My daughter had love marriage 3 years back. But now she & her husband, both Dictirs are finding many difference in their nature and are unable to adjust with each other. They say that their emotions no longer persist. They are finding difficult to continue as a couple. Can they resolve the issues?

Ans:

Dear MM,

I am not against getting daughters married to people who live abroad, but at the same time, there’s only little that you know of them.

Just because the boy lives in the US, does not mean that he is broad minded and progressive.

Sadly, your daughter has fallen into a family that does not value feminine charm and power and wants to cull it before it can spread its magic around.

How do you explain something like this to her?

As a woman and mother, will you tell your daughter to grin it and bear it?

Someone who doesn’t have the decency to initiate a call to talk to his wife, sitting on a throne waiting for her to call? (I am going by the details provided by you as I don’t know his side of the story here).

It might be worth the effort to talk to your daughter and find out, if she has also put in the necessary work into growing into the marriage; as living far away from the family might have made her homesick and not working might have made her feel lonely.

This might have also caused her to isolate herself from the marriage which in turn would have caused cracks in it.

Hear both sides, and then come to a wise decision! Ultimately, she’s your daughter and I do know that you want what’s best for her.

So, think and act in a manner that’s best for her; unbiased to begin with.

Best wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When two adults consent to living together for the sake of the child despite what's happened, what's the point in playing EGO games? Will the child not be affected by his parents' drama now when he sees them spitting fire at each other or being passive aggressive? This might be really damaging to him.
Kindly advice your friend and his wife to go through this marriage in a somewhat harmonious fashion 'for the sake of the child' (since it's their decision).

There is nothing that will come out of this display of anger and power on the part of your friend. He is only trying to complain and get his hurt ego massaged and his wife will meekly be quiet knowing that she has caused this situation. How is this helping anyone?

So, if they want to live under one roof for the child's sake, let them do it as mature adults. There has to be a certain code of conduct while they live together as a family. And mind you, this is going to be more than just friendly banter. The boy is 13 and needs his parents more at the cusp of puberty and the parents here are looking out for themselves. If this continues, I would suggest that they think of separation at least till they allow the anger to simmer down. This will also allow the boy to breathe easy.

Go the whole hog; don't keep the foot in two places. It tears the family apart.

All the best to your friend and his family and thank you for caring about them! All the best to you too!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you want to know whether your friend will continue having his extramarital affair. It is difficult for me to tell, but if he is morally okay and guilt free to cheat on his wife, the mother of his two kids, it is possible that he will continue with the relationship until something blows up, i.e., his wife finds out or his girlfriend backs out. I don't see how that is ethically correct from any possible angle.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Rebuilding a relationship when both parties are over 65 and facing significant issues requires patience, understanding, and often professional intervention. Here are some steps that might help in your situation:

First, it's important to acknowledge the depth of the emotional wounds that have been inflicted. Both of you have shared many years together and have supported each other's families, indicating a strong bond that has been strained by recurring conflicts. Recognizing the positive history and expressing gratitude for the past contributions can help set a foundation for reconciliation.

Given that your wife has chosen to live separately and is currently very resistant to communication, it might be helpful to suggest professional counseling. A neutral third party, such as a therapist or marriage counselor, can facilitate conversations in a safe and structured environment. Counseling can help both of you understand the underlying issues, improve communication skills, and work through the anger and resentment that have built up over time.

It’s also crucial to give her space while making it clear that you are committed to working on the relationship. Respect her need for distance, but keep the lines of communication open by occasionally sending thoughtful messages that express your willingness to understand and address her concerns without pressuring her.

Reflect on your behavior and be genuinely open to change. Demonstrating your willingness to work on your own shortcomings can make a significant impact. This might include managing your temper, improving your listening skills, and showing empathy towards her feelings and perspectives.

Involving a close family member or a trusted friend who she respects might also be beneficial. They can act as intermediaries to convey your sincere intentions and help mediate the situation without taking sides.

Lastly, patience is key. Rebuilding trust and repairing a relationship, especially after long-standing issues, takes time. Continue to show her through your actions that you are committed to making positive changes and are willing to put in the effort needed to restore your relationship.

If you both can agree to engage in the process, even if it starts with small steps, there’s hope for reconciliation and rebuilding a happy life together.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Oh, she can treat this as though she's just married. Start fresh and new and there's so much to explore with one another and within the marriage only if she is willing to go in with an open mind.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/