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Kanchan Rai |663 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 26, 2026

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 23, 2026Hindi

We are in love but our families keep fighting all the time. We ignored it during our dating phase but now that we plan to get married I am getting worried. He is a Punjabi, I am a Maharashtrian buddhist. Ever since our parents got involved, we are fighting and defending each other. This has led to a lot of ego problems which I don't know how to handle. Does it get better or worse after marriage? We love our parents and can't see them fighting like this.

Ans: no, it doesn’t automatically get better after marriage—in fact, situations like this often become more intense, because families feel more involved and more entitled once things are formal.
But the real issue isn’t just the family conflict.
It’s that you and your partner have started turning against each other while trying to defend your respective sides. That’s what creates ego clashes and emotional distance.

If this pattern continues, marriage will feel like a constant pressure point.

What matters is whether the two of you can shift from
“my family vs your family”
to
“we are a team dealing with this together.”

That means not attacking each other over family issues, not carrying every argument into your relationship, and standing by each other even when things get uncomfortable.

Your families may or may not fully accept things.
But your relationship will work only if you both stay united despite that pressure, instead of letting it divide you.

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Anu Krishna |1796 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

Question by AS - Jan 04, 2022Hindi

Hi Ma’am. I’m having a problem with my parents about my marriage. I’ve been in a relationship for three years and I want to marry him. My parents are not agreeing as it is a society issue because it is an interstate and inter-caste marriage. I'm trying to convince my parents for that since long time but it's going nowhere and they are too stubborn to even meet him once. What can I do in this situation? How can I deal with their emotional drama as a parent-child relationship should not break because of these issues? Kindly advise me, Ma’am. AS

Ans:

Dear AS,

You need to focus on how you can marry the person you love and also have your parents support you.

Is this possible?

There is a chance only if you take them into complete confidence and appeal to their logic.

Many societies are still against inter-caste marriages and I am sure they have their reasons for it, just like your parents have strong reasons to oppose the marriage.

Have you tried to find out why they oppose it? Are they worried about how they will face your family members as this is a big thing across cultures in the world?

As their daughter, you have connections with them as well as the right to live your life your way. Bring in an elder member of the family and ask him/her to appeal on your behalf. If this doesn’t work, you might be forced to decide one way or the other.

Whatever you do, do it with conviction and maintain relationships along the way. It may be an uphill task but breathe, smile and live life.

All the best, Happy 2022!

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Anu Krishna |1796 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 19, 2024Hindi

Hi i wanted to ask i am in a relationship with the guy from many years. We were together since class 10 my parents got to know about him that time so they scolded me and i left him but after 4-5 mnths we again got in touch and till now m 25 now and hes 27 we are in a healthy relationship. We are from different casts and now I told my parents about him but my father is adamant because this is the first intercaste marriage in our family and everybody will curse our family if we marry. My father holds a good reputation in the society he is saying society will say him harsh things and their survival in the society will get difficult if i do this marriage. We both are independent financially. I dont want that my family should suffer because of me . I am in a dilemma plzz help what should I do

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Yes, family, reputation, society...all this do come up within many Indian marriages.
But the point is: as two adults how smartly you deal with the issue of inter-caste marriage with your parents, the disappointments that they will subject you to, how effectively your partner is able to strike a rapport with your parents and show them how and why he is right for their daughter...lot of work, yeah? But, well...if that's the way forward, then you both need to work on all this.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan Rai |663 Answers |Ask -Follow