Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |663 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 26, 2026

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 06, 2026Hindi
Relationship

Hi, I love both my parents and my boyfriend. But my parents just cant seem to accept the fact that i have a boyfriend. At almost every stage in life, be it career, relationships, i am standing at the line and choosing whether i should choose myself and do what i want to do or should i choose what my parents say. I know they mean well for me and they want my good, but is it always have to be that way? Why do i always have to choose? I am sick and tired of hiding things from my parents but if i don't, they will intrude in my life and then everything goes haywire. is it too much too ask for acceptance? and even if i choose myself at any given time, there is this guilt of disobeying my parents that eats me alive. I am really at the threshold here.

Ans: You don’t actually want to choose between your parents and your boyfriend.
You want both love and autonomy. And that is a fair need.
The reason it feels so heavy is because you’ve been conditioned to believe that choosing yourself means hurting your parents. So even when you do something right for your life, it comes with guilt.
But here’s the shift you need to make:
You’re not choosing against your parents.
You’re choosing for your life.
Right now, hiding is draining you because it keeps you stuck in fear. But being fully open without boundaries leads to interference. So the balance is this:
Be honest, but don’t hand over control.
You can say:
“I respect your opinion, but I need to make my own decisions about my life.”
They may not like it immediately. They may react emotionally. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong—it just means they’re adjusting.
The real work for you is learning to sit with that guilt without giving in to it. Because that guilt is not a signal that you’re doing something wrong—it’s a sign that you’re doing something new.
You don’t have to stop loving your parents.
You just have to stop losing yourself to keep them comfortable.
That’s the line you’re learning to walk right now.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1805 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Mam i am in relationship for 9 years now..he became my boyfriend when i shifted in my new house he was my neighbour..i was in 10th when i got caught and since then my parents hate my boyfriend , i apologized to my parents then and said to have no contact with my boyfriend but 9 years down the lane ..we are totally connected and living a peaceful healthy relationship..my parents hate my boyfriend and his family to the core..my relationship with ny parents are.mixed someday they will be super nice to me , another day they will abuse me for evn small things..we have ups and down in our relationship but i love them a lott , i want to care of them in their old age..but at this point i want to talk to them about my boyfriend but seeinng that they hate him so much i am literally very very afraid that my parents will hate me to their core knowing about someone i want to marry whoom they hate soo much ..... i don't know how will they react .. i am been through physcial and verbal abuse earlier too but i don't know how much worse it can get this time..for them the girl who marry their parents choice is the best in the world..my boyfriend and i have no caste issue its just the ego issues with my parents they think karrying into that house they will never able to have good enough respect though my mother and his mother talk..but that too my mother bitch a lott about her mother for even nonsensical things..i am 24 now and preparing for government exam ...i am soo much stress knowing i have to choose between my love or my parents.....i think so even if i marry him with their superficail consent they will never be happy woth me..and can even cut contacts with me...i don't know what to do i have no elder in my house to make parents explain...mam plss show me some path
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No where have you mentioned what your boyfriend does for a living? Could this be the reason that your parents refuse to acknowledge your relationship?
Parents want the best for their children but at times their own beliefs on love marriages etc can come in the way. Since you are an adult, it is time to actually start acting like one. My suggestion is to have a conversation with them and understand the reason for their refusal to accept your boyfriend. If it is one of society and family objection, then you know how to handle it BUT if their concern is more about his character or his job, you both need to make an effort to take away that concern so that they accept all this wholeheartedly.
Find the reason and things will become clearer as to how you must handle the situation.

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |730 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I was in a relationship for 10 years with my boyfriend since after my 12th standard. And when we asked at our homes for marriage, my parents didn't agree although theirs did agree. I have tried convincing for few months but they were so adamant because this relation is not in my best interest. And as I did not expect the situations to escalate this much, now I don't want to stress my parents and make them more sad than they are. So, I have asked for break-up with my boyfriend but he's very sad and is asking continuously for convincing my parents. I feel guilty but I don't think staying in the relationship still is a wrong choice when even I did not want to anymore.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand how challenging it is to let go of a long-term relationship because your parents are not agreeing to it. If we look at this situation from your partner's perspective, his feelings are valid. But, you choosing your parents over him can also not be challenged. After all, it's your life. The decision should be ultimately yours.

Your feelings matter too. You mentioned your unwillingness to continue the relationship. This is important because your happiness matters and it should come first to you. If you have started feeling that you have outgrown the relationship, it is okay to walk away. I know it hurts, both of you, but sometimes, it's better to leave than force yourself to stay together in a relationship that has no future.

Your partner feeling sad is natural and so is your guilt feeling. But that does not mean you must stay in this relationship. Ending a relationship that you are not fully committed to is much better than dragging it to its eventual and more bitter end. Let him know that you are sorry and that his feelings are valid. Your decision is hurting him and that's the least and the most you can do in this situation.

Remember guilt can cloud your judgment. While it is a necessary emotion, don't let it decide for you. The breakup doesn't have to be right or wrong at all times. Whether it aligns with your future is also important.

Your parents' opinions weigh heavily on you and it might be a good thing to consider why they are convinced that he isn't a good match for you. Do what makes you happy but do with while being kind to all the parties involved.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |663 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 28, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Ma'am, I am a 29 year old female. My parents recently found a very rich boy who they want me to marry. Initially they asked me to meet him a couple of times and then see if we are a match. However, I met him once and my experience was not great - we have different values in life. I wasn't very happy after that meeting yet I thought I should meet him a couple of times before I make any decision. But now they are building a lot of pressure on me to say yes to him. They are saying things like I will not find anyone better than this, there are no other options out there, this is as good as it gets, I will be throwing away my life if I say no, this is god's blessing that I should just accept. They also said that if I say no, they will just yes to another guy who lives in Canada. I do not understand what is suddenly happening because this was not the case a month ago and they had mentioned that it is my life and if I say no, then it will be a no and there is no pressure. I don't know what to do really, I feel like I am stuck at a cross road
Ans: Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires more than just compatibility on paper. Shared values, mutual respect, and a genuine connection are foundational to a happy and fulfilling relationship. If you feel uncertain or uneasy after meeting this person, it’s worth honoring those feelings and giving yourself time to explore them further. One meeting is often not enough to decide, but neither is it fair for anyone to expect you to commit without clarity.

It might help to have an open and honest conversation with your parents about how this pressure is making you feel. Share your thoughts with them calmly, focusing on your perspective rather than framing it as opposition to their wishes. You could express gratitude for their care while also making it clear that you need space to make a decision that you can feel confident about. Remind them that rushing into a choice you’re not ready for could lead to regret, which is not what either of you wants.

If the pressure continues to escalate, consider involving someone you trust—maybe a relative, family friend, or counselor—who can mediate and help your parents understand your point of view. Sometimes, a neutral perspective can ease tensions and bridge the gap between what they want and what you need.

Above all, remember that this is your life and your happiness at stake. While their love and approval are important, the decision to marry should come from a place of certainty and alignment with your values and goals. It’s okay to take your time, ask for understanding, and prioritize what feels right for you. You deserve a partnership that brings joy, peace, and fulfillment, not one borne out of pressure or fear of missing out.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1805 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 09, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Mam, My parents are not agreeing for the marriage with my boyfriend cause it's an interfaith relation. I tried convincing them but they keep on saying foul words to me, saying that they would kill themselves if I don't leave him. I had seen my family from childhood and I don't want to be in a similar situation as they are, my mother had a relationship with someone else after marriage, my sister is not the biological child of my father, I am aware of all those but I haven't blamed them for that cause I felt if that's what is making them happy let them be, I haven't even confronted them. Now they say all the good stuff that me and your father were very great to each other you should learn those things and all. I am struck in a situation now. I have a job and my boyfriend also has one, could you please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Judging your parents and their choices is not going to anyway help you in your context. So, why even go there?
Instead focus on your situation and how you can make things happen for yourself.
- Are you financially independent and will you be able to manage the discomfort that will emerge once you choose to be on your own?
- Will your boyfriend support your decision and will he stand by you when you go against your family?
- What does his side of the family have to say about all of this?
If you notice the questions above, none of them are set to 'convince' your family. It is almost impossible to convince someone who does not want to be convinced. These questions will give you an idea and enable to handle your situation by stepping up for yourself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |663 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I have strict parents. I had a boyfriend for about 5 years, but my parents made me to break up with him because we belonged to different castes. I moved on from it somehow. and now i have another boyfriend (who is of the same caste), and he loves me truly, but now my parents are making me to lose all sort of contact with him and break up, in order to study. this has become a routine now, as soon as they get to know abt me being in a relationship, they make me breakup with the guy. and i am left to chose between the guy and my parents. what do i do?
Ans: From what you’ve shared, this isn’t just a one-time struggle. It’s a pattern where your desires and emotional connections are consistently overruled by parental control. That doesn’t just impact your relationships—it chips away at your autonomy, your confidence in making life decisions, and ultimately, your sense of self.

Let’s take a step back. It sounds like your parents operate from a space of fear, control, or perhaps even cultural conditioning—believing they know what’s “best” for you, even when that means disregarding your emotions. But here’s the truth: you are the one who has to live with the choices made in your life. Not them. You’re not doing something wrong by loving someone. You’re not “disobedient” because you want a say in your own future.

That being said, when you’ve grown up in a strict household, especially where obedience is confused with love, it can be incredibly hard to assert your independence without feeling crushing guilt or fear. But you need to ask yourself: What kind of life will I have if I continue to silence my heart to please others?

This doesn’t mean you need to make a drastic decision right away. But you do need to begin slowly reclaiming your emotional power. Start by asking: do I want to live in a way that makes others comfortable but leaves me emotionally unfulfilled? Or do I want to begin building the courage to live life on my own terms, even if it means disappointing people?

Your education is important, yes—but love and education are not mutually exclusive. Healthy relationships can actually support your growth, help you manage stress, and increase your emotional resilience. If your boyfriend is kind, supportive, and genuinely wants to see you thrive, that’s a blessing, not a burden.

One path you might consider is gradually building emotional boundaries with your parents—not out of rebellion, but from a place of self-respect. That might look like choosing not to share every personal detail with them, or gently but firmly asserting that your relationship is your private choice. It might mean seeking financial or emotional independence so that your choices aren't controlled by fear of what they’ll do or say.

It won’t be easy—but here’s the truth: choosing yourself doesn’t mean you don’t love your parents. It means you also love yourself.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11200 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 12, 2026

Money
am 38 years old and planning to buy a high-rise apartment in Ghaziabad costing around ₹40 lakh. My current take-home salary is ₹88,000 per month. I can pay around 20% as a down payment and finance the remaining 80% through a home loan. However, after making the down payment, I will not have any emergency fund left for situations such as job loss, medical emergencies, or any other unexpected difficulties. My salary is the only source of income for paying the EMI. Therefore, I would like to know whether it would be better for me to buy the flat or invest in a 75–100 square yard plot costing around ₹15–25 lakh for future investment. Note- For the todays situation in india where inflation is increasing day by day should i buy or not?
Ans: Your concern is very practical. The biggest issue is not whether the apartment or plot gives better returns. The bigger issue is that buying the apartment will leave you with no emergency fund, while your salary is the only source for EMI payments.

» Looking at Your Financial Position

Age 38 gives you enough time to build wealth.
Monthly take-home salary of Rs.88,000 is decent.
The apartment cost of Rs.40 lakhs means you may need a home loan of around Rs.32 lakhs after the down payment.
The EMI would become a long-term commitment.
Most importantly, after the down payment, your emergency reserve becomes almost zero.

This is the point that deserves maximum attention.

» Why Emergency Fund Comes First

Job loss can happen unexpectedly.
Medical emergencies can arise without warning.
Family responsibilities may increase over time.
Home ownership also brings maintenance costs, registration expenses, interiors, and society charges.

If you exhaust all your savings for the down payment, even a small financial shock can create stress.

As a Certified Financial Planner, I generally prefer seeing at least 6 to 12 months of expenses and EMIs kept aside before taking a major loan.

» Should You Buy the Apartment Now?

If the flat is for self-occupation and you genuinely need a house for your family, buying can be considered.
However, I would not recommend proceeding if it leaves you with no emergency reserve.
A few years' delay is often better than entering home ownership with financial vulnerability.

Inflation is rising, but that alone should not force a purchase decision.

A financially strong buyer usually gets better peace of mind than a financially stretched buyer.

» What About Buying a Plot?

Since you specifically asked for a comparison, a plot generally requires lower capital commitment than the apartment you are considering.
It avoids a large EMI burden.
It allows you to preserve some liquidity.
However, plots do not generate regular income and can remain idle for long periods.

The decision should not be based purely on expected appreciation.

» Inflation and Today's Situation

Inflation is certainly increasing the cost of living.
But inflation also increases future salaries and earning potential for many professionals.
Taking a large loan without emergency reserves is a bigger risk than inflation itself.
Financial flexibility is valuable during uncertain economic periods.

» A More Balanced Approach

First build a strong emergency fund.
Ensure adequate health insurance coverage.
Keep some reserves for unforeseen expenses.
Then proceed with property purchase when the down payment does not wipe out your savings.
Avoid stretching yourself to the maximum loan eligibility offered by the bank.

» Final Insights

Based on the information provided, I would be cautious about purchasing the Rs.40 lakh apartment immediately because it leaves you without an emergency fund.
The lack of financial cushion is a bigger concern than inflation.
Strengthening your emergency reserve first can make the home purchase much safer.
Do not rush into a property decision simply because prices may rise in future.
A strong financial foundation should come before a large EMI commitment.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x