Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Love Guru

Love Guru   | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 26, 2025

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Jayanti Question by Jayanti on May 24, 2025
Relationship

How do I fix my husband?

Ans: Take him to the vet? What a silly question, what do you mean by “fix” your husband!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1622 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 21, 2022

Listen
Relationship
I married a man after he cheated multiple times. I knew marriage wouldn’t fix our relationship but I hoped that if we transitioned into marital roles we could bring peace to each other.We have only been married a few months but have argued about money and have trust issues.I have even sought info on divorce. Before we married I worked 3 jobs and paid all the bills. I was unable to fulfil my goal of going back to school because we couldn’t afford it. Now he’s working full time but doesn’t want to pay his share of the bills. He says his money is here for when all my money is spent. We rarely go out. I work from home now and care for my children and his son. I want his loyalty. I want him to be a co-provider for our household. I want us to communicate better.When I get upset and try to talk, he tries to leave and becomes so defensive and disrespectful to me. He won’t tell me his plans all the time and gets upset when I ask. I just want a husband who loves me and wants to be loved by me. I have never not once gone out with my own friends. I have never gotten my hair done. I rarely do things for myself. I hate myself for doing this to myself. Help.
Ans:

Dear GH,

So, there’s someone in your home who lives for free and also wants to go out and seek pleasure and who will not even address the issue at hand.

Why exactly are you with him? He’s in it for the money that you bring in and someone to take care of him and his children and also who overlooks his infidelity.

He certainly has hit the jackpot with you. Now, why exactly do you want to still be with him?

If you feel that he will be willing to be counselled, kindly take him to an expert who can work with him and help you both put your marriage on track, else I am sure you know what situation you are in currently and how this has begun to affect the children as well.

Self-care is something that we don’t pay attention to and slowly it starts to eat away our peace of mind.

Do the right thing for you and for the children as well. Plan now for a future without him and see how prepared you are and whether it is something that you can manage. If not, you will have to accept him for who he is and move along life.

Simply do the right thing. All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1622 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2021

Listen
Relationship
Anu Mam, in your video you mentioned about healthy communication. I have tried many times to initiate communication with my husband but he is very biased. He shuts me down immediately in front of his parents and friends. It’s very embarrassing when he does that in front of people we know. He likes to dominate and make fun of me which everyone else seems to enjoy but I don’t. If I tell him that he feels I am being a spoilsport. He says I have put on weight and look fat after marriage and I don’t have a job that’s why I am getting all these negative thoughts. My mother in law also never supports me. She doesn’t tell if her son does something wrong. If I make one mistake she will blow it out of proportion and discuss in front of everyone. That becomes another topic for argument. All this is making me very annoyed and affecting our marriage now. We don’t have a child yet but we are already fighting every day. Please help. I just want to start a happy relationship. But I don’t know how to do it.
Ans: Dear SK, commenting on your body image honestly is no one’s business and by no one I also mean your husband.

He absolutely has no right to body shame you and make it a topic of jest.

The nest time, he calls you a spoilsport, please feel free to comment on his looks, his accent, his performance behind close doors and watch what his reaction is.

Sadly, his male ego will be hurt; at least it will give him an idea as to what he has been you through.

Communication as I mention must be firm and assertive; it must convey exactly what you want rather than what you don’t want.

And as far as it goes for you in-laws, ignore their childish behaviour towards you…honestly you cannot control anyone’s thoughts or actions and they are free to do as they please. But what gives them fuel is that you are provoked and hurt.

Is it possible to be unaffected by what people say of you and about you?

Yes, when you own your body image and are unapologetic about it!

Your body, your way…as simple as that and anyone has a problem with that, then it’s their problem!

Be at a lot of peace and act wisely!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1622 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 27, 2021

Listen
Relationship
Dear mam, my husband and I had a love marriage. We dated for five years before getting married and we have been living together for 8 years now. I am working and we have a 5 year old son. He is a very good guy but his parents and relatives who are staying with us are making things difficult for us now. Like you suggested I tried talking to my husband but I feel he is being biased and taken for granted. I tried to adjust and ignore some things but there is a lot of politics going on every day which is affecting both of us. From money issues to privacy and kitchen fights, we are dealing with a lot of things that I am not able to talk and solve. This is affecting my career and my son’s studies too. Every time I start a discussion it leads to a big fight in front of everyone. Ultimately I am cornered and blamed. The patent response is: everyone adjusts. I’m not able to handle it well and no support from anyone. Also I don’t have anyone to talk to whom I can trust. Please help.
Ans: Dear S, Thank you for trying to apply a few of my suggestions. Extended families can be a huge challenge to live with as much as there are advantages as well.

Too much mixing of thoughts and opinions that at times you feel that your thoughts are never valued.

Either, you ease into this and know that this will be your world; which means you start to ‘try’ to become happy which can be stressful.

If this is impossible and you want to change it, then STEP UP for yourself and for your son.

No arguments, no fights, but firmly asserting what you want.

Be kind always no matter what because your husband is just in the midst of his family and the family system that he has been raised with, your protests don’t matter much.

Making your point known doesn't need fights, but reiterating what you want and that your thoughts must be respected.

It’s possible that over a few weeks, this new calm behavior of yours might bring some change in your husband and he may start hearing and listening to what you have to say.

If that doesn’t work, yes you may have to take the help of a professional who will put you two together in a place and become a good third person who will facilitate the communication.

Whatever it is, be kind and calm and I am sure you are…it helps in ‘breaking down’ the stubbornness in other people and they maybe willing to calm down as well.

Be at peace.

..Read more

Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Mar 13, 2023

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1622 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Dear Anu I have been married for 18 years with 2 teenage daughters. My husband has temper issues and I feel he is a perfectionist. He feels that whatever he says or feels is the only correct way to do it. I have a full time job though he earns much more than me. He travels a lot so I am the one running household, kids’ responsibilities, my own job and taking care of a bedridden father in law but nothing seems to matter. Sometimes I feel no matter how much I do it is never enough. I am wearing out, I have become irritated and cynical because of my marital relationship. I thought his anger will subside and he will mellow down with age but it seems to worsen. Something just keep my mouth shut so that he doesn’t pick up one more thing to put me down. I just don’t want to separate because I have 2 wonderful kids for whom we are one happy family. Please advise.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's easy to get angry, throw the weight around and then make people around believe that 'This is who I am!'...
No! It's another way that adults behave having a temper tantrum and it's not okay...
Obviously, it will cause a huge strain in a relationship. In fact, if you and your husband had a better level of compatibility and understanding, the same situation at home with all the responsibilities that you are handling would not be weighing you down.
Emotional support can absolutely be a game changer for a couple who have young children and aged parents to care for and to be on the same page as a couple can help...
These anger issues have a source to them and hence need to be addressed...Else you will be stuck with the daily chores feeling the anguish and then the blame game will slowly begin...
Address this with a lot of patience (like you already have...) Communication between the two of you can take shape in the form of:
- Listening more than talking
- Expressing more than complaining

These small tweaks will first ensure smooth engagement between the two of you...and also, you should know...his anger can just be a form of him asking for attention but he does not know how to ask for it. So, it has to change from anger into expressing...
Does all this change take time? YES and constant and patient work...Marriage is work! And the benefits of bringing back a happy family is always seen in the children first...it's priceless...

All the best!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6465 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2025

Career
Sir igot 444 and AIQ is 131279 iam obc ncl (kerala) there is any possibilities for BDS in government college.
Ans: Nibla, A NEET score of 444 falls below the typical marks cutoff for OBC-NCL candidates seeking BDS in government dental colleges, where qualifying marks range between 520–540 for OBC students. Similarly, All India BDS closing ranks under the 15 percent AIQ for OBC rarely exceed 35,000, whereas your AIQ rank is 131,279, placing you far outside the viable admission range. Nationwide only about 3,000 government BDS seats exist, and premier institutions such as SCB Dental College (Cuttack), Government Dental College (Bangalore), and Tamil Nadu Government Dental College (Chennai) closed with AIQ ranks under 30,000 for OBC. Under Kerala’s 85 percent state quota, Government Dental College, Thiruvananthapuram admitted OBC candidates with ranks up to 51,595 in earlier years, while Kottayam and Kannur closed within similar state-rank brackets, implying state ranks must be substantially lower than your AIQ conversion would yield. Consequently, securing a BDS seat in a government college appears highly unlikely. Consider prioritising private or deemed dental colleges with lower cutoffs and participating in both AIQ and state counselling to maximise admission options. Recommendation: Focus on private or deemed dental institutions, as government quota thresholds exceed reachable marks and ranks. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6465 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2025
Career
Which university is good among VIT, AMRITA AND SRM?
Ans: VIT Vellore maintains a 90–95% placement rate across the last three years, facilitated by 632–945 recruiters visiting annually and yielding over 3,300 super-dream (≥10 LPA) and 2,800 dream (≥6 LPA) offers in 2024, with a median package near ?9 LPA and strong tech-sector engagement from companies like Microsoft, Amazon and TCS. Amrita Vishwa Vidyapeetham Coimbatore records 90–100% placement consistency for its BTech cohorts, supported by 300+ recruiters including IBM, Wipro and Cognizant, with median salaries around ?7.75 LPA and emphasis on internships and research projects embedding industry standards early in the curriculum. SRM Chennai’s flagship Kattankulathur campus posts 85–90% placement rates over three years, hosting 980–1,313 recruiters and generating 5,500–9,000 offers annually, with average packages around ?7.2 LPA and core-engineering roles from Cognizant, Infosys and Ford. VIT leads in high-value dream offers and recruiter diversity, Amrita excels in top-end consistency and academic rigor, and SRM offers broad sectoral reach with strong core engineering streams.

Recommendation: Prioritise VIT Vellore for maximum high-value offer volume and expansive recruiter network, choose Amrita Coimbatore for nearly universal placement consistency and integrated research opportunities, and consider SRM Chennai if core engineering exposure and diverse sectoral hiring are primary goals. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8931 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2025
Money
Hello Sir, I want to redeem a mutual fund to reduce number of fund in my portfolio. This fund is of 5% allocation of my total portfolio and has not beaten the benchmark. I want to how to reinvest this redeemed amount to another MF, should I do SIP or lumpsum. Will lumpsum investment at current market effect the return or I should invest lumpsum without timing the market. My investment horizon is for 15 years. Also will this effect the compounding
Ans: You are thinking in the right direction. Streamlining your mutual fund portfolio is a smart move. Managing fewer, better-performing funds will help you get more focused growth.

You are planning to redeem a fund that has underperformed. That shows your awareness as an investor. Let us now look at the right way to reinvest the amount. Your investment horizon is long—15 years—which is an advantage.

Let us evaluate every angle in detail.

Why It’s Okay to Exit an Underperforming Fund
You mentioned this fund has only 5% weight in your portfolio. It has not beaten its benchmark. That’s a clear red flag.

Reasons to exit:

Fund not beating benchmark for 3 years or more

Fund manager or strategy changed

Poor consistency in performance

Other funds doing better in same category

Selling such funds is wise. It makes your portfolio clean and growth-focused.

One bad performer can pull down overall return. Removing it improves portfolio efficiency.

You made a good decision.

Where to Reinvest the Redeemed Amount
After selling, your goal is to reinvest in another mutual fund. Let us plan it properly.

You asked whether to do SIP or lumpsum. Both are useful, but must be used wisely.

First, identify where this money should go.

What type of fund should you choose:

If your existing fund mix is strong, add to an existing winner

Or choose a new fund with consistent 5-year and 10-year track record

Choose only actively managed funds, not index funds

Why avoid index funds:

Index funds copy the market without intelligence

They fall when the market falls. No protection

No chance to beat benchmark

Passive nature reduces wealth-building capacity

Fund manager has no freedom to select better stocks

Actively managed funds give you:

Expert decision-making

Freedom to shift between sectors

Better downside protection

Superior long-term results in Indian market

So always prefer actively managed mutual funds via regular plans.

SIP vs Lumpsum: Which One is Better?
Let us now come to your main question.

You want to know how to reinvest the amount. SIP or lumpsum?

Your investment horizon is 15 years. This is very long. So you can take equity exposure fully.

Still, timing matters when investing lumpsum.

Let us assess both methods side by side:

When Lumpsum Makes Sense
Lumpsum means investing full amount at once. It works in these conditions:

Market is already corrected or trading low

You are not emotionally affected by short-term falls

You will stay invested for full 15 years

You have chosen a good fund with strong past record

You don’t need this money for short-term goals

Benefits of lumpsum in long-term:

Full compounding starts from day one

Money is fully exposed to market

No waiting time, no idle money

Higher returns if market performs well after entry

But don’t forget, lumpsum needs mental stability.

What if market falls after lumpsum?

You may feel anxious

You may exit early due to fear

Short-term losses can affect your patience

That’s why timing does affect short-term performance. But not long-term growth if you stay invested for 15 years.

When SIP is Better
SIP is the habit of investing every month.

Even for lumpsum amounts, you can do STP (Systematic Transfer Plan).

STP means:

Keep the lump amount in liquid fund

Transfer fixed amount every month into the equity fund

Example: Rs. 50,000 per month for 6–10 months

Why STP is useful:

Reduces risk of market timing

Avoids investing entire amount at peak

Keeps you emotionally stable

Avoids regret in case of short-term correction

Creates smoother entry into equity

Use STP when:

Market is at all-time highs

Volatility is increasing

You are not sure about market direction

You want peace of mind during investment

So, STP is a balanced way to invest lump amounts.

Will Lumpsum Affect Compounding?
This is an important question.

Let us understand compounding clearly.

Compounding depends on:

Time invested

Return generated

Amount invested

Whether you do lumpsum or SIP, the key is how long money stays invested.

Lumpsum helps compounding start early. SIP creates compounding gradually.

In long term (15 years):

Lumpsum grows faster if invested at right level

SIP grows steadily but reduces entry timing risk

Both will give good results if fund is right

So yes, lumpsum helps compounding better if done at right time.

But STP gives you that benefit with safety.

You get smoother growth and still early compounding.

Ideal Strategy for Your Case
Let us now give you a proper, full-scope recommendation.

Step-by-Step Plan:
Redeem the underperforming fund.

Park the money in a liquid mutual fund (not savings account).

Start a 6-month STP to a high-quality active mutual fund.

Choose the fund after checking its 5-year, 10-year consistency.

Avoid new index funds or ETFs.

Use regular plans through Certified Financial Planner channel.

After STP ends, monitor that new fund every year.

This plan will:

Reduce timing risk

Start compounding early

Bring emotional comfort

Keep your investing smooth

Increase overall return stability

Additional Things to Keep in Mind
Since your money is being shifted, some more factors to remember:

Mutual Fund Capital Gains Tax Rules (Updated):

Equity fund LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%

STCG (below 1 year) taxed at 20%

These are recent rules. Plan redemptions smartly

Avoid frequent switches to reduce tax impact

Emotional Behaviour Risk:

Do not panic if market dips during STP

Do not stop investing after seeing short-term fall

Compounding works best when you do not interrupt

Yearly Review Required:

Check your fund’s performance yearly

Compare with peers in same category

Use this to decide future additions or redemptions

Work with a CFP to do regular health check-up of portfolio

Finally
You are thinking smart. Trimming funds and reallocating is a sign of maturity.

But always shift money with a goal and method.

Use these steps:

Avoid underperforming and index funds

Reinvest using STP into active mutual funds

Prefer regular plans with CFP guidance

Let money stay invested for full 15 years

Don't check NAV daily. Focus on yearly growth

Review fund quality yearly

Avoid timing the market too much

Stick with this method and your wealth will grow steadily.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x