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My MIL rejects our love marriage & threatens me. What now?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |649 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 02, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

Hello mam, recently I got married, it was love marriage. But before marriage we talked to our family and my husband's family said, if they can't find a girl for him then they will accept me. We Waited for a long time more than 17-18 months. Nothing happened later my husband told his mother about our marriage and she said, she doesn't care. After our marriage i am in my home and he is in his house. My mother in law is not accepting our marriage and still finding a girl for him and asking him to leave me. Also telling others lie about our marriage is fake or it didn't happened. I am not allow to live in their house or any other house they have also she is not allowing him to leave that home and start marriage life with me. Always emotional blackmailing or threats him or me and my family for killing me and using illegal way to break this marriage. My family tried to talk to her but she insulted them multiple time me and created many false situation with lies to create a drama... I don't know how to deal with this situation i don't want to create any problem for my family as they always threatening.

Ans: If your husband truly loves you and has committed to this marriage, then it is now his responsibility to stand up for you and set boundaries with his family. Living separately after marriage due to his mother’s control is not sustainable, and it's unfair to you.

At the same time, if threats are being made — especially involving harm or illegal actions — this is a legal matter. Document all such threats (texts, calls, witnesses), and if you feel unsafe, don't hesitate to consult a lawyer and, if needed, file a police complaint. Emotional abuse and threats to life or marriage are not just morally wrong — they can be legally challenged.

If your husband is stuck in guilt or fear, you both may benefit from professional marriage counseling or intervention from a neutral mediator, someone his family might respect. If that’s not possible, he will need to decide if he wants to live under control or live with integrity — as a husband committed to building a future with you.

You, on your part, need to stay mentally strong. Don’t isolate yourself. Speak to a trusted friend, counselor, or women’s support group. You’ve shown courage by standing for love — now you need that courage to protect your dignity and claim your rightful space in the relationship.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1765 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2021

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Dear mam, I am married for 14 yrs. Love marriage. I used to work earlier but quit because my husband was earning well and he said he will take care of me and my son. We used to be a happy couple but during the lockdown my mother-in-law and sister-in-law decided to move in with us. Slowly they started creating issues between my husband and me often badmouthing my behaviour or complaining about me. I was unaware about it until recently when we had a big fight. That’s when I realised that they have been planning to drive me out of the house and get him married to someone else whom they can manipulate. It’s been over a year now that my husband is not even talking to me properly. I went and stayed with my parents for some time but even they feel I am a burden and should adjust and accommodate instead of giving them reasons to fight. They don’t understand that all this is politics. Now my husband is talking to some girl whom I don’t like. That is causing more problems and fights between us. Anything I say is used against me now. Please help me mam. What to do?
Ans: Dear R, why did they start to create issues between you and your husband?

What led to this? It rarely happens that people go after people with no reason.

Did you have any reservations about them coming and staying over?

Did you express it in some form to them? (Ask these to yourself so that you know that any act on your part did not lead to this situation. Of course, nothing justifies their plotting to get their son married behind your back).

If the answer to this is NO, then it's time to confront your husband, get a mediator and put things on the table.

What does he want? What do you want?

Do you both want to continue in this marriage?

What are his responsibilities towards your son?

These need to be addressed without anymore delay. Being in a limbo state is not fun as it keeps you guessing and the uncertainty can cause a lot of stress.

Also, kindly sensitise your parents towards what you are going through, so that support you in this time of need.

Act NOW and whatever you decide, put yourself first and take care of you emotional state of mind.

Best wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1765 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 27, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I got married to the person who was behind me for years. I always considered him as my friend and supporter even after knowing his intention. My mom kept advising me we should go behind that person who cares and loves us. I obeyed her. Soon after things went into proposal mode his family started demanding for dowry and other stuffs. My friend was not from a well fed family which I was not aware. They lied to is they are very rich, hence they need what the demanded since the marriage news was widw spread wit no options we arranged and gave. My friend and his mother brain washed and convinced us to agree for this marriage. Even since I got married my husband and his mother is ruling on me and family. It was late when we got to know that they have been lying to is on their assets. Now when we ask them they deny and keep harassing me. My family got fed up of these fights started maitaining distance and since I Don want to trouble my divorced mother I stop complaining about the issues I am facing. My in-laws demand increases day by day. My mother-in-law is a mother of two kids a son and a daughter but everytime she tortures me and her son is quiet most of the time. When responsibility comes she supports her daughter and makes us to take responsibility which is not fair. Responsibiloty is parallel and must be shared. I am not well, my husband doesn't even give me money or take me to doctor. I am been told marriage means providing food and shelter. Please advise me what shud I do I am fed up
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Basically you have been cheated; period!
What do you with even a basic thing like being cheated at a shop? Do you actually keep the product OR return it?
Yes, relationships are not like that BUT do understand that your marriage has been nothing but a transaction with mean minded people out to destroy you and your peace of mind.
There are no children in the equation so far...so do know you are free to take a decision. Today, it's harassment and giving you no money, tomorrow who knows what else!
Do you not see that they have begun to make you depend on them for the basic things? This is how it all begins before it gets into other shades of harassment which I do not want to speculate.
Put yourself first; be selfish and think about what to do next to actually live a peaceful and carefree life like the way it was before marriage.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1765 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 07, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am 31 years old.. married for one and a half year, it was an arranged marriage, when my father came he was well and clear that my daughter studies or works for long hours she don’t like household chores but she earns well so can pay for help.. that time my mother in law was all happy and said I will help her, she’ll be like my child and all that... my husband also used to assure me that you will be treated really well, if you are working no body gonna point out, we are very modern. My mother in law is very modern she used to wear jeans and shorts and her Devrani lived in ghunghat... My mother in law hates everyone in her family, devarani, jethani, nanad, her own late mother in law father in law, her own mother, father, brothers, sisters, their spouses, their children... everyone. Yet my husband doesn’t understand she is doing wrong, I come from a big family... people fight and next day come back together... here it’s very very hard to survive in this negativity. Once I went home, because here I wasn’t getting enough time to study due to household chores... then behind me she created scenes telling .. your wife has disrespected me, didn’t eat anything for 15-20 days then my husband got angry on me... we fought and he blocked me, no contact between us for months. My parents came once to talk but she was too loud and insulting that they got sure we are NOT sending back our daughter to such house. Then our relatives interfered, sat together and found out there was no major problem everybody laughed.. saying we are not able to find any issue, but my mother in law still kept on complaining for continuously 4 hours... she was all negative.. I can back home, I know all I have to do is ignore her rest everything is okay to live by.. But I have lost trust on my husband,I know if he left me once, he can leave me again....living here is very difficult with all the hate, nobody comes to house for dinners.. it’s alone and hateful. I don’t say anything because that will only elevate the problem. It’s hell living here.. they all sit together and talk and when I go everyone shuts.. although I don’t care what that are talking about, I don’t give a rat’s ass even if they’re bitching about me. It’s just all negative and I wanna run away from here.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What is your question for me here?
I have got the point that there is a lot of hate and negativity at your in-laws place and that it is far different from how you were raised. Also, that your husband blindly sides with his mother bothers you. But I will try and put things in perspective and make suggestions here.

Now, understand that certain families are the way that they are and unfortunately you have come into a place where people are isolated from one another and talk behind each other's backs.
Are you in a position to change all of this especially when you have realized that your husband isn't someone who is on your side?
So, when you can't change something, the only way to get through all of this peacefully is to accept it. But, that is the things that you are struggling with already and yes, it is understandable from your point of view.
Have an honest conversation with your husband; I am sure he is interested in making his marriage work too. That's the first step to actually make him aware that all this is affecting you.
Let's say, he is not bothered by it all and continues to go about all of this without realizing that he has a wife and he is also responsible towards the marriage, try and suggest getting to a professional (But do realize that the professional will not be able to change the way your husband's home functions). This is only getting the bond between you and your husband stronger so that you can be on the same side weathering the environment around you.
Now, if he refuses this intervention...then the onus is on you...what and how you see your life is totally a choice that you must make.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1765 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 21, 2024

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1765 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 28, 2025Hindi
Relationship
i got married to a guy six years he was very handsome and i think he loved me but he was u can say mammas boy. Soon after our marriage my mom in law started telling if anything was wrong in the kitchen like once i had burnt a cloth she told me she will send me back to my house . In the same way 4 months after my marriage she asked to get out of her house because not knowing how to house hold work. As she had me to do a specific dish but i didnt know she began to scream in the house asking me get out of the house. i called my parents that mom in law was shouting they came to take me i took all my belongings she took away my chain which was given to me during my marriage and when i placed my wedding ring on the floor she kicked it was a football we came from their house . later on i tried to call my husband many times but he never picks up any call from our side. then my father had given for divorce even to the court he had not come to court . even on the day i left their house we had gone to the church we got married and the priest had called him but he did not come and the reason told was his mother i sick and wants to be near her. i had called him several times he never replied even to emails etc. my civil divorce is done from court. but i still love and regret the decision to come from that house but is scared of my mom in law she threatened she will throw me down from balcony . On the day i was leaving their home my mom in law gave bad words to my father. my mother and father always tell me they are not okk people. but i like him and always miss him or a gap is there . he also told my husband that from me body odour comes. what should i do ???
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sometimes in life our choices can go very wrong and it's okay to understand and accept this.
Do you not think that it is time to move on? Your divorce is done and you have a chance ar rebuilding your life with someone that loves and values you.
My suggestion to you would be to not look back at what can happen there; it's the past that did not hold up to any of your expectations and your dreams came crashing down. Move on and move ahead to what can be newly built so that you meet someone who carries the same values as you...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11022 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 07, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 07, 2026Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, Good Morning. Is it advisable to buy gold jewellery for my Son's marriage in the next 8 years at current market price of approx Rs.14000 per gram. The plan is to buy around 100 grams to be given to the prospective bride at the time of marriage, which is as per our practice. If I deposit money to a gold jeweller, who will credit equivalent gold weight as per today's value and after 11 months we can buy jewellery without wastage, making charges and gst. Kindly advice. Thanks
Ans: Your planning for your son’s marriage well in advance is thoughtful and practical. It shows responsibility and care for family traditions. Planning 8 years ahead gives you good flexibility and control.

» Purpose clarity and time horizon
– The objective is very clear: buying around 100 grams of gold jewellery for marriage after 8 years
– This is not a short-term need, so timing and structure matter more than current gold price
– Gold here is a requirement asset, not just an investment, so risk control is important

» Buying gold at current price – assessment
– Buying all 100 grams today at around Rs.14000 per gram locks your price, but also locks your capital
– Gold prices move in cycles; they do not rise in a straight line
– Over 8 years, gold can give protection against inflation, but short- to medium-term corrections are common
– Putting a large amount at one price level reduces flexibility and increases timing risk

» Jeweller gold deposit / gold savings plan – evaluation
– Monthly deposit plans with jewellers are mainly designed for jewellery purchase, not pure wealth creation
– Benefits you rightly noticed:

No wastage charges

No making charges

No GST on jewellery value
– Key risks and limitations to be aware of:

You are fully dependent on the jeweller’s business stability for 11 months

Your money is not regulated like financial products

You cannot easily exit or switch if your plan changes
– These plans work well for near-term purchases, but for an 8-year goal, repeating such plans many times increases counterparty risk

» Price risk vs goal certainty
– Your real risk is not price volatility alone, but availability of gold at the time of marriage
– The goal needs certainty of value and timely availability
– A staggered and disciplined approach reduces regret from buying at market highs

» Smarter way to structure the 8-year plan
– Avoid buying the full 100 grams immediately
– Spread accumulation over time to reduce price risk
– Use a mix of:

Financial gold-linked options for long-term accumulation

Physical jewellery purchase only closer to the marriage date
– This keeps liquidity, improves transparency, and avoids storage and purity worries

» Jewellery purchase timing insight
– Jewellery designs, preferences of the bride, and family choices can change over 8 years
– Buying finished jewellery too early limits flexibility
– It is usually better to convert accumulated value into jewellery in the last 12–18 months

» Risk management and safety points
– Avoid keeping large sums with a single jeweller repeatedly over many years
– Avoid emotional decisions driven by headlines about gold prices
– Keep documentation, purity standards, and exit options clear

» Tax and cost perspective
– When gold is used as jewellery for marriage, taxation is not the primary concern
– Hidden costs like storage, insurance, and loss risk matter more than headline price

» Finally
– Your intention is correct, and starting early gives you strength
– Buying some gold gradually is sensible, but avoid locking the entire requirement at one price today
– Jeweller deposit schemes can be used selectively, closer to purchase time, not as a long-term parking option
– A phased, balanced approach gives cost control, safety, and peace of mind for a very important family milestone

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11022 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 06, 2026

Money
My father has just got retired. He has an outstanding home loan of Rs. 18 lakh which has 51000/- as emi. His pension is also 51000/-. His monthly expense are 20,000/-. He received gratuity of Rs. 18 lakh. What he should do either set off his home loan so that his pension is saved from emi burden or anything else ? He is also interested in investing money.. but At this time of his age , he looks for low to moderate risk plans. Guide him/me to step up his financial status.
Ans: Your father has entered a very important phase of life with stable pension income, controlled expenses, and a meaningful lump sum in hand. This gives a good base to make calm and sensible decisions. With the right steps, financial comfort and peace of mind are very much achievable.
» Understanding the Current Cash Flow Situation
– Monthly pension and home loan EMI are equal, which means the entire pension is getting blocked
– Monthly household expenses are modest and manageable
– The home loan is the only major liability
– Gratuity amount is sufficient to fully address the loan if required
This situation calls for prioritising certainty, emotional comfort, and steady income rather than chasing high returns.
» Priority of Debt Clearance at Retirement
– At retirement, protecting regular income becomes more important than growing wealth aggressively
– When EMI equals pension, it creates mental pressure and reduces flexibility
– Clearing the home loan removes interest burden and frees the pension fully for living expenses
– Being debt-free at retirement brings emotional relief, which is a big but often ignored benefit
From a Certified Financial Planner’s perspective, clearing the home loan using gratuity is a strong and sensible step in this case.
» Impact of Closing the Home Loan
– Pension of Rs. 51,000 becomes fully available
– After expenses of around Rs. 20,000, there is monthly surplus
– No dependency on investment returns to meet daily needs
– Lower stress during market ups and downs
This creates a solid foundation before thinking about investments.
» Investing After Loan Closure
– Do not invest the entire gratuity at once
– Keep sufficient amount in safe and liquid avenues for emergencies
– Investment should focus on capital protection first, income second, and growth last
– Avoid locking money for long periods
At this age, investments should support life, not control it.
» Suitable Risk Approach at This Stage
– Low to moderate risk is appropriate and practical
– Portfolio should be spread across stable income options and carefully chosen growth-oriented mutual funds
– Avoid aggressive strategies or return promises
– Regular review is more important than high returns
Actively managed mutual funds are better suited here as they adjust to market conditions and manage downside risks, which is important post-retirement.
» Creating Monthly Income and Stability
– Use part of surplus pension for simple, planned investments
– Keep some amount invested for inflation protection
– Maintain enough liquidity to avoid forced withdrawals
– Do not depend fully on markets for monthly expenses
This balanced approach gives income comfort and gradual wealth support.
» Emergency and Health Planning
– Keep at least one year of expenses in easily accessible form
– Ensure health insurance is active and adequate
– Avoid using investments for unexpected medical needs
This protects long-term investments from early disruption.
» Role of Discipline and Guidance
– Avoid reacting to short-term market movements
– Stick to simple, understandable products
– Investing through a regular plan with guidance ensures monitoring, behavioural support, and timely corrections
At this stage, guidance matters more than saving small costs.
» Final Insights
– Closing the home loan is the first and most sensible move
– Debt-free retirement improves quality of life and decision-making
– Investments should follow stability-first thinking
– A calm, structured approach will protect capital and provide confidence
Your concern for your father’s future is thoughtful and responsible. With these steps, he can enjoy retirement with dignity, peace, and financial comfort.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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