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Daughter facing emotional blackmail in USA: How can I help from India?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |545 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 06, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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My daughter stays in USA and married.Had a baby. Her husband and inlaws are emotionally black mailing and threatening with divorce. Any remedy in India

Ans: The most important thing you can offer her right now is emotional support and reassurance. Let her know that she has a safe space with you to express her fears, frustrations, and feelings without judgment. Encouraging open communication will help her feel less isolated and more empowered to navigate her situation.

Remind her that she has the right to be treated with respect and dignity. It's essential for her to recognize that emotional blackmail is a form of abuse and that she doesn't have to endure it alone. Encourage her to seek local resources, such as counseling or support groups, that can provide guidance and emotional reinforcement.

It's also important for her to consider the well-being of her child. A nurturing environment is crucial for both her and the baby's emotional health. If she's feeling threatened or unsafe, she may need to explore options for securing a more stable and supportive environment.

While you may not be able to provide legal remedies from India, your emotional support and encouragement can make a significant difference in helping her take the necessary steps to protect herself and her child. Let her know that no matter what happens, she has your unwavering support and love, which can be a powerful source of strength during this challenging time.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1520 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2023

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Mam, I am retired father in law and financial well off. My son got married five years back. It is arranged marriage through matrimony. My son and daughter in law are both post degree qualified and well placed and staying with us. We tried asking for some money from both of them for monthly family expenses after two years of marriage which daughter in law refused and said you want dowry in this form, she record conversations, threat us of stree mukti, of police complaint , object our daughter visiting our place, blames us etc. Very often, she fight with her husband as well. We are only in reactive mode every time and accommodate her. Nowadays, she has started demanding the money spent by her mother in marriage and frequently leave our house and stay with her mother. We are afraid that she does not fake complain and harrasss us. Does not have any respect to relation, relatives, isolated /self centric, high ego and make other irritate type of personality, thinks of herself, does not believe that there is world outside. Please advise.
Ans: Dear Subhash,
Since I only have your version of the story, I can only assume that you are going through a rough patch. But I do believe it takes two sides in any story. Why is it that your daughter-in-law wants to all of a sudden behave this way? Were things fine in the initial years of marriage?
Why the sudden demand of money from you when you say that she is well-placed? Surely something seems amiss here.
Anyway, it is worrisome when your own people behave in this way. You are also justified in feeling that she may make a false complaint. Where is your son's mind in this matter? I think he should also be worried about the way things are changing. Is he unable to or has he tried to talk to his wife? At this point, let no one else interfere and let him be the sole person to deal with her.
He knows the challenges at home and will know what to do. So kindly request your son to step in (if he hasn't already done that) and sort this out in the most amicable manner. This first step will then determine the future course of action.
Having said this, I do want the family to recall if there has been any instance that has triggered your daughter-in-law to act this way. That will give you an idea to proceed in the right direction.

Best wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1520 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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Hi, I married 1year ago my wife told me she was forced to do a marriage against her concern and she didn't want the marriage life and wanted to live as strangers, also she refused to take wife responsibilities at home i have waited trusting she would change but within 3 months she had medical issues and went to her home for treatment. after informing all her activities now her father is threating me and my family, also making false allegations against me for all her problems. Now he is demanding to go separately from my parents to send her back. if not they will file case against me in the court and make me and my family suffer. Now she was not telling the truth with their parents about her mindset and acting according to their portents guidance that i am the reason for her medical issues and she was not interested in the marriage because i didn't take care of her well. she have depression and anxiety issues from childhood her mother refused to see her face when she was born, as 5th girl child as they expect atleast 1 boy kid she said this to a doctor. she faces refusal and ignorance in her family she said this too the doctor i dont know the truth behind it. she has chronic gastritis also she is under weight (35kgs still at 27years old) and cant increase weight even after trying for 5 years of medication. Doctor suggested for a therapy but she refused to come with because she already had therapy before which we don't know. . even though we lived in same house but she lived in separate room all the days she was with me. Now due to her inability to handle her father she is acting along with them like i was the one who refusing her. Her father even knows about all these matters to hide is fraud he is now threatening me like police case and court. I did nothing wrong in this except married her. what should i do now ?. And I lost hope that she would change here after.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are many cases like yours where men are being trapped with false allegations.
First evaluate:
Do I want this marriage to continue?
If YES, I feel it's time your parents also step in to state your side of the story. It will be an uphill task to bring her back as she clearly had mentioned to you that she was forced into this marriage. Also, how do you plan on working out the home situation given that the condition is that you separate from your parents?

If NO, will you be able to prove all the allegations put on you are false? Hire a good lawyer, because you will surely need one. Tread carefully and make very calculated moves in terms of what you say (even if it's on a text message) as everything can be held against you. Your lawyer will advise you on this.

So, time to think what is the best option...lay all the cards on the table and play this very carefully...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1520 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
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Hi Mam, I got married in 2020. I have tried to find a job for her in Bangalore.Even she told that i can't eat in your salary if I earn i do not need to do what you are asking. I just asked her that we are family why you are thinking like this.4 to 5 times same problem fight happened. Whatever I tell she has taken in negative way.After a year we got separated. Even if I explain things she doesn't understand. I have dropped her in hometown in her home. Explained things to their parents that this what happened. Asked her parents that let me know what is her decision to live with me or not.After 6 months got a call from her. she did not come out with that mentality and wanted divorce. After a month I have accepted for mutual divorce. Her parents also told that mutual divorce. when called for a meeting in common place for mutual divorce they did not reply. They have filed Domestic violence act by putting false allegations in petition. Case is going on for more than 2 year. when one my relative went to talk. she itself asked pay 25 lakh as one time settlement then only they will withdraw the DVC petition and accept mutual divorce. Now.To the head person of my caste group their parents told that she is willing to live with me Despite taking care of her properly..they filed false allegations on me and family members also. i have decided for mutual divorce when she asked. I don't have 25 lakh.I have told them that I can give them only 7 lakhs then we can mutually get divorce. No answer from them. I have decided not live with her anymore. Pls tell your opinion abt this.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your decision must be right as the real reason for her moving away from the marriage is still unknown or you have missed out on sharing the whole picture.
Also, what is the reason for the Domestic Violence petition? Has there been a reason for her to feel that she needed to put a case on you? But if you know that there is no scope for reconciliation, then I am sure you know what is the best thing to do...
(Due to inadequate information from you, I can provide only generic suggestions). But, there's one thing which is: There seems to have been no understanding between you and your wife when she suggested that it's your salary; there is certainly something which made her unable to come close within the marriage and accept is as a mutual partnership rather than just an isolated relationship.

On the legal aspect, kindly follow what your lawyer advises you to do...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1030 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

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Hello sir, I am 33years old and like to have a stable life with a good retirement corpus along with children education. I have 2 sons both are of 1 and 3years old respectively and my wife is a housewife. I am having FD of 16L, 10L in gold, bought a flat paying housing loan EMI of 25K, having term insurance for 1cr and health insurance for 4L. I am making investments in mutual funds SIP of 30k since last 1 year. Hdfc dividend yeild fund 1000 Icici bluechip fund 8000 Quant small cap fund 1000 Canara robecco small cap fund 1000 Uti nifty index fund 5000 Icici balanced advantage fund 5000 Jm flexicap fund 2000 Quant elss fund 5000 Parag pareekh flexicap fund 2000 Lumsum Investments Sbi healthcare fund 20K Quant infrastruture fund 10k Sbi magnum gilt fund 20k Plz advice....am i really doing good with these investments or shall i replan my investments....
Ans: Hello;

Having 12 funds(9 sip+3 lumpsum) in portfolio is not required.

You need to just 4 funds for your sip of 30 K(divided equally):
1. Flexicap fund
2. Large and midcap fund
3. Balanced advantage fund
4. Multi asset allocation fund

You may consider exiting the sectoral, thematic and debt fund owned by you and redeploy it in your regular funds.

This ensures equity(large cap oriented)is predominant asset class in your portfolio but it also has exposure to debt and gold for balance and risk mitigation.

Also keep a target to step up sip amount every year by 7-10% atleast.

This will go towards higher education provision for your kids. (~1.85 Cr in 15 years considering 7% annual top-up and 10% modest returns)

For your retirement planning you may consider NPS and start with a decent amount(~30 K pm) as regular investment since time is on your side(27 years to hit 60 age).[3.45 Cr in 27 years without any step up consideration. 8% returns assumed].

Consider buying home loan insurance and super top-up health cover.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

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