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Confused: My friend's wife flirted for years, now ignores me – what's going on?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |578 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 09, 2025

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 08, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

My friend's wife has been flirting with me since last 13/14 years but since last 1 or 2 years we have been only talking. Now whenever I talk to her on the phone she does not reply. And when people from all societies meet her, she talks a lot but it is not like before. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are dealing with something very emotionally confusing and sensitive. But, from the very beginning it has been wrong, don’t you think? I don’t want to assume that you flirted back or indulged in the behavior, but to begin with, the dynamics were off, given she’s your friend’s wife. Chances are she realized that it wasn’t right, and decided to rectify it by setting boundaries. If that’s the case, I would advise you to respect the boundaries and do not push her or over-pursue her. I would also suggest you reflect on why it bothers you so much?

If you still want answers, you can ask her but very carefully- for instance, “I noticed that we don’t talk much these days. Is there something bothering you? If so, I totally understand and respect your decision. I just wanted to know if I did anything wrong.” This way you are not putting the blame on her.

Hope this helps.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1592 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 03, 2023

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Relationship
I am married since 2010 but me and my wife do not get along.We live together for the sake of our 8 year old son.Last year I fell in love with a new female colleague who joined our office. We used to speak very warmly to each other and she shared a lot of details with me about her past life such as her childhood.We would flirt with each other playfully and share details of our daily life.She is also married with a child but she doesn't spend too much time with her husband and seems very independent.I felt like she liked me too. However after 4 months she suddenly said that she looked at me as her office colleague and was not interested in personal conversations. I have sent her many messages on Whatsapp asking her about the reason behind her indifference and she reads everyone of them. She hasn't blocked me but she doesn't respond. Even when I go to her directly she talks to me in a cold manner.But she also asked me about my mother's health when she heard that my mother was undergoing cancer treatment.I am unable to understand why is she acting like this and I also cannot let go of her.Can you please explain what is going on
Ans: Dear Boudhayan,
Office romances are fleeting ones that offer some respite from the routine home environment.

Obviously being married, it comes with it's own set of challenges with having to hide text messages, calls...it's stressful for you and her as well. Did you consider that her being cold now maybe because her husband might have found out OR that she is having a hard time juggling two lives. Out of marriage experiences can be draining...

Instead of seeking solace elsewhere, have you made an honest attempt to work on your marriage? Give that a fair chance first...Stepping out of marriage is an easy thing than working on a marriage which has a clot of challenges...but since you have decided to stay together for the sake of your 8-year old, you might as well work on your relationship with your wife...start with basic communication and seek the help of a professional if necessary...you maybe surprised that things have worked out...if not, then you can see, what can be done...

Intense connections like marriage or a relationship require a lot of time and energy...
Respect what the other lady might be going through...give her time and space to sort out what is happening at her home...also, she cares enough to ask you about your wellbeing...Be happy with what IS and do give your marriage an honest rebuilding...

All the best!

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8270 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 22, 2025

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Money
Sir, I am 45 years old and want to invest in equity mutual funds. I have time horizon of 10 years . Can you suggest me some good funds in large cap category, IT sector theme fund, 1 or 2 small/midcap funds or any other fund you think would be good for long term. I want to start SIP of Rs 40000/- across 4 mutual funds.
Ans: Your intent to invest Rs 40,000 per month in equity mutual funds for 10 years is a strong move.

Your fund choices across large-cap, IT sector, and mid/small-cap categories are sensible.

Let’s look at how to structure this investment efficiently.

Investment Objective Assessment

You have a long-term vision.

Ten years is a healthy horizon for equity.

SIP is the right approach.

Rs 40,000 monthly is a good contribution.

Your Ideal Asset Allocation Strategy

Diversify across categories.

Blend large-cap, sectoral, and mid/small-cap funds.

Avoid putting too much in one theme.

This lowers risk and boosts consistency.

Large-Cap Mutual Fund (Rs 14,000/month)

These funds invest in stable, top companies.

Ideal for long-term wealth growth.

Less volatile than mid/small-cap funds.

Good for capital preservation with growth.

IT Sector Fund (Rs 6,000/month)

IT sector can give high returns.

But it’s highly cyclical and sector-dependent.

Limit allocation to protect from volatility.

Use as a return booster, not a core.

Mid and Small-Cap Funds (Rs 14,000/month)

These funds carry high growth potential.

But they are more volatile and risky.

Suitable for your long-term horizon.

Split the allocation between mid and small caps.

Keep an eye on market trends regularly.

Flexi Cap or Multi Cap Fund (Rs 6,000/month)

This gives you market-wide exposure.

Fund manager picks across market segments.

Offers balance and flexibility in returns.

Helps when market cycles shift.

Avoid Direct Mutual Funds for Long-Term SIPs

Direct funds miss advisor insights.

You might make emotional, untimely exits.

They lack personalisation and professional guidance.

Regular plans via a CFP-MFD give strategy support.

Expert monitoring helps long-term discipline.

Stay Away from Index Funds

Index funds don’t beat the market.

They lack fund manager expertise.

No downside protection in falling markets.

Actively managed funds aim to outperform indices.

They adapt during market changes.

Review Your Plan Regularly

Review performance every year.

Rebalance based on life changes.

Switch underperforming funds if needed.

A Certified Financial Planner will guide you.

Monitoring is as important as starting.

Taxation Aspects You Must Know

Equity mutual funds have two tax rules.

Long-term gains above Rs 1.25 lakh: taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains: taxed at 20%.

Holding for 10 years is tax efficient.

Stay invested to maximise post-tax returns.

Emergency Fund Planning Before SIPs

Keep at least 6 months of expenses saved.

Don’t invest this in mutual funds.

Use liquid funds or bank deposits.

This protects your SIPs during emergencies.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan Later

After 10 years, use SWP for income.

It gives tax-efficient regular withdrawals.

Avoid lump sum exits.

Plan withdrawal strategy 1-2 years before maturity.

Should You Include Sectoral Funds Beyond IT?

Sectoral funds are risky.

Don’t add too many of them.

You already plan IT sector exposure.

Focus more on diversified equity.

This improves overall stability.

Insurance and Health Coverage Are Essential

Review your term plan now.

Make sure it covers all your liabilities.

Have health cover for your family.

Don’t rely only on employer policy.

Your SIP Distribution Suggestion (Rs 40,000)

Large Cap Fund: Rs 14,000

IT Sector Fund: Rs 6,000

Mid Cap Fund: Rs 7,000

Small Cap Fund: Rs 7,000

Flexi or Multi Cap Fund: Rs 6,000

Strategy to Add More SIPs Yearly

Increase SIP by 10% annually.

This boosts compounding significantly.

You’ll reach bigger goals faster.

Link SIP increase to your salary hike.

Final Insights

Your investment plan is smart and timely.

Your SIP amount and time horizon are ideal.

Diversify smartly across fund types.

Avoid direct plans; take regular funds via CFP.

Stay away from index funds and too many sector bets.

Review your plan yearly with your Certified Financial Planner.

Tax efficiency and goal focus are key to success.

Your long-term wealth is built step by step.

A clear path and steady discipline will help you achieve it.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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