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Should I separate from my husband to ease our financial burden?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |590 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

Im going through a difficult situation at the moment. As a mother and a wife. My husband is the bread winner in the family. He does everything in the house and im unemployed but a house wife. I have 3 adult children two are working but contribute a little towards the house. The other daughter is unemployed my youngest is in high school. Our Expenditure is too high which we can't cope with. I feel im a burden at home. So i told my husband that we should just separate

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how stressed you must be; financial problems are indeed very difficult to deal with. First of all, let me remind you that you are not just a housewife- you are a homemaker. You raise your kids, and manage the entire household. It is not an easy task, so do not sell yourself short. And is separating with your husband going to change anything? Your children will suffer and if it isn’t an unhappy marriage, your husband will suffer greatly too. So I want to ask, did you ever consider applying for jobs? Not trying to pressurize you, but it might make you feel more helpful. Think about that- it can be any job; you can start small and slowly climb the ladder. Moreover, please speak to your spouse. If anyways he has made you feel like a burden, I want you to keep reminding yourself that your job as a homemaker is no less than his job as the breadwinner.

Hope this helps.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 27, 2021

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Dear mam, my husband and I had a love marriage. We dated for five years before getting married and we have been living together for 8 years now. I am working and we have a 5 year old son. He is a very good guy but his parents and relatives who are staying with us are making things difficult for us now. Like you suggested I tried talking to my husband but I feel he is being biased and taken for granted. I tried to adjust and ignore some things but there is a lot of politics going on every day which is affecting both of us. From money issues to privacy and kitchen fights, we are dealing with a lot of things that I am not able to talk and solve. This is affecting my career and my son’s studies too. Every time I start a discussion it leads to a big fight in front of everyone. Ultimately I am cornered and blamed. The patent response is: everyone adjusts. I’m not able to handle it well and no support from anyone. Also I don’t have anyone to talk to whom I can trust. Please help.
Ans: Dear S, Thank you for trying to apply a few of my suggestions. Extended families can be a huge challenge to live with as much as there are advantages as well.

Too much mixing of thoughts and opinions that at times you feel that your thoughts are never valued.

Either, you ease into this and know that this will be your world; which means you start to ‘try’ to become happy which can be stressful.

If this is impossible and you want to change it, then STEP UP for yourself and for your son.

No arguments, no fights, but firmly asserting what you want.

Be kind always no matter what because your husband is just in the midst of his family and the family system that he has been raised with, your protests don’t matter much.

Making your point known doesn't need fights, but reiterating what you want and that your thoughts must be respected.

It’s possible that over a few weeks, this new calm behavior of yours might bring some change in your husband and he may start hearing and listening to what you have to say.

If that doesn’t work, yes you may have to take the help of a professional who will put you two together in a place and become a good third person who will facilitate the communication.

Whatever it is, be kind and calm and I am sure you are…it helps in ‘breaking down’ the stubbornness in other people and they maybe willing to calm down as well.

Be at peace.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 30, 2024

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I am a 37 year old working woman have two kids aged 9 and 5. I am married for 12 years. My husband does not show any interest in house chores and whenever I ask him he will say, hire a maid for everything. I have raised my two kids on my own. We work into IT industry, husband completely works from home. I go to office once or twice month. During Corona, work from home became really stressful. I quit my job thinking that I will focus on kids and house, but that did not make any difference, he started humiliating me for not working. I started considering divorce and looked for a job, soon I got in. At times I feel, that I am too much organised, that's why I am frustrated and stressed out all day long. I mostly have tight timelines, which can't be missed. At times I am too much frustrated and leave home to office so that I can work peacefully there but that's again too tiring. Maids come and leave in hurry cause no one is there to watch them out when I am in office. When I get back home I see that food is kept as it is and kids are hungry because father did not serve them. House also becomes a complete mess with toys, clothes,books lying all around, after coming home I should throw away all food, make the house tidy again and plan for the next day, where as he has complete leisure life, he will get up in the morning, his tea will be ready he will straight go to play badminton, comes back when his meeting is started. His breakfast goes directly to his table. He comes out for his lunch and straight goes to bed for afternoon nap. Again he wakes up for evening meetings. After finishing all this he will go to play tennis. Comes back home for dinner, work a little on his laptop and goes out with friends for a walk, comes back late at night when all are asleep. Seeing this routine I become frustrated now I am planning to move out, Needless to say, we stay in separate rooms, his room is a complete mess all the time
Ans: Dear Pragya,
Congratulations! You have been successful in making a hotel at your home with a perfect and permanent occupant; your husband...
When everything is taken care of right from kids to the food to the cleaning and the organizing and oh, accommodating his game schedules, why would he move a limb? And because he never took interest in caring for the household, you have started to overcompensate and extend your professional skills of organizing and executing back at home. Which spouse would not want that?
You may feel frustrated and drop everything now, BUT there's possibly a way out of this...I say this only because there are children involved in this entire equation and it isn't great for them to live in separate homes. Take a stand; do your part of the work...hire a nanny who can care for the children including their meal times. If this is not possible, call in a female family member to help out for a few weeks. Use those few weeks to pass a strong message to him which is: KEEP YOUR END OF THE DEAL..
No serving him like he is the master...let him walk to the kitchen and take his food or make his juice of whatever.
Initially, there will be a lot of complaints; he will also send you on a guilt trip where you might start to feel bad for his plight. DO NOT RELENT...
Do we not raise children to be respectful humans and respectful citizens? You are doing just that with your husband...he sadly didn't make this transition when he was younger, so you are dealing with it now...Do this as the first step; who knows things might improve and your kids will have a stable home.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |587 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 04, 2024Hindi
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Madam i am married for almost 7 years as of now and last year i have been blessed with a daughter. I have had a job which was sufficient to fulfill my expenses and i use to save a bit too and therefore can claim I wasn’t dependent on my husband. After the birth of my child , my work has been affected which has also put an impact on my earnings. My husband doesn’t support me and my daughter financial needs and i am now feeling the burnout of raising me and my child and managing our day to day expenses single handedly. I have communicated this to my husband but he pays no heed to it. Please advice.
Ans: It sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough time, managing the responsibilities of raising your daughter and handling the financial burden on your own. After the birth of a child, it's normal for work and earnings to be affected, but the fact that your husband isn't supporting you financially—especially when it comes to your child’s needs—must be very frustrating.

The first step is to have a clear, calm conversation with him again. Sometimes, financial issues become a matter of miscommunication or a lack of understanding about the situation's seriousness. Make it clear how much pressure this is putting on you, both emotionally and financially. He needs to understand that raising a child is a joint responsibility, and financial support is a big part of that.

If direct communication doesn’t help, you may need to consider seeking outside support. Whether that’s through family, counseling, or legal advice, it’s important to know that you don’t have to bear all this weight alone. In some places, the law ensures that both parents are responsible for a child’s welfare, including financially. It might help to consult a family lawyer to understand your rights in this situation.

In the meantime, try to reach out to supportive friends or family members who might offer temporary emotional or financial help. You deserve to feel supported, and it’s not fair for everything to fall on your shoulders. Don’t hesitate to explore different avenues to get the help you need for both you and your daughter.

Remember, it's not just about your financial health, but also your emotional well-being and your daughter's future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |587 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi
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I recently got married. I find it hard to live with my mother in law as she wants to micromanage. My husband keeps telling me that things are gonn be alright once you both understand each other ( His mother and I) due in time. My husband hardly stays at home due to work. I find it unfair that I’m made to adjust to his difficult mother while he continues to go about his life. Although we agreed to stay together with his mother after we are married, now that I’m finding it hard and I have requested him multiple times to do something about it since it’s effecting my mental health. And my point is that since it’s hard for me and since he is my husband why can’t he make some arrangements for me to live separate, example by making excuse of my workplace being too far from his house etc. But what he only says is ‘ Everything will be fine with time’ and I find this statement itself dismissing my difficulties. While he hardly stays at home he leaves me behind to adjust to his difficult mother is also something I find unjust. What shall I do
Ans: You’re absolutely right to voice your concerns; it’s a major transition, and feeling micromanaged can take a toll on anyone. But it’s also clear that your husband feels a sense of duty towards his mother and believes that, over time, things may settle naturally as you get to know each other better. While his optimism might feel dismissive, it’s likely coming from his hope that time will help ease things for both of you.

Taking a step back, it might be helpful to consider his perspective. For him, there’s likely a deep-rooted loyalty and sense of care for his mother, perhaps much like what you might feel if it were your own mother. He might hope that the three of you can coexist peacefully and that, with patience, you and his mother will reach an understanding. It’s possible he’s trying to avoid confrontation, believing it will make things harder for everyone.

Perhaps, try to find a balance that respects both your needs and his family obligations. You could approach him with empathy by acknowledging, “I understand that you want us to grow closer and that it’s important for you to support your mother. I’d feel the same if it were my own mother.” But you can gently express that, despite your efforts, the situation is taking a toll on your mental health and that a temporary solution, like living separately, could actually help everyone in the long run. Let him know that you want to build a strong relationship with his mother, but to do so, a bit of breathing room may help you approach her with more patience and understanding.

Opening the door to his perspective in this way might soften his stance and encourage him to consider arrangements that balance everyone’s well-being. By approaching the situation together, as a team, you’re more likely to find a solution that honors both his responsibilities and your need for space, making room for a more peaceful family dynamic in the long term.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |587 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

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I am married for 5years with 2kids.. i am an employee and had to stay 100kms away from my native place on work purpose.. I opted to take my kids along as they are too small(3+ and 1+).. I asked my husband to accompany me as he is unemployed and staying at home.. But he refused and likes to stay with his mother.. He has a brother to look after his mother and his married sister also stays very near to them.. I sometimes feel very stressed out to handle my job and look after my kids.. i have no support from my husband neither emotionally nor financially.. i tried everything possible but he just talks about my earnings not wt i am going through.. wt i should do?
Ans: In a partnership, mutual support and shared responsibilities are essential, and it’s natural to feel frustrated and even resentful if your husband is prioritizing his comfort over your needs and well-being. Since he’s not providing emotional or financial support, it might be time to set some boundaries and expectations to protect your own peace and ensure you’re not carrying everything alone.

Start by calmly sharing how this situation affects you—not just financially but emotionally and physically. Emphasize that while you understand his desire to stay close to his family, your situation is not sustainable, and you need him to step up. You might also consider counseling, either together or on your own, to find ways to cope with your stress and explore solutions to address this imbalance in your relationship.

If he’s unwilling to make changes or support you even after open conversations, it may be necessary to think about your long-term well-being and that of your children. Your strength and resilience in handling so much on your own are admirable, but you also deserve a partner who is invested in your happiness and shares the load.

In the meantime, is there any possibility of support from family, friends, or childcare services near your work location? Having some practical help, even temporarily, could relieve some of your stress and allow you to focus on what’s best for you and your children going forward. Remember, you are not alone, and reaching out to build a support network can make a world of difference in helping you navigate this challenging time.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4699 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 21, 2025

Career
Sir, I have got 87% marks in mains. Please tell me a college where I can get a branch.
Ans: Aditi, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main/Advanced Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Also, please have some other back-up options instead of relying only on JEE/JoSAA/NITs/IIITs/GFTIs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions and a bright future!

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