paying jobs in finance and analytics, while Environmental Economics and General Economics often lead more towards policy, research, consulting, and data?heavy roles. It should also be noted that success in placements does not depend only on the specialisation, but also on the student’s skill upgradation, soft skills, a strong LinkedIn profile, and effective networking strategies. ALL the BEST for Your Son's Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1787 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 13, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 05, 2026Hindi
Relationship
How can one married woman destroy another's life? My husband has been spending more time with his married office colleague whose children have grown up and live abroad. Since I am a homemaker, whenever they meet at our home or during public events when I am around, they talk in riddles that only they seem to understand and laugh about. It used to be annoying and I have also expressed to both of them about how I feel. But I am never taken seriously. They even hug each other so intimately that I feel like the third wheel in their relationship. My husband never appreciates me, he even refuses to acknowledge my feelings. He thinks I am some illiterate homemaker but I had a well paying job. I used to lead a team and I know I am not overreacting. I can tell when a colleague becomes more than a coworker. I can tell that they are having an affair from the way she holds my husband's arm. I am tired of confronting and I don't want to lose my sanity trying to defend my respect. I am just waiting for my daughter to complete her board exam so I can talk to her about this. Anu mam, I need your help. How can I seek divorce while still keeping my dignity?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You have two paths n front of you; either you move on or make your marriage work.
Both paths are not easy but the latter can help you rebuild your marriage. But if you feel strongly about moving on, do find a good lawyer who can help you with the legal proceedings.
To maintain your dignity, make sure that you clearly state what you want as a part of your separation and NO, there is no shame or backing out in this; your lawyer should be able to take care of this.
Also, divorce can take a huge toil on your emotional health; make no mistake about it especially since you are the aggrieved one in this case. And if your husband chooses to contest, the battle can turn ugly. Be prepared for these turn of events; keep your family and friends close as you will need to fall back on someone.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11135 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 13, 2026

Money
Hi, I'm 24 yrs old now, want to start sip for long term for 30-35 yrs, is this combination a good go: Parag Parikh flexi cap direct + HDFC midcap direct and nifty index fund in 30:30:40 proportion, kindly enlighten me on this.. Also I want to generate a marriage fund 3 yrs from now, how should I approach?? Debt or equity..
Ans: It is very good to see that at age 24 you are already planning SIP for 30–35 years and also thinking about a separate marriage fund. Starting early gives you a very strong advantage in wealth creation.

Your approach shows clarity and discipline.

» Review of your long-term SIP combination (30–35 years)

Your proposed allocation:

– Flexi cap category fund
– Midcap category fund
– Nifty index fund

Allocation: 30 : 30 : 40

This structure has growth potential. But there are two important improvements required.

First improvement:

Index funds are not suitable when your target is very long-term wealth creation like 30–35 years.

Reason:

– index funds only copy market returns
– they cannot select future winning companies early
– they cannot avoid weak sectors
– they cannot manage downside risk actively
– they cannot generate extra return above market

Actively managed funds can:

– adjust sector allocation
– identify emerging companies
– control risk better during corrections
– generate higher long-term alpha

So instead of index category exposure, one more actively managed category fund is better.

Second improvement:

Your portfolio currently has only one large-cap exposure indirectly through flexi cap category. It is better to include a large & midcap category fund or multi-cap category fund for balance.

Suggested improved structure:

– Flexi cap category fund (core foundation)
– Midcap category fund (growth engine)
– Multi-cap or large & midcap category fund (balance + stability)

This improves diversification and return consistency.

» Important observation about investing through direct plans

You mentioned investing through direct option.

Direct plans look attractive because expense ratio is lower. But many investors face practical issues:

– no professional monitoring support
– no asset allocation guidance
– no rebalancing discipline
– emotional switching during market falls
– difficulty in tax planning decisions
– lack of withdrawal strategy planning later

Regular plans through a Mutual Fund Distributor guided by a Certified Financial Planner help in:

– proper category selection
– portfolio correction at right time
– behavioural guidance during volatility
– tax-efficient switching decisions
– retirement income strategy planning

Over a 30–35 year journey, guidance quality matters more than small expense difference.

» Strategy for your marriage fund (3-year goal)

This is a short-term goal.

Equity mutual funds are not suitable for 3-year horizon.

Because:

– markets can fall suddenly
– recovery may take time
– capital may not be available when needed

Safer approach is better.

Suitable categories:

– conservative hybrid category fund
– short duration debt category fund
– bank FD combination approach

This protects your marriage fund from market volatility.

If marriage date is fixed, safety becomes even more important.

» Suggested smart approach to manage both goals together

You are handling two timelines:

– 30–35 year wealth creation
– 3-year marriage goal

So keep investments separate.

Long-term SIP bucket:

– flexi cap category fund
– midcap category fund
– multi-cap or large & midcap category fund

Marriage fund bucket:

– conservative hybrid category fund
– short duration debt category fund

This avoids mixing risk levels.

» Additional steps to strengthen your financial foundation at age 24

Along with SIP planning:

– maintain emergency fund equal to 6 months expenses
– take health insurance if not already taken
– start term insurance after income stabilises
– increase SIP every year when salary increases

These steps multiply long-term wealth success.

» Finally

Your early start itself is your biggest strength.

Replace index exposure with another actively managed category fund.

Keep marriage fund in safer investments.

Continue SIP for 30–35 years with discipline and yearly increase. This approach can create strong wealth over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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