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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1155 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Abhijeet Question by Abhijeet on Aug 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, i am a divorcee, my ex wife took custody of my son. as per our mutual consent, i have a weekly visiting access to my son. but my ex wife is frequently changes her address and not in contact, i am unable to meet my son from last 18 months. he is saying Daddy to her brother. kindly give any solution. i dont want to go court again where i already loose my 6/7 years.

Ans: Dear Abhijeet,
From what I have understood, people skirt around the Court's orders where it concerns visitation rights. Sadly, you have to go back to the Court as your wife thinks she can go on with this game forever. Find a good lawyer and go ahead on his/her advice.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1155 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 14, 2022

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Relationship
My wife abandoned me after 14 years of marriage. That's ok to me as she was a torture to my parents and me all the time. The problem is she poisoned my 12 year old son and also emotionally blackmails my son because of which now my son hates me to make his mom happy. He very rarely answers my calls and never reverts to my messages. They contact me only when school and class fee are to be paid. Otherwise, I have no whereabouts of my son or what's going on in his life.Pls advise. I don't wish to get my wife back.
Ans:

Dear TP,

It is unfortunate that the child is caught in this crossfire which never should be the case in the first place.

It is a difficult task to rework the relationship between you and your son as he is more inclined to believe his primary caregiver; which is his mother.

But of course, nothing is impossible. I might want to suggest that you approach a family member who can play a neutral role in bringing your wife to a place where she realises that the role of a father is necessary for the child other than just the financial support.

Also, what made you feel that your son hates you? What gives you an indication to that? But since there is no information on that, I will go by what you have shared.

He must be doing this not just to keep his Mom happy but also he must know that she is his only source of emotional support and that he might lose that if he aligns with you.

You can only try and keep trying that someday he will respond to your calls or texts. Also, a legal separation might assure you visitation rights if you go down that path.

But that’s always the last option as it takes a moment to break a relationship and a lifetime to build one.

So salvage what you have and appeal to someone close to the family to step in and save the day.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am married for 23 years .Both me & my wife are doing job.I have one son staying with me. After 17 years of marriage I inquired that my wife has sexual relationship with another man . This has hurt me a lot as she betrayed me . As a result she gave no attention to me , my son and my parents . When I got this information , my wife left my house taking hand loan from neighbors . I never lodged any complain with police or file divorce case , rather I took it challenging. I took proper care of my son .Due to hard work & logistic support from me , my son qualified in NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.As my son has grown up & knows the actual fact ,he dislikes his mother & has no contact with her since long.Gradually we have started forgetting her. After 6 years of staying outside , now my wife is trying to come back again forcefully which we do not want. Therefore I request that please advice me what to do.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenging situation you've been through. It's understandable that trust has been broken, and emotions must be complex. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and that of your son during this time. If you feel comfortable, have an open and honest conversation with your wife about the reasons for her return. It's crucial to express your feelings and concerns. It might be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, to facilitate the conversation. If she continues to pursue a return against your wishes, you may want to consult with a legal professional to understand your options and rights. Given the complexity of your situation, it might be beneficial to seek legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities. A lawyer can help you explore options and provide guidance on how to proceed. Take into account the well-being and feelings of your son in any decision-making process. His opinion and comfort level should be considered, especially if he has chosen not to maintain contact with his mother. Decisions made under emotional stress might not be the best ones. Give yourself time to reflect, assess the situation, and decide what is in the best interest of you and your son Ultimately, the decision of whether to allow your wife back into your lives is a personal one. Consider what is in the best interests of you and your son, taking into account your own well-being and the well-being of your family.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1155 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I got married in 2008. Our son was born in 2013. My wife was doing PhD at that time and we both took good care of him as we were staying in an academic campus. Upon completion, my wife moved away from our place with her job in 2018. Initial one year, everything was fine. I used to visit them once in a month as the place was far away. Later in 2019, she moved to a better job location with our son. This place was also far from my workplace. Due to some reasons, she started avoiding me and I could hardly meet them especially my son. I could talk to my son only once/twice every month and see him on average of every 4 months. She does not allow me talk to him over video call as well. My parents who had a great memory with their grandson also cannot talk to him, except after several persuasions by me, she visits my paternal home once or twice in a year. She takes our son to my parents house for an hour and never allows to stay with them. This is happening for the last 5 years. I am clueless as any movement to court might lead us filing a divorce, which will grossly hurt my parents. Sometimes I feel that I should wait for my son until he becomes 18 (he is 11 now) and see him once he goes out of his mom's house. Requesting for your suggestion.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I truly believe that distance can drive a huge gap between two people in a relationship. Long distance relationships (LDRs) are not for everyone and if someone is into something like this, they would have or must have an honest chat about it.
Not being able to be in the company of one another, not being able to share their day with the other, not being able to communicate as often as they want can lead them to become their own person and highly independent not really missing their partner. It can also lead them to find other pair/pairs of ears almost replacing their partner at that moment. Repeating this over time can lead to romantic associations outside of the relationship as well.

Now, what could have caused your wife to take a step to be isolated from you, only you will know...and what has made you wait for 5 years to actually realize that something must be done about this?

Anyway, talk to your wife...I mean, how long can she avoid you? Meet her at a common place, like at your parents' place so that it does not flare up into a big thing. Take the opportunity to try and win your family back. Maybe it was a simple misunderstanding that caused all of this. Only when you try to find out, will you know, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1155 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu ji, I am 42 yr old single parent. I have a 10 yr old son living with me. My wife and I were separated when our son was 3 yr old and we recently settled our divorce. Immediately after our divorce, my ex-wife got re-married. Her husband isn’t willing to take my son in and hence she handed over his legal custody to me. She has moved on with her life and my son doesn’t feature in her list of priorities. I am more than happy to have him. During the last 7 years of separation, she did not allow me or my parents to meet my son, so we could not build a strong bond together. Now, it has been 6 months since my son has moved in with me. Its only me and him living together ATM. My parents stay in our ancestral village and are unable to stay with me. Though its challenging for both of us to discover and understand each other, it must be tougher for my son. He understands the fact that his parents aren’t together and hence he has to stay with either of us at a time. Sometimes, he does get emotional about this situation not being normal compared to his friends / cartoons / movies etc. He also misses his mother and often keeps quoting that “My mother does it this way...”, “Me and my mum used to do this / that” etc etc and I appreciate that. I am fine with him talking to his mother through WhatsApp and meeting her whenever they wish to. He is also close to his other maternal family members, and I do not have any issues with him maintaining that bond. Now the challenge is, my ex-wife and her family abuses and shoos me away every time I try to ask them about my son such as his eating habits, likes, dislikes, vacation plans etc etc. They also bad mouth me whenever they speak to my son. That poor little soul gets influenced and feels that its punishment for him to live with me. And I feel betrayed as I too have made sacrifices / adjustments in my career, relationships etc to be able to take care of my son. I feel like stopping his communication with his mum and maternal family, but worried if that would adversely affect him. Now I have also started to get angry whenever he speaks to his mum or maternal family and try not to vent out at him, but I sometimes I do. Please guide me to navigate this delicate situation and what should I look forward to in my life.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Firstly, stop going back to your ex-wife for things that concern your son.
You have taken the responsibility of raising him, then you can surely figure out his likes and dislikes over time. Spend time bonding with him and be very patient with the outcome. Overnight, you son isn't going to love and fuss over you. So, keep raising him with a lot of love and a very supportive environment. At times, you will see him angry or stubborn bringing reference to the way his mother raised him; that is not the time to be angry but to hear him out and actually agree with him. He is a child, why are you being one? Surely, you understand that this is a very confusing and challenging time for him...why not spend time finding ways to bond rather than get angry when he speaks to his mother? That is their unique relationship; don't stand in the way as your son as he grows older will hold you responsible for keeping him away from her.
Focus on building a connection with him...and if for some reason things get distressing and even more challenging, please take the help of a professional to help the family tide over this phase...
In the meantime, let your focus be on your son, his needs, his joys and sorrows and more...let his know and feel that you as a father will protect him and be there for him at all times...that will change a lot of things for him...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Sep 11, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, my age is 37 and I am currently employed in the private sector with a monthly salary of 1.75 lakhs. I would like to provide a summary of my financial situation and seek advice on how much corpus I would require to comfortably retire at the age of 45. Current Financial Overview: Real Estate: 3.5 crores (includes 3 houses and a plot) Stocks: 7.5 lakhs Mutual Funds: 13.5 lakhs Corporate Bonds: 2 lakhs Employees' Provident Fund (EPF): 21.5 lakhs Public Provident Fund (PPF): 8.5 lakhs (investing since 2013) PPF (Wife’s Name): 1.5 lakhs (invested this year, continue to invest the same amount each year) Gold: 20 lakhs Home Loan: 23 lakhs (balance with LIC), Planning to close within 1 year time-frame. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Investing 30,000 monthly (recently started, 3 months ago) Term Insurance: 1 crore (premium of approximately 35,000 annually) Health Insurance: Company-provided (7.5 lakhs limit) National Pension System (NPS): Investing 50,000 annually (started this year) Monthly Expenses: 50,000 (including child’s fees and other expenditures, excluding investments) & Investing 50K in Gold every month. Family Details: I have a 6-year-old son and am expecting a new baby in October 2024. My wife is a homemaker. Could you please provide guidance on how much corpus I would need to retire comfortably at 45, considering my current financial situation and future goals? Thank you for your assistance.
Ans: You've outlined a comprehensive overview of your financial landscape, which provides a solid foundation for planning your retirement. With a goal to retire at 45, you have eight years to build and secure a sufficient corpus to ensure a comfortable retirement for you and your family.

Key Financial Assets and Liabilities
Real Estate: Rs 3.5 crore
Stocks: Rs 7.5 lakhs
Mutual Funds: Rs 13.5 lakhs
Corporate Bonds: Rs 2 lakhs
EPF: Rs 21.5 lakhs
PPF: Rs 8.5 lakhs (self), Rs 1.5 lakhs (wife)
Gold: Rs 20 lakhs
Home Loan: Rs 23 lakhs (planning to close in 1 year)
SIP: Rs 30,000 per month (recently started)
NPS: Rs 50,000 annually (started this year)
Insurance: Term insurance of Rs 1 crore, company-provided health insurance of Rs 7.5 lakhs
Monthly Expenses: Rs 50,000 (excluding investments)
Evaluating Your Retirement Corpus Needs
To determine the corpus required for retirement at 45, we need to consider several factors, including your expected expenses during retirement, inflation, and the number of years you plan to be retired.

1. Estimate Post-Retirement Expenses:
Current Monthly Expenses: Rs 50,000 (excluding investments)

Inflation Adjustment: Assuming an average inflation rate of 6%, your current monthly expenses will likely increase by the time you retire.

Post-Retirement Monthly Expenses: Assuming you maintain a similar lifestyle, and considering inflation, your monthly expenses could rise to approximately Rs 80,000 by the time you retire.

Yearly Expenses: Rs 80,000 x 12 = Rs 9.6 lakhs annually at retirement age.

2. Determine the Number of Years in Retirement:
Retirement Age: 45 years
Life Expectancy: Assuming you plan up to 85 years, you'll need to plan for 40 years of retirement.
3. Estimate Required Corpus:
Corpus Required: The corpus needed to sustain your lifestyle for 40 years considering inflation, and safe withdrawal rates.
Assumptions:
Post-retirement, you could adopt a safe withdrawal rate of 4% annually.
Expected returns on the retirement corpus post-retirement could be around 7%.
Using these assumptions, the corpus required to sustain annual expenses of Rs 9.6 lakhs for 40 years with a 4% withdrawal rate can be calculated.

4. Corpus Calculation:
Given the complexities of long-term retirement planning, a simplified method to estimate the corpus is:

Corpus Calculation Formula:
Annual Expenses at Retirement Age (Rs 9.6 lakhs) x 25 = Rs 2.4 crores
This formula is based on the 4% rule, which suggests that if you withdraw 4% of your corpus annually, your savings should last for 30-40 years.

However, considering the uncertainties and potential changes in your lifestyle, a more conservative approach would be to plan for a corpus of around Rs 3-4 crores. This takes into account potential healthcare costs, lifestyle changes, and other unforeseen expenses.

Current Asset Evaluation and Future Planning
Now, let’s break down how your current assets can contribute towards building the required corpus and what additional steps are necessary.

1. Real Estate: Rs 3.5 Crores
Real estate is a significant part of your net worth. However, liquidity is an issue with real estate.
You might want to consider whether you plan to keep these properties for rental income, sell them closer to retirement, or downsize.
2. Stocks: Rs 7.5 Lakhs
Your current stock portfolio is modest. Over the next 8 years, aim to increase your investment in stocks through systematic investments (SIPs or direct stock purchases) to leverage market growth.
3. Mutual Funds: Rs 13.5 Lakhs
Continue your SIPs, and consider increasing the amount when feasible. Diversify into equity funds with a good track record, and consider a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid funds to balance risk and return.
4. Corporate Bonds: Rs 2 Lakhs
While bonds are safer, they offer lower returns. It’s good to have them for stability, but focus more on equity for growth at this stage.
5. EPF and PPF: Rs 31.5 Lakhs
Your EPF and PPF investments are doing well. Continue with these contributions as they provide tax-free returns and security. Consider increasing your contribution to PPF if possible, as it offers a secure, long-term return.
6. Gold: Rs 20 Lakhs
Your monthly investment of Rs 50,000 in gold is significant. While gold is a good hedge against inflation, it should not dominate your portfolio. Consider reducing the monthly investment in gold and reallocating some of these funds into equity SIPs or mutual funds to enhance growth.
7. Home Loan: Rs 23 Lakhs
Closing this loan within a year is a wise decision, as it will free up cash flow and reduce your financial liabilities, allowing you to invest more aggressively for your retirement.
8. NPS: Rs 50,000 Annually
Since you’ve just started investing in NPS, it’s a good tax-saving tool with the added benefit of a pension. Continue with this investment, as it will provide you with a regular income post-retirement.
9. Term Insurance and Health Insurance
Your term insurance cover of Rs 1 crore is adequate. Ensure it is kept active as it provides financial security for your family. Review your health insurance coverage to ensure it meets your future needs, especially as your family grows.
Future Investment Strategy
Given your current asset base and retirement goal, here’s a roadmap to help you reach your target:

1. Increase Equity Investments
With 8 years to retirement, your portfolio should have a higher equity exposure to maximize growth. Gradually increase your SIP amounts in equity mutual funds or direct stocks.
Consider reallocating some of your monthly gold investment into equity funds to enhance returns.
2. Diversify Mutual Fund Investments
While continuing with your current SIPs, consider adding diversified equity funds and index funds to your portfolio. A balanced mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds will provide the necessary growth potential.
3. Consider Additional Real Estate Monetization
Evaluate if selling one of your real estate holdings closer to retirement could provide liquidity and enhance your retirement corpus. Alternatively, rental income can supplement your retirement income, but be cautious about the management and upkeep costs.
4. Maximize Tax-Advantaged Accounts
Continue contributing to your PPF and NPS accounts, as PPF provides tax-free returns and NPS contributes to a secure retirement corpus. Maximize contributions to these accounts within the allowable limits.
5. Focus on Debt Repayment
Prioritize closing your home loan within the next year. Once this debt is cleared, redirect the EMI amount into your retirement savings.
6. Emergency Fund
Ensure you have a sufficient emergency fund, equivalent to at least 6 months of expenses, to cover any unforeseen events without dipping into your retirement savings.
7. Plan for Healthcare and Child’s Education
Given that your family is growing, it’s essential to plan for increased healthcare needs and your children’s education expenses. Consider setting up dedicated funds for these goals, separate from your retirement corpus.
Regular Monitoring and Review
Retirement planning is dynamic. It’s crucial to review your investments regularly, at least once a year, to ensure they are aligned with your retirement goals. Adjust your strategy as needed based on market conditions, changes in your financial situation, and progress towards your retirement target.

Final Insights
Based on your current financial situation and assuming disciplined investment and regular reviews, accumulating a corpus of Rs 3-4 crores by the time you retire at 45 is feasible. This corpus, combined with your real estate assets and other investments, should provide a comfortable retirement with a reasonable withdrawal strategy.

Focus on increasing your equity exposure, reducing unnecessary debt, and ensuring your portfolio is well-diversified to achieve higher growth. As you approach retirement, gradually shift your portfolio towards more stable, income-generating assets to preserve your capital.

Retirement planning requires careful consideration of both current and future needs. By staying committed to your investment strategy and making informed adjustments, you can secure a financially independent retirement at 45.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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