Hello Anu, Hope you are doing well. PLEASE HELP ME. I have never had a girlfriend.I am a 31 yr old guy with so many things that changed me so badly and I am just aggressive than before. Today I am writing you this as I am in a complete anxiety situation that I don't know where to start from. I don't know how safe it is to share here but I wish to still share with you.So this scamdemic ruined it all.A girl entered my life and now acts like female Devdas.Sometimes she says I'm just a friend. Sometimes she craves to meet me.First let me tell you my personal life issue.I got married in 2016 but it didn't last more than year. I got married in January and in April 2017 my life changed. It was an arranged marriage. The girl was new and I was happy. In April, she left me with her parents and in October she got married. Later, I found out that she married her past love. But they blamed me and I went into depression for almost 6 months. Today after almost after 5 years I am in the same scenario. The girl I am getting married to is arranged through relatives. She is nice, simple and down to earth but still there is this anxiety.My first marriage was also arranged through relatives so I am having the same anxiety. I faced several rejections for no reason. I don’t drink or smoke and wanted to go for love marriage but in my case it never worked.Before meeting this girl whom I am about to marry I was in touch with another girl who was not ready for marriage. Now suddenly she is acting like a female Devdas. When I asked her out, she took me for granted and now suddenly she is feeling broken so I am in a fix. I don't know if this second arranged marriage attempt will go down well. My engagement will be on the same date as of marriage so I don't know what to do.Please help me come out of this dilemma as I am having so much guilt and pain deep inside.
Ans: Dear AB,
Any obsession to make it something happen is going to only make you run around in circles.
Is it possible for you take a step back and take a breather?
When we don’t chase things or people, they come to us.
Focus on your second marriage that’s about to happen instead of focusing on the girl who seems to be acting like a ‘devdas’.
But are you in a position to mentally and emotionally to get into a commitment like marriage?
The new girl will come into your life with a whole new set of expectations.
What I understand from what you have shared is that you want the second marriage to happen differently from the first one.
Then why are you making a reference of the girl who is acting like she has been wronged by you?
Are you ready for the marriage?
Please get into it only when you are sure that you can move past your experiences with the earlier partner/s. Else you will be projecting your emotions onto the new partner and get into a loop of doubts all over again.
Be wise; all the best!