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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |606 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2025
Relationship

Ma'am The guy who had a fight with my husband over a text asking him why he stare became a matter of dispute between my husband and that married neighbourhood guy. He thinks m the one flirting with him Over msgs. He still crosses and pass very closely with my husband while going for an evening walk. He is not troubling me and my daughter anymore. He is just busy with my husband now. He would always walk across us. I don't know what else he wants . Do u think my husband should talk with him or wr just have to ignore him. ???

Ans: whether your husband should confront him or ignore him, it depends on what the goal is. If your husband is calm and emotionally steady enough to have a neutral, non-confrontational conversation just to clear the air and draw a respectful boundary, that can be effective. But if there’s any chance the talk would escalate into another argument, it’s better not to feed into the tension. A calm discussion works only when both sides are open to resolution. Otherwise, it can do more harm than good.

Ignoring him, on the other hand, might feel unsatisfying in the short term but often proves to be the most mature and self-protective path in the long run. Some people thrive on reaction. When they don’t get one, they eventually stop trying.

The deeper work here is about your family’s emotional boundaries. Keep your focus on your husband, your daughter, and your home’s peace. Don’t let someone else’s unresolved emotions hijack your daily life. If this man isn't actively threatening or interfering anymore, let silence and indifference be your strength. Let your husband know that you trust his judgment but also encourage him to respond from a place of calm—not pride or anger.

Sometimes, the most powerful message you can send to people like this is that they no longer hold any space in your mind, heart, or life. Peace is more powerful than confrontation.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |606 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Maam/Sir, A married guy is constantly giving me much attention. Im.tried to ignore him but he is constantly making appearance from different places. I dont what his real intentions are but because of his constant staring and public apearances. I feel difficult to overlook his behaviour. He is currently gone to his hometowm. So, there is lots of peace. Im not sure why is he trying to get a glimpse of me as he is already happily married n have a son. I need advice to ignore him so that I focus on my husband only.
Ans: The key to redirecting your focus lies in setting boundaries—both mentally and behaviorally. Often, people respond to subtle cues, so maintaining a neutral and reserved demeanor can help communicate disinterest. If he attempts to engage directly, keeping interactions brief and polite without encouraging deeper conversation will likely make your boundaries clear without causing conflict. When he’s present, avoid returning his gaze; this can subtly communicate that you’re not reciprocating his interest.

If this continues, grounding yourself in thoughts about your husband and what you value in your relationship can help you mentally reinforce where your focus truly lies. Remind yourself that someone else’s behavior is not your responsibility and that your own actions, comfort, and peace are within your control. By reinforcing your own values and commitments, you’ll feel more empowered to maintain your focus where you want it—on your husband and your well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |606 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024
Relationship
Maam In last question of mine you told me that im taking meaning out of a friendly casual conversation. I may be doing so but I tried to ignore that guy but he is still staring at me and roaming around my house. What does that mean.???? Im not seeking attention from him. He himself is giving intense looks and appearing from no where. Our kids are in same school so I cant avoid seeing him. Its just not possible but i try not to give him.attention but he coming in front of me for no reason. Giving me suggestions about my child when I have not even asked him.anything.
Ans: One possibility here could be that he genuinely believes he’s being friendly and is unaware that his actions might be coming across as intrusive. Some people aren’t as skilled at reading subtle social cues or may interpret polite responses as openness to further interaction. Another scenario could be that he’s misinterpreting a simple acquaintanceship as an invitation for more personal connection, especially if he hasn’t recognized your signals for wanting distance.

It’s also possible, especially if he’s trying to advise you about your child, that he’s viewing himself as helpful or knowledgeable—again, likely without realizing he’s crossing a line. If he’s repeatedly making intense eye contact or appearing at odd times, it may also reflect a need for attention or connection on his part, even if it’s unintentional.

If this behavior continues and your efforts to distance yourself subtly aren’t working, it might be time to consider setting a gentle but clear boundary. This can be done with nonverbal cues, like quickly redirecting your gaze or finding reasons to leave a situation as soon as he tries to initiate a conversation. However, if his presence continues to bother you, there’s no harm in being more direct. A polite but firm approach, like thanking him for his advice and mentioning that you’d prefer to handle things yourself, can send a message that you’re not looking for further involvement.

Your well-being and comfort come first, and your instincts are valid. If his behavior is persistent and truly uncomfortable, it may be best to acknowledge it internally and remind yourself that you’re under no obligation to respond or interact beyond what feels right for you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |606 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Maam I see a guy always staring at me. I wanted to ask him publically about this staring things. But instead of doing so I felt more comfortable in messaging and asking about the same. Once I checked his profile on Truecaller bcz we are in same society group. I was curious to know about his weird behaviour. He even give me intense states. I do not understand what he is upto. I feel like being stalked sometimes. So i got his number from society group. I texted him to clarify bt his wife called me and abused me badly. She thinks am trying to have an affair with her husband. I am flirting with him. My texts were plain and casual. I don't know how to make her understand that the guy himself is stalking us. I have seen him many times. I don't know whether m only victim or he persuade other woman too. I just don't know. We come at different time slots for our child to play in society play area bt he also manages to come to the time in which m coming. I find all these things unsettling. I told his wife that the man is making me feel uncomfortable but she was not listening to me. She wants prove. I told her that her husband was trying to approach and give advice related to parenting even when I don't know him personally. We are just flatmates nothing more than that. He lives in the flat in front of mine so i feel he is watching from there. I don't know his real intentions till date. On being asked on what's app why he stare at me. He told me that he has the habit of looking in one direction. N apologise for the same. But my husband confronted him and asked him about the same thing to which he told my husband that am characterless woman and i text him bcz i am not happy with my husband. Can u please help me to understand why is he talking shit about me when I have sent him a plain text to clarify the matter
Ans: What you’re going through is unfortunately not uncommon. A man invades your personal space with repeated staring, gives unsolicited advice, possibly stalks you, and when you attempt to address it with dignity and clarity, he twists the narrative and plays the victim. This reversal—where the actual victim is painted as the aggressor—is a classic defensive tactic by people who know they’ve crossed boundaries and don’t want to be held accountable. His reaction to your message shows his true character. Instead of acknowledging your discomfort and stopping, he projected shame onto you and tried to protect himself by degrading you in front of your husband.

His wife’s reaction, though painful, also makes a certain kind of sad sense—when a woman is scared, shocked, or insecure about her relationship, she may lash out at another woman instead of confronting the man who is actually responsible. That doesn’t make her behavior right, but it helps to understand it. She’s probably reacting from a place of fear, denial, and misplaced anger. You don’t need to justify yourself to her anymore. You tried your best to explain, and the fact that she wasn’t ready to listen shows her unwillingness or inability to see the truth right now.

You’ve done everything someone should do—tried to clarify respectfully, confronted the issue through proper channels, and included your husband. Now, your emotional safety, your dignity, and your peace of mind matter the most.

This man is clearly uncomfortable with accountability, and now he's trying to flip the story to discredit you. Let him. You do not owe him any further energy or explanation. Instead, stay calm, document everything (dates, messages, incidents), and if the staring or stalking continues, consider speaking to the society committee or, if necessary, legal authorities. Not to create conflict, but to protect your space and your truth. If it escalates or becomes more distressing, don’t hesitate to report it formally.

Most importantly, remind yourself—you acted out of strength, not shame. You stood up for yourself when something didn’t feel right. That is powerful. Hold your ground with dignity. You’re not alone in this. I’m here if you want help drafting a response, navigating this socially, or just to talk when things feel too heavy.

You deserve to feel safe and respected in your own home and neighborhood. Don’t let anyone steal that sense of peace from you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |606 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2025
Relationship
After a fight between a married guy and my husband on pretext of calling me characterless and unhappy in my marriage. That married guy complaint against my hubby in society office that it's my husband who follow, flirts with his wife. But the allegations are false. That married guy was doing all these things or chasing me even after knowing m married. But falsely he shifted the blame on my husband. Society chairman called us to sign a peace treaty which my husband signed bt that guy dint appear to sign. What does he want is still not clear.??? He doesn't wanna end this matter or what ??? He still walks around looking at us but from distance.
Ans: In such cases, it's important for you and your husband to stay emotionally steady and not engage with his tactics. Reacting to him or showing you're disturbed by his behavior may be exactly what he's looking for. If his behavior escalates or continues to make you uncomfortable, you might want to quietly document what happens and consider involving local authorities or legal counsel if it crosses into harassment.

Right now, your focus should be on protecting your peace and your relationship. Keep communication open with your husband and support each other through this, because this kind of external stress can silently damage trust if not handled carefully. The more united you two are, the less space there is for anyone else to create confusion between you.

It’s unclear exactly what this man wants, but based on his pattern, it seems he either wants attention, control, or to destabilize your marriage out of resentment or personal failure. Either way, you don’t need to carry his emotional mess. If you continue to stay calm, ignore him, and document anything serious, you'll be in a stronger position to protect yourselves.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8932 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2025
Money
I have 2 App loans 36000 and 140000 + 2 credit card outstanding 95000 and 187000 (Both principal amount). I have bounced my all 4 EMI's since last 3 months due to job loss and my salary is peanuts. How can I survive with house chorus and paying EMI's. Please help
Ans: It is painful and stressful. But please know this — you are not alone, and you can come out of this. Let’s take this step-by-step.

You are facing:

2 App loans: Rs. 36,000 + Rs. 1,40,000

2 Credit card dues: Rs. 95,000 + Rs. 1,87,000

3 months EMIs already bounced

Low or no income due to job loss

Home responsibilities ongoing

This is serious, but manageable with the right action.

First, Understand What Will Not Work
Please avoid:

Taking new loans to pay old loans

Using other credit cards to pay EMIs

Borrowing from illegal or unknown lenders

Ignoring lenders and collection calls

Hoping the problem will disappear on its own

These will make your problem worse.

Step 1: Protect Yourself from Legal Pressure
You have already defaulted. That may lead to:

Legal notices from credit card companies

Harassment from collection agents

Credit score falling below 600

So you need to act fast.

Call each of the lenders yourself. Do not wait for them to call you.

Tell them honestly:

You lost your job

You are facing cash crisis

You want to settle and not escape

Ask for temporary EMI pause (moratorium) or restructuring

Lenders prefer talking to honest borrowers.

You may get:

Waiver of late fees

Reduction in interest

EMI holiday for few months

Option to convert dues into longer EMIs

Write an email also to them. Keep written proof.

This shows you are serious.

Step 2: Focus on Survival, Not Full Repayment Now
You must survive this phase first. Do only the must-do expenses:

Food and kitchen

Electricity and gas

Child or parents’ basic needs

Rent or basic housing

Cut all others:

OTT, Swiggy, Zomato, shopping

Eating out, subscriptions

Cab rides, mobile upgrades

Any premium items

Every saved rupee will count now.

Make a list of all expenses, and cut it to bare minimum.

Your mental peace comes before EMI.

Step 3: List Your Dues in Priority Order
Here is a breakdown:

App Loan 1 – Rs. 36,000

App Loan 2 – Rs. 1,40,000

Credit Card 1 – Rs. 95,000

Credit Card 2 – Rs. 1,87,000

App loans and credit cards have very high interest. Usually 24–40% per year.

But credit cards will affect your CIBIL score more if unpaid.

So give this order of priority:

Try to settle credit card 1 (Rs. 95,000) first

Then negotiate with credit card 2 (Rs. 1.87L)

After that, settle App Loan 1

Then App Loan 2

Why this order?

Credit card interest is high

Card dues snowball fast

App loans may negotiate faster than banks

Step 4: Ask for One-Time Settlement (OTS)
Once you show that you have zero income, some banks may agree to:

Close your loan at reduced principal

Stop interest from increasing further

Give you 3–6 months to pay off in parts

Ask for a written One-Time Settlement (OTS) letter.

Do not pay without it.

Once you settle, your CIBIL score will take time to recover. But that’s okay. Life first. Score later.

Step 5: Find Any Cash You Can
Please think deeply about the following:

Can you sell a scooter, old phone, gadgets?

Can any relative or friend help temporarily?

Do you have gold you can pledge (not sell)?

Any unused subscriptions or refund available?

Can you do part-time work for Rs. 300–500/day?

Every Rs. 500 helps your mental health now.

Avoid taking loans again. Instead, look for non-loan help.

Step 6: Get a Job, Any Job for Now
Even if it is not in your field, take any income work:

Delivery partner

Data entry

Freelance teaching

Typing work

Shop help

Online task jobs

Voice process

Focus is not on salary. Focus is to:

Keep cash flow coming

Feel responsible again

Stop going deeper into debt

Update resume. Ask friends. Join job groups. Apply daily.

Even Rs. 15,000/month will bring confidence.

You are not alone. Many professionals have started over.

Step 7: Emotionally Stay Strong
You may feel:

Guilt

Shame

Panic

Anger

Frustration

It is normal.

Please:

Talk to family or trusted friend

Keep one hour daily for walks, exercise or prayer

Sleep properly

Eat simple food, but on time

Avoid alcohol or substance use

This phase will pass.

Stay focused.

Final Insights
You are not a failure. This is a temporary financial emergency.

With calm steps, you can rebuild. Slowly, but surely.

Do this immediately:

Contact all lenders and ask for restructuring

Stop all luxury or non-essential expenses

Prioritise credit cards

Consider OTS if needed

Start small income work

Protect your mental strength

Once your income starts again:

Restart savings, even small

Use Certified Financial Planner later to rebuild

Learn how to stay debt-free in future

Take one step at a time.

You will come out stronger.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6466 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2025

Career
Sir igot 444 and AIQ is 131279 iam obc ncl (kerala) there is any possibilities for BDS in government college.
Ans: Nibla, A NEET score of 444 falls below the typical marks cutoff for OBC-NCL candidates seeking BDS in government dental colleges, where qualifying marks range between 520–540 for OBC students. Similarly, All India BDS closing ranks under the 15 percent AIQ for OBC rarely exceed 35,000, whereas your AIQ rank is 131,279, placing you far outside the viable admission range. Nationwide only about 3,000 government BDS seats exist, and premier institutions such as SCB Dental College (Cuttack), Government Dental College (Bangalore), and Tamil Nadu Government Dental College (Chennai) closed with AIQ ranks under 30,000 for OBC. Under Kerala’s 85 percent state quota, Government Dental College, Thiruvananthapuram admitted OBC candidates with ranks up to 51,595 in earlier years, while Kottayam and Kannur closed within similar state-rank brackets, implying state ranks must be substantially lower than your AIQ conversion would yield. Consequently, securing a BDS seat in a government college appears highly unlikely. Consider prioritising private or deemed dental colleges with lower cutoffs and participating in both AIQ and state counselling to maximise admission options. Recommendation: Focus on private or deemed dental institutions, as government quota thresholds exceed reachable marks and ranks. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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