Hello sir, I am 28 year old newly married from 8 months only. My wife's parents call her to their house every weekend and she goes for 2-3 days. They emotionally blackmail her saying they miss her. This is affecting our married life as we get no private time. When I objected, my wife said I am controlling and her parents are important. Am I wrong to expect wife should prioritise our marriage?

Ans: Dear Prashanth,
Why people change over time is something that will always remain a mystery...You can only make assumptions about it...
Please take charge and move out of her parents' house. The more you live with them, the more she seems to have an assumed upper hand in the whole situation. This illusion must be broken and the only way is to make a drastic move which is moving out. It will definitely wake her up to what has been happening...
Furthermore, if you do feel that your parents are being treated unfairly, then firmly say so...Being expressive about how you feel and assertive about what you want can alter the balances and bring some amount of perspective as well.
Bringing back harmony to salvage a relationship can mean taking strong decisions...

All the best!

Ans: Dear Ravi,
I wonder what is the point of all this ego tussle? Surely your wife needs to grow up in terms of managing relationships.
Now, if she has decided not to talk to her mother, that is between them and hey, you tried to patch things up as well.
What and how you interact with your parents is solely your business; it would have been nice to have your wife's presence in the same BUT the day she puts aside her ego (this needs some checking as to the root cause of why the wall is up), that day things will change.
I assume that you want to continue interacting with your parents; in that case state that to your wife that that is exactly what you wish to do. Be prepared for a backlash from her; she may ignore you or be angry or tell you that you are causing her stress when she is pregnant. This is to let you go on a guilt trip all by yourself with no chance of getting off the rails. DO NOT be guilty for speaking with your parents and instead offer more love and support to your wife.
The focus has been on what not to do to break relationships rather than what must be done to improve relationships. This may also improve the bond between you and your wife which is so needed when she is going to be a mother.
Impress the fact that the unborn child also picks off emotions and that to have a better space of mind will aid the child's growth.

Being surrounded by people who love and care will also ensure a good pregnancy. This could also be a point to make your wife understand that all battles need not be fought and a few can just be at rest so that they can resolve itself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Not everything goes as per plan and not everything that was agreed upon can be followed...as situations change, people change to adapt to that situation. There's something that does not agree between your parents and your wife.
Now, if you insist that either side put up with the other, it is unreasonable to expect them to follow what you say. They are all people with their own set of emotions and will react when triggered by the other side.
So, yes you feel a great sense of duty and responsibility towards your parents; but at what cost? If your wife is unhappy, so will your child be unhappy and subsequently the entire household. There is a sense of duty and responsibility towards your wife and child as well so balance this act between both sides. It is possible to take care of both sides by not choosing one over the other; that is where you will be the one to get caught in the middle of all the strains and stresses.
Now whether that will happen staying separately or not is something only you can fathom with the daily on-goings at home. So, cursing God may not be a great choice BUT actually asking yourself if you are holding onto your choices too harshly that it has begun to impact you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Hello sir. I understand your situation. For a businessman, these things are very normal. They have to balance both the things. Your wife may be facing same issues. She is also handling house and kids. And she needs your time also. Try to manage your time in an efficient way and try to spend some more time with your family. They need you and so as your business. If you can give some of your business work to your wife, that may also help. I hope this solves your problem.
Take care!
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
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