Dr Kaur, we've been married for 10 years, and have two children. We barely talk, sleep in separate beds, and intimacy has completely died. There is no romance between us. I feel invisible, but I don't want to break up the family. Is this a phase, or are we slowly falling out of love? How to know if there is room for counselling?

Ans: Dear N, What went through your wife’s mind at the time of the birth of your second child is something that needs to be addressed.

Maybe the work of bringing up two children exhausted her or there was a hormonal disturbance that made her lose interest. But let bygones be bygones.

Now that she is trying to get closer, maybe you can also try to see what the two of you can do to rebuild the closeness.

Rather than jump straight to sex, create closeness step by step.

Spend quality time together, watch movies, engage in a hobby together, cook together…the fondness and affection outside the bedroom might help breaking the ice and you start to at least engage in an affectionate manner towards one another.

It is easy to walk out of a marriage but do remember what the reason to walk out will be?

After a few years, it might not been worth it at all…Why not at least give the above suggestions a try?

Engage as friends with no expectations from one another and let the purpose be a happy engagement just like the one we have with out friends.

You also have two daughters who definitely want to be in a loving family; so give this a chance and see if it works out. You have nothing to lose but everything to gain.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

Ans: Hello sir
First of all i would like to appreciate you for taking such a step and marrying a person who is having psoriasis. This disease is not infectious but still in Indian society people don't have that awareness. Now let's come to your problem. The dilemma in which you are is actually mid life crisis. I know that your wife and you don't have that compatibility and you are getting attracted to your colleague. But you should once sit with your wife and should discuss your issues. You can also go for couple counselling. This will solve your problem and will save your marriage. Your kids future depend on your compatibility with your wife. They should have both their parents beside them. Think about it.
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Reach me https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

Ans: Dear Dhruv,
The easiest way to feel better when a relationship is failing is to get into another one. Searching for what you want in the original relationship cannot be found anywhere else; so giving into that temptation is only going to make things more confusing.
So, if you still love your wife and want to make it work, what have the two of you done so far to make things work?
Working on the marriage is a task that needs effort and a certain kind of stubborn nature that will help you cross over the the challenges that can emerge.
Your marriage now requires a complete RESET. So, push that button and go back to where it all began; no baggage, no expectations, no complaining...When you accept a situation, then do so fully...you can't have children; if you have accepted it then what's the reason to move apart. It only suggests that it was a compromise and not an acceptance.
Understand that acceptance is being graceful about the situation and being supportive of one another. Begin life afresh; date one another...laugh together, do things together. Bring back the little joys and bigger goals for marriage and life...
And most importantly, be in complete support of one another! That hidden love that you both share needs to be watered and nurtured even more...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Yes, it is emotional cheating.
Instead of relying on someone external to fulfill your emotional needs which can very easily slip into a physical connection, why don't you two actually take the time to rekindle your connection. Obviously, there's been an emotional break in the marriage that needs a bit of ego to be set aside and with a lot of care, love and support, things can get better. So, yes...do see a Marriage Therapist; it will help...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/