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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 10, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 18, 2025Hindi
Relationship

I lost my father early this year. Since his demise, our family is going through a traumatic period. My mother was especially very depressed and withdrawn. During this challenging times, my wife and my mother had serious arguments over past issues, which are common among in-laws. It has been more than 6 months, they are not in good talking terms. They refuse to settle their differences. My efforts to strike a reconciliation between them is to no avail. I am in severe emotional distress while dealing with mother on one side and wife on other. Please advise on the way forward so as to reach some state of peaceful and amicable solution. Thank you

Ans: The first thing you need to accept is that you cannot “fix” their relationship directly. You can only create conditions for healing. That means stepping back from being the mediator and shifting to being the emotional anchor — calm, consistent, and non-reactive. When you try to force reconciliation, both sides may feel pushed or unheard. Instead, start by talking to each of them separately with empathy, not persuasion.
With your mother, acknowledge her pain. With your wife, express gratitude for what she’s done and how hard this period has been for her. The goal is to lower the emotional temperature. Once both feel less defensive, you can suggest something small — maybe your wife checking in with your mother about health or meals, or you all sharing a family ritual in your father’s memory. Avoid joint confrontations or “peace talks” for now — they rarely work when emotions are raw.
Also, please don’t neglect your own grief. You’re carrying the burden of peacekeeping, but your heart needs care too. Consider individual therapy or even a brief grief-support group. You’ll need emotional balance to guide others toward it.
Peace may not come quickly, but it will come gradually — through consistent empathy, patience, and your calm example. You can’t make them love each other right now, but you can show them what love looks like — in how you listen, speak, and stay grounded.

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Love Guru

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Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I got married in the year 2013 and it was an arranged marriage planned by my parents. I have only one sister who got married in the year 2012. My wife has some issues with my mother and my sister few months after I got married. The primary issue was that my mother and my sister do back biting about her on mobile phone. Although I always denied it and asked my wife to don't focus too much on it. However, last year my wife got call recordings from my mother's phone where my sister was talking meanly about my wife which even I did not like it. I called my wife and brother in law to my place to resolve the differences and it resulted in a better relationship. We recently moved to our newly built house and on the day of the function, my wife saw from a distance my mother and my sister talking to each other in a low tone. She thought they were again talking about her and she got angry. However, my mother denied it and said they were talking about some other issues. My sister came to our place few days after the function and my wife did not talk properly with her. That made my mother angry and she in turn did not talk well with my mother in law who came to our house just recently. Now my wife and mother don't talk to each other and the vibes are quite bad when I enter the house. What can I do to make these complex relations work better?
Ans: What you could have done when you got married was move into your own home. Instead, when you got the chance to move to a new residence, you opted to live with your parents yet again! This ridiculous patriarchal mentality of a woman having to adjust to her husband’s whole family is the cause of most marital strife! You want things to improve, put some distance between them and move out! Ever heard that absence makes the heart grow fonder?

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My wife got posted in distant place 10 years back. I had to ask for help from my inlaws as our child was very young. They started to live with her. After 1 year she got transferred back to the place where I was living. She got a flat from the company and we started to live together. Since then my inlaws are also staying with us. They purchased another flat nearby but are not willing to move there. Now, the problem is that whenever me and my wife have a quarrel she just stops talking and starts to take decisions in consultation with my inlaws. I am completely out of the loop in these circumstances. Over the years my relationship with inlaws has gone sour and quarrels with wife have been lasting longer (upto 2 months). My inlaws are otherwise well behaved but their presence somehow is hindering the process of natural reconciliation between me and my spouse or I am perceiving the situation incorrectly. Please guide
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What you all have done is jumped impulsively into one situation, made it comfortable asking people to help and then jumped back into the original situation and not knowing how to ask the same people to stay away!
Your wife has to grow out of her parents being around and you have to understand that your in-laws have got used to stepping in while you were away.
It's about time that you and your wife had a mature conversation on how to manage your family yourselves and be responsible for raising your child. But do remember to deal with your in-laws carefully. After all, they gracefully kept their lives on hold to help your wife and your child. Without hurting their sentiments, you are going to have to convey to them that you are thankful for what they have done for you BUT now you would like to be there for your family. Initially, this will hurt them and your wife, but anymore of this game will pull you and wife away from one another. So, they do need to move out...
You are not cutting strings but simply loosening the grip it currently has which is unhealthy for your marriage. Hope that your wife also understands this which means she will put you to test and in her mind or vocally compare what you bring to the table and how her parents supported her. Bear with it and as the two of you work together in putting the family back together, she will eventually understand that this is for the best.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

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Relationship
Me and my wife don't get along well...She thinks my family members are not good enough, so she has no relationship with them. Earlier I was not in good shape due to my friend's circle and did not give quality time to my wife when we got married. A few years back there was a misunderstanding between both families. Mistakes were from both sides. Now my in-laws and wife do speak to any member of our family and have broken all relationships. This is for the past several years since they have stopped talking. My father is a cancer patient and wants to come and stay with me. He is 80 now but my wife is deadly against this though I have not discussed this yet with her. I need your guidance as to how to handle this situation and restore a good relationship between both families. My mother-in-law had fought with me in the past as well and held me responsible for her daughter's plight. My wife is very secretive and does not reveal anything be it about her salary/job etc. I am fed up and now I have started to think of separating if she does not allow my father to stay with me. Our marriage is almost 24 years now. I am 50 and she is in her late 40's....I want to get these things right and maintain a good relationship between both families. Kindly advise
Ans: Dear Trilok,
From what you’ve shared, it sounds like past misunderstandings between both families have turned into a long-standing rift. It’s understandable that you want to fix things and create harmony, but the resistance from your wife and in-laws makes it complicated. Before addressing the larger family conflict, the first step is to work on communication with your wife. You mentioned that earlier in the marriage, you weren’t able to give her enough quality time due to personal struggles. Do you think she still holds on to resentment from that time? If so, addressing those unresolved emotions could be a starting point for rebuilding some connection.

Since she is very secretive, it’s possible that she also feels disconnected from you in some way. Instead of making the father-staying discussion an immediate confrontation, try to understand her underlying fears. Is she worried about responsibilities, space, or past issues with your family? Bringing this up as a conversation about caregiving rather than a demand might help.

If her resistance is absolute and she refuses to even consider it, you’ll have to decide how much compromise you’re willing to make for the sake of your marriage. If you feel separation is a real possibility, ask yourself whether the relationship still has a foundation worth saving or if both of you have simply grown too far apart.

Would she be open to counseling or mediation? Sometimes a third party can help break the cycle of blame and secrecy. Do you feel that she still values this marriage, or has she emotionally distanced herself completely?

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10872 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2025Hindi
Money
Dear Sir/Ma'am, I need some guidance and advice for continuing my mutual fund investments. I am a 36 year old male, married, no kids yet and no debts/liabilities as such. I have couple of savings in PPF, NPS, Emergency funds and long term investing in direct stocks. I recently started below mentioned SIPs for long term to grow wealth. Request you to review the same and let me know if I should continue with the SIPs or need to rationalize. Kindly also advice on how to invest a lumpsum amount of around 6lacs. invesco small cap 2000 motilal oswal midcap 2700 parag parikh flexicap 3000 HDFC flexicap 3100 ICICI prudential largecap 3100 HDFC large and midcap 3100 HDFC gold etf FOF 2000 ICICI Pru equity and debt fund 3000 HDFC balanced advantage fund 3000 nippon india silver etf FOF 2000
Ans: You already built a solid foundation. Many investors delay planning. But you started early at 36. That gives you a strong advantage. You have no liabilities. You have long term thinking. You also have diversified savings like PPF, NPS, Emergency funds and direct stocks. That shows clarity and discipline. This approach builds wealth with less stress over time.

You also started systematic investments in equity funds. That is a positive step. Your selection covers multiple categories like large cap, mid cap, small cap, flexi cap, hybrid and precious metals. So the intent is right. You are trying to create a broad portfolio. That gives balance.

» Your Portfolio Composition Understanding
Your current SIP list includes:

Small cap

Mid cap

Flexi cap

Large cap

Large and mid cap

Hybrid category

Gold and Silver FoF

Equity and Debt allocation fund

Dynamic hybrid fund

This shows you are trying to cover many segments. But too many categories can create overlap. When there is overlap, you get confusion during review. It also makes portfolio discipline difficult. You may think you are diversified. But the holdings inside may repeat. That reduces efficiency.

Your portfolio now looks like:

Equity dominant

Hybrid for stability

Metals for hedge

So the broad direction is fine. But simplifying helps in long-term habit building.

» Fund Category Duplication
You hold:

Two flexi cap funds

One large and mid cap fund

One pure large cap fund

One mid cap fund

One small cap fund

Flexi cap funds already invest across large, mid, small. Then large and mid also overlaps. So the large cap exposure gets repeated. That may not add extra benefit. But it increases monitoring complexity.

So I suggest rationalising. Keep one fund per category in core. Keep satellite space for only high conviction.

» Core and Satellite Strategy
A structured portfolio follows core and satellite method.

Core portfolio should be:

Simple

Long term

Stable

Satellite portfolio can be:

High growth

Concentrated

Based on your thinking level, you can structure like this:

Core funds:

One large cap

One flexi cap

One hybrid equity and debt fund

One balanced advantage type fund

Satellite funds:

One mid cap

One small cap

One metal allocation if needed

This division gives clarity. You can continue SIPs with review every year. No need to stop and restart often. That reduces behavioural mistakes.

» Your Current SIP List Review with Suggested Streamlining

You can consider continuing:

One flexi cap

One large cap

One mid cap

One small cap

One balanced advantage

One equity and debt hybrid

You may reconsider keeping both flexi caps and both gold silver funds. One of each category is enough. Because too many funds do not increase returns. It complicates tracking.

Precious metal funds should not be more than 5 to 7 percent in your portfolio. This is because metals are hedge assets. They do not create compounding like equity. They act as protection during cycles. So keep them small.

» How to Use the Rs 6 Lakh Lump Sum
You asked about lump sum investing. This is important. Lump sum should not go fully into equity at one time. Markets move in cycles. So use a staggered method. You can invest the lump sum through STP (Systematic Transfer Plan). You can keep the amount in a liquid fund and set STP toward your chosen growth funds over 6 to 12 months.

This reduces timing risk. It also creates discipline. So your Rs 6 lakh can be deployed gradually. You may use 50% towards core equity funds and 30% toward satellite growth category. The remaining 20% can go into hybrid category. This gives balance and comfort.

» Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
One important point many investors miss. Direct funds look cheaper. But they demand deep knowledge, discipline, and behaviour control. Most investors lose more through emotional selling and wrong timing than they save on expense ratio.

With regular funds through a Mutual Fund Distributor with Certified Financial Planner qualification, you get guidance, structure and correction. The advisory discipline protects you during market extremes. That is more valuable than a small saving in expense ratio.

A personalised planner also tracks portfolio drift, rebalancing need and category shifts. So regular fund investing gives long-term benefit and behaviour coaching.

» Actively Managed Funds over Index or ETF
Some investors choose index funds or ETF thinking they are simple and cheap. But they ignore drawbacks.

Index funds or ETF will not avoid weak companies in the index. They will invest whether the company grows or struggles. There is no fund manager decision making. So when markets are at peak, index funds continue aggressive exposure. In downturns also they fall fully. There is no cushion.

Actively managed funds work with research teams. They can avoid bad sectors. They can shift allocation based on market and economy. Over long term, this gives better alpha and stability. So continuing with actively managed funds creates better wealth compounding.

» SIP Continuation Strategy
Once the rationalisation is done, continue SIPs every month without interruption. Pause and restart behaviour damages compounding power. SIP works best when you go through all market cycles. You benefit more during corrections because cost averaging works.

So continue SIP amount. You can also review SIP increase every year based on income. Increasing SIP by 10 to 15 percent every year helps you reach large corpus faster.

» Asset Allocation Based Approach
One key point in wealth creation is having the right asset mix. Equity gives growth. Hybrid gives balance. Metals give hedge. Debt gives safety. Your asset allocation should stay aligned to your risk profile and time horizon.

Since you are young and have long term horizon, higher equity allocation is fine. But as time moves, rebalancing is important. Rebalancing protects gains and restores allocation.

So review your asset allocation every year or during major life events like child birth, home buying or retirement planning.

» Behaviour Management
Many portfolios fail not due to bad funds. They fail due to bad decisions. Selling during correction. Stopping SIP when market falls. Chasing past return performance. These mistakes reduce wealth.

Your discipline so far is good. Continue to stay patient during volatility. Equity rewards patience and time.

» Financial Goals Clarity
Since you have no children now, you can decide your long-term goals. Typical goals may include:

Retirement

Future child education

Dream lifestyle purchase

Health care reserves

When goals are clear, investment purpose becomes stronger. So you can map each fund category to goal horizon. Short-term goals should not use equity. Long-term goals should use equity with hybrid support.

» Role of Review and Monitoring
Review once in a year is enough. Frequent review can create anxiety. Annual review helps check:

Fund performance

Expense drift

Category relevance

Allocation balance

Then adjust only if needed. This progress helps you stay confident and aligned.

» Taxation Awareness
Equity mutual funds taxation rules are:

Short term (below one year holding) taxable at 20 percent

Long term (above one year holding) gains above Rs 1.25 lakh taxable at 12.5 percent

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab.

So always hold equity funds for long term. That reduces tax impact and gives better growth.

» SIP Increase Plan
You can create a simple plan to increase SIP over time. For example:

Increase SIP at every salary increment

Increase SIP during bonus time

Use rewards or extra income for investing

This habit accelerates wealth. So by the time you reach 45 to 50 years, your investments could reach a strong level.

» Insurance and Protection
Before investing large, ensure you have term insurance and health insurance. If not already done, it is important. Insurance protects wealth. Without insurance, even a small medical event can impact investment plan. So review this part also. Since you are married, cover both.

» Wealth Behaviour Mindset
You are already disciplined. Just keep these simple principles:

Invest without stopping

Review once a year

Avoid funds overlap

Follow asset allocation

Avoid reacting to media noise

This helps you reach long term milestones.

» Finally
You are on the right track. Only fine tuning and simplification is needed. Your discipline is visible. Your portfolio will grow well with structure, patience and periodic review. Use the Rs 6 lakh with STP approach. And continue SIP with rationalised categories.

With time and consistency, wealth creation becomes effortless and peaceful. You just need to stay committed and avoid overthinking during market movements.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1837 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 05, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, I did my BTech from a normal engineering college not very famous. The teaching was not great and hence i did not study well. I tried my best to learn coding including all the technologies like html,css,javascript,react js,dba,php because i wanted to be a web developer But nothing seem to enter my head except html and css. I don't understand a language which has more complexities. Is it because of my lack of experience or not devoting enough time. I am not sure. I did many courses online and tried to do diplomas also abroad which i passed somehow. I recently joined android development course because i like apps but the teaching was so fast that i could not memorize anything. There was no time to even take notes down. During the course i did assignments and understood the code because i have to pass but after the course is over i tend to forget everything. I attempted a lot of interviews. Some of them i even got but could not perform well so they let me go. Now due to the AI booming and job markets in a bad shape i am re-thinking whether to keep studying or whether its just time waste. Since 3 years i am doing labour type of jobs which does not yield anything to me for survival and to pay my expenses. I have the quest to learn everything but as soon as i sit in front of the computer i listen to music or read something else. What should i do to stay more focused? What should i do to make myself believe confident. Is there still scope of IT in todays world? Kindly advise.
Ans: Your story does not show failure.
It shows persistence, effort, and desire to improve.

Most people give up.
You didn’t.
That means you will succeed — but with the right method, not the old one.

...Read more

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