Girls reject me because I am not so tall and handsome. I am 41, single. I have a 9 to 6 job earning 12 lakhs per annum. I lost my dad and live with my mother. My younger sister is married and has two kids. Somehow I have not been lucky with online dating. Girls reject me beause I am average in looks and salary. I am 5 ft 1 inch. I don't have any special talent or passion. I have tried to take up singing, art, dance, gym but it's not working for me. I go to temples with my mom, I do social work on weekends to keep myself positive and busy. When it comes to dating and marriage, it is disappointing sometimes. I am afraid to express myself to girls now. I don't judge anyone but how do I find someone who understands me, beyond my looks and salary. My mother is 64, I also need a companion. Is it too much to expect?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First let me reassure you that you are not asking for much. Wanting love and wanting someone who sees you beyond your looks and salary is very natural. You have faced rejections and it hurts; it does create a kind of fear, and right now that fear is stopping you from approaching anyone or hoping that someone will love you for who you are. It’s not the reality; it’s the fear speaking and it’s totally understandable. Let me address all the issues one by one. Yes, height can be important for some women, but not all. The ones who rejected you for it, were not meant for you. You don’t need everyone to accept you; you only need the right woman. Second, 12LPA salary is not average. The expectation online is very inflated. If you are doing an honest day’s work and earning a decent amount and taking care of your needs and your family’s as well, that does not make your earning average. Third, caring for your mother is your biggest strength in personality. You work, take care of your mom, do social work, and you are consistently trying to improve yourself. That’s far deeper than physical appearance. Now, I suggest that you stop trying to mold yourself into someone women would find attractive but rather continue working on yourself for yourself. That would spike your confidence and confidence is key. Most people, not just women, might be initially attracted to looks but for the longer run, they want someone who is dependable and responsible, and you are that. So next time you seek a partner, look for someone who is not only looking to date but to settle down. Someone who has the same clarity as you; someone mature, who understands the importance of strong character traits than mere physical appearance. Your frustration and fear is valid, but don’t let it make you go inside a shell. You deserve everything and you will get them.

Hope this helps.